amkxoxo Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 So my other thread was getting long so I figured I would start a new one. Those who read my other threads know the deal. Well things have changed a bit. I was planning to go down to my school this thursday to see some friends and I have an apartment there. I had a public conversation on my facebook wall with one of my friends about it. My guy, must have seen it because he texted me "Hey I'm going down to **** ***** this week last minute too" I asked him why and he said he has a final exam at school that day, because he's taking summer classes. The only thing I thought was wierd was, if he didn't see my facebook, would he have told me you were going down there?? I don't know. But there must have been a reason he told me he was going to be there too. He could have easily gone down there and not told me. To me that means he wants to see me. But he hasn't made a plan for thursday yet to see me?? I haven't either. But we both know were going to be there. I don't know if I should suggest seeing each other or not?? He also told me that since his classes are ending this week, that after this week he thinks things will be a lot better in his life, and he said he wants to get his life together. Any Thoughts??
HeavenOrHell Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I wouldn't suggest seeing him Thursday, let him do the suggesting if he's going to. I would see if things do get better in his life and what that would mean for the r/ship before getting your hopes up. Saying and doing are two different things. Give it some time and see how things go. So my other thread was getting long so I figured I would start a new one. Those who read my other threads know the deal. Well things have changed a bit. I was planning to go down to my school this thursday to see some friends and I have an apartment there. I had a public conversation on my facebook wall with one of my friends about it. My guy, must have seen it because he texted me "Hey I'm going down to **** ***** this week last minute too" I asked him why and he said he has a final exam at school that day, because he's taking summer classes. The only thing I thought was wierd was, if he didn't see my facebook, would he have told me you were going down there?? I don't know. But there must have been a reason he told me he was going to be there too. He could have easily gone down there and not told me. To me that means he wants to see me. But he hasn't made a plan for thursday yet to see me?? I haven't either. But we both know were going to be there. I don't know if I should suggest seeing each other or not?? He also told me that since his classes are ending this week, that after this week he thinks things will be a lot better in his life, and he said he wants to get his life together. Any Thoughts?? 1
Author amkxoxo Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 (edited) Thanks...thats what i figured I would do. Ahhhhh this guy drives me nuts. As I said before I had a public facebook conversation with a friend about going down to our school on Thursday for couple days. Then my guy must have seen it because he texted me "hey I'm going down to school last minute too". I figured he meant thursday...right??? Now his facebook status hints to him being at school today?? What the heck why even text me if were going to be there different days?? Ugh Men. I'm waiting to here back from him now, I texted him asking when he was actually going! We'll see, I'm not going to sweat it. Edited June 25, 2013 by amkxoxo
Author amkxoxo Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 Sooo...an update. I heard back from him and he said he went down to our school today and he's staying until thursday. He is staying with a guy friend in his apartment. I said "Oh i thought you were going on thursday like i am", then he told me "Well my school work is all due then so i will probably leave then" That bothered me because like you have to go to class thursday then you are apparently leaving....no time for me??? I feel bad because he told me he is really really sick, but I got the impression he is trying to cover it up from his friend, because he is very private. I feel so bad because he has to get a lot of work done before thursday and his friend lives with a bunch of people and his apartment is not the greatest environment for him. Like I feel bad because he feels sick so probably isn't up for making plans, but like am I going to see you thursday man?? I have an apartment and i wanted us to stay the night until friday. He has said nothing, but at the same time he texted me to tell me he was going there, knowing I will be there too. To me that screams, "WE CAN SEE EACH OTHER, WE'LL BE IN THE SAME PLACE". Because like i said before, why tell me if you don't want to see me. I would feel so hurt if I went down there and did not see him, knowing we were so close. I feel bad bringing it up because being sick its probably the last thing on his mind and I don't want him to get mad at me if I try and make plans.
Carenth Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 As I said earlier he is not capable of giving you want you want. A lot of empty words and promises, no actual action. I know if I was into someone and I knew their was a chance for us to meetup I would make it happen. But it seems like he is in no state to do that either illness or he doesn't want to. The reason doesn't matter his actions speak much louder than his words. 1
Author amkxoxo Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 Like I said before I like to think we can't be together because of his illness and life problems, that is what he has told me as the reasoning. He is very honest so if he wasn't into it anymore I think he would come out and tell me, as he has told others in the past. He still tries and calls when he can and texts me when he gets the messages. Doesn't sound like someone who has lost interest. I feel so bad he is so sick. I don't want to totally cut him out of my life. I will see what happens tomorrow and where he's at. Depending on his state, I am still deciding whether or not I should breach the subject of meeting up. We'll see.
