rogersm Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 So i have written on here a couple times. I had what I thought was the girl of my life. This girl was my everything. We broke up about a month ago now...but i am still really confused on where to go. So if anbody could help....that would be awesome. Since we broke up we have remained somewhat in contact through texting. I have tried to be kind and tell her that I just want her to be happy. And if its not with me than I want to keep her in my life as a friend.. Probably a stupid move but I dont know what else to do. I really love her and want her back in my life She broke up with me because our relationship was emotional but not pysical. It was my first relationship and I will admit that i made alot of mistakes and should have did more to show my love for her This week it has kind of gotten weird though. She started posting on twitter about how she found somebody that makes her happy. And she found somebody that gave her something she has been missing out on. I of course was mad but i ignored it. Until this week when i texted her and told her i needed to unfollow her on twitter. She didnt take it well. She told me how she met this guy and they hooked up. I didnt even ask but she told me. And i went off on her about our relationship and how i wanted the chance to prove to her how much she meant to me. She told me she didnt love though and that this guy gave her something i couldnt I feel as if she made this guy up but who knows. So, fast forward to last night where i went to the store where she works and I saw her. I was nice to her and asked how she was Acted like nothing ever happened. She did the same. Even asked me about things on my twitter that she had seen which makes me think she still cares. ( She still follows me). Everything seemed to go fine. So thats what is going on. I love this girl. And i want her back in my life. I know our relationship wasnt perfect but I want a chance to have another one that is. I dont know if she really hooked upw ith another guy and if she did I realy believe it will be a rebound. But who knows. I just know i love her. And i feel like she still loves me if she is taking the time to read my twitter and see what is going on in my life still.
Sneaky Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Honestly, my advice would be to break contact, focus on yourself. Following her on twitter and reading about her life is only going to make you miserable as will sitting on the sidelines while she dates new people. You're not going to say something that going to make her want you back especially not by lying about trying to be just friends. Maybe if you're absent from her life while focusing on your own she might miss you, or she might not and you'll know that it wasn't meant to be.
Author rogersm Posted June 21, 2013 Author Posted June 21, 2013 Yea thats why i stopped following her on twitter. It just got to be too much. I would never lie to her about being with friends or write lies on my twitter. Everything i put is the truth. It just is tough for me. Sometimes i feel like I can move on but then I come right back to her. I just want her back as my girlfriend. And i would do anything to get her. I know what you mean that if it was meant to be it will come back to me in the end. I just need to wait. She said a lot of stuff about me not fighting for her after we broke up I dont know what that means or how to fight for her. But it makes me feel like she really wants me to be with her. And maybe im wrong but girls are really tought o read so who knows
Sneaky Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Hm, I'm not an expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I did the opposite. I did not just accept that it was over and "fought" for over a month, refusing to give up even though she didn't respond. Maybe someone smarter than me will comment and help out, but I can only talk about my own experience and being at three weeks of no contact I feel more in control of the situation, as counter intuitive as it may sound. I'm not just sitting around waiting for a reply to anything, I'm doing my own stuff, focusing on trying to be a better person. It's also making me see things more rationally, because I once really wanted to just be friends asap just to have her in my life. (She was my best friend before we got together.) But now I'm not sure if I can even do that. So yeah, maybe if nothing else you could use some NC to figure things out for yourself. Look at things while being less emotionally invested and it will seem more clear.
Pisces13 Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Go in to No Contact. I made the mistake of keeping in contact with my ex after she dumped me 3 months ago, up until last weekend when she told me to stop contacting her as it's making it too hard for her to move on (this despite the fact that about 85% of contact was initiated by her ). It has been like going through the initial break up all over again though, definitely hasn't been a fun experience.
