Is it ME? Or is there more too this?

[Zoro54]

My wife’s birthday is New Year’s Eve. About a week before her birthday in 1981 a friend was talking with us an mentioned how great it must be to have your birthday on NYE, to which my wife replied it was a real drag – you never get a ‘birthday party’, it’s always a NYE party.

 

We had been married for 3.5 years and this was the first I had heard this. I thought it would be nice to rectify this by having a birthday party for her on NYE with all our friends invited. She had been working part time as a Cocktail Waitress and stated she had to work that night or be fired. I tried to get her to quit her job and find a new one in the first few weeks of the New Year but she would not hear of it as “we needed the money.”

 

I tried to convince her a few more times to no avail. So, off to work she went on NYE while I stayed home with our two young children.

 

Shortly after leaving for work I got the idea it would be really nice to make her a cake and bring it down to her work as a surprise, but I don’t know squat about making cakes. So I call a friend and his girlfriend and they agree to help.

 

By 9pm the cake is done and my friends agree to ‘babysit’ while I run the cake down to her work. I can’t stay long as they have a NYE party to go to. I put the cake in the car and head down to the lounge. I am sure she will be surprised and delighted.

 

Arriving at the lounge I have to wait in line to get in. Once I get to the head of the line I try to get the Door Manager to wave the fees by explaining why I’m there and I will be leaving shortly. About 30 seconds into the conversation my wife shows up in the doorway asking “What are you doing here?” I think it is obvious (with a cake in my hands) but I tell her anyway. She then asks “What are you doing the rest of the night” and I explain that I need to get home so our friends can go to their NYE party. I also state I’ll probably just go to bed early. After the explanation she takes the cake and states “It’s busy right now, I have to get back to work” after which she turns and disappears into the crowd.

 

On the way home I can’t help but think “that didn’t go so good.” I had envisioned a little more expression of joy and delight from her. I was bummed but wrote it off as it being a real busy night for her (and it was, the place was packed).

 

I arrived home soon afterwards (it’s about a 10-15 minute drive) and our friends took off for their party. I watched some TV and fell asleep on the couch, awaking about 1:30am. Once I noticed the time I thought she would be home soon so I would just stay up and wait for her. About 2:15am I remember how busy it was and think that it will take a lot longer to clean up the place. If it’s going to take 2 or 3 hours I’m going to bed. So I call and the Receptionist informs me everyone in the Lounge has left for the night and it is a mess in there. Just to make sure I have her ‘ring’ the lounge and, after 25 or so “rings” she come back online and tells me that which is now apparent – nobody is in the Lounge, they have all left. So I figure she should be home real soon.

 

Time goes by and she is not home. I worry about a plethora of things (car accident, car broke down, etc.) until I finally think “Hey – I bet they all went to Denny’s for breakfast!” It make perfect since to me.

 

But at 4am she it still not home and I call the Lounge again (I really don’t know why – but I don’t know who else to call) only to receive the same answer from a different woman (this woman actually went and looked in the Lounge and the Ladies Room).

 

Where in the hell is she?

 

At 5:30am she comes in the house dressed in faded old blue jeans and a white blouse (not her uniform). Half relived and half pissed I yell at her “Where the hell have you been?” And she proceeds to tell me how busy it was and the whole crew has been there all night cleaning up.

 

Houston --- we have a problem!

 

I tell her of the phone calls and she insists they were all there cleaning up until 5:00am. She keeps to this story until I am pissed at the company thinking it is some kind of company policy the 2 Receptionists were following and I get in the car to drive down and find out about this. I have 2 small children at home when she is working and if there is an emergency I need to get a hold of her. If company policy is preventing this – she isn’t going to be working there any longer.

 

 

She jumps in the car and the whole story changes. Her whole crew did go home at 2:00am. She and this single, young, male ‘regular’ ended up out in her car with him giving her a line of Cocaine for a ‘Birthday gift’. It was only supposed to take a few minutes after which she would head home.

 

It seems all during the night many people at the lounge exit the lounge and go to the corner to do hits of Cocaine. She goes down “to the corner” 4 times that night – twice at the urging of this guy (I actually think it is more like all 4 times at his urging).

 

But they get to talking, and talking, and another “line”, some cigarettes, and more talking and “lines” – and then she left shortly after 5:00am. According to her “nothing happened” – we just “talked”.

