test_case Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I've never heard before of this forum (or any other alike) and, probably like many of the people around here, I ended up here by unfortunate reasons. I read really many other topics with people going by the same situation I'm facing and somewhat it actually helped me a bit. So I'll just write, not so much in pursue of guidance, but as way of unburden my thoughts. It's been almost a week since a girl who I were in a relationship with for more than 1 yr dumped me. I never really had any serious relationship before her (just casual datings, one night stands and one or two relationships that ended in the same week that they started). We started our relationship almost in the same day we first met. We quickly (maybe too quickly) got too fond of each other. We started spending really much time with each other. Not because one of us was forcing that but by the plain reason that we just couldn't get enough of each other. We were so certain of our feelings that we were presented to the respective families really early (another mistake). Both our parents were ok with both of us staying for the night in their houses. Since both of us lived with their parents, we quickly grow the addiction of always sleeping together (one day would be in her's parents place, other day in mine's). More than a bf/gf relationship, I believe we truly created a big friendship between us. I was never really able to create a relationship of deep firendship with anyone, so it's fair to say she was the only true friend I've ever had so far. We would do anything for each other no matter what. We would spend the biggest amount of time possible with each other, even if that would mean no guys night for me or no girls night for her. Despite that, and you may think it's my broken heart speaking, in the whole relationship, there was not a single second that I spent with her that I thought I would prefer being somewhere else. And I truly believe she felt the same way. She truly had me in consideration (she would seek my counseling for everything, I would always be the first she would tell the good/bad things that happened to her). So what went wrong? I read in a topic on this forum of a syndrome called Grass is Greener (something like that I think). I truly believe that was the case. In the last months, I really noticed a slightly decreasing in her interest for me. We wouldn't talk for as much as we used to, she started to seem less interested in things I had to say (she never completely lost it though). Her sexual interest was decreasing ( looking in perspective, it was the first sign). we were still having it, but 95% of the times I had to take initiative. I was naive and thought. 'Ok, I'm the guy and she is the girl so its kind of normal that is me who is pushing it'. Probably my big mistake was never give much importance to all this MAJOR signs of something being wrong. I thought it was just a normal phase for someone who was spending really much time together with each other. Lately she all of a sudden started to go out with every person who would enter her life (a friend she hadn't been talking for years, the co-workers)...That was when I started feeling strange. I was ok with both of us needing to spend time with other people (actually I was starting to think we really should for the sake of our relationship health). The problem was the way she was pushing it all of the suddenly. Everytime I would ask her if there was something wrong with her, the only thing she would say was something like 'There's nothing wrong. I just feel bad to know that when I go out you feel sad for not being with me' (The only reason I wouldn't go with her most of the times was because I had to work next day and I couldn't go. Because she would always ask me to go with her.) I said that I indeed was sad, but only because I would like to spend the night with her and I couldn't because she was out, and I needed to stay home. I was not mad at her for going out (although, and I'm not an hypocrite, I always had a strange feeling of insecurity every time she would go out, which is stupid since she never gave me reasons for that). On the breakup day, I pushed the theme again. But this time after insisting a little bit, she started saying things like: 'I just think we need to start to see and be with other people' / 'The fact that we spent so much time together made that I wasn't there for certain people when they needed me the much'. It was not easy to hear and kind of 'emotioned' me . But I said that not only I would respect her opinion, I already had thought of that and I actually agreed. I ended up thanking her for finally opening it up with me. But after 1 hour maybe, she went to the room crying. When I went there to understand what was going on, she started saying to take her home, that she needed to spend the night alone. From that to the breakup, didn't take too long. Something like: 'I really haven't been happy lately' -> 'It's not only the last weeks, I've been like this for months' -> 'It's not normal that I totally lost interest in having sexual relations with you' ->'bla bla bla' -> 'I think it's better if we break up'. (She was crying herself out during the whole thing...) My whole world just ruined. I didn't know what to say. Didn't know what to think. Hours before I was just a really happy guy with an amazing girl with amazing plans for the future (we spent the afternoon of the breakup day making plans for our holidays lol). And then, all of the suddenly just void. The trip to her place was one of the most bizarre experiences in my life... She was visibly in shock on what she just did (she was shaking really bad). I just couldn't think anymore. Just could think of places I was passing by on my way to her place that I was used to see everyday when I was going to meet her, and that would be the last time I would see them. I dropped her at her place. One last hug, one last kiss, and it was over. 'ok .... just wtf happened to me?' was the only thing I could think of the following days. The next day was by far, the worst day of my life. I had to wake up and go to work, despising that fact that in that moment I would just rather not have waked up at all. The work day was terrible, I hadn't to talk to anyone about it by then, and I just had to 'play it cool'. When the day was over I couldn't resist and sent her a message. 5 min after I regretted it. Thought to myself it was a big mistake. Fortunately, and ironically the text was not successfully delivered. I was really meaning to didn't initiate contact. But 2 days after, she sent me a message sayng something like 'I wish I could have something to say to you but I really don't know what. Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. Hope you're doing well'. After that I couldn't resist and sent her back a message just asking if she actually received the message I sent her the previous day (she didn't). She said 'no. plz send it again'. I sent her (this time through fb message), and we had a brief chat (I know big mistake). The chat was something like: HER: I feel like I'm about to die. But I really think I need this. Me: I respect your decision though I really wished you hadn't made it. If it helps you with you grief, I hold no negative feelings about you. I really spent a wonderful time with you, learned a lot from you and, no matter what happens from now on, I will always be grateful to you. Then the chat ended. No more talk... Until the middle of dawn next day. Woke up with a message of her saying: 'Please don't think we broke up because you failed', then before I had time to answered (yes I went the weak path again) she sent me another. Something like 'You're still my love'. After one day of no contact another message of her: 'I really miss you'. At that night another chat (initiated by her) ... She would say things like: 'I love you. I really do. I was never unhappy with you. I was just not happy. And I only want to be happy with you... cause I love you'. Before an exam I had, she sent me another message 'Really hope you have good luck my love'. And it's pretty much it. I know that i just should go NC. I really know her and she not a manipulative person, not by one bit. So I know that she is not, consciously, sending these messages in order to keep some sort of control of me. Or maybe she is... Fu** I just don't know nothing right now. PS: OMG such a big text... sorry folks, but I really needed to write this off. PS2: By the time I was writing.... this another text from her: 'I really hope you did well (in the exam). Have a good night'. I'll be struggling with my self on if I should answer :s
athousandquestions Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 You guys are young I'm guessing. This is going to sound harsh but you need to go NC with her and you need to heal. You're never going to if you two keep playing this "but I miss you" game. If it was really killing her, if she really missed you, she'd be chasing your a$$ asking to get back together. Delete her off Facebook and every other social network. Delete all pictures of her. Give her stuff to a mutual friend to give back to her. Text her ONE last time and say "I cannot continue to talk to you because I won't heal or move on. I am going no contact." and delete her number. IF she texts you, calls you, blows up your phone DO NOT REPLY. UNLESS SHE SAYS "I WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER." do. not. reply. 1
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