HeavenOrHell Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 I don't mean to sound harsh, but you're not together now, so why would he say about meeting up? >He said he thinks I deserve a lot better and thats why he is saying no to a relationship. He has so many problems and things to deal with within himself that he can't give me 100%, which is what I deserve. He told me that he would make a great boyfriend and would want to treat me as nice as I treat him, but its not a good time in his life for it, and he thinks because of all his problems it would fail. He said that I deserve someone who can call me everyday and come and see me and right now he just can't do that.< I would back off and give each other space, start thinking more about yourself than worrying about him, it's nice that you care about him, but this is making you miserable Sooo...an update. I heard back from him and he said he went down to our school today and he's staying until thursday. He is staying with a guy friend in his apartment. I said "Oh i thought you were going on thursday like i am", then he told me "Well my school work is all due then so i will probably leave then" That bothered me because like you have to go to class thursday then you are apparently leaving....no time for me??? I feel bad because he told me he is really really sick, but I got the impression he is trying to cover it up from his friend, because he is very private. I feel so bad because he has to get a lot of work done before thursday and his friend lives with a bunch of people and his apartment is not the greatest environment for him. Like I feel bad because he feels sick so probably isn't up for making plans, but like am I going to see you thursday man?? I have an apartment and i wanted us to stay the night until friday. He has said nothing, but at the same time he texted me to tell me he was going there, knowing I will be there too. To me that screams, "WE CAN SEE EACH OTHER, WE'LL BE IN THE SAME PLACE". Because like i said before, why tell me if you don't want to see me. I would feel so hurt if I went down there and did not see him, knowing we were so close. I feel bad bringing it up because being sick its probably the last thing on his mind and I don't want him to get mad at me if I try and make plans. 2
Archanaart Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Here's an idea since our perspectives don't seem to matter to you much. Ask to meet up. Talk to him in person about what's going on. Woman up and take charge!
Author amkxoxo Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 But I already took charge and didn't back down when we talked on the phone last week. My other thread talks about our encounter. I got answers. Were not in a relationship and can't be in one right now, but were more than friends. Its limbo. In my head, logically, why would you text me "hey im going to be at school like you" if you didn't want to see me, am I wrong?? I'm just going to try and make plans with him and see him hopefully. It just sucks because he wants to leave Thursday, and he has a test to take, and he doesn't feel good and might want to just go home. I don't know if were going to have time together. I don't want him to think "jeez she wants to do this, that, and the other thing with me and I don't feel up to it." I've told him before, I don't care if were just sitting doing nothing together. And like if we do get some time together, do we act all flirty and touchy, should I kiss him. Its and awkward reunion??
Archanaart Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 (edited) But I already took charge and didn't back down when we talked on the phone last week. My other thread talks about our encounter. I got answers. Were not in a relationship and can't be in one right now, but were more than friends. Its limbo. In my head, logically, why would you text me "hey im going to be at school like you" if you didn't want to see me, am I wrong?? I'm just going to try and make plans with him and see him hopefully. It just sucks because he wants to leave Thursday, and he has a test to take, and he doesn't feel good and might want to just go home. I don't know if were going to have time together. I don't want him to think "jeez she wants to do this, that, and the other thing with me and I don't feel up to it." I've told him before, I don't care if were just sitting doing nothing together. And like if we do get some time together, do we act all flirty and touchy, should I kiss him. Its and awkward reunion?? I have read your other thread. It was repetitive to say the least. And I still think its better to talk about important things in person because you can see their facial expressions and body language. You know I hate when people bother me around exam time. Is it his last exam? He might want to finish the exam and go chill and do his own thing. Like I would go hang out with friends and have some drinks. You always say that he's up front and if he didn't like you he would say it out right. Well, I think if he wanted to hangout he would just say so. Oh god. Seriously, if you do hang out with him. See how things go!!! you can't plan to kiss someone or touch them. If he's not into then don't breach his boundaries. Stop obsessing. And overreacting. And over thinking everything! He's not your boyfriend. Edited June 26, 2013 by Archanaart
justwhoiam Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 What does he need to do to drop you completely? Show up in your town holding another girl? Kissing another girl? Would that put your mind at rest? Or would that push you to meet him again even more?