Author rogersm Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 I understand the whol no contact thing. But i always felt as if that means I am giving up on her. And the fact that she always responds to me makes me wonder even more what I should do. If she just ignored me I would have given up by now. But the fact that she texts me a majority of the time. And goes out of her way to check my twitter makes me think she still has feelings. Am i just reading too much into it?
lonelyone2 Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Looks like she is playing games. Don't talk to her. I know it's a hard thing to do! 1
Pisces13 Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 I understand the whol no contact thing. But i always felt as if that means I am giving up on her. And the fact that she always responds to me makes me wonder even more what I should do. If she just ignored me I would have given up by now. But the fact that she texts me a majority of the time. And goes out of her way to check my twitter makes me think she still has feelings. Am i just reading too much into it? Look at it like this, she has given up on you and the relationship by breaking up with you. As the dumpee, you need to realize that there is nothing you can do in this situation, as hard as it is, you have to accept defeat. At this point in time, the relationship is over. That's not to say that there won't be a chance for reconciliation in future, but it doesn't guarantee there will be one either. Leave the girl alone. Your sole focus right now needs to be on yourself. She needs to work it all out for herself, you can't tell her how to feel, and hanging around waiting on her every move will most likely force her further away. It all sounds cliche I know, and after my ex dumped me I thought the same as you, that NC was just a bunch of malarkey, that I would be the exception and that by keeping in contact I could maybe fix things somehow. Well, never have I been so wrong. If it is meant to be, then she will be back at some stage, but don't put all your hope and faith in that happening, you will literally destroy yourself. 4
Simon Phoenix Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 I understand the whol no contact thing. But i always felt as if that means I am giving up on her. And the fact that she always responds to me makes me wonder even more what I should do. If she just ignored me I would have given up by now. But the fact that she texts me a majority of the time. And goes out of her way to check my twitter makes me think she still has feelings. Am i just reading too much into it? She gave up on you when she broke up with you. And yes, her reading your Twitter doesn't necessarily mean anything other than she's curious. It certainly is not an indicator that she loves you.
Author rogersm Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 You are right she did give up on me. Which hurts a lot. But i know how she is. And she does a lot of stuff without thinking and then realizes her mistake later. Thats why I keep trying to hold on. A lot of her friends were cut out of her life. And she would often wonder about them and what they are doing. I really hope this is one of those times with us. Also another question for you guys... like i said she said we had an emotional but not a physical relationship. A lot of this was because of me because I really have no relationship experience. But, also because she is incredibly shy. She never once made a move on me. I was was expected to do everything. Which didnt bother me at all. I was happy with our relationship. In my opinion having an emotional relationship where you guys are best friends and trust each other is the best kind of relationship you can have to start with. We only dated for a year and i knew it would eventually grow more physical over time. Am i wrong to feel this way?
Pisces13 Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 But i know how she is. And she does a lot of stuff without thinking and then realizes her mistake later. Thats why I keep trying to hold on. That's even more reason to just leave her be. Give her space, let her clear her head. You hanging around trying to make up her mind for her isn't going to help your cause. It's tough I know (I'm going through it myself), but in the long it will be for the best one way or another.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 You are right she did give up on me. Which hurts a lot. But i know how she is. And she does a lot of stuff without thinking and then realizes her mistake later. Thats why I keep trying to hold on. A lot of her friends were cut out of her life. And she would often wonder about them and what they are doing. I really hope this is one of those times with us. Also another question for you guys... like i said she said we had an emotional but not a physical relationship. A lot of this was because of me because I really have no relationship experience. But, also because she is incredibly shy. She never once made a move on me. I was was expected to do everything. Which didnt bother me at all. I was happy with our relationship. In my opinion having an emotional relationship where you guys are best friends and trust each other is the best kind of relationship you can have to start with. We only dated for a year and i knew it would eventually grow more physical over time. Am i wrong to feel this way? Honestly, women usually expect men to make the first move. I, like you, would love them making that move, but in general, women like the take-charge man in every facet. I think the fact that you didn't get physical in the course of a year is a big reason why she dumped you, if not the primary reason. For the next one, you are going to have to make a move.
