UVict Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I've lost my edge since yesterday. I was solid on how I felt about my ex, and how I was going to deal with her if/when it happens. I felt so confident that I bought new clothes, shoes, shaved, haircut. Feeling awesome about myself and just to look like a confident single man, no aims to pick up just look smart and sharp, go out with friends and have a good time. In my last counseling session my counselor and I both agreed that I had made great progress. I told him the worst is behind me, its not an issue anymore (all the being used, cheated on emotions). All that is left is wait for time to pass for the random thoughts/memories to fade away. He suggested I don't stay too angry about, even if it was what was keeping me so strong. One day to look back at my ex as a whole, not just the past 3 months. Something about that made me forget my solid reasoning to hate her - to protect myself. Since then my resolve has faded away, even to the point of wondering if I could be friends with her. As a result I've stalked her facebook and email again for some stupid reason. I still seem to care or something to do with this. But then it hurts and I feel stupid because why am i still thinking about her? I can be fairly sure she's not thinking about me, she's enjoying her new boyfriend.I've just lost that strong feeling against her and confidence I had... just a big stuff up...
Own Worst Enemy Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 you were never going to make a slow and steady recovery; you are talking about feelings. they come and go; they rush up and crash down; they chase their tails in circles... if you're about 3 months in, it's probably starting to sink in that it's really over, and that acceptance is far and away the hardest, worst bit. it hurts far more than them telling you it's over, because you can cushion yourself from that at first by thinking they'll realise they made a mistake, or they'll be back. acceptance is a nightmare process, because it's so very final. so don't beat yourself up. look at how amazingly well you've done and how far you've come. accept that feelings are transient and you'll feel differently again soon. and never ever check up on her. no good can come of that. sympathy fistbumps. our situations SUCK. but we won't feel like this forever. 3
Sneaky Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 It's okay, you can just start again. I don't know much but it might help to just stay off facebook for a while all together if possible so you won't even be tempted to just have a quick look. That's what I'm doing with the social media me and my ex both share as well. 1
aloneinaz Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 You had a set back, nothing more, nothing less. It happens. Healing isn't a straight line. It ebbs and flows. You've taken many good steps to improve yourself and your life. How long did you two go out? I have to ask, why on earth would you not of blocked her on Facebook and any other media? I'm approaching the one month period and I'm so glad I did NC. At three months, have you considered starting to find your next great relationship? Someone of the opposite sex to hang out with, go to dinner with or a movie? If not, how come? Doesn't it anger you that she's with someone else and you're sitting home still thinking about a person who doesn't want you in their life? 1
Author UVict Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 you were never going to make a slow and steady recovery; you are talking about feelings. they come and go; they rush up and crash down; they chase their tails in circles... if you're about 3 months in, it's probably starting to sink in that it's really over, and that acceptance is far and away the hardest, worst bit. it hurts far more than them telling you it's over, because you can cushion yourself from that at first by thinking they'll realise they made a mistake, or they'll be back. acceptance is a nightmare process, because it's so very final. so don't beat yourself up. look at how amazingly well you've done and how far you've come. accept that feelings are transient and you'll feel differently again soon. and never ever check up on her. no good can come of that. sympathy fistbumps. our situations SUCK. but we won't feel like this forever. It's technically been 3 months, but we were still in contact for reasons such as her suicidal thoughts and needing someone (looking back should have stopped after the suicide support). It has been 3 weeks since she left the country to be overseas with her new online bf. In that period I have been NC and on the whole has worked great, only a couple of slight slip ups such as checking facebook etc, but nothing serious. As I discussed with my counselor the other day, I have put the worst behind me (all that happened, the lies, being used as a back up etc). It's in the past and no point going on about it. The point he said not to be jaded about all women (which I wouldn't do anyway, everyone else is an individual), so don't hold onto the anger I was using as my motivation to be rock solid to never talk to her or ever see her again, even if/when she calls me being suicidal. I think just mentioning that changed my position that to be at ease with my ex. He went on to say just pretend that she is just another person, don't let that anger/past I'm using as my motivation to keep strong and positive show if/when I have to deal with her in the future. Thank you for your support. I slept on it and feeling better today, not quite as