Author amkxoxo Posted June 27, 2013 Author Posted June 27, 2013 So I texted him saying "hey so will I be seeing you tomorrow?" His response..."Idk. I have a lot of studying and work too get done and then the final exam. I have to take the train home after that and I still might not make it back until midnight. Unfortunately, I didn't get to do all the work I wanted as soon as I had hoped due to me being so sick. I'm nervous about passing at this point." My heart dropped, because its killing me to know that we will be so close....on the same small college campus and not see each other. My last stand i asked him to come and stay in my apartment thursday night with me. I told him I have my car, a/c (which he needs), and i could take him to the train station the next morning, so we could see each other and catch up. His response " I thought about that, and John (friend he's staying with) wants me to stay too. But healthwise its better if I go back as soon as possible. Plus if I'm healthy i have obligations on friday and leisure on saturday. So frickin confusing. Well I have now made my own plans with my friends tomorrow. Yeah I'm depressed, but at this point I have tried every little thing I could to make this work. I'm accomodating and available, even overly available. I don't have the strength to keep chasing him anymore. He needs to chase me. want me. he needs to get better, because that saying always goes, "if you can't be stable and like yourself, you can't be any good to someone else." He is the epitome of this. I can't keep hurting my heart with false hope.
Carenth Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 Sorry amkxoxo, The writing is now 100% on the wall. This guy is not interested at all. Nothing to be confused about he is just making up any excuse to not see you. Move on, really for your own sanity. 1
Author amkxoxo Posted June 27, 2013 Author Posted June 27, 2013 At this point the only choice I have is to move on. I can't rely on him when I have great family and friends who are around and wanting to be with me. Whats even more insulting to me is why all the talk of the future?? why even keep texting me and calling?? for what purpose?? It gives me false hope and hurts me more. I don't get it. Why all the "Oh well we can try it in the future" ??? Why if you don't care? Its upsetting to me. Just why all the respect, when he has no intention of being with me. Whyyy???
Carenth Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 As I said they were hollow words. He probably thought it was an nicer way to let you down. Many people do it because it feels like crap to dump people, especially when they don't dislike the person, they just don't want a relationship with that person. They do it to make themselves feel better. Between those words though he very clearly stated he did not want a relationship. He even told you this before you guys went long distance. He wanted to be friends and nothing more. I'm sorry you are going through pain right now, it sucks but this is exactly what I meant in that you judge a person by their actions and not their words. 1
Author amkxoxo Posted June 27, 2013 Author Posted June 27, 2013 I know your right. Its so hard. Like so many mixed signals. Why tell me "we had a good thing going at school" and "We go together so well, just not right now"...Like the last two nights before school ended we were so lovey dovey, and he told me he was going to miss me so much. One morning when we woke up and I was leaving to take a shower in my room. He grabbed me and gave me one of those cute dip kisses, where he dipped me down and held me so we could kiss. He said it was the right way to say goodbye. He was so happy. I also think I am such an empathetic person, I feel the pain he feels. I want him to be happy, and he isn't. And its within himself, I can't make him happy. This hurts me, because he makes me so happy sometimes. But I have to let life take its course. I can sit and wait all I want. I can pray for the best, but thats not living, thats mourning. I'm great, and hopefully someday like he said when his life is better, he will see how great I am and want to be with me. im not gonna put my money on it though, can't keep breaking my own heart. He used to tell me that I was "perfect" and give me these looks of adoration that were so intense sometimes. he told me that sometimes he would just look at me and think "wow this girl is perfect" sorry im just upset and venting i really truly want to get over this and move on at this point. i cant do it anymore. im such a nice, sweet, and happy person and i am going to be that person for me, and my family and friends, and maybe someone else in the future. my life is going so well and I can't be depressed anymore its bringing me down. I have such a nice night at work and that one text from him saying he doesn't know if we can see each other brings me to tears. so done.
Carenth Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 You need time to heal. The easiest (and arguably hardest at first) way to do this is to go no contact. You won't be able to move on whilst you still have any form of contact with him. Your brain will trick you into thinking any bread crumb he gives is a sign he wants to get back together when in reality it is not. It will be very hard at first I have been there myself. After my first breakup I was a mess, the first few weeks were hell but after that it got easier. I haven't seen or spoken to my ex in over 4 years now which is a bit sad when I think about it, she was by no means a bad person. However life goes on and it was not meant to be. Focus on yourself, worrying about him will do nothing to help you move on. He will be fine, he doesn't need you to save him or look after him.
