NerdyMetalChick Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 (edited) Heidi ho fellow LoveShackers! I'd like to recount my tale of love and ultimate heartache...I'll keep it as concise and succinct as possible. I met a wonderful guy we dated about 10 months. There was some infidelity on his part, although I'm still uncertain as to what caused him to stray. I am very attractive (he'd always call me his 'Turkish beauty') I'm intelligent, kind, I know how to cook. I always treated him well and with utmost respect. I never lied to him or cheated on him in any way. He introduced me to all his friends, everyone knew about us. They all told him how lucky he was to have me and that "she's a keeper." We always had the best time together, we never argued or fought. He was secretive about his phone, so one day I watched as he punched in the pass code (unbeknownst to him.) One fine day, I decided to sneak into his phone while he was in the shower, and confirmed my suspicion. He met this skanky girl behind my back whom he swore he hadn't (she's part of another sordid tale that I won't include here.) I confronted him, we had an awful argument, and I stormed out. I should have went no contact from that point forward but I didn't. I have been chasing after him for months to repair and reconcile our relationship, but to no avail. We met at least a dozen times after the break up, for dinner, conversation. And ultimately we ended up in bed. The last time we saw each other, he was cold. The love in his eyes were gone (he'd always say, "you know how I love you" and I was the first girl he had said it to in 6 years.) I sobbed hysterically, so much so that I couldn't breathe and was having an anxiety attack. He told me it was best for both of us not to see each other anymore. The last time I saw him was back in April, our argument took place January 5th. He has since said that he thinks I'm an awesome girl, but doesn't want to reconcile. Now, when I text him, he doesn't even respond back. I erased his number and all of his texts and photographs yesterday, finally deciding to let go. What I don't understand is, I was the one who was hurt, but I was still willing to mend the relationship. I'm the one who should be mad and ignoring him, but he is the one doing it to me. I know in time I will be better, but what is up with that behavior? Edited June 26, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Add paragraphs
Sneaky Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Well he's clearly a bad person and does not respect you. You should stop wondering about his behaviour and just be glad that he is out of your life. 1
Author NerdyMetalChick Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 All I want at this point is redemption. I hope he'll look back one day and realize what a huge mistake he made.
Author NerdyMetalChick Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 I have been hopelessly depressed and wrought with anxiety for months now. It's so unfair that he so glibly moved on with his life as if I meant nothing to him. And I'm stuck in this feeling of living the same bad day over and over again like the movie Groundhog Day, or like some unrelenting Twilight Zone episode!
Sneaky Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 It's okay, you're not alone. We are all hurting here. If you want my advice it helps to keep busy to just keep your mind off things; reading, watching tv shows, working out, whatever you like doing. It helps to stay busy. 1
LOSTnMT Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Like the poster above mentioned, he didn't respect you and although you didn't know it at the time you both were in totally different places as far as your relationship was concerned. He sounds like he isn't the best person so his behavior is not surprising. Some guys are just like that very selfish and me me me. I hope you feel better and when you are ready I hope you meet someone wonderful. Take care 1
Author NerdyMetalChick Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 Thank you, I do appreciate your positive response/feedback. I was so good to him. But it's always the one that you least expect who hurts you the most. I'll do the best I can do to trudge forward, like I always do.
mano Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 that guy just doesn't deserves a fine girl like you, he will realize what he has lost. As for the behavior , i am in the same boat, my boyfriend did bad things and then instead of him apologizing n fixing things its me who has to do it, and he acts all snotty and arrogant, freaking hurts, its just the guys loss he lost someone like u, he is just not a good enough person to admit his own mistakes 1
Author NerdyMetalChick Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 Thank you for your kind words, Mano! Don't chase after him, don't make the same mistakes I've made.
Author NerdyMetalChick Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 And to make matters worse, he's an atheist, and I'm Muslim but I'm not religious at all (I don't like labeling myself as an atheist, agnostic etc.) He told me at one point that the reason why we couldn't get back together is my religion (he's Serbian orthodox) Really dude!? You've known me over a year now, and my religion is the issue!? What a load of crap. I know and he knows it's a lie, he just can't fess up to the fact that he's a douche!
aloneinaz Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I have been hopelessly depressed and wrought with anxiety for months now. It's so unfair that he so glibly moved on with his life as if I meant nothing to him. And I'm stuck in this feeling of living the same bad day over and over again like the movie Groundhog Day, or like some unrelenting Twilight Zone episode! I'm sorry you're hurting and it is ironic that people miss the people that treated them like ****. Reading what you said here, you're ALLOWING these emotions to continue. After you found out he was cheating, you should have been gone for good and never talked to the POS again. As you stated, you appear to be quite intelligent. Take control of the situation and remove any and all items that remind you of him and go NC. I really think you're healing has been set way back by continuing to see him or talk to him. What was the point of that? Where you trying to get back together w/a cheater? The other thing you might consider is why you continued to chase him even after the fact? Do you have some self esteem issues that need to be addressed? Work on you and YOUR happiness. Address what you need to to me yourself happier in your life and find someone else (when you're ready) to appreciate what you offer. 1
athousandquestions Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I just want to say, from reading your posts, it seems like his actions have made you feel insecure. You say you're attractive, intelligent, etc (I'm sure you are!) and yet you can't figure out 'why' he would stray. The truth is, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. All of his actions, all of his decisions he has made on his own and are in no way your fault or a consequence of your actions. Look at the way he has treated you. Get fricking mad. Look at how good you were to him and TELL YOURSELF you deserve someone who would be just as good to you! You need to go NC now if you have not already. You need to go out and live your life. You need to hit the gym, right now or tomorrow but ASAP. It will help your self-esteem and take your mind off him. If you want to contact him, beg for him back, write it down in a journal or post on LS. People will support you. But you need to support yourself You need to grab your life back from his clutches. You need to actively try and get over this, not continue to wallow. Get some self-respect, you stayed with this Piece of Sh*t for far too long and it's time that you got the best, and only real revenge: MOVING ON and LEADING A WONDERFUL LIFE. 2
Author NerdyMetalChick Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 (edited) @Aloneinaz- He didn't treat me badly at all, I was actually quite happy until I found out about the infidelity. He always stated how happy I made him as well, more than anyone else ever had. I do believe we had (past tense) a strong connection (both emotionally and physically.) We had a lot in common, I suppose I developed some kind of unhealthy addiction to him. Despite the fact that he was dishonest, I still felt we had this indelible connection between us. I had never felt this way with anyone else before. I was afraid to lose this, hence the reason why I chased after him. I suppose I fell in love hard, and I'm human so I'm bound to make mistakes..."To err is human, to forgive, divine." We live and learn. Edited June 25, 2013 by NerdyMetalChick
Author NerdyMetalChick Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 I'm going NC, full throttle. I should have as soon as I became aware of his first transgression. I was weak, but I have promised myself I will be strong and stoic from now on. I erased his phone number yesterday, along with the text messages and his photographs from my cellular phone. I won't be a pawn in this charade any longer. I loved and lost and that's a game you must be willing to play, and unfortunately sometimes the consequences can be devastating. Thank you to all of you for your uplifting and encouraging words. Onward and upward!
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