Emma1234 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 He broke up with me to 'find himself' about 6 weeks ago and I text him saying that I thought no contact would be best for both of us about 3.5 weeks ago. The end of the 30 days are coming up and my feelings haven't changed; I still love him. I really want to talk to him but I'm worried if I do I'll lose this small sense of control that I have over the break up which is the only thing keeping me together. But, I know what sort of person he is and he won't contact me because I've specifically told him not to. All I want is him back and to talk to him, shall I contact him or shall I wait for the smallest chance that he may eventually contact me?
Serendiptiy_2 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 (edited) My suggestion: DO NOT TEXT. I am in the same place. I went NC with my lover (sorry, I don't really like all the common terms here....he was my lover and my friend), to reconcile with my H for my kids' sake. You will be fine. NC means.....NO CONTACT. Be strong... You're not alone. Edited June 25, 2013 by Serendiptiy_2
athousandquestions Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 listen to us!!! I know you are so tempted to contact him. I don't doubt that you love him, still, even after not speaking to him. Do not do it. This is a rollercoaster and some days will be harder than others. Do everything you can to resist texting him because YOU WILL GET NOTHING FROM IT. What do you expect to happen? You text him, make yourself look pathetic in his eyes for still being so hung up on him. What are you going to say? What is left to say? If he had something to say to you, if he wanted you, he would have contacted you. I know you think he wouldn't have, but he would have; because he knows you are still hung up on him, he knows you went NC because you still care. If he can't push his ego aside to contact you, then he CLEARLY DOES NOT HAVE THE RIGHT FEELINGS FOR YOU. Nothing you can say or do can change that. It is out of your control. The one thing you can control is how YOU deal with this. Do not contact him. You will lose these almost 30 days of progress. You WILL be sent back to square 1. It will hurt you more than you can imagine. I'm sure you're telling yourself 'what's the worst that could happen?' but trust us. Try to stay strong. For the next few days, go out with friends and leave your phone at home. If you've posted about him before on this site, reread your posts and see how far you've come/how much you have struggled. You can do this. 2
aloneinaz Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 listen to us!!! I know you are so tempted to contact him. I don't doubt that you love him, still, even after not speaking to him. Do not do it. This is a rollercoaster and some days will be harder than others. Do everything you can to resist texting him because YOU WILL GET NOTHING FROM IT. What do you expect to happen? You text him, make yourself look pathetic in his eyes for still being so hung up on him. What are you going to say? What is left to say? If he had something to say to you, if he wanted you, he would have contacted you. I know you think he wouldn't have, but he would have; because he knows you are still hung up on him, he knows you went NC because you still care. If he can't push his ego aside to contact you, then he CLEARLY DOES NOT HAVE THE RIGHT FEELINGS FOR YOU. Nothing you can say or do can change that. It is out of your control. The one thing you can control is how YOU deal with this. Do not contact him. You will lose these almost 30 days of progress. You WILL be sent back to square 1. It will hurt you more than you can imagine. I'm sure you're telling yourself 'what's the worst that could happen?' but trust us. Try to stay strong. For the next few days, go out with friends and leave your phone at home. If you've posted about him before on this site, reread your posts and see how far you've come/how much you have struggled. You can do this. Well stated! To reinforce the point, as a guy, I've ended relationships. If I had any doubt or missed the person, TRUST ME, I'd make contact or track them down, go to their home or work. He's not contacting you because he's not interested in you any longer. Yes, that hurts but sometimes reality is what we need. Don't ruin your progress by stroking the ego of a person who said he doesn't want you in his life anymore. Don't give him that satisfaction. You will get over this. Maybe one day soon, you'll have a new, better guy on your arm and run into this dude and not care a bit what he thinks. 1
aloneinaz Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 One last point that many dumpees miss. You have some power here. You staying NC and him being ignored by you is getting to his ego at some level. Trust me. Even if he hated you, it would bother him that you're not chasing him like a lost puppy. Men and women are very ego driven. When they feel like they had their ex wrapped around their finger, dumped them and never heard from them again, that will get their attention. It might not bring them back but you can have satisfaction that you're a woman of high value and strong self esteem. He'll be questioning himself with thoughts like "maybe she didn't love me after all". I remember I broke up with a girl I dated for 3 years. She was very upset and chased me for a couple of weeks. Then she went silent. It got to me. A few weeks later, I started to miss her and went to her apartment after the bars. This big, tall, handsome dude answered the door and said "she doesn't want to talk to you". I said "ok".. and drove home wondering WTF I'd done to break up with her in the first place. So, Karma does exist. 6
Author Emma1234 Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 Thank you everyone, I really needed this. I'm going to stay strong and not contact him, you're right, he doesn't deserve any part of me for the hurt he has given me. It's just so painful.
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