A man is giving out all the right signals...but still checks his online profile daily

[desperategirl]

Hey,

 

I've been on a couple of dates with a guy, that went really well. I know it doesn't sound like a lot, but it feels like we've made quite a connection. Because we were both very busy, there was a two week gap between the dates, and we were in touch everyday (initiated by him). Early on in the second date, he asked for a third. We're having a quick drink tomorrow lunch time, before our proper third date at the weekend. He has been really busy, but has said a couple of times that his schedule is easing up after this week, insinuating he wants to spend more time together.

 

We kissed on the second date, which he seemed really happy about.

 

The thing is, he's online EVERYDAY on his profile. Plus, his profile said it had been updated a couple of days ago. I couldn't see what was different, though. This to me suggests that he is actively looking to meet someone else. Which in turn suggests that he's not that interested in me?

 

I know it's early days, but I guess I kind of feel like if he was interested, he may be less active in looking to meet someone else.

 

Worth going on these next couple of dates with, or a time waster?

[Keenly]

You are not exclusive. He has no way of knowing if you are going to be around in a few weeks. If you want him, ask him to be yours. You can't expect him to just drop his pursuit of a relationship because you kissed once.

Edited June 25, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[desperategirl]

Wow, quick reply, thank-you!

 

So you wouldn't just assume that he's not that interested then?

[BluEyeL]

It's too early to discuss exclusivity. Wait until 4th-5th-6th date. I'll tell you what helps me. I never checked the guys profile(s). Facebook,match whatever, I don't care in the early days. Once we are at the point of exclusivity and want to discuss it, then the profiles come down. But not at the second or third date, no matter how amazing of a connection you think you have. Just wait.

[Star Gazer]

Wow, quick reply, thank-you!

 

So you wouldn't just assume that he's not that interested then?

 

What does "that interested" mean to you?

 

Interested enough to want a third date and to see you before that? And express that he wants to see more of you? You've got that.

 

Interested enough to want to be exclusive and no longer be open to going out with other women? Is that reasonable to expect? You've been on TWO dates. You might be ready, but most people wouldn't. I don't think you should assume anything one way or another about what his profile activity means at this point.

[BluEyeL]

OP, the guy I'm dating right now told me that he stopped looking at the second date. His profile was still up, but he said he's not messaging anyone and stopped going to any singles events. I didn't check when he was logging in. Honestly I didn't like that he said that so early, I thought it was too early to say it. It looks like you want him to make you exclusive already. As long as he asks you out, it means he is interested!! It's just the timing, you have to be patient. Bring up exclusivity at the 5th date or so.

[desperategirl]

OP, the guy I'm dating right now told me that he stopped looking at the second date. His profile was still up, but he said he's not messaging anyone and stopped going to any singles events. I didn't check when he was logging in. Honestly I didn't like that he said that so early, I thought it was too early to say it. It looks like you want him to make you exclusive already. As long as he asks you out, it means he is interested!! It's just the timing, you have to be patient. Bring up exclusivity at the 5th date or so.

 

Thanks. I'm not sure about if it's me wanting exclusivity right away, although I guess that must be a part of it. I guess I just feel like how can he be interested in getting to know me that much, if he's still on the lookout for 'someone better'? I don't know. I guess we'll see how the next couple of dates go.

 

I guess this is a weird, fairly newish phenomenon, where you can see the activity of the person you're dating so explicitly. If we hadn't met online, I probably wouldn't even be thinking about him checking out other women etc!

 

On the other hand though, it sucks to think he may be angling for other dates etc, messaging other women, because if he was interested in a relationship, wouldn't he just take it one at a time, and give something chance to breathe, before trying to meet someone else?

[Star Gazer]

Thanks. I'm not sure about if it's me wanting exclusivity right away, although I guess that must be a part of it. I guess I just feel like how can he be interested in getting to know me that much, if he's still on the lookout for 'someone better'?

 

Is it fair for you to think he should believe you're the best FIT for him for a relationship after two dates?

 

Why shouldn't he remain open to meeting another women who might be a better FIT for him, after only two dates?

 

Why does being open to learning about other women mean he's not interested in learning about you as well?

 

And more importantly, why are you shutting down your options? How do you know he's the best fit for you?

 

Best advice: Stop monitoring what he's doing.

[desperategirl]

Is it fair for you to think he should believe you're the best FIT for him for a relationship after two dates?

 

Why shouldn't he remain open to meeting another women who might be a better FIT for him, after only two dates?

 

Why does being open to learning about other women mean he's not interested in learning about you as well?

 

And more importantly, why are you shutting down your options? How do you know he's the best fit for you?

 

Best advice: Stop monitoring what he's doing.

 

Honestly, I think I find it quite hard to be sensible, i.e. "best fit" etc and I just think about how I feel!

