Exposing Websites

[underwater2010]

What is your opinion on exposure websites, websites specifically made to expost cheaters/APs?

 

Do you like them? Why or why not?

Keeping on topic. I think there is a reason for them along with the affair support forums.

 

To me they are a perfect way to out a serial cheater and/or OW/OM that goes after married people without a second thought.

 

Although I often wonder what happens when the information posted is false.

 

I would never post my spouse since we are reconciling. And to out his MOW would mean that I also have to post information on my FWH also. What is fair is fair.

 

On another note, nobody would have to worry about being exposed on those sites if they did not engage in that type of behavior in the first place.

[SmokeRat]

Foresight?

Consequences?

 

NO TO BOTH!

 

Blame shifting?

Shaming the BS for having a reaction to this level of betrayal?

 

YES TO BOTH!

 

There, explained it.

 

And this whole 'oh take the moral high ground' crap I see coming out of OM/OW on this site makes me gag.

 

I took the moral high ground the first time I caught my STBX with the MOM, I took the moral high ground the second, third, fourth and fifth time. And you know what? It didn't get me anywhere.

 

You know what got me somewhere? Exploding the affair all over the interwebs, to their workplace, to their friends, family, work fellows, sort of friends, my family, my friends, my workplace and so forth.

 

Even to this day, both my STBX and her MOM are feeling the consequences.

 

STBX was transferred to another school. MOM was taken down from his position as Department Head for the subjects he taught at the school, he's been excommunicated from his church (as well as his immediate family), he's lost the majority of his work colleagues as friends.

 

There are days I regret taking the 'low road' and posting on that site. There is, as I am not without empathy (hence why I took it down after he called begging me to). But I remind myself what they did to me.

 

All the gas lighting, all the blame shifting, all the false things my wife and he stated about me during their affairs and emails.

 

And you know what. **** the moral high ground in this instance.

[So happy together]

Foresight?

Consequences?

 

NO TO BOTH!

 

Blame shifting?

Shaming the BS for having a reaction to this level of betrayal?

 

YES TO BOTH!

 

There, explained it.

 

And this whole 'oh take the moral high ground' crap I see coming out of OM/OW on this site makes me gag.

 

I took the moral high ground the first time I caught my STBX with the MOM, I took the moral high ground the second, third, fourth and fifth time. And you know what? It didn't get me anywhere.

 

You know what got me somewhere? Exploding the affair all over the interwebs, to their workplace, to their friends, family, work fellows, sort of friends, my family, my friends, my workplace and so forth.

 

Even to this day, both my STBX and her MOM are feeling the consequences.

 

STBX was transferred to another school. MOM was taken down from his position as Department Head for the subjects he taught at the school, he's been excommunicated from his church (as well as his immediate family), he's lost the majority of his work colleagues as friends.

 

There are days I regret taking the 'low road' and posting on that site. There is, as I am not without empathy (hence why I took it down after he called begging me to). But I remind myself what they did to me.

 

All the gas lighting, all the blame shifting, all the false things my wife and he stated about me during their affairs and emails.

 

And you know what. **** the moral high ground in this instance.

 

Perhaps along with these sites there should be a sister site that allows the affair partner to explain why they felt the need/want to have an affair?

[janedoe67]

I had no idea anything like this existed. So, I googled and found one and on it was a photo of a nice girl next door looking gal. So, there was a little paragraph on her cheating. Guess what? The byotch or d-bag who reported her says she doesn't really know her personally, but she heard all about it from a girlfriend of hers. In other words, people are just going on there and writing crap like that without knowing the real story or even the person. Problem number 1 with websites like that.

 

As someone who has encountered an anonymous "helper" before invading her life, I can tell you that this kind of thing does happen.

 

I did eventually figure out who they were, and hubby and I are holding onto those cards in case we ever need them.

[SmokeRat]

I can explain why my STBX wanted to have an affair.

 

Pure selfishness. She even admitted that in the end, she did it because she was entitled to it and because she COULD.

 

Regardless, there is NO EXCUSE for having an affair. None at all. If you want to do that, then divorce first and have an affair second.

 

I'm curious to your reasons behind posting something like that statement.

 

Let's see what my STBX could call me out on:

 

-dedicated to my career, and sometimes, bringing home my day with me. But I'd like you to find an emergency services worker that doesn't bring those trauma's home with them.

 

-deathly, almost fanatically loyal, to my spouse.

 

-supported her in every single endeavour she wanted to attempt.

 

-her personal massage therapist, insulin technician, Type 1 Diabetes expert and I actually flew to Kansas to get certified to repair her Type 1 Insulin pump. $8,500.00 US dollars I'll never get back.

 

-provider of passionate, uninhibited love. Whatever she wanted, it was done. No questions, it was simply done.

 

-I built her, in this mans' honest opinion, the universes most amazing deck. I built it. With muscles and sweat and this mean looking table saw. It had a built in cooler and stuff.

 

 

While, sure a sister site where people explain why they had affairs, would be 'interesting'..................Oh wait, there is already a sister site. It's called Loveshack OM/OW forum, and it's filled with.........excuses and blame shifting.