 

I went ballistic!! To say the least. She won’t stay and answer questions (because I’m so pissed) and she goes to her parents home with the kids for 2 days. On the first day a walk over there twice trying to talk to her (or yell at her) and the police are kind enough to escort me home.

 

When she does come over so we can talk she reiterates the story and the “nothing happened” and we leave it there.

 

But every few years it comes back up and bothers me – A Lot. The conversation has always went something like: I ask a question and; she says “I don’t know, I don’t remember”.

 

The problem is – I don’t believe the whole story now, and I never have. It is to full of inconsistencies and things that should have happened that didn’t happen. For example – 3 hours of talking, smoking cigarettes and doing 4 lines of Coke and nobody ever has a drop to drink, nor do they even get thirsty. Very, very strange.

 

Nor does either of them need to use the restroom.

 

Nor do they have any way of telling what time it is. Apparently neither the radio nor the clock works in her old car.

 

Nor does she have any idea what changes her mind from doing 1 line, as a birthday gift, and then head home to being out until 5:00am with this guy.

 

She remembers only 1 conversation they had – about me and the kids – all night. She can remember no other conversation.

 

She has no idea what brings the evening (morning) to an end or how it ends.

 

However – ask questions about anything during the work night and she has an excellent memory. Ask questions about the drive home and she can describe it in detail. It’ like this guy gets in the car and her memory completely shuts down, returning the minute he gets out of the car.

 

I personally think this guy was out to ‘pick up on her’ --- but other than giving her lines of Cocaine he (according to her) never so much as tries to kiss her. I find this --- unreal!! Most single guys in their young twenties that I ever knew that found themselves alone with a pretty, flirtatious, young, Cocktail Waitress who is high as a kite would definitely make some kind of “move” – but he doesn’t? Too weird.

 

She says this is the only time she has ever done anything like this (and in 30+ years that is true – as best I know) and that she has always been very, very sorry for doing it. She really did not think she was doing anything “wrong” or anything that I would take exception too. With the exception of this one night (and her inability to keep a checkbook straight) she has been a really good wife and mother.

 

When asked about the change of clothes she state she always changed clothes after work because she did not like driving home smelling like the lounge. I kind of think she had been seeing him after work more than this one time and this is what spawned the act of changing clothes. She didn’t want to smell like beer and cigarettes when she went out with him.

 

What do you all think? Am I “making something out of nothing” or does it appear there is some foundation for my feelings?

[JustAReformedGirl]

It's hard to say if they really did only meet that one time, or not. It's also difficult to say whether infidelity occurred at that point. I've never touched anything more than pot, so I can't speak for the effects of Cocaine. I'd say perhaps she has no recollection of what occurred in its entirety with the guy due to the drugs, but I'm given to wonder if it would have blanked out her memories of work, as well. Maybe, maybe not.

 

The thing of it is, if it's truly bothered you after all these years-do you see your marriage lasting? Ask yourself some important questions: do you think she's still capable of those same mistakes, or do you think she moved on from them?

 

It's been a long time, but if you're unsatisfied in your relationship, perhaps you should sit down and talk to her about how you feel. Maybe pursue MC, IC, or both. It may help you work through these issues, and decide what's best for you in the long run.

[Zoro54]

Over the years the subject has come up many times. Each time the story changes a bit - but she insists they didn't 'do anything' and there was 'nothing going on' between them.

 

But that isn't the way it feels to me.

 

She wants to know why I can't just put 'it' behind us, forgive her, and go forward. After all it was a long time ago.

 

Forgive her? I don't feel I really know the whole story -- so how can I forgive when I don't know what I'm forgiving?

 

I guess the most confusing thing is: If she truly felt she didn't do anything 'wrong' and had not been doing anything that would upset me --- why lie about what you have been doing and who you have been doing it with?

[CarrieT]

Have her take polygraph and get the whole story once and for all.

 

Maybe then you can "put it behind you."

[BeholdtheMan]

Her story smells very fishy to me. She keeps changing stories. To me, I would interpret her changing stories as "she's lying to me, I just don't know the extent of what she's covering up". My trust would be pretty shaken at this point.

[JustAReformedGirl]

It is up to you if you can forgive her, or not. I agree, it would be difficult to forgive someone, not knowing what occurred.

 

This is why I suggest doing some soul-searching on the matter. If she never comes clean-and the story keeps getting altered- you need to figure out if you can move passed the situation, or if other measures need to be taken.