awesome as the last few days, but not beating myself up like yesterday. I look forward to bowling tonight with a girl from uni. You had a set back, nothing more, nothing less. It happens. Healing isn't a straight line. It ebbs and flows. You've taken many good steps to improve yourself and your life. How long did you two go out? I have to ask, why on earth would you not of blocked her on Facebook and any other media? I'm approaching the one month period and I'm so glad I did NC. At three months, have you considered starting to find your next great relationship? Someone of the opposite sex to hang out with, go to dinner with or a movie? If not, how come? Doesn't it anger you that she's with someone else and you're sitting home still thinking about a person who doesn't want you in their life? I know its just a bad day. I had an amazing past week and half-ish. I've been out wit new people/friends form uni and caught up with old friends too. I've been working out daily and feeling better for it. Tonight I'm going bowling with a girl from uni, so chin up. We were together for 2 years, we lived together for a majority of that time, in either her share house and the last 6 months our own place, just the 2 of us. Technically we broke up in February. I moved out in April, 3 weeks of NC then she called me saying she was suicidal. That turned into essentially living with her until she left for a overseas holiday to be with her new online bf. That was 3 weeks ago, since she left the country I have been NC (besides the 2 little peaks at her facebook, for god knows why). So depends which way you want to look at it. We did break up about 3 months ago, but we were still using each other as comforts (she set up this overseas bf of hers), as for a full break up not seeing each other that only started 3 weeks ago. Like I said above, I am going out with new people, but I feel that is just to keep me busy. I don't think I'm completely over my ex to date other girls just yet (though I have made progress in that I don't find my ex attractive anymore, and seeing other girls as attractive). I'm happy to just go out to dinner, movies etc for fun to make new friends. Yes, it does bother me that I know while she is overseas she is having an amazing time with this new bf. It shouldn't but I know too much about to not think about it, sometimes. I talked to my counselor about this, because I have accepted what happened and not too phased by it anymore. I am annoyed that despite being over all the horrible things that happened, and going out having fun with other girls, I still have the occasional memory/thought of her for no reason. My counselor told me that is understandable, considering we were together for 2 years, and most of that was living together - just have to give it time for those memories to fade away. I know its a process that is going to take time to pass. It's just me being a little impatient I guess? I have worked past and dealt with the worst part of it, and accept its done and in the past. Just assumed that once I realised all this logically that the memories would disappear fairly quickly afterwards too.
aloneinaz Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Dude, Give yourself a BIG pat on the back. You've been through a lot with this woman post break up. Most of us on here are lucky in that we break up and DON'T have to see them or talk to them anymore. I think this is really key to get past the end of the relationship. I really think you need to BLOCK her on Facebook and cut the remaining ties to her for your own further healing. When my ex and I broke up, I blocked her the same day I got home from her place with my things. I wanted a clean break and planned on disappearing from her life. I'm glad I did that. 1
Author UVict Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 Dude, Give yourself a BIG pat on the back. You've been through a lot with this woman post break up. Most of us on here are lucky in that we break up and DON'T have to see them or talk to them anymore. I think this is really key to get past the end of the relationship. I really think you need to BLOCK her on Facebook and cut the remaining ties to her for your own further healing. When my ex and I broke up, I blocked her the same day I got home from her place with my things. I wanted a clean break and planned on disappearing from her life. I'm glad I did that. Thank you so much. I'll agree its much easier when it just ends, thats it never see them again. But not that easy when a house, and other things are involved. But 99% of that is dealt with. I just realised the other day she still has my Literacy textbook, which I will need in a couple of weeks. I know I have to deal with her about that and telling her I want my space at uni as we will be taking the same Literacy class, and she is under the impression that we will still be friends and need someone to sit next to (she doesn't have any friends in second year). However I am prepared for this, and after last nights freak out, I feel cool about that last talk that needs to happen. As for facebook, I have deleted her. The only way I can see her stuff is to log into her account, as I know her password (I hate admitting this. Same password for everything). It has only happened twice for curiousity of her trip. Curiosity killed the cat But I'm solid now that I'm back on the up, I won't be tempted. It's only when I'm having a bad day I get tempted, and most of the time I can restrain myself. Every other means of contact I have removed.
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