HeavenOrHell Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 I don't think you should have asked him about meeting At least you realise that you are being overly available. What he said isn't confusing, I think you were looking for stuff in it which wasn't there, sorry I wouldn't contact him again. At least you know you need to stop hurting your heart with false hope. So I texted him saying "hey so will I be seeing you tomorrow?" His response..."Idk. I have a lot of studying and work too get done and then the final exam. I have to take the train home after that and I still might not make it back until midnight. Unfortunately, I didn't get to do all the work I wanted as soon as I had hoped due to me being so sick. I'm nervous about passing at this point." My heart dropped, because its killing me to know that we will be so close....on the same small college campus and not see each other. My last stand i asked him to come and stay in my apartment thursday night with me. I told him I have my car, a/c (which he needs), and i could take him to the train station the next morning, so we could see each other and catch up. His response " I thought about that, and John (friend he's staying with) wants me to stay too. But healthwise its better if I go back as soon as possible. Plus if I'm healthy i have obligations on friday and leisure on saturday. So frickin confusing. Well I have now made my own plans with my friends tomorrow. Yeah I'm depressed, but at this point I have tried every little thing I could to make this work. I'm accomodating and available, even overly available. I don't have the strength to keep chasing him anymore. He needs to chase me. want me. he needs to get better, because that saying always goes, "if you can't be stable and like yourself, you can't be any good to someone else." He is the epitome of this. I can't keep hurting my heart with false hope. 1
Author amkxoxo Posted June 27, 2013 Author Posted June 27, 2013 haha so I'm totally at school and having a good time. Of course he is on my mind I wonder where he is right now cause I'm on campus. I texted him wishing him luck on his test. He never responded. Though Mr.busy can post Facebook statuses of sad song lyrics....ughhhh
Carenth Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 haha so I'm totally at school and having a good time. Of course he is on my mind I wonder where he is right now cause I'm on campus. I texted him wishing him luck on his test. He never responded. Though Mr.busy can post Facebook statuses of sad song lyrics....ughhhh Don't text, don't stalk his facebook. Block his facebook, delete his number. You will never get over this doing this. 1
Author amkxoxo Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 This will probably be my last post on this ever. I have had an emotional 24 hours and have now gotten home to mourn. He texted me yesterday asking me what my schedule was like, so I told him and he said he was trying to make time for us. I was very surprised so we met up. We talked for hours. We went out for some food and he insisted and paid for me, which was a first. We were happy I think. We only hugged, but he gave me one of his cute hugs. He'll like nuzzle his face into my neck. When he pulled away he said it was "long overdo". We parted ways and I met up with my friends again, but after dinner I was going to go try and see him again. I called him and he said sure to hanging out. I picked him up and we went to my apartment. We talked for hours again, and at this point it was getting dark out and I still had a 2 hour ride home. I ignored time. I decided to get flirty and told him he has to kiss me goodbye. He stared at me and I said it again and re phrased it, and told him I had his graduation gift too. He looked for a second like he wanted to but then he backed away, and was like "I don't think that's a good idea". We had a long intense conversation for like 3 hours about us. He can't do a relationship right now yada yada the same stuff like before. He doesn't want to "deprive" the world of me because I'm so great and he doesn't want to hold me by a string. So i said to him like when you get your life together are you gonna give me a call? and he's like if stuff is better and my life is more together and I wake up and decide "wow I need her and I can't live without her" then I will fight for you whether your with someone or not. Like WTFFFFF SO many mixed signals. Like I don't think he knows what he wants. Like he's like "do you love me" and I'm like "no i dont know that yet" and he's like yeah. He's like I'd be such a good boyfriend, my life would revolve around you. again WTF. He's like now is just not a good time , and I can't do it for you. Like all the skeletons came out. He told me he saw tonight how invested I really was and he didn't realize how much before. And I was like all the calls texts and time I've spent for you doesn't give you a clue. He's like I feel so bad, I feel so guilty. I hurt you. Like we were in my car and he reached over and like touched my arm, and he's like "I don't want you to feel bad about yourself you didnt do anything wrong" and then like 5 minutes later he reached over and tried to like hold my hand, and I pulled it away. Like your trying to be comforting you just frickin dumped me. Like I kept asking him "are we just friends" and like he couldnt answer and at one point he was like "we don't have to call it anything or label it" then what the hell are we there is nothing in between friends and dating. Like he said "if I wanted to i could have lied to you and called you and told you i didnt like you anymore, but I couldnt lie to you.". Then he got insulted because I called him out saying "well to me it seems like your trying to get me to move on and meet someone else so that I forget