 

If you're unable to get passed it, be honest with yourself, and her; perhaps the relationship needs to end, perhaps not. Only you can decide.

 

As to polygraphs? Those aren't very reliable, especially when it comes to people who excel at deception.

[BetrayedH]

Polygraphs have come remarkably far in recent history. I used to be skeptical. Now I whole-heartedly recommend it when no other course of action can reveal the truth.

 

If she truly has nothing to hide, I would hope she would embrace the opportunity to put a 30-year problem behind her once and for all.

[JustAReformedGirl]

Polygraphs have come remarkably far in recent history. I used to be skeptical. Now I whole-heartedly recommend it when no other course of action can reveal the truth.

 

If she truly has nothing to hide, I would hope she would embrace the opportunity to put a 30-year problem behind her once and for all.

 

I hadn't heard that. And I agree; if she's innocent, I imagine she'd embrace the opportunity to finally put this all to rest.

[BetrayedH]

I hadn't heard that. And I agree; if she's innocent, I imagine she'd embrace the opportunity to finally put this all to rest.

 

One of the more common scenarios is that when the betrayed spouse insists on the polygraph, the wayward spouse reluctantly agrees and assumes they will figure something out before the test. When that doesn't play out, there are a remarkable number of passenger seat confessions on the way to the polygraph. Sadly, these are more trickle-truth designed to hide the real truth and get out of the test. The best thing to do is to hear the confession and continue to insist upon the test. And yes, panic sets in and a subsequent refusal to take the test is common (which is pretty revealing).

 

The limitation to polygraphs is that you'll likely only be able to ask a few (like 2-3) very specific questions about factual stuff. But I suspect that's enough for the OP.

[JustAReformedGirl]

One of the more common scenarios is that when the betrayed spouse insists on the polygraph, the wayward spouse reluctantly agrees and assumes they will figure something out before the test. When that doesn't play out, there are a remarkable number of passenger seat confessions on the way to the polygraph. Sadly, these are more trickle-truth designed to hide the real truth and get out of the test. The best thing to do is to hear the confession and continue to insist upon the test. And yes, panic sets in and a subsequent refusal to take the test is common (which is pretty revealing).

 

The limitation to polygraphs is that you'll likely only be able to ask a few (like 2-3) very specific questions about factual stuff. But I suspect that's enough for the OP.

 

I wonder though: say, for the sake of argument, she's innocent. Now, enter the polygraph. If she's nervous that the polygraph isn't reliable, would that come up as a failure (or detected lie) on the polygraph? I've heard of cases like that (not recently, but a decade or so, ago).

 

I guess in that event, they might want to perform the test more than once? Just to make sure the results are consistent?

[GilianaK]

It definitely sounds like she is lying to you. If she was innocent she would never have lied about staying late and having to clean the lounge. She lied there and she is very capable of more lies.

 

Also, if she was being honest about what really happened she would be very concerned about you not believing her. At any rate, I believe that what she did was wrong and you have lost trust understandably so. There is no relationship worth having without trust.

 

Your gut seems to know the truth. If she won't come 100% clean with you which sounds doubtful what basis do you have for a relationship?

[BetrayedH]

I wonder though: say, for the sake of argument, she's innocent. Now, enter the polygraph. If she's nervous that the polygraph isn't reliable, would that come up as a failure (or detected lie) on the polygraph? I've heard of cases like that (not recently, but a decade or so, ago).

 

I guess in that event, they might want to perform the test more than once? Just to make sure the results are consistent?

 

There are a few cases where a trained person can "beat" the poly but it's nearly impossible for a layperson. And from my reading, false-positives (for lying) are more and more rare as they've improved efforts to adapt for nervousness, etc..

 

I'm certainly not the poster child for supporting polygraphs but after having done a decent amount of research about them over the last few years, my initial skepticism has really changed. In particular, when situations like this one (years have passed and there's no other way to get to the truth), I don't hesitate to recommend it - it's the standard response. Again, a good wife with nothing to hide may embrace this option. If she doesn't, perhaps she's not as invested in the marriage as the OP might think. It's a legit opportunity to finally put this behind them.

 

Sadly, I think the wife was probably doing a bunch of inappropriate stuff that night and has just lied about it ever since, waiting for it to go away. Foolishly, they fail to understand that it's not the BJ she gave that night that would ruin her marriage but the fact that the one person he's trusted for 30 years has been lying to his face the whole time.

