todreaminblue Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 He told me in the past that considering the circumstances of that time that it was probably best that we keep our relationship professional. Is it stalker of me to not 'get' that and ask him out now after he has already laid down the line? Ugh, this is complicated. that is hold off on asking him to me anyway...any guy who tells you keep it professional has made it clear in words pretty formal ones actually he has said to you basically, not to contact him in any other way than a professional stand...asking him out is not profssional....its the opposite.........he needs to move on you if he feels like it or...... if not .....he isnt interested adn the professional comment holds true............deb
Author venusishername Posted October 2, 2013 Author Posted October 2, 2013 that is hold off on asking him to me anyway...any guy who tells you keep it professional has made it clear in words pretty formal ones actually he has said to you basically, not to contact him in any other way than a professional stand...asking him out is not profssional....its the opposite.........he needs to move on you if he feels like it or...... if not .....he isnt interested adn the professional comment holds true............deb Yes, that's exactly why I don't 'just ask him out.' He said that a long time ago, which is why I never since did have any other contact with him other than professionally. But then, he says last week... "if there's anything I can do to help you"... why does he keep saying that?? Am I missing the signs here? I feel like an idiot. Some people say 'just ask him out', and others say 'he's made it clear, no'. It's impossible to put into words non-verbal exchanges, but I know what I feel. He looks at me, and has always looked at me like he is stunned speechless enamored, gets nervous, blushes, loses his words, and can't stop smiling. I act the same way. Honestly I wouldn't care so much if I knew I wouldn't be running into him for the rest of my career. It just keeps happening.
Author venusishername Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 Ok, so I have an update. This man and I work in the same field, and nearby to each other. I was recently called for a very important interview at a government office. I knew that 2 years ago, he worked there. (It's a county-wide agency). This has been the position I've aspired to since I was in school. I was asked to come in to interview and I am beyond thrilled. That next day, I happened to run into him in a personal setting again, where we could talk. We stopped, he asked me about something unrelated that I didn't want to get into (see my other thread for details), and I seized the opportunity to tell him about my interview. I wanted to pick his brain about what to expect, and if he could give me any info as to who I might be meeting with, etc. I assumed but didn't know if he still worked there, and he said he did. He couldn't really answer my questions though. As soon as I told him, he was very curious about it, asked me a lot of questions, asked me when it was, and told me to let him know who I end up interviewing with (I'm assuming so that he can follow up with them....?_ and told me 'I'll talk to you soon.' Same body language and engaging as always, contact eye contact and smiles. If he can help me land my dream job, I'd be beyond ecstatic. The 'professional' comment he made over a year ago was due to outside factors, not because he wasn't interested. It's obvious to me that he is. I figured I'd jump on another opportunity for us to 'connect' in hopes of gauging things better, and just taking things as they are without expectations. In my view, if I open the door, he can choose himself whether or not he wants to come in or not.
imtooconfused Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 I came to this thread from one of your other threads and this one scares me to no end, as it is almost verbatim what I would hope that my "friend" would confess. Unfortunately, the truth as I see it is exactly the opposite. I will share a bit of my story in the event it can be of some help. At times, my "friend" has appeared happy to see me, yet nervous in ways that she would never be around others. Usually she has a bright smile for me. Other times, though, she will appear indifferent and distant. She confuses me to no end. I have indicated my feelings for her on multiple occasions and each time she has made it known to me, both directly and indirectly, that I am "not her type," as I am the nerdy, geeky, professional type and she clearly is attracted to a rougher personality. The last time I expressed my feelings, I stuck my neck so far out there and was so severely shot down, the humiliation was unbearable. She clearly wants me to continue to be "in her life" but after sustaining such a difficult rejection, I no longer have an interest in being "just friends," and the "let's keep it professional" has been my mantra ever since. At this point body language and flirtiness feel manipulative and undeserving of my attention. So the only thought that I have for you is if your "complicating factors" have anything even remotely to do with hurt feelings, it will be necessary to clear those up and make amends before anything else can move forward. Again, your situation is most likely infinitely different than mine, but I share my story in the event it might help give you insight from the other side.
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