4-months later still up & down and dumper keeps the connection alive

[hoping2heal]

Hoping,

 

I understand and thanks for the comment.

 

She's an attractive young lady, she doesn't need my attn. I'm sure there are plenty of dudes out there for her to flirt with. Is this all driven by flattery?

 

Would you turn down another hundred just because you've already got 3? She probably does get attention elsewhere but how many of them are her exes, still pining away after several months, giving her plenty of affirmation of just how desirable she is? You were with her for 4 months. You have no idea how attention seeking she is at heart. Believe me I have seen and known much worse from women.

 

How long does flattery carry on to make her feel good. So in her head a light bulb goes off and she says I'm in need of some positive reinforcement today let me text you know who. He'll give me my fix today.

 

So basically I'm just a reliable source of flattery that she goes to when needed?

 

You're a reliable for source for the best kind of flattery. The ex who can't get over you that's written about in songs and plastered all over t.v. and movies. You're not just any garden variety flattery. No, your flattery is special in what it represents.

 

Does she respect me hmm, Idk, I don't think I've ever been a sucker or doormat. I've pushed back when she has disrespected me in the past.

 

I guess its time for me to decide to bury this for good.

 

I can just ignore her or respond to the next breadcrumb telling her to leave me alone b/c I'm not interested in being her pen pal any longer.

 

I don't think what she's doing is respectful. That's up to you to decide what you will and won't tolerate.

[sprucegoose]

Why even care what her motivations are? Does it keep your hopes alive for getting back together? She reaches out to you for everything except for the one thing you want (I assume anyways). So trying to figure what her motivations are is futile. Why not try to focus on what you want, instead of what she wants.

[BC1980]

I would not waste time worrying about her motives. It doesn't really matter because her actions are speaking for her. If she wanted to be with you, she would find a way. Her motives are much more simple than you think.

 

I have had the same experience you are having with your ex. Once you pull away and start living your own life, the ex's ego is hurt. I remember going on vacation for the first time without my ex, and he was dumbfounded. He was jealous I guess. Upset that I wasn't sitting around crying about him. I wouldn't text him for days, and, wouldn't you know, after a few days I'd get the obligatory "just checking up on you" text or the "good morning. Have a good day" text. This board is littered with people who have had the same types of breadcrumbs.

 

I was like you, trying to figure out his motives, twisting my mind into a pretzel. The thing is this. You have to have enough self respect not to settle for these breadcrumbs. I am done wasting my time on a man who is ""not sure" or "just needs more time" after 3 yrs. I am done compromising what I want and making myself stressed because of another person. That is the strongest and most attractive statement you can make to someone. That you are not a doormat. Then, if they want you back, you won't even be interested.

[StraylightRun24]

Better Late,

 

You've gotten some real good advice in this thread so I won't repeat any of it. All I'm going to say is you deserve much better than these stupid breadcrumbs she's been throwing you. From the little I know about you from this site you seem like a real stand up guy and don't deserve this sort of thing from her any longer, but at the end of the day it comes down to you to stop allowing her to have this sway over you.

[OrangeSnack]

Can I just say Tara is a gutless SOB, in a good way of course. :cool:

[BLo7687]

Take it from my experience, my ex was back to breadcrumbing me for the past few weeks. Always bringing up old feelings/old memories and this is while he has a girlfriend. I seriously had to cut that **** off again. I was not trying to be in a love triangle. He was holding me back again and I'm mad at myself for even allowing it. I really hope he got the picture. These past 6 months has been a roller coaster. Probably the hardest thing I had to do in awhile but I'm back to NC.

[TaraMaiden]

Can I just say Tara is a gutless SOB, in a good way of course. :cool:

 

I'll take it as a compliment.

 

I think....