Author rogersm Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 So i posted a couple times in the breakup section. But, I wanted to see if maybe things are different in here. My girlfriend broke up with me just over a month ago. I was heartbroken. She was my first love. And i honestly believe in my heart that she is the only girl I want to be with for the rest of my life. I would do anything to get her back. I tried hanging out with her and she pretty much told me she couldnt handle it right now. She texts me frequently though which gves me hope that she still cares. However the other day she told me she hooked up with another guy and he gave her something I couldnt. She claimed our relationship was strictly emotional and not physical. Which drove her to end it with me. I feel as if she is making it up though to make it easier on her to end everything with me. Like she feels I will just give up. I also saw her the other day at her job and all she did was smile and ask how i was. Even asked about things she saw i was doing on my twitter. So my question is this... how can I get her back? I understand the no contact but for me it is really tough. She is a different kind of girl. She cuts people out frequently and then realizes its a mistake. I dont want to be that way for her. I want to fight for her. I just dont know how. Im hoping some of you have had a second chance and can hopefully give me advice
StrongLass Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 So i posted a couple times in the breakup section. But, I wanted to see if maybe things are different in here. My girlfriend broke up with me just over a month ago. I was heartbroken. She was my first love. And i honestly believe in my heart that she is the only girl I want to be with for the rest of my life. I would do anything to get her back. I tried hanging out with her and she pretty much told me she couldnt handle it right now. She texts me frequently though which gves me hope that she still cares. However the other day she told me she hooked up with another guy and he gave her something I couldnt. She claimed our relationship was strictly emotional and not physical. Which drove her to end it with me. I feel as if she is making it up though to make it easier on her to end everything with me. Like she feels I will just give up. I also saw her the other day at her job and all she did was smile and ask how i was. Even asked about things she saw i was doing on my twitter. So my question is this... how can I get her back? I understand the no contact but for me it is really tough. She is a different kind of girl. She cuts people out frequently and then realizes its a mistake. I dont want to be that way for her. I want to fight for her. I just dont know how. Im hoping some of you have had a second chance and can hopefully give me advice That's not the kind of **** people make up. She's really thinking that, which is why she said it and is acting the way she is right now. She doesn't want you right now and she might not ever change her mind. Even if she does eventually...do you really want someone who's willing to shelf you when it suits them rather than be willing to commit? Your only sane, low drama, healthy option is to leave her alone for now & worry about improving yourself so you can attract someone better (you sound young, your "first" isn't the end all mate) so even if she doesn't come back your odds of this happening again will be reduced.
Author rogersm Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 Yea I wouldnt make it up personally. But I dont think she is the kind of girl to just hook up with somebody out of nowhere. She said they arent dating. They are just talking. But either way it did make me mad. I feel as if its a rebound if its true because we have only been broken up for a month. Seems to me like she has GIGS. Which sucks. She told me so many times she wanted a guy who would fight for her. I want to be that guy
mutant Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 (edited) Since we broke up we have remained somewhat in contact through texting. I have tried to be kind and tell her that I just want her to be happy. And if its not with me than I want to keep her in my life as a friend.. Probably a stupid move but I dont know what else to do. I really love her and want her back in my life She broke up with me because our relationship was emotional but not pysical. It was my first relationship and I will admit that i made alot of mistakes and should have did more to show my love for her From my experience it takes two to break-up (where there's no cheating)-you probably think you are at fault and solely responsible for the break-up but if you look at it objectively she could be partly responsible for it. Since you are aware of the mistakes you did, it's time to work on yourself and stop concentrating on getting back with her. Even if you get back together, you'll probably break-up again for the same reasons. Until this week when i texted her and told her i needed to unfollow her on twitter. She didnt take it well. She told me how she met this guy and they hooked up. She didn't seek your opinion when she decided to dump you, neither did she when she hooked up with the new guy. You have to make unilateral decisions here and don't seek her opinion on anything. Even asked me about things on my twitter that she had seen which makes me think she still cares. ( She still follows me). Everything seemed to go fine. she doesn't care, if she did she wouldn't dump you and immediately hook-up with another guy. she is just curios. So thats what is going on. I love this girl. And i want her back in my life. I know our relationship wasnt perfect but I want a chance to have another one that is. I dont know if she really hooked upw ith another guy and if she did I realy believe it will be a rebound. But who knows. I just know i love her. And i feel like she still loves me if she is taking the time to read my twitter and see what is going on in my life still. You have to BELIEVE her, she said she's dating someone else who is far better than you. She knew this will hurt you 1000% but she went ahead and confirmed it. This is NOT love and checking your twitter doesn't mean she loves you, she probably checks numerous other accounts daily, including her boyfriend's. and it doesn't matter whether it's a rebound or not, fact is she dumped you and is with another man. You have to see the situation as it is and stop being delusional. Edited June 22, 2013 by mutant
Simon Phoenix Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Yea I wouldnt make it up personally. But I dont think she is the kind of girl to just hook up with somebody out of nowhere. She said they arent dating. They are just talking. But either way it did make me mad. I feel as if its a rebound if its true because we have only been broken up for a month. Seems to me like she has GIGS. Which sucks. She told me so many times she wanted a guy who would fight for her. I want to be that guy Don't do it.