[Summer Breeze]

I feel the same way about this as I do outing someone in an A. When my xH cheated on me I only told the people who would be directly involved when I left him. I had no desire for my business to be blasted through a small town.

 

As an OW it wouldn't really bother me. But I would make sure and have my voice heard in response. If dMMs W had posted me/us on one of those sites I'd have made sure and responded in kind. If she'd posted texts or emails that were embarrassing I'd have posted the ones that were very generic, every day, and full of the I love yous most were full of. If she wanted to make it look tawdry I could make it look very deep and meaningful. She had every right to do what she wanted and I would have too.

 

My biggest concern is the validity of the accusations. Even if you provide 'proof' I doubt the site masters were running all over verifying the A happened and everything was actual and not fabricated.

 

I don't put stock into sites like this and I probably would never know if I'd even been put on it.

[Artie Lang]

@SmokeRat

 

there was a website just like that. it was called doccool. the owner shut it down when one of the women on there posted how ridiculous and pathetic her husband looked when he found out. she made fun of the fact that he was devastated by it. the owner realized how heartless some of the POS were.

 

all the posters gave him sh*t for doing it, and were scrambling to delete their threads. they were worried someone was gonna hack into the site and get personal info. to "out" them. you should've seen it. it was akin to rats deserting a sinking ship. HILARIOUS!

 

 

as to your situation, it seems like your wife doesn't care enough about her reputation to stop f()cking this OM.

[SmokeRat]

Artie,

 

If you lived where I did, I'd buy you a pint and ask you to simply tell cool stories such as the above.

 

But I get the idea that they do bail like rats on a ship.

 

I remember my STBX sending her MOM a message one morning "he didn't take that good care of me today, definitely not one of his most shining moments. You could take care of me better could you?"

 

To my credit, the day she was speaking of was one where I just finished a 24hr shift with 3, 3 alarm fires, managed to get my boots off, draw her insulin and comment why she let her sugars drop so low while I was away.

[SmokeRat]

But back on the actual topic, I'll summarize with this:

 

You (being the WS and the OM/OW, MOM/MOW), forced this situation (violently) upon an innocent party. They had no say, no rights, no heads up. They were simply thrown into the fray and left to fend for themselves.

 

What recourse they take in this shattered state is incredibly unpredictable. So when they go off the deep end, and lash back at you with every shred of evidence, spite and vengeful cell in their body, you have NO RIGHT TO COMPLAIN. No right whatsoever.

 

You stomped all over their rights. Without a worry.

 

This is akin to someone murdering someone, and being thrown into a prison where they themselves might be murdered. And then screaming about THEIR RIGHTS. Sorry pal, you lost your rights when you decided to steal those away from someone else.

 

You cheat, you lose the right to common human decency. You cheat, whatever comes your way, tough bananas.

 

In my case, it was blowing the affair up with a few million tons of TNT and the interwebs.

[Southern Cal Dude]

While I don't sympathize with cheaters, putting them on the Internet is potentially dangerous for both of you.

[SmokeRat]

Any less dangerous then a spouse potentially exposing his/her mate to STD's from their affair partner?

 

Any less dangerous, that a spouse has an affair with a OM/OW that isn't all that correct in the head?

 

Any less dangerous, that a spouse has an affair, and the betrayed spouse goes over the deep end. Double murder/suicide anyone?

[Southern Cal Dude]

Any less dangerous then a spouse potentially exposing his/her mate to STD's from their affair partner?

 

Any less dangerous, that a spouse has an affair with a OM/OW that isn't all that correct in the head?

 

Any less dangerous, that a spouse has an affair, and the betrayed spouse goes over the deep end. Double murder/suicide anyone?

 

 

If you're both dead, then STDs are irrelevant at that point.

[JustAReformedGirl]

Any less dangerous then a spouse potentially exposing his/her mate to STD's from their affair partner?

 

Any less dangerous, that a spouse has an affair with a OM/OW that isn't all that correct in the head?

 

Any less dangerous, that a spouse has an affair, and the betrayed spouse goes over the deep end. Double murder/suicide anyone?

 

While I don't agree with it, I do admire your ruthless consistency on the matter. It's slightly frightening, I'll admit, but your perspective, while differing from my own, is still sound...

[SmokeRat]

I was drawing extremes.

 

The point being this:

 

I'm not saying that exposure doesn't come with risks, but it's funny that the BS is supposed to always consider the risks, while the AP and OM/OW are off fornicating like bunnies at the expense of the BS's sanity and well being.

[underwater2010]

Perhaps along with these sites there should be a sister site that allows the affair partner to explain why they felt the need/want to have an affair?

Oh they have them. Even if Docool was taken down to new postings, you can read the old ones. There are more out there all you have to do search.

[janedoe67]

I'm curious to your reasons behind posting something like that statement.

 

I am not sure if you directed this to me or not, but I will try answer.

 

As to the rest of your post...no matter what someone marriage is or isn't, there is NEVER an excuse to cheating. Cheating is wrong, period.

 

The reason I posted what I did is because some stranger who was to yellow to even identify themselves invaded mine and my husband's life with weird cryptic emails indicating that they "knew something" when there was nothing to know.