[aliveagain]

Zoro54, the reason you can't accept her story is because it doesn't add up. Trust your gut. I agree, if she truly wants to help you get past this she should be willing to do anything it takes to do that including a polygraph test. Her reluctance to do so is the same as a confession, why else would she be hesitant to put to rest something that has been bothering you and causing a strain on your relationship for all of your married life? If it was so unreliable police forces all over the world wouldn't use it regardless if it is or isn't admissible in Court. Besides, the Maury show would be out of business, sorry I had to throw that in. You might try Googling "Josephs Letter" a letter written by a betrayed husband to his wayward wife asking her for the truth, this may help you. Just address it to her and add anything specific to you as needed. What's confusing is the fact she chose to be with someone that she called a regular over you even after you brought her a birthday cake, she chose him and the coke. Would she believe you if you were alone with a stripper for 5 hours doing coke?

[Zoro54]

I'd like to take a minute to personally thank everyone that has takene the time to read my rather long post and respond to it. Your efforts are apprecitated.

 

At the time this happened, so long ago, had I found out she had any 'feelings' for him or there had been anyting going on between the two of them, definately including any form of infidelity, I would have left her and filed for divorce immediately.

 

But I'm older now and realize that people are just people and they screw up now and then. You have to take all the good with the bad to make a assessment, and as of today the good far outways the bad. So, if I found out today she had been having an affair, complete with sex, the whole 2 months she worked at the lounge - I could forgive it and go forward. I would, however, wish to know "why?"

 

There is more to the story that makes it even more wierd.

 

Prior to meeting my wife I was a "Dealer" and one of the substances my roomate and I sold was "coke". We got it from a guy that went by the name of 'Spider'. I new little about him other than he was very careful with whom he delt, was "white", and had longer, black, "wavy" hair.

 

On NYE the one person giving out the 'spoons' of coke to people "down on the corner" was the boyfried of one of the waitresses. According to my wife he went by the name of 'Spider' and said he knew me. But he was Black, and the rest of the description did not match the "spider" I was acquianted with. FURTHERMORE - I lived in a 99% white community and I did not know ANY black person (I'm not prejudice - I just didn't know any). HOWEVER her description of the OM is almost identical to the description of the 'Spider' I knew. For years she has told the story with her 'Spider' in it. A few years ago I told her about this discrepency - never again was 'spider' mentioned.

 

I think she had heard my 'stories' and heard of 'Spider' and somehow made the assumption he was black.

 

I really don't believe there was a 'Spider', or a 'black guy' involved. I think the 4 trips to the corner that night were all with the OM.

 

After the initial blow-up on my part she took the kids to her mom and dads, returning 2-3 days later. The first night she was scheduled to work again she was getting ready for work and I asked "what are you doing?" She replied "getting ready for work". All I had to say was "I'm not really comfortable with this" and she called in to say I was sick and she had to stay home to care for me and the kids - no argument, no discussion, no problem. Her work told her "it's either your job or your family - you choose". She quit on the spot and turned in her uniform the next day.

 

If something had been 'going on' she had no problem quiting the job that would allow her to see him again.

 

About 2 weeks later she got another job in another industry, and there have been no problems since. Arguments now and then - yes. But a lot more 'good times' than bad by far.

 

I suspect there is a lot more to this whole story but that she is affraid to tell it as it would make her look even worse than she looks now - but I just don't know, and I would like too.

 

Then put it all (finally) to bed and go on a camping trip with her. One of those trips you wish would never end.

 

Like I said before. She is a good mother and, other than NYE, been a pretty damn good wife.

 

I don't bring it up to her now as she is dealing with a medical diagnosis that has her worried sick. Since the diagnosis she has been distant and I really wish she would open up, at least a little bit.

[JustAReformedGirl]

If this is the conclusion you've come to, and you're truly at peace with what may or may not have transpired, major kudos to you.

 

Now all you have to do is work on is the present and the future. I'm glad you've found it in yourself to let go of whatever occurred in the past. I understand that you're probably still curious, but at least you're making a choice that impacts the life you share with her now, rather than fixating on the vague parts of the past.

[2sunny]

What event is making this be in the forefront of your mind now?

 

Have you considered a polygraph to get her truth?