Author rogersm Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 I hear eveyrbody saying dont do it. But i really feel like a piece of me is missing. Its been over a month and its not getting any better for me. When I saw her the other day I felt a feeling I had never felt before. I know there will be toehr girls but I dont another one. I want her.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 I hear eveyrbody saying dont do it. But i really feel like a piece of me is missing. Its been over a month and its not getting any better for me. When I saw her the other day I felt a feeling I had never felt before. I know there will be toehr girls but I dont another one. I want her. She doesn't want you though. So it doesn't really matter what you want. You need to let her be and work on yourself. If in the future she reappears in your life and you are healed, then maybe try again. But right now it would be an unbelievably awful idea.
Author rogersm Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 Isnt it possible that she does want me. But I let her down by not making an attempt to change? She flat out told me after we broke up that I wasnt good at fighting for her. WHy would she say that to me if she wanted nothing to do with me?
mutant Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Isnt it possible that she does want me. But I let her down by not making an attempt to change? No she doesn't want you she made a CHOICE to be with another man. She flat out told me after we broke up that I wasnt good at fighting for her. WHy would she say that to me if she wanted nothing to do with me? Look at her actions man, they speak louder than her words. Is it logical that a person who wants you, dumps you for another guy? The new guy isn't even fighting for her, they are together because she wants it. If she wanted to be with you she would have discussed these issues while you were still dating. Don't waste your time asking the why questions. just do the decent thing and walk away from this situation with your dignity intact.
Minneloa Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 I hear eveyrbody saying dont do it. But i really feel like a piece of me is missing. Its been over a month and its not getting any better for me. When I saw her the other day I felt a feeling I had never felt before. I know there will be toehr girls but I dont another one. I want her. I am sorry you are hurting, OP. That said, I would venture to say that the reason things aren't getting better for you after a month is that you are still in contact with your ex, which continuously reopens the wound of the breakup. You are simply prolonging the agony of the original split. I know you want to be with her, but sometimes we cannot have what we want. She has clearly shown that she is not interested in continuing your relationship at this time. Please stop torturing yourself and give NC a try. Otherwise, you will stay in the pure hell of emotional limbo by not letting yourself grieve, heal, and move on. Sending good thoughts.
Mack05 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Roger I will let you in on a secret. Well its the most well known secret in the world. Women LOVE confident guys. Now there is a difference between confidence and arrogance and there is a fine line between the two. Confidence is about having your s$#t together. A strong dependable character, solid career, a clear direction in your life (i.e. you have dreams and you are not afraid to chase them), good morals/principals, good physical shape, clear sense of self. Confidence is knowing your woman is lucky to have you and if she leaves or does something silly then it is her loss. You throw in a fun personality on top of all that and you are set. If you lack in any of the area's above then you need to focus and work on that particular area(s). Once you got your s*&&% together finding women isn't too difficult. They smell a guy who has his s&%^ together from the other side of the world. It's the insecurities in yourself when you don't have your S%%^ together is what drives women away. It really is that simple. Insecurities aren't for your partner to help you with, insecurities and fear are something you need to conquer yourself. Sometimes that is a big battle for some, but unless you win that battle then you will never get the kind of woman you truly want. 1
Author rogersm Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 I see what you are saying. I do lack confidence. Im not dating this girl cause I dont feel like I cant get another one. But I am worried that it will take a long time. Maybe my ex saw that. And maybe thats why I couldnt make a move. It just sucks looking back on it and wishing I could change who I am
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