CT98 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Hi all, posting here to help myself get some things off my chest and take some advice and generally help myself through this tough time. I'm a 24 year old male my ex is 18. Was with her for nearly 18 months, and they were a really great 18 months, I think the best time of my life. About 6 weeks ago I recieved a text from her to say it was best that we weren't together anymore, as you can imagine I was shocked and distraught. At the time I thought after about a week she would change her mind, but no such luck! I will admit that I cried and pleaded with her to take me back, which of course she told me no! She states that my jealousy and possesiveness ruined it, which at the time I couldn't see, but now I can, and I can understand why she was forced to end it. I had been in no contact for about a month when I recieved a text out of the blue to ask how I was, I replied saying that I was alright, just trying to adjust to everything. The texts kept on coming and eventually we agreed to meet up on my birthday, obviously I was completely over the moon with this! Despite being in a state of disbelief that this was actually happening to me. She told me that she had only just read a letter I wrote to her a week after the break up and it had made her cry. We arranged to do something the next day, and I thought that my dream of getting back with her was actually coming true. I felt that during the second meet up things weren't quite as I was expecting them to be, she seemed a bit distant and I could just feel something inside wasn't right. I waited until the next day to ring her and find out what was going on, she explained that she really wanted to have the same feelings for me that she used to, but she couldn't make herself, this of course broke my heart whilst also leaving me feeling confused. What could she mean by this? I am totally and utterly distraught and depressed, I am trying so hard to be positive, and believe that everything works out for the best in the end, but the pain in my chest is almost unbearable, I can't focus on anything apart from her. I know I need to move on but there's always a little bit of me hoping still that she will get her love back for me. I guess I started this thread as a means of getting some things off my chest. Some encouragement right now would be brilliant. I just want to know that everything is going to be OK. Thanks
Mack05 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 (edited) Sometimes answers from others posters are so good you don't need to add anything else. Taken from another thread from the first lady of Loveshack Taramaiden..Your story is different but the overall fundamentals are the same. Try absorb the advice given below. Don't do what so many other people on her do and think anyone else have a better answer. This is the best answer you are going to get. Read it, absorb it and move on.. The age gap is nothing. I'm 5 years older than my H and there are others on this forum who have similar gaps in age; some more even. The age gap IS an issue when she's still a teenager. Let me break this to you swiftly: Her brain's not finished forming yet: She's not what is colloquially known as 'fully cooked' yet. She's not capable of particular thinking which requires logic, rationale, foresight or calculation. That said, she's young, and in all probability has moved away from you, which for someone of her age, is inevitable. Her tastes, needs, expectations and wishes are going to naturally change, and she's expanding and growing. She needs more life experience and needs to stretch her wings a bit and fly. And commitment to you is far too much for someone of her age, far too soon. And your level of attention is inhibiting, restrictive and is suffocating her. Your dependence on her - - Is self-inhibiting, destructive and crippling. A person should never be dependent on another person for their personal happiness and validation. That's a dependency that will always 'end in tears'. And listen: You can't get her back. It's not on you to get her back. You can't do that. Coming back, is on her. She walked out, she's got to be the one walking back in. And read the No Contact Guide link -> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/366654-caliguy-no-contact-guide-updated You'll see the Guide itself is in the first post. But the remainder of the thread is equally informative. Edited June 25, 2013 by Mack05
Author CT98 Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 I promise you completely that I am not the same poster.
Author CT98 Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 If this isn't your thread under a different account than there are more 24yr old guys going out with high school girls than I ever imagined. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/403415-edge You seem to be looking for conflint in your reply. Does the fact she's younger than me make my love for her any less strong? Does that mean I'm less heartbroken? I came to this site looking for help and support. Not belittlement.
Author CT98 Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 Sometimes answers from others posters are so good you don't need to add anything else. Taken from another thread from the first lady of Loveshack Taramaiden..Your story is different but the overall fundamentals are the same. Try absorb the advice given below. Don't do what so many other people on her do and think anyone else have a better answer. This is the best answer you are going to get. Read it, absorb it and move on.. Thanks, I guess implementing NC is the best option. I now need to find the bravery/strength within myself to start. I think this involves me accepting it really is over for good; something I've not been able to accept up until this point. I've always had a nagging feeling that she was going to change her mind, I think I'm beginning to accept that isn't the case now.
Sheilalou008 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 You seem to be looking for conflint in your reply. Does the fact she's younger than me make my love for her any less strong? Does that mean I'm less heartbroken? I came to this site looking for help and support. Not belittlement. It is so hard when someone is in their teens. I know when I was done, I was done. It is difficult to have your heart broken, no matter what age it is at. It never gets easier. Just focus on yourself. You are young and have so much more to look forward to. I promise that this isn't the end all be all of love. Does it suck? Hell yeah. Does it get better? YES! Just try and hang with friends, find something to make the days go by faster and before you know it you will be feeling better. Take it easy. We are all here to chat and give advice.
