Author venusishername Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 Oh probably...listen, we are all pretty simple creatures, it sounds like he is waiting for a move from you. Maybe he is conflicted about being interested ( due to confluence of wierdness -COW) or scared cause you are blowing hot and cold. Again, what's really the worst thing that can happen? Unless the COW is that you are some kind of freaky stalker, in which case, no he's not interested, he's afraid of you (just sayin) Hmmm... waiting for a move from me.. that's what my gf said too. Actually everything you're saying sounds right on. I do blow hot and cold with him. Interesting. The worst thing that could happen is that my pride will be crushed from his rejection. Ha, only because of my insecurities, I've wondered if he thought I was some crazy stalker who couldn't get the hint.. but I do know for sure that I didn't act that way. He told me in the past that considering the circumstances of that time that it was probably best that we keep our relationship professional. Is it stalker of me to not 'get' that and ask him out now after he has already laid down the line? Ugh, this is complicated.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Ok...so I got this now. You to mr cutie "if you feel the way you did last xxx, then I will continue to respect your wishes, but if there has been a change, I want to let you know that I am still interested in seeing what could develop between us" Hey, watch Pride and Prejudice....the line above is pretty close. Don't worry even if he says no...you KNOW then you can stop obsessing and cross him off the potential list, right. No fear!
tbf Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 I didn't want to get into it here and open up a can of worms. I feel that whatever happened in the past is gone and done. I can take an educated guess as to why he's currently holding back. My intention here is to figure out how to break the ice, or if it's even worth trying. I was just trying to get a read by his body language if he could possibly still be interested in me.What you wish to believe and what is an actuality, are two differing things. If the past is holding him back, no amount of body language reading can help. It's possible to be sexually attracted to someone but not want to get with them.
Author venusishername Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 Ok...so I got this now. You to mr cutie "if you feel the way you did last xxx, then I will continue to respect your wishes, but if there has been a change, I want to let you know that I am still interested in seeing what could develop between us" Hey, watch Pride and Prejudice....the line above is pretty close. Don't worry even if he says no...you KNOW then you can stop obsessing and cross him off the potential list, right. No fear! Oh, Mr. Darcy! I love it, thank you. You're right, no fear. I will watch the movie this weekend, and probably throw in Bridget Jones while I'm at it. 1
Author venusishername Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 What you wish to believe and what is an actuality, are two differing things. If the past is holding him back, no amount of body language reading can help. It's possible to be sexually attracted to someone but not want to get with them. This statement makes no sense to me, but I do think that the past has held him back. So in that case, a lost cause would you say? I'm not clear...
PlumPrincess Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 It can't hurt to try, but something great may come out of it. Heck we all fear rejection, but the real winners are the ones that chalk it up to "That's life". Can't enjoy life if you don't live it and take a few risks . A woman asking a guy out once and get rejected is ok, but having to ask that same guy out a second time? He is either really lame or he still isn't available, because he still hasn't resolved his previous problem. The former is not worth asking out and the latter is going to reject her again.
Author venusishername Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 A woman asking a guy out once and get rejected is ok, but having to ask that same guy out a second time? He is either really lame or he still isn't available, because he still hasn't resolved his previous problem. The former is not worth asking out and the latter is going to reject her again. Well, wait a minute... I did ask him out once, the first time, a long time ago, and he said yes. After that, there were some things that interfered, and so he backed away but would say that he wanted to keep in contact, and would say to me things like we should get together, or let's talk later, etc. I never asked him out after that, only going off what he said about getting together, like asking when we could do that... but he would keep saying basically not now but later. There were a lot of mixed signals I guess. He would call out of the blue and ask me how things were going, etc. but basically would tell me that it would probably be best if he didn't get involved. At the time, I guess you could say any personal relationship between us would be considered taboo. He's also extremely conservative and in the public eye, so he was watching his reputation. I wouldn't say he's 'lame' but has obviously put his career before women. I don't want to ask him out again, because I feel that he was the one who made the decision to not get involved at the time. I know he did really like me, but I did respect his decision, and when we talked after that, I have never pressed it or asked again. I don't want to disrespect his decision by asking now. It's his deal in my book, so that's why I think he should ask me if he's interested. I'm just confused as to the way he acts when I see him, with the staring and getting nervous. Can't help but think he's conflicted, like he wants to but he doesn't think it's a good idea...honestly, that's my gut instinct. Any potential relationship isn't taboo anymore. I wonder what to do about that?!?!