 

When the person I quoted mentioned that someone who didn't even know the cheater posted a bunch of hearsay it reminded me of that. If a BS wants to out their WS on a web site, that is their right I believe. It is not the right of someone I have never met to start invading my life with a bunch of speculations based on their own weird thinking. The previous poster's anecdote just sparked a memory. Strangers who track down other strangers smacks way more of neurosis than it does nobility.

[MissBee]

While I don't sympathize with cheaters, putting them on the Internet is potentially dangerous for both of you.

 

That's how I see it too. It's like you essentially get your hands dirty too and potentially put yourself in an awkward position as well.

 

I wonder who uses these sites though? OW who didn't know they were the OW so they're mad or upset BSs? I can see more reason for an angry unaware OW to do it and to also "warn" others, but I can see less reasons for a BS to do it, esp one who is attempting to reconcile. Although perhaps they would only blast the OW/OM, but that itself can backfire if the OW/OM decides to put up pics of the WS....basically it can get messy and unpleasant very quickly and can spiral into an immature game between warring parties.

 

Ever watch the show "Cheaters"? It's complete trash...smh. I always think to myself, if my spouse was cheating on me, why would I put it on a tv show, confront them on tv and allow the entire world to see??? It's already horrendous and devastating, why make it a spectator sport? Everyone usually comes away looking bad in that scenario...even the person who was cheated on.

[SmokeRat]

Really? An OW calling a BS who's entire world has been brought down around their feet, a pathetic reject for wanting some revenge for the wrongs that were forced upon them.

 

Not even sure where to go with that.

[janedoe67]

Really? An OW calling a BS who's entire world has been brought down around their feet, a pathetic reject for wanting some revenge for the wrongs that were forced upon them.

 

Not even sure where to go with that.

 

I gotta agree with this, even as a FWS. When push comes to shove and we are talking character issues, my affairs were a reflection on ME, not my husband. Cheating is deceptive, immoral, and selfish. It is waaaaaay more pathetic to be deceptive, immoral, and selfish than it is to have not realized the person you are supposed to be able to trust is rutting around with someone else who values marriage as little as they do.

 

Just sayin'

[Owl]

Yeah, I'm not thinking that most folks go to those sites and sit there thinking how "pathetic" the BS's are as they read those stories. They may feel some sorry that they had to go through this trauma, but I'm thinking that the ones that they 'look down on" are the active participants in the affair who's antics are now being shared on the internet for all to see.

[Woggle]

Taking the moral high ground sounds but all it does is get interpreted as weakness by people who screw you over such as cheaters. Sometimes you have to deal with them on their level and go for the jugular. It's sometimes the only way you can get any respect. If they can use modern technology to lie to us and crap on our trust why can't we use it to fight back in the only language they understand?

 

Is it me or do cheaters have such a victim complex?

[SmokeRat]

Total victim complex.

[Confused48]

Wow i was thinking exactly the same thing just now' date=' who would want everyone to know their spouse was wiith someone else? I don't think many people with any dignity would want that, it seems that site is only useful for revenge if you can take the embarrassment of looking like a pathetic reject.[/quote']

 

You must have skipped a whole lot of posts in this thread. Not that I blame you, I skip to the end on threads all the time. But if you have read the previous post you will see some very good rational reasons for using an exposure website.

If you are not attempting recon and your spouse is a serial cheater, I'd say it is selfish NOT to expose as widely as you could. Is your "dignity" served by leaving others in the path of destruction that could be avoided with exposure? There are more reasons if you care to look back in the thread.

[So happy together]

I can explain why my STBX wanted to have an affair.

 

Pure selfishness. She even admitted that in the end, she did it because she was entitled to it and because she COULD.

 

Regardless, there is NO EXCUSE for having an affair. None at all. If you want to do that, then divorce first and have an affair second.

 

I'm curious to your reasons behind posting something like that statement.

 

Let's see what my STBX could call me out on:

 

-dedicated to my career, and sometimes, bringing home my day with me. But I'd like you to find an emergency services worker that doesn't bring those trauma's home with them.

 

-deathly, almost fanatically loyal, to my spouse.

 

-supported her in every single endeavour she wanted to attempt.

 

-her personal massage therapist, insulin technician, Type 1 Diabetes expert and I actually flew to Kansas to get certified to repair her Type 1 Insulin pump. $8,500.00 US dollars I'll never get back.

 

-provider of passionate, uninhibited love. Whatever she wanted, it was done. No questions, it was simply done.

 

-I built her, in this mans' honest opinion, the universes most amazing deck. I built it. With muscles and sweat and this mean looking table saw. It had a built in cooler and stuff.

 

 

While, sure a sister site where people explain why they had affairs, would be 'interesting'..................Oh wait, there is already a sister site. It's called Loveshack OM/OW forum, and it's filled with.........excuses and blame shifting.

 

I meant their reasons, not YOUR reasons for them. You seem very angry. Perhaps some therapy...

[GorillaTheater]

You seem very angry.

 

Betrayal by the one person on the planet you thought had your back can have that effect.

 

Weird, huh?