[aliveagain]

So 32 years ago she had a 2 month affair with someone she worked with, possibly a black man? Don't get me wrong, color doesn't matter, cheating is cheating, it might matter to some if it results in a affair child. I am glad she told you the truth finally, but friend, for 32 years she lied to you when you asked her if she was unfaithful. Do not let her off without doing work on herself, she found it too easy to lie to you even up until yesterday. They often tell you another lie by saying they didn't want to hurt you, reality is they're protecting themselves, they didn't want to get their ass kicked to the curb. She needs counseling, she needs to find out why she gave herself the approval to cheat on you just 3 years into your marriage? Please tell me there is no paternity issue? It happened to me so I can tell you first hand that they rarely ever use protection. She needs to earn back your trust, don't be too egger to forgive, she's had 32 years to think it through, you just found out today. Make her do the work, get help from a professional that deals with infidelity.

[drifter777]

I've read a number of post like this where the possibly-betrayed-husband has this feeling that has been gnawing at him for decades. It's so sad. For whatever reason you are now ready to face your gut-feeling head on and resolve it. You know in your heart she cheated that night and need her to admit what she did and show you some true remorse for what she did. She disrespected you then and you want her now to show you enough respect to at least be honest with you.

 

I like the idea of a polygraph since she has stuck to her nearly-impossible-to-believe story and will take it to her grave otherwise. You deserve the truth because at a minimum her story shows a tremendous disrespect for you and your marriage. You deserve the truth because you have kept your feelings under wraps for decades and it's time to get it all out in the open.

 

Remember that you will never get the full truth from her - that's just the way it works. But with the threat of a polygraph she will give you some of the details. The details won't knit together very well and when you press her some more she will try to fill in some blanks. This could repeat forever because, like I said, she will never give up the full truth. All you can do is get what you can.

 

If she confirms your suspicions you really don't know how you will respond. You think you do, but you don't. Remember that no matter how many years it's been when she finally comes clean it will be d-day at that moment. Give yourself permission to be human and don't stifle your reaction just because its been a long time and she's been a good mother & wife since. You still get to feel how you feel and she will have work to do to have a chance to earn your forgiveness.

[aliveagain]

Friend, she started her affair pretty much the first day on the job if her affair was 2 months long and she worked there 2 months. Is there a chance she already knew him because most married women don't jump right into an affair their first day on the job? My spidy senses are going, something doesn't sound right.

[Owl]

To a degree, I agree with Drifter. If she's SUCCESSFULLY lied about all of this for 30+ years so far...there's nothing you can do to make her come clean about it now.

 

I also want to second 2sunny's question...what, after all this time, and all these years together...makes this a critical question now???

 

Does knowing the truth about what happened then change where things are at between you now? I can see how it would change your views on who you thought she was...but people change a LOT in 30 years.

 

She's not that same cute, flirtatious cocktail waitres anymore.

 

You're not the 'dealer' you were back then either.

 

What makes this critical for you to resolve/solve now?

[Darren Steez]

You can't put it behind you because this has been the elephant in the room for the duration you've been married. No point trying to dig up details now because she's not going to fess up.

 

Here's how the scenario that night most likely went. She actively engaged in some kind of flirting/escalation when you arrived on the scene, hence there was no way in hell you were ever going to get inside, he was already there, and you her husband showing up would be killed the action (especially if he didn't know she was married)

 

What are the chances are something happened? Fairly high, considering her actions after and trying to turn it around on you by calling the cops, but most damning was the change of story, and her bare face lying up until that point.

 

Polygraph will get the truth out...it might even get the truth out before you go..just like how the story changed as soon as you hopped in that car.

[Darren Steez]

To a degree, I agree with Drifter. If she's SUCCESSFULLY lied about all of this for 30+ years so far...there's nothing you can do to make her come clean about it now.

 

I also want to second 2sunny's question...what, after all this time, and all these years together...makes this a critical question now???

 

Does knowing the truth about what happened then change where things are at between you now? I can see how it would change your views on who you thought she was...but people change a LOT in 30 years.

 

She's not that same cute, flirtatious cocktail waitres anymore.

 

You're not the 'dealer' you were back then either.

 

What makes this critical for you to resolve/solve now?

 

Sometimes you just need to know what happened..time doesn't diminish a lie

[BetrayedH]

I get that you would not end the marriage now over a mistake 30 years ago.

 

But the lying isn't happening 30 years ago. It's happened all 30 years and it's still ongoing. I think you get the truth now and as Drifter said, then you think about forgiveness.

 

Or just stay married to someone that is still actively lying straight to your face (and doing it poorly, I might add).

