jadeBroxton Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I have been "dating" this man for a month, and all was going well, he treats me nice, tells me i'm awesome, we spend alot of time together, we are not at the bf gf stage but have agreed to be exclusive. Then the incident happened, we were at a party for his family and a drunken family friend was all over him, he told her he was there with me and she was acting in appropriately, but she continued, when we got in the car to go home he bluntly asked why i didnt save him? my response was that was for you to shut down not me, you dont consider me your girl friend and i didnt feel that I was in the right to make a scene at your family's party over it. I was very open that i felt hurt and embarrassed by it, but the next day there she is on his facebook. I discussed it with him and let him know I wasn't cool with that, he responded by stating she was just a family friend and he was only interested in me, he had no interest in her. For me my fight or flight instinct says run and run far and fast, i'm confused, do i take him at his word or get the heck out?
Author jadeBroxton Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 I should trust the gut and run then, thanks for the input.
Estate Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I have been "dating" this man for a month, and all was going well, he treats me nice, tells me i'm awesome, we spend alot of time together, we are not at the bf gf stage but have agreed to be exclusive. Then the incident happened, we were at a party for his family and a drunken family friend was all over him, he told her he was there with me and she was acting in appropriately, but she continued, when we got in the car to go home he bluntly asked why i didnt save him? my response was that was for you to shut down not me, you dont consider me your girl friend and i didnt feel that I was in the right to make a scene at your family's party over it. I was very open that i felt hurt and embarrassed by it, but the next day there she is on his facebook. I discussed it with him and let him know I wasn't cool with that, he responded by stating she was just a family friend and he was only interested in me, he had no interest in her. For me my fight or flight instinct says run and run far and fast, i'm confused, do i take him at his word or get the heck out? Way too much drama. He's with you, he rejected her advances. If she's friends of friends he probably has to at least acknowledge her presence but made it clear he's with you. If you'd dump him for this, then I give up. 2
Lansing Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Wow, some people really are "jaded"... I don't see him doing anything wrong at all.. Why are you not at the "bf/gf" stage because he doesn't use the word "this is my girlfriend"? Maybe he doesn't want to scare you off by calling you his GF and is waiting for you to refer to him as your BF. I think you are really jumping to conclusions. Maybe you don't want to really be with this guy and are looking for any excuse to leave him. 2
MidwestUSA Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 my response was that was for you to shut down not me, you dont consider me your girl friend You took this opportunity to express your anger over not having the title "girlfriend". Her drunken approach was nothing he could help; the only embarrassed one should be her. In order to be in a relationship, you'll need to learn to let incidents like this roll off your shoulders. For now, you'd Better address this silly nonsense of needing the bf/GF title. 1
Miss_Contemplating Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Ask him why weren't they friend on fb before, since she is such a good family friend. Why did it have to happen the night she was all over him? Does he know he is sending her mixed signals because of accepting her request (or did he add her, and wants you to react)? Does he know how he further makes you look after accepting her request? Also, how did he ''defend'' himself? No offence, but if anyone doesn't like anyone's advanced, they can definitely be straight up about it and end it (unless it's becoming violent). Especially if it's a family party, I would say anyone would be more embarrassed to get pick up at a family party.
MidwestUSA Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Ask him why weren't they friend on fb before, since she is such a good family friend. Why did it have to happen the night she was all over him? Does he know he is sending her mixed signals because of accepting her request (or did he add her, and wants you to react)? Does he know how he further makes you look after accepting her request? Also, how did he ''defend'' himself? No offence, but if anyone doesn't like anyone's advanced, they can definitely be straight up about it and end it (unless it's becoming violent). Especially if it's a family party, I would say anyone would be more embarrassed to get pick up at a family party. This is adding pointless drama to pointless drama. This guy will dump her if she blasts him with these questions. Men do not over analyze and read something where there is nothing.
Author jadeBroxton Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 Wow I feel like I'm under attack, we are not at the bf-gf stage because he is not ready, i respect that and don't pressure him about it, my confusion comes from the fact that if she is a family friend why did she pick that night to add him to facebook and not before? I feel like I may be jumping the gun, on deciding to walk away, but I'm hurt and reacting while hurt and nonobjective often leads to mistakes. I don't understand a man's thought process and was very open with how I felt about it, i was just looking for input that was objective and consenses seems clear men think im over reacting, women don't. He had stated the if the roles were reversed he would have been all over the guy and wouldn't like that i added him to facebook.
Estate Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Wow I feel like I'm under attack, we are not at the bf-gf stage because he is not ready, i respect that and don't pressure him about it, my confusion comes from the fact that if she is a family friend why did she pick that night to add him to facebook and not before? I feel like I may be jumping the gun, on deciding to walk away, but I'm hurt and reacting while hurt and nonobjective often leads to mistakes. I don't understand a man's thought process and was very open with how I felt about it, i was just looking for input that was objective and consenses seems clear men think im over reacting, women don't. He had stated the if the roles were reversed he would have been all over the guy and wouldn't like that i added him to facebook. Like.... SHE is acting like an idiot... But the guy was pretty clear about his intentions.... seriously, if you are this irrational and fickle, then walk away, he can do better.... there's no need to be "THAT" girl.
starrynightz45 Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 1. Ask him about it - hey, if she's a family friend, how come she just added you THAT night and not before? 2. I'm half with you on this, and half not. While I wouldn't call it quits over this - I think that's a bit extreme - I would also be bothered by it. Why the hell should you be responsible to shut it down? If he didn't like her advances, he should have made that clear. Maybe move to another area of the party, come stand/sit with you, etc to kind of get her off his back. Seems like he just sat there and let it happen and expected you to "save" him. He's a grown man. BUT with that said, I don't think I'd end things with a guy over this - it is a bit of an awkward situation that I don't think he handled 100% properly, but he did say he is into you, not her. Just talk to him about it but DROP the anger first. Be rational and calm.
SoulJazzBlues Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Yeah, the 'Im not your girlfriend' comment was uncalled for. What does a title have to do with anything? You like him, he likes you, this girl was acting inappropriately. You could have reacted in several ways a) put YOUR arms around him and coyly taken him away, planted a kiss on his mouth, made a joke etc. Anything to lighten the mood WHILE clearly showing this friend that this is your guy. I don't think it was a red flag moment at all
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