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 Any potential relationship isn't taboo anymore He may believe that ship has sailed. He may not be sure you are still interested He may still think its a bad idea He may not be sure one way or the other. You'll never know for sure. Again...what harm to let him know you are open, one last time? Pride is really one of those things that can chain us...if he says no, come back here and we will help you lick your wounds. If yes, then you can name your first child after me....
beach Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 He may be dating someone else. He may be married. When men stare like you describe - they are usually thinking - sex.
Author venusishername Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 He may believe that ship has sailed. He may not be sure you are still interested He may still think its a bad idea He may not be sure one way or the other. You'll never know for sure. Again...what harm to let him know you are open, one last time? Pride is really one of those things that can chain us...if he says no, come back here and we will help you lick your wounds. If yes, then you can name your first child after me.... I appreciate another romantic, like me. Thank you. This has always been a puzzle, and I'm tired of not knowing. My pride HAS been holding me back... I didn't realize it until now, and I think he's worth the effort. The next time the opportunity arises, I won't be afraid to swallow my pride. Thank you for pointing that out.
Author venusishername Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 When men stare like you describe - they are usually thinking - sex. And here's the straightforward response to my original question! In this situation, I am totally ok with that.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 And here's the straightforward response to my original question! In this situation, I am totally ok with that. Don't men think about sex like every 15 seconds or something? Pretty safe bet.
Author venusishername Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 Don't men think about sex like every 15 seconds or something? Pretty safe bet. I'll take it Btw, I've decided for now he's totally lame if he's been wanting me all this time and can't get past the past. As someone said earlier, what he won't do, some other guy will.
Author venusishername Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 Ok, so a long period of time goes by, and the other day I run into him face to face. Outside of work, totally a perfect opportunity to talk. I looked up and he was looking at me, we made eye contact as usual and didn't look away. I opened my mouth to speak but the words got lost. So basically, I was just standing there with my mouth open, mumbling something. He did the same thing to me the last time we passed each other on the street. There were a lot of people, so we kind of got swept apart by the crowd, and I just kept putting one foot in front of the other and when I turned around, he was gone. This is absolutely ridiculous. We are both acting the same way, and I think I know why. We are grown adults and acting like socially awkward teenagers. I don't know how to act normal around him. I'm so attracted to him and I'm self-conscious about things that happened in the past, which was the reason he backed off to begin with. After all this time, no matter how far in between, when I see him now I feel exactly the same as I always have. I don't know how to get the courage.
PlumPrincess Posted August 23, 2013 Posted August 23, 2013 I don't know how to get the courage. You've already asked him and he rejected you...