[Zoro54]

Hi all, and thanks for all your replies. I think I need to clarify a thing or two.

 

First - the 'black guy' was the boyfriend of a cocktail waitress that was present that night. So I doubt she had an affair with him. I also don't think he was handing out free coke to everyone 'down on the corner.' I think all the coke came from the OM. She made 4 trips to the corner that night, but she states that only 2 of them were at his request. The others she doesn't remember -- but I'm pretty certain they were with him. It just 'smells' that way.

 

So when he asked her to go to the corner from a 'toot' she finds a waitress to watch her tables everytime. When her husband shows up at the door with a birthday cake -- it doesn't even enter her mind to get someone to watch her 'station' for a few minutes? No, I don't believe it.

 

I do think she was already on a break and her and the OM were on their way to the corner when they just happened to bump into me in the door way (talk about a coincidence!!). This is the reason she is so flat, short, and shows no emotion. If she is thinking this way at 9pm -- what is she thinking at 2am?

 

I don't think I mentioned that the OM just happened to sit next to the waitress station all night. So everytime she came up to place her order - he's there.

 

And, at sometime during the night, he mentions he has some 'birthday present' (coke) for her 'after work'. According to her she ignores this. But at the end of the night he is waiting for her and the 'black guy' waiting for his girlfriend. The other waitress wants to go to a restraunt for breakfast but my wife states she is just going home. Half way to the car the OM brings back up the offer of 'birthday gift' and she thinks "what the heck, 10 minutes, why not." Not long after being in the car she has the feeling "this is really nice" and changes her mind electing to stay "a while longer" -- which ends up being 3 hours -- of which she has little recollection of what went on except talking and 3 -4 lines of coke.

 

With the last paragraph -- wouldn't you think that at some time something would go off in her head and say "oh, **** - I was only going to be about 10 minutes -- and it's been WAY longer than that -- I need to get home?" But that never occurs. In fact, she has no idea how the evening even ends.

 

Too wierd ..

[BetrayedH]

Hi all, and thanks for all your replies. I think I need to clarify a thing or two.

 

First - the 'black guy' was the boyfriend of a cocktail waitress that was present that night. So I doubt she had an affair with him. I also don't think he was handing out free coke to everyone 'down on the corner.' I think all the coke came from the OM. She made 4 trips to the corner that night, but she states that only 2 of them were at his request. The others she doesn't remember -- but I'm pretty certain they were with him. It just 'smells' that way.

 

So when he asked her to go to the corner from a 'toot' she finds a waitress to watch her tables everytime. When her husband shows up at the door with a birthday cake -- it doesn't even enter her mind to get someone to watch her 'station' for a few minutes? No, I don't believe it.

 

I do think she was already on a break and her and the OM were on their way to the corner when they just happened to bump into me in the door way (talk about a coincidence!!). This is the reason she is so flat, short, and shows no emotion. If she is thinking this way at 9pm -- what is she thinking at 2am?

 

I don't think I mentioned that the OM just happened to sit next to the waitress station all night. So everytime she came up to place her order - he's there.

 

And, at sometime during the night, he mentions he has some 'birthday present' (coke) for her 'after work'. According to her she ignores this. But at the end of the night he is waiting for her and the 'black guy' waiting for his girlfriend. The other waitress wants to go to a restraunt for breakfast but my wife states she is just going home. Half way to the car the OM brings back up the offer of 'birthday gift' and she thinks "what the heck, 10 minutes, why not." Not long after being in the car she has the feeling "this is really nice" and changes her mind electing to stay "a while longer" -- which ends up being 3 hours -- of which she has little recollection of what went on except talking and 3 -4 lines of coke.

 

With the last paragraph -- wouldn't you think that at some time something would go off in her head and say "oh, **** - I was only going to be about 10 minutes -- and it's been WAY longer than that -- I need to get home?" But that never occurs. In fact, she has no idea how the evening even ends.

 

Too wierd ..

 

Do you think we're going to figure out what happened in that car 32 years ago? Plenty of people have said that it's ridiculously sketchy. I'd wager some good money that she had her birthday and NYE all wrapped up with some nice coke-laced sex. Of course, the only way I win my money is via polygraph. I don't have enough invested in this situation to care that much. But it sure seems to be eating you up and it's your marriage.

 

I see three options:

 

(1) keep waiting for her or the OM to suddenly confess

(2) get a poly

(3) spend another 32 years trying to figure it out