Heartbroken Eagle Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Hello again. Dealing with a BU after 12 years (She joined a dating agency & had an affair) with a 7 year old son. She is now on her 2nd BF, and he is now staying over at her home. However, on Sunday when I spoke to my son, the first thing he said to me was I saw mummy kissing her new boyfriend in the kitchen because they love each other!!! I felt sick in the stomach but carried on with the conversation with him. When I did finish with him, I sent a text to my ex telling her to consider my son's feelings. Natrually she did not reply. The following day, again another struggle to contact my son, I spoke to him but he sounded very distant on the phone. Later, after much avoidance on her part, I managed to speak to her to discuss issues about my son and about collecting him this weekend. I did not mention about the previous day incident. For once it was civilised. I can't help feeling that she made my son deliberately tell me about the kitchen incident to get at me. With her past form it would not surprise me. I trying not to let her know that it hurts but deep down it's killing me. Unfortunately, she knows it too... I should be celebrating that this woman is no longer in my life but that is the last thing I feel at the moment. Any hints on Limited Contact please.
BrianG Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Eagle, I am dealing with a similar situation with the mother of my son and what I do that works best for me and may help you is to treat the mother of your son as a business. Which means act like a professional at all times with her and only discuss matters or concerns that have to do with your son and his well being. Do not discuss your feelings, or anything else in regards to your previous relationship. Strictly only matters that have to do with your son and thats it! I know it sucks, trust me, I'm right there with you. One day we will find the serenity to accept the things that we cannot control. In the meantime there is nothing you can do about her or her new bf, but what you can control and should focus on is the well being of your son and being a great dad. So like I said, treat her like a business acquaintance and be civil in your exchanges with your son. If you have nothing nice to say its best to not say anything at all around your son, as that is not beneficial to his development. Other than that keep all discussions focused strictly on your son, and I know it really sucks biting the bullet sometimes, but be professional and be the better person. Parenting is a long haul and one day he will respect you for that. Hope this helps
Author Heartbroken Eagle Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 Brian, Thanks for your reply. You are right, that is the only way I can deal with this woman in the future. I still get so frustrated at the way she still lies to me and treat me with so little respect but now realise it's just pointless and just let it go by. Also Brian, I had read your earlier post and admire the way you kept your dignity under the circumstances. I'm sure that I will face similar situations as yours in the future and hope I can deal with it in the same measured way as you, despite how much it truly hurts. My focus must now be solely on my son. He will always need his Dad, even if I cannot be there every day for him. Good Luck mate and once again cheers....
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