ottoline Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Unfortunately I've been in contact with my ex recently. He sent me an email about how he doesn't love his new girlfriend as much as me and he doesn't think he ever will; she's not his soulmate. But at the same time he isn't going to "just come running back to me anytime soon." When I asked him if soon meant years, he said "no, I just mean not this week." He says that he doesn't want to hurt his new girlfriend and that it would create trouble for all of his new friends because they all think they're such a good fit. He said that he's obsessing about me more than ever before but that she likes him just the way he is and for now that's what he wants...except it's not what he wants...he's confused. He went away for the weekend with her and told me after that he wished it had been with me. All of this stuff is nice to hear at the time I guess but then it just eats away at me. I have to do NC, right? That's the only way to feel better? And is he just manipulating me? Should I be angry at him for saying these things?
Sheilalou008 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Unfortunately I've been in contact with my ex recently. He sent me an email about how he doesn't love his new girlfriend as much as me and he doesn't think he ever will; she's not his soulmate. But at the same time he isn't going to "just come running back to me anytime soon." When I asked him if soon meant years, he said "no, I just mean not this week." He says that he doesn't want to hurt his new girlfriend and that it would create trouble for all of his new friends because they all think they're such a good fit. He said that he's obsessing about me more than ever before but that she likes him just the way he is and for now that's what he wants...except it's not what he wants...he's confused. He went away for the weekend with her and told me after that he wished it had been with me. All of this stuff is nice to hear at the time I guess but then it just eats away at me. I have to do NC, right? That's the only way to feel better? And is he just manipulating me? Should I be angry at him for saying these things? Total mind games. If he really was that miserable and wanted out, he would leave. If he wanted you, nothing would stop him. Not new friends or their feelings. He is keeping you on the back burner. I would suggest that you take yourself out of this drama and do not speak to him. No anger, just let it go. When someone loves you for real, they do not play games or compare you to their new girlfriend. They would be with you. Re read what you just wrote and see it as someone else writing it. What would you think? 1
Zahara Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Isn't this the biggest pile of horseshyyt. She's not his "soulmate" and he doesn't love her as much as he loves you, but still chooses to be with her because he doesn't want to hurt her? I guess you weren't that special and your feelings were unimportant to him when he easily dumped you for her, eh? Didn't consider you then, did he? But you mean so much to him. Oh, but wait...he ain't coming back anytime soon for you. That's how much you mean to him. I'm sure when he was away with her, they had sex together, showers together, meals together, typical lovers vacation away, but so sad, his mind was all about you. How wonderful this man is to make you feel so wanted and loved. Get yourself back to NC. Only when he's knocking on your door, single and begging for you to be in his life again do you consider opening the door. Other than that, he's placing you in his pocket as a backup plan.
hoping2heal Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Unfortunately I've been in contact with my ex recently. He sent me an email about how he doesn't love his new girlfriend as much as me and he doesn't think he ever will; she's not his soulmate. But at the same time he isn't going to "just come running back to me anytime soon." When I asked him if soon meant years, he said "no, I just mean not this week." He says that he doesn't want to hurt his new girlfriend and that it would create trouble for all of his new friends because they all think they're such a good fit. He said that he's obsessing about me more than ever before but that she likes him just the way he is and for now that's what he wants...except it's not what he wants...he's confused. He went away for the weekend with her and told me after that he wished it had been with me. All of this stuff is nice to hear at the time I guess but then it just eats away at me. I have to do NC, right? That's the only way to feel better? And is he just manipulating me? Should I be angry at him for saying these things? WOW what a jerk. Firstly, what a load of crap if I ever heard it. He supposedly wants you so bad, is obsessing over you..but oh wait. Secondly, what kind of an ass hat talks like that about someone he's dating? Imagine what he must have/ would say about you. Yes it's mind games and this guy is a lying pile of rubbish.
Bozena Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Girl what are you talking about? This isn't even mind games. The guy is just an @sshole. He just wants to reassure his ego, that you are there and still waiting for you. Of course he doesn't care not for you not even for his girlfriend. And these things sound so surreal, that I could bet that he has made a bet with his friends and they are all laughing over you. Please, give me a break and make me a favor don't talk to him again. What does it mean that his friends are telling him that he is a better fit and he cannot leave her. And why did you ask him when will he return? You should have just tell him that "This is your problem if you don't fit with your girlfriend and not mine and I don't see any reason of making contact with me. I am not a psychologist or something". Please people have dignity at least
Author ottoline Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 Yes -- I did say, "but you're hurting me," and he said "we hurt each other, it's different." I guess he sees her as doing nothing wrong and not deserving this kind of pain. But I guess he thinks that I hurt him. I broke up with him before because of his alcoholism and was reluctant to get back together with him, to be 'exclusive' or 'official' again, and I guess he saw that as stringing him along. Although we were effectively back together. I think he thought I was hurting him and didn't care about him. I did, but I just was waiting for him to show me that he could stay sober and get his life back together. He's been sober for 2 years and I really was planning on making things 'official' again but I guess he could only wait for so long. So that's probably why he said that. I guess he thinks that I deserve this kind of pain for hurting him. Maybe I do. I don't know. I should've just gotten 'officially' back together with him but I just had so many worries because people told me it is such a hard life to be with an alcoholic.
Echo000 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 im going to be straight with you. In my opinion, you DID string him along. He wanted to be exclusive with you and said that over and over, and you rejected him over and over. To add insult to injury, you showed him just how nonexclusive you wanted to be by making out with other guys and letting him find out about it..uhh wtf???? You did this guy serious damage, and now you want him back and to be official simply because he is taken. Yes, i know you are going to say no thats not it its because i love him. Yes, i believe you have love for him. But this whole time it has always been about you--and he got tired of it and found someone who would would also focus on him. I am sure you are not a bad person, you dont sound like a bad person at all. But you need to stop having people tell you what you want to hear, and see the situation as it is. You chose not to be with him. He found someone else. Now you are saying he is playing mind games? sounds like he just grew tired of your rejection. Kuddos to him, getting out of a relationship in which you are strung along is extremely difficult and he succeeded.
JDPT Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 He says that he doesn't want to hurt his new girlfriend and that it would create trouble for all of his new friends because they all think they're such a good fit You would agree that this is boarder line disrespectful to you correct? To my understanding he is looking for a comfortable familiar place and he finds that with you. It also appears to me that you are no longer priority as he "doesn't want to hurt his new girlfriend" and is way too concern with what his friends may think. Respect yourself a little more than that, be strong, and take a stand. Oh and to answer your question, YES big time mind games.
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