all about you and your left scott free" he was like is that what you think of me, because thats not it at all, thats so low, I would never do that. He said "if I didnt like you anymore I would have told you on the phone a while ago." I'm so heartbroken. He told me this "You're at a carnival. I'm a broken down ride that you really want to go on, but you can't because I'm broken right now. So you go along and go on other rides in the meantime. Until I'm fixed. " Like it totally makes sense but it doesnt mean it doesnt hurt. I'm so broken, vunerable, and I can't handle my emotions. By the time we finished talking it was 11pm and there was a bad thunderstorm outside. I wanted to drive home but he was begging me not to. And it wasn't safe. I told him I didn't want to stay alone in my apartment because I didn't, but he was like "Well i don't think its a good idea I stay here with you in close quarters sleeping." So i ended up staying with a good friend in campus thank goodness he was there. When I got to my friends room I went on social media and my guy put up a song "I Miss You" by Blink 182. WTF mixed signals again. My guy friend who I stayed with said he thinks my guy truly doesn't know what he wants and thats why he is so back and forth. I am officially moving on with my life. I need to heal. He and I said that we would still continue to talk. Not in any hurry to communicate with him though. He like hugged me goobye in my car and I tried to give him a nice hug but it was hard in my small car. "He was like Oh thats the hug your gonna give" so I grabbed him and gave him a better one. But like what the ****, you just broke my heart and I'm still saying I'll be your friend and you say **** like that. Done. I'm at such a sad low point right now. I feel like I'm in a black pit. Like I don't want to have to work today. I don't want to be around people. My life sucks.
Carenth Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 (edited) Very sorry to hear that. Still there is no mixed signals. Though he is a great bull**** artist. You need to cut him out of your life. Is it really worth this misery? Seriously no more talking with this guy everytime you do you take 10 steps further back from healing. He cannot give you what you want, there is no mixed signals. Edited June 28, 2013 by Carenth
TMichaels Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Don't know how many more "clues" that you need amkxoxo that this guy is trying to tell you that "he's not that into you" but unless you are incredibly thick, have a compulsion to play the martyr, or just plain sadistic, you've been provided more than enough to justify ending this once and for all. Have you noticed this guy is a master manipulator? He tells you to move on and then reels you back in with some sort of lame comment or gesture. You fall for it every time. On one hand, manipulative behavior is not common with someone who has depression, but on the other hand, do you have any objective proof that this guy has been actually diagnosed and is being treated for depressive disorder? It sounds as if all you know is what he's told you. Quite frankly, that wouldn't be good enough for me. But either way, if the guy is truly that ill, then he shouldn't be pursuing a relationship with you or anyone -- which BTW, is exactly what he's said to you in both his actions and his words -- yet, you're acting like the three wise monkeys regardless of what you seen, heard, or experienced. Get over it, amkxoxo and get over him. If your latest ill-advised attempt to see him wasn't enough of an eye-opener (which is surely should have been) then I think *you* need to seek the help of a mental health professional because this relationship isn't healthy and neither are you if you continue to pursue it. Best, TMichaels
HeavenOrHell Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I agree with this. Mentally ill or not, he's not treating you with much respect, and you're letting him. >Have you noticed this guy is a master manipulator? He tells you to move on and then reels you back in with some sort of lame comment or gesture. You fall for it every time.<
Author amkxoxo Posted June 29, 2013 Author Posted June 29, 2013 Still can't believe all this went down the way it did. I'm distraught. I feel like I need about a weeks worth of sleep. I have so many bad memories now at my school. Heartbreak is such a hard thing. Like I sit and wonder....what if I had said "yes I love you" would things have been different. I can't question it because what's done is done and I think I did the right thing. What I'm still not sure about is communication between us. We said we would still talk but no communication has been made yet. I'm not in a rush but I just do t know if I should like text him when I feel comfortable. My mom thinks I should let him contact me. But if he doesn't hear from me he will probably think I want nothing to do with him and hate him, because I know him. I am so drained. I feel like every ounce of emotion has been sucked out of me. I'm emotionless to other peoples emotions because I'm internally dealing with a lot. It takes a lot to break down my barriers and he has gotten the furthest in my life. He said to me " don't put all your walls up again because of this" but to be honest I feel like I'm so guarded now my walls are high and full of bricks. My friend is like don't give him the satisfaction of it, but I literally can't help it. It just happened. I feel not wanted, I feel alone. I feel like I need to re start my life or re invent myself in a way and grow as a person but I'm so weak and sick of doing it. I have a good life I'm healthy and I have great family and friends but beyond all that I feel like my life is so sad. I'm just sad.
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