How do I get over the lust? How to move forward with new girls?

[frostythesnowman]

Alright, so I have a couple things on my mind so bear with me...

 

After some time, a lot of the hurt and attraction that still remains is much of my physical attachment to my ex. I haven't met a girl that I'm more attracted to in my life, and I still think about her when hooking up with other girls. I try not to, but it just happens. I guess I have a certain type of girl that I am attracted to, and unfortunately my ex fits that mold pretty damn well. My question is, how has (or is) everyone gotten over any extreme physical attraction to your ex? Obviously not seeing her helps, but it doesn't change the fact that we had a very physical relationship and even long after the break up I still crave her physically.

 

 

Now for my second question...

 

As mentioned, I still tend to think about her when hooking up with other girls. Recently, I was somewhat set up with another girl who I had been friends with before and we hooked up. It was alright, but I didn't really feel any "spark", if you may. I was told through mutual friends that she was really interested in me and that I should give her a shot.

 

This girl is attractive, cool, and nice. However, she does not really fit that mold that I am attracted to. We went out together with other people a few times, and I was really trying to get myself interested and to want to give this girl a chance, but I just found myself not wanting to. To my friends, this was crazy, as she is a pretty awesome girl. But she just wasn't for me I guess. So recently I politely "broke it off" with her and said I just didn't really want any kind of commitment this summer like that.

 

I guess what I'm getting at here is do y'all have a "spark" whenever you start talking and going out with someone new? I'm trying to see what else is out there, but I find myself uninterested with almost every girl. Obviously this one just wasn't right for me, but should I keep trying without that spark? Should I have kept trying? I don't want to have to force myself at the beginning, but is that normal? It's been so long and I don't really remember.

 

I know this post was on a couple different subjects, but would love some input/advice.

[StrongLass]

How long has it been since you and the ex gf broke up?

[athousandquestions]

I feel the same way with my ex.

 

I went on a date with a guy, who, similarly to your situation, was a good looking guy but not my 'type'. No spark.

 

 

Few weeks later met a friend's cousin who was my type to a T (like you I have a very specific 'type' I am attracted to) and though I will say there was not a spark the way there was with my ex, he was still attractive and I still hooked up with him. I did not think of my ex at the time. I thought of him later at home.

 

You just need to keep trying, keep putting yourself out there. I would say you should try to be more casual and start slow - chatting girls up at parties, at bars, etc until you can do that without your mind turning to her.

 

if you're thinking of your ex it's because you're not over her. keep working on that. eventually you won't think of her. it's normal to think about someone when you've been with them for so long and suddenly you're with someone new. for me, i wasn't even attracted to anyone besides my ex for a while simply because i was so used to him.

 

you'll get over this!

 

do you ONLY think of her when you're with other girls? (kind of tmi but - do not think about her if you're masturbating, i've seen tons of guys say that they did this and it made them take longer to get over her and made them think about her when they were actually with other girls)

[frostythesnowman]

How long has it been since you and the ex gf broke up?

 

Read my original threads if you want the full story, but officially, over two years ago. We were pretty on and off for a while due to me giving in to her breadcrumbs and seeing her every day at school.

[frostythesnowman]

I feel the same way with my ex.

 

I went on a date with a guy, who, similarly to your situation, was a good looking guy but not my 'type'. No spark.

 

 

Few weeks later met a friend's cousin who was my type to a T (like you I have a very specific 'type' I am attracted to) and though I will say there was not a spark the way there was with my ex, he was still attractive and I still hooked up with him. I did not think of my ex at the time. I thought of him later at home.

 

You just need to keep trying, keep putting yourself out there. I would say you should try to be more casual and start slow - chatting girls up at parties, at bars, etc until you can do that without your mind turning to her.

 

if you're thinking of your ex it's because you're not over her. keep working on that. eventually you won't think of her. it's normal to think about someone when you've been with them for so long and suddenly you're with someone new. for me, i wasn't even attracted to anyone besides my ex for a while simply because i was so used to him.

 

you'll get over this!

 

do you ONLY think of her when you're with other girls? (kind of tmi but - do not think about her if you're masturbating, i've seen tons of guys say that they did this and it made them take longer to get over her and made them think about her when they were actually with other girls)

 

You're right that I need to just keep trying with other girls. I was just curious as to whether I should bear with not being interested in another girl and hanging out with her, or if I should just keep looking around. I guess the answer is pretty obvious when I type it out.

 

And no I don't only think about her when I'm with other girls, but in my head I would just rather be with her, making me think about her. There have been one or two girls that I have been with where this doesn't really happen, and where there was some kind of a spark, but nothing really followed after hooking up I guess.