 

You're so right about not monitoring his actions! So, so right! It's so hard though. But absolutely the right thing to do.

[Eddie Edirol]

Honestly, I think I find it quite hard to be sensible, i.e. "best fit" etc and I just think about how I feel!

 

You're so right about not monitoring his actions! So, so right! It's so hard though. But absolutely the right thing to do.

 

You have to understand DG, if he is a desirable guy,m he has to kep his options open, he could find out after 5 dates with you that you could be certifiably insane! He probably has dated a few women from that site that get attached too quickly, or have other agendas for going on dates, or are mentally unstable. So just in case you dont work out within the first few dates, he has to keep his options open.

 

Really, you should be doing the same. You could find out in a short time that he could have qualities that you dont really want. Dont put all your efforts into him so early just because you wan to stop looking.

[Star Gazer]

You have to understand DG, if he is a desirable guy,m he has to kep his options open, he could find out after 5 dates with you that you could be certifiably insane! He probably has dated a few women from that site that get attached too quickly, or have other agendas for going on dates, or are mentally unstable. So just in case you dont work out within the first few dates, he has to keep his options open.

 

Really, you should be doing the same. You could find out in a short time that he could have qualities that you dont really want. Dont put all your efforts into him so early just because you wan to stop looking.

 

Ahem, DG...

[Phantom888]

Hey,

 

I've been on a couple of dates with a guy, that went really well. I know it doesn't sound like a lot, but it feels like we've made quite a connection. Because we were both very busy, there was a two week gap between the dates, and we were in touch everyday (initiated by him). Early on in the second date, he asked for a third. We're having a quick drink tomorrow lunch time, before our proper third date at the weekend. He has been really busy, but has said a couple of times that his schedule is easing up after this week, insinuating he wants to spend more time together.

 

We kissed on the second date, which he seemed really happy about.

 

The thing is, he's online EVERYDAY on his profile. Plus, his profile said it had been updated a couple of days ago. I couldn't see what was different, though. This to me suggests that he is actively looking to meet someone else. Which in turn suggests that he's not that interested in me?

 

I know it's early days, but I guess I kind of feel like if he was interested, he may be less active in looking to meet someone else.

 

Worth going on these next couple of dates with, or a time waster?

 

 

Hang in there. Don't despair. Same thing happened to me after an AMAZING 1st date. I checked her online profile, and she logged on once since our date. This could be a fluke (smartphone logs on automatically), or she was answering an email via the website. I just played it cool, and assumed she was talking to others online, but ultimately would pick me. And she DID!!! After our 2nd date, she cancelled her account, and we have been together since....celebrating our one month anniversary this Thursday.

[desperategirl]

You have to understand DG, if he is a desirable guy,m he has to kep his options open, he could find out after 5 dates with you that you could be certifiably insane! He probably has dated a few women from that site that get attached too quickly, or have other agendas for going on dates, or are mentally unstable. So just in case you dont work out within the first few dates, he has to keep his options open.

 

Really, you should be doing the same. You could find out in a short time that he could have qualities that you dont really want. Dont put all your efforts into him so early just because you wan to stop looking.

 

Yes, you're right. It's weird because I know this is right, but i think maybe because I'm totally new to dating, and online dating, that I'm finding it a bit strange. I know that after a couple of dates, there's no commitment on either side, but I guess I feel a bit like I'm willing to give up a few weeks of time to get to know someone, before making a decision, and moving on, rather than circular date, where I'm seeing several guys at one time.

 

The longer I am in the dating pool though, the easier and more likely it seems for me to do this.

 

Very much guilty of just wanting to meet someone, and having to keep reminding myself not to overlook incompatabilities just because I want a relationship.

[Phantom888]

OP, the guy I'm dating right now told me that he stopped looking at the second date. His profile was still up, but he said he's not messaging anyone and stopped going to any singles events. I didn't check when he was logging in. Honestly I didn't like that he said that so early, I thought it was too early to say it. It looks like you want him to make you exclusive already. As long as he asks you out, it means he is interested!! It's just the timing, you have to be patient. Bring up exclusivity at the 5th date or so.

 

As I posted a month ago, I told my lady, after our 1st date, that I cancelled my Match account. I think to some people that would be too early or forward, but I honestly think that helped me win her heart. She has told me many times that she has NEVER met a guy like me, who talks commitment and actually means every single word. So I think if you find a good match, there really isn't any "rules" you have to go by. You follow your heart.

[desperategirl]

Hang in there. Don't despair. Same thing happened to me after an AMAZING 1st date. I checked her online profile, and she logged on once since our date. This could be a fluke (smartphone logs on automatically), or she was answering an email via the website. I just played it cool, and assumed she was talking to others online, but ultimately would pick me. And she DID!!! After our 2nd date, she cancelled her account, and we have been together since....celebrating our one month anniversary this Thursday.