Author venusishername Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 (edited) You've already asked him and he rejected you... I meant the courage just to talk to him. He did reject me, a long time ago. So I guess it doesn't matter what his body language is now. ?! I honestly feel that even though he backed away, it wasn't because he wasn't interested. And now, I can tell when a man is attracted to me through non-verbal cues. He is. If he's attracted to me, yet he doesn't want to pursue anything with me, it's a lose-lose situation and extremely frustrating. That's the way I see it. Edited August 23, 2013 by venusishername
Author venusishername Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 (edited) Ok, so it's been a little while... I have been seeing this man more and more lately, and now it's become outside of work situations. For the first time yesterday, we actually stopped to talk rather than me meeting his gaze and running away like a little girl. Each time I see him lately, he doesn't just glance over, but STARES at me and won't look away. He's been staring at me since we met. As I mentioned before, some stuff got in the way and I was going through some things in the past so I was self-conscious about that; the fact that he stared so intently made me even more self-conscious. We finally came face to face, both alone, both outside of work. Needless to say, there's been some awkwardness in the past, but I realize now it was more my own self-infliction than what was reality. It's hard to tell if I'm so into him that I would 'create' the chemistry I feel when next to him... but yesterday it seemed very clear. I'm not sure why I would ever doubt it. I guess people have told me in the past that I'm creating a fantasy that doesn't exist, but I think a woman knows these things.... While I was talking, he would look at my lips, and let his eyes linger over my exposed neck that he once touched before. We never had the chance to kiss in the past; it wasn't the right time I guess, so it didn't happen, although it came very close. I felt my whole body heat up and tingle in my throat while talking to him, and although the topic of our discussion was kind of serious, we both couldn't stop smiling. He said something to the note of 'if there's anything I can do for you...' and he left it as 'I'm sure we'll be seeing each other around downtown' and smiled. Help! I don't know how to ask him out, and if he's interested, why doesn't he ask me? Did I miss my cue? I'm a grown woman and typically very confident, but he makes me feel like an awkward teenager. Edited September 26, 2013 by venusishername
PlumPrincess Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 You're wasting your time with this one...
Author venusishername Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 You're wasting your time with this one... Really?? Well then what's with his staring and the body language then? I don't think I'm so out of touch with reality that I am creating something out of nothing. This isn't my first rodeo
PlumPrincess Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Really?? Well then what's with his staring and the body language then? I don't think I'm so out of touch with reality that I am creating something out of nothing. This isn't my first rodeo I didn't say he wasn't interested. There is interest, but that's it. You're not going out on dates with him. You're not in a relationship with him. You're not even friends with benefits with him. This started a couple of years ago and three months ago it got a new boost, because you ran into him again and he started staring at you. But all his staring is not leading anywhere. Whether he stares at you or not, the result for you is the same now, just as it was years ago. If you really want to end this, go and ask him. He will probably reject you, because he has personal issues at the moment or because he has a girlfriend or because he has some other stupid reason that makes him stare at you like a hypnotized donkey without ever approaching you once. Sh*t or get off the pot...
Author venusishername Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 If you really want to end this, go and ask him. He will probably reject you, because he has personal issues at the moment or because he has a girlfriend or because he has some other stupid reason that makes him stare at you like a hypnotized donkey without ever approaching you once. Sh*t or get off the pot... Touche Doesn't give me much confidence to hear 'he'll probably reject you'... but you're right. At this point, there's nothing to lose. I hate to make the first move.. it's hard for me. My friends call me a more crass version of 'wallflower', just in general. I don't know how to approach men and ask them out.
PlumPrincess Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Touche Doesn't give me much confidence to hear 'he'll probably reject you'... but you're right. At this point, there's nothing to lose. I hate to make the first move.. it's hard for me. My friends call me a more crass version of 'wallflower', just in general. I don't know how to approach men and ask them out. If he is that supershy guy who has been desperately trying to signal you non-verbally that he would like you to make the first step, then there is nothing that you can do wrong. If he is that loser that I suspect that he is, then nothing you do will be right, because the problem is him, not you. Therefore you can choose the approach that best suits you. Good luck. 1
Author venusishername Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 If he is that supershy guy who has been desperately trying to signal you non-verbally that he would like you to make the first step, then there is nothing that you can do wrong. If he is that loser that I suspect that he is, then nothing you do will be right, because the problem is him, not you. Therefore you can choose the approach that best suits you. Good luck. From all I do know about him, he IS the super-shy, nerdy, career man who is slightly immature and a late bloomer with women. He kind of reminds me of a Clark Kent on the outside, but I bet he's Superman under his shirt In the beginning, he kept dropping hints and giving me the eye blatantly, so I asked him out. Maybe he's doing that again.. hmmm.... well, now that we are running into each other so often, I guess I should really take my chance. It would be nice to have further confirmation that he's still open to it. Thanks
Author venusishername Posted September 30, 2013 Author Posted September 30, 2013 So, what do I say?? I don't know how to do this. I'm normally the one being asked out. I'm not even sure how to approach it.
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