Should I tell him?

[Zenstudent]

Folks lets give Serendipity a break. Posters here can be a bit harsh and overbearing in their advice and responses. Also I guess we all need to follow the principle of "Live and let live". Not everyone follows the same set of rules or has the same template of a moral compass as others.

 

In defense of Serendipity I would say that I think she is fighting her own demons. .... So I say give her some rope folks and let her make her own decisions!

 

I agree with Just a Guy. On one side, you have people (both non-cheaters and former, along with BSs) being down-right judgmental and cruel, basing their opinions on very little information on the individual in question, except for the fact that they cheated. On the other side, you have the APs/OWs/OMs attacking the opposite side, making excuses, etc. Then there are the rest of us, sitting smack-dab in the middle, wondering why there's such a great divide. Okay, so maybe you've never given into temptation, or never felt said temptation, BSs; and OWs/OMs, maybe you have trouble seeing the other side of things, too.

 

Last I checked? We all make mistakes that other people would look down their noses at us for. So even you not-even-once cheaters? Please, for the love of all that is sacred, stop with the judge, jury and executioner bit. I'm so, so sorry someone hurt you the way they did; maybe they were complete scum, maybe not. But honestly, is that any excuse to take it out on the rest of the populace? No.

.....Give Serendipity a break; after all, her choice does not affect you.

 

While I largely agree with you both on the tendency to project, I would like to add a small side note. Of course OP decides for herself, and her actions doesn't hurt any of us. But did you consider that there is a person who is also a part of the equation, and who is totally unaware of all this?

 

He's just left to live in an open marriage he didn't even know he was part of. I think that when people react strongly, it's often because you don't take into consideration that it's not just about OP. The husband is a human being too and has noone to defend him (in this matter).

[JustAReformedGirl]

While I largely agree with you both on the tendency to project, I would like to add a small side note. Of course OP decides for herself, and her actions doesn't hurt any of us. But did you consider that there is a person who is also a part of the equation, and who is totally unaware of all this?

 

He's just left to live in an open marriage he didn't even know he was part of. I think that when people react strongly, it's often because you don't take into consideration that it's not just about OP. The husband is a human being too and has noone to defend him (in this matter).

 

I do understand that the BS is also a part of the equation. I know it isn't fair to him, not knowing. But, it really is outside of our control to do anything on the matter. Yes, point out to her that it's unfair to her BS; but, the decision rests on her shoulders. On top of that, seldom is anything in life fair. There are many things we'd all like to prevent, would all like to fix, to control...sadly, we can't. If I could stop every single pedophile in the world from doing what they've done, I would. If I could stop every senseless act of violence? I'd do much the same. We don't live in a world of fair. So it's either she tells him the truth, he finds out on his own, or he never does.

[Just a Guy]

Hey Folks, The OP left a long time ago and I think she is not even reading the posts made here anyway so no point in debating the whys and the wherefores of her behaviour and actions in my opinion. She did say at one point that she and her husband had discussed an open marriage situation and she also said that her husband was Not interested in what she did when they were separated. She says that as per her understanding he probably knew that she had been seeing someone and had no problems with that fact. I think they both have agreed on some sort of arrangement where the "Don't ask Don't tell" protocol seems to be in operation. She also says that she is pretty sure that her husband was also involved with some one during the period of their separation.

 

If all the above is true then I think Serendipity and her husband are pretty confident that what they are doing is quite workable and that they do not have lingering animosities towards each other. That said I think that the OP being an adult who supposedly knows what she is doing should be respected with the choices that she is making. These may be right or wrong according to what one person or the other on this forum may strongly feel about but the point is that she is the one calling the shots in her life and whatever we, on this forum may feel, she is not bound in any way to accept any of our views or suggestions. If she comes a cropper at the end of this journey the responsibility will all be hers and hers alone. She will have to bear her cross alone and suffer whatever fate holds in store for her. So my request to all is to close this matter her once and for all.Warm Wishes!