Author CT98 Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 It is so hard when someone is in their teens. I know when I was done, I was done. It is difficult to have your heart broken, no matter what age it is at. It never gets easier. Just focus on yourself. You are young and have so much more to look forward to. I promise that this isn't the end all be all of love. Does it suck? Hell yeah. Does it get better? YES! Just try and hang with friends, find something to make the days go by faster and before you know it you will be feeling better. Take it easy. We are all here to chat and give advice. Thank you for this. I was in a 4 year relationship before I met this girl, and I do remember being heartbroken when it ended, strangely though only for a couple of weeks, I guess my love for this girl was A LOT stronger, and overall, I felt it was a much more fulfilling relationship and in my mind was A LOT healthier than my first one. I guess I know that one day I wil meet someone else, I just cannot for my life imagine being with anyone else at this time. I suppose I just have to pass the time and ride out the storm, I have no idea where my life is going to go now, because I saw no reason that we wouldn't be together for the rest of my life. I am trying to believe though that despite this pain I will be OK one day. 1
Author CT98 Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 Nowhere in my posts (either in this topic or the other) did I even so much as imply that. Her age doesn't make your love any less strong however it does make it likely she does not feel the same. It's not a matter of her being younger, it's how young. Most teenagers are simply not ready for the kinds of relationships older people are nor are they prepared to openly and honestly address and work out their feelings or concerns. More importantly, teenage girls have a habit of vacillating between emotions and can either love hard...or not at all. No one is belittling anyone here, it's just a fact of life that an 18 year old girl is not likely a good candidate for an LTR with an older man. Selfishly however, you talk about the strength of your love and your heartache. What about her feelings? Maybe she realized this relationship was headed in a direction she wasn't ready for? I know she loved me at one point, so I guess that she just fell out of love with me, it hurts but that's the way it is. I don't think I'm being selfish though? I can't help feeling like this. I do want her to be happy, I just really wanted her to be happy with me.
Sheilalou008 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Thank you for this. I was in a 4 year relationship before I met this girl, and I do remember being heartbroken when it ended, strangely though only for a couple of weeks, I guess my love for this girl was A LOT stronger, and overall, I felt it was a much more fulfilling relationship and in my mind was A LOT healthier than my first one. I guess I know that one day I wil meet someone else, I just cannot for my life imagine being with anyone else at this time. I suppose I just have to pass the time and ride out the storm, I have no idea where my life is going to go now, because I saw no reason that we wouldn't be together for the rest of my life. I am trying to believe though that despite this pain I will be OK one day. Darlin, you are young and you have so much love to give out in your life. You are just beginning that stage of your life. At 24 I was with the father of my child and within 2 years we were done...that was over a decade ago and know what? I have changed so much and loved others so much more since. I am not even close to the person I was at that age. At 18? Good God, I dont even want to think of how cruel I was to boyfriends. It wasn't a good place at all. Trust us. Let it hurt and be sad for a while. I promise that things will get better and you will find someone you love even more. I know it is hard to see that now and you are no where near ready but in time it will all come together for you. Go for girls a bit older than you...it really does make a difference... <3
Author CT98 Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 Darlin, you are young and you have so much love to give out in your life. You are just beginning that stage of your life. At 24 I was with the father of my child and within 2 years we were done...that was over a decade ago and know what? I have changed so much and loved others so much more since. I am not even close to the person I was at that age. At 18? Good God, I dont even want to think of how cruel I was to boyfriends. It wasn't a good place at all. Trust us. Let it hurt and be sad for a while. I promise that things will get better and you will find someone you love even more. I know it is hard to see that now and you are no where near ready but in time it will all come together for you. Go for girls a bit older than you...it really does make a difference... <3 I remember when I first started seeing her I was very cautious about the age, but as I fell in love with her it didn't matter one bit, and I don't think it was ever an issue throughout our relationship. Maybe it's her age, my behaviour, or maybe a combination of both that caused her to end it.
Sheilalou008 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I remember when I first started seeing her I was very cautious about the age, but as I fell in love with her it didn't matter one bit, and I don't think it was ever an issue throughout our relationship. Maybe it's her age, my behaviour, or maybe a combination of both that caused her to end it. More than likely it is a combo. Relationships at that age rarely last forever. Don't over analyze it too much cus there just aren't answers to all the questions. I just meant that at her age her feelings are all over the place. You seem like a great guy and I have zero doubts that you will find someone who will compliment you in the future.
Author CT98 Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 No one is saying she didn't love you at some point, however the sooner you realize she no longer feels that way the sooner you will begin to heal. It's good that you want her to be happy and it's unfortunate that she can't be with you but that's where things stand. Yeah, the thing that confused me though was that she said she wanted to love me and wanted us to be good together again. I mean, what the hell does that mean?
Author CT98 Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 More than likely it is a combo. Relationships at that age rarely last forever. Don't over analyze it too much cus there just aren't answers to all the questions. I just meant that at her age her feelings are all over the place. You seem like a great guy and I have zero doubts that you will find someone who will compliment you in the future. Thanks. Do you know what, I am a great guy, and I did give her a lot, and I just really hope that she takes something away from our relationship, and I'm sure she will.
Sheilalou008 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Thanks. Do you know what, I am a great guy, and I did give her a lot, and I just really hope that she takes something away from our relationship, and I'm sure she will. We always do take something from each relationship we are in. Just worry about you and what your next steps are.
Author CT98 Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 Sounds like mind games to me. You have to ask yourself, if that's what she really wanted why aren't you two together today? Exactly my thoughts, I really don't think she is the type to play mind games though, she's a very kind, mature and all round lovely person. Maybe there just isn't the spark for her anymore.
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