 

Yaaay! Congrats on the one month anniversary, lovely news!

[FitChick]

Don't log in to see if the other person is logging in. They will think you are still on the hunt yourself. I suspect many relationships have been aborted prematurely because of this.

[desperategirl]

Yeah, I wondered about this myself, but, and at the risk of sounding like a total psychopath....some days I haven't checked in, but my friend has seen that he's logged in.

 

It's another layer of complicated, and when you're as rubbish at dating as me, you don't need it! Ha!

[BluEyeL]

As I posted a month ago, I told my lady, after our 1st date, that I cancelled my Match account. I think to some people that would be too early or forward, but I honestly think that helped me win her heart. She has told me many times that she has NEVER met a guy like me, who talks commitment and actually means every single word. So I think if you find a good match, there really isn't any "rules" you have to go by. You follow your heart.

 

The guy I'm dating came strong as well, maybe not as crazy strong as you, but stronger than I expected. We'll "celebrate" one month on Friday as well. I'm also probably MUCH more reserved than your GF, proven by the fact that we haven't had sex yet. If someone comes too strong I suspect they might just want to shorten timeline to sex and there is no guarantee they won't disappear after. I mean, how can they make up their mind after meeting me twice?? I know I'm amazing:p, but....still, not enough time. I know you didn't fade, just my line of thought, I don't believe anything right off the bat.

[BluEyeL]

Yeah, I wondered about this myself, but, and at the risk of sounding like a total psychopath....some days I haven't checked in, but my friend has seen that he's logged in.

 

It's another layer of complicated, and when you're as rubbish at dating as me, you don't need it! Ha!

 

Just stop checking, you'll just drive yourself mad, you'll exude anxiety and insecurity and he'll dump you! You are shooting youself in the foot. The key to dating is the ability to keep your cool, or at least pretend to. Otherwise you'll be quickly labeled "crazy" and "psycho".

[Star Gazer]

Yeah, I wondered about this myself, but, and at the risk of sounding like a total psychopath....some days I haven't checked in, but my friend has seen that he's logged in.

 

It's another layer of complicated, and when you're as rubbish at dating as me, you don't need it! Ha!

 

Why is your friend telling you this? Either she needs to keep her nose out of your business, or you need to stop having her peep for you. It's obsessive.

[desperategirl]

Just stop checking, you'll just drive yourself mad, you'll exude anxiety and insecurity and he'll dump you! You are shooting youself in the foot. The key to dating is the ability to keep your cool, or at least pretend to. Otherwise you'll be quickly labeled "crazy" and "psycho".

 

Yep. This.

 

Actually, just typing this out is kind of bringing it home that this isn't cool behaviour.

[desperategirl]

Why is your friend telling you this? Either she needs to keep her nose out of your business, or you need to stop having her peep for you. It's obsessive.

 

Agreed. I think the longer I date, the easier it'll get to be less obsessive?

[Star Gazer]

Agreed. I think the longer I date, the easier it'll get to be less obsessive?

 

Nope. You just have to stop looking, and stop having her look for you. Seriously. It's the only way to get a grip over what you're experiencing. BTDT 100000x.

 

Stop looking.

 

Don't care.

 

You are a catch. If he doesn't recognize that, his loss.

 

Stop looking.

[Phantom888]

The guy I'm dating came strong as well, maybe not as crazy strong as you, but stronger than I expected. We'll "celebrate" one month on Friday as well. I'm also probably MUCH more reserved than your GF, proven by the fact that we haven't had sex yet. If someone comes too strong I suspect they might just want to shorten timeline to sex and there is no guarantee they won't disappear after. I mean, how can they make up their mind after meeting me twice?? I know I'm amazing:p, but....still, not enough time. I know you didn't fade, just my line of thought, I don't believe anything right off the bat.

 

It's interesting because I totally never acted like this with anyone before, and my lady is totally paranoid about men. But when we met, we both acted very unusual for our own MO. It's really hard to explain, and we often wonder how did it happen this way. She told me if we didn't have small children, she would marry me right now. I feel the same. We both intend to date for a loooooong time to get to know one another, but we seem to have eliminated the possibility of ever separating. I know if she ever wanted to breakup, she would have to kill me first.

[Eddie Edirol]

 

Very much guilty of just wanting to meet someone, and having to keep reminding myself not to overlook incompatibilities just because I want a relationship.

 

You want to meet someone quickly and you want to stop looking quickly. So heres a question, do you want to not bother looking because its exhausting, or just impatient and you want to be in love with someone in a hurry? Either way, it takes time and patience, and this statement of yours should be a mantra until you can make it a habit. You dont NEED to be with someone that badly, you are fine alone until you meet the right one.