Exposing Websites

June 25, 2013

I still think it's better than violence which the discovery of infidelity can often ignite in people.

Read the papers. Happens every day. Best not to have an affair I think, and NEVER assume a BS is incapable of losing their mind upon discovery.

Edited June 25, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

June 25, 2013

Well you know I disagree with you....

I think it says someone I trusted lied daily to me and betrayed me sexually while pretending to be a devoted spouse, BF, fiance.

And I believe all these sites and tv shows flourish for one reason only: popularity of public opinion supports it, and in turn, supports their coffers.

If they didn't make a buck, they'd be gone.

You are certainly free to disagree.

Why is what your spouse or significant other did to you anyone elses business? It's a punk move.

You weren't sitting on some website telling the world how great of a lover they were. WTF would you go on some website telling the world you just got screwed?

It reveals a lack of character. We love to talk about how cheaters have a lack of character, but guess what? You just exposed yourself of having a lack of character. It is the low road.

If you are fine with that is perfectly okay with me. You just may not realize what you are telling the world about yourself, and you may not like what they are seeing even though they won't tell you to your face.

June 25, 2013

Wouldnt touch them with a 10 foot bargepole! Tacky, indiscriminate and potentially dangerous! H's affair humiliated me because of his association with me! My h behaved like a twat- why would I want anyone to know the man I married has such poor judgement. As for OW? Not my business, not my problem. The less I have to do with her in the future the better

June 25, 2013

Wouldnt touch them with a 10 foot bargepole! Tacky, indiscriminate and potentially dangerous! H's affair humiliated me because of his association with me! My h behaved like a twat- why would I want anyone to know the man I married has such poor judgement. As for OW? Not my business, not my problem. The less I have to do with her in the future the better

I feel the same.

An affair is devastating enough without it. The internet is great but also creates monsters in all areas of life. A BS has every right to be upset or angry, or an OW who was lied to about the MM's status, but sometimes what we do in even justifiable anger, may backfire in ways we didn't expect, which hurts us more. I learned that the hard way.

My spouse's face or worse, my own (if I am the BS), plastered on some scandalous website is not only hurting the WS but me! Esp for the type of area I work in, I really control my public image and online reputation, so if somehow someone did that, I would be sooooooooooooooo furious and humiliated and it could potentially be a detriment to my job, even as the BS, not just the WS/OW. If my spouse is cheating or I was the OW and lied to, I'd handle it outside of public broadcasting personally. As once you put stuff out there it's hard to take it back.

In general life: FB, Twitter, other online media are not where I post all about my personal grievances and relationship issues, so if I don't do it on those websites I don't see why I'd broadcast an affair and my grievances with that on a website. Just my preference though to keep a low profile about my personal life.

June 25, 2013

I'll post this again, since there are some posters who strayed off topic

"Let's keep the topic closely confined to how you feel about those websites"

Thanks

June 25, 2013

What is your opinion on exposure websites, websites specifically made to expost cheaters/APs?

Do you like them? Why or why not?

I cant find anything positive in naming and shaming a person on a site dedicated to ugliness.........it is something that should be handled privately and with discretion.....deb

June 25, 2013

Just took a little look at those sites and all i can say is ''for anyone who is totally without sin' date=''' let he who is without sin cast the first stone''. how would you feel if someone was to post something or anything about you without evidence. Go back, think about anything that you could be accused of and not be able to defend it in any way. disgusting. People making money out of other's pain. sick.[/quote']

I can understand this viewpoint to a degree.

I can also see the other side of this. Don't participate in an action so painful and emotionally devestating that someone would consider doing this.

I personally don't see these sites as anything more than a method of getting revenge at those who hurt you. And while revenge can be gratifying, it usually solves nothing.

I couldn't imagine using a site like that...but by the same token, I can see why folks would.

Easy to understand why the majority of the folks who appear to be most angered/disturbed by them are predominately the ones who's photos and stories could appear there someday.

June 25, 2013

At the risk of having another post deleted....
ANYONE could fabricate evidence that says that anyone participated in those actions on those sites. That's why I FEEL that they are dangerous to everyone.

Agreed...anyone could lie about what they post there.

But that's not really the situation we're discussing here. We're talking about someone posting about an infidelity that actually took place...at least that's what I think we're referring to.

Anyone can post a lie anywhere on the internet about someone else.

And...I'd think that if someone did ineed FABRICATE something about someone else, it could well result in legal action against the fabricator. Now...if someone posted something factual, backed up by evidence...I'm not sure where the laws would fall.

June 25, 2013

I thought we were discussing whether or not those sites were a good idea. I think they are simply set up for revenge purposes and revenge is never brings out the best in anyone.

As I stated previously...I'd agree that they're mostly there for revenge, and while it's something I personally probably wouldn't use, I can understand why people would.

When you're a BS, you've had all your 'power' stolen from you. Control in your life, in your relationship...robbed from you.

Posting on a site like this can be a measure of 'getting your mojo back'. That feeling of regaining some measure of control in your life that's suddenly gone to hell. And if you have no desire to reconcile...and what you post is truthful...odds are it won't hurt you (the BS)nearly as much as it'll hurt those that have hurt you (the WS and AP).

So I can see that in that perspective, it could help someone regain the feeling that they've got some control in their life, and they've seen some 'justice' come out of what they've been put through.

Again...I probably wouldn't do this...but then I have to admit that I contemplated FAR worse during my dark days after d-day in my own situation. I didn't do any of those actions either.

June 25, 2013

I am in favor of selective exposure of an affair: people who can offer support, accountability, influence, etc. And I include any OM or OW in that as well. For example, the OM in my situation years ago was single, so my husband let his parents and brother (who was a minister) know.

I am not sure what productive purpose the billboard-like exposure of a web site would serve unless anger/vengeance is considered a productive purpose. And for some it is.

In the final analysis, if one does not want to be known as a cheater, then one can make sure that is not the case by.....not cheating. I do think that if there are children involved and if reconciliation is even going to be considered, exposing on these sites might not be best for the end game...unless a BS plans to be of the type who stays married so that they are in close proximity to punish their spouse for the rest of their lives. And there are some BS who do just that.

June 25, 2013

I thought we were discussing whether or not those sites were a good idea. I think they are simply set up for revenge purposes and revenge is never brings out the best in anyone.

Unfortunately when one is having an affair, they have to be realistic and expect the person who is being betrayed may seek revenge.Hopefully not though. I think betrayal can make some temporarily insane. But people willingly take that risk.Backstabbing for anything makes some seek revenge.

I think for many, they feel two people made a fool of them.

It's all over the news. I personally know 1 person ( killed a couple of weeks ago,it was in the newspapers). Sad.

June 25, 2013

I suppose they are no better nor worse than other sites where other kinds of personal information is posted for all the world to see.

I imagine that they perhaps are a good outlet for those that need somewhere to place their rage. Maybe it makes them feel better. A little vengeance. A new delivery system of the scarlet letter.

If someone ever posted me there - I wouldn't care as no one that I know ever goes to sites such as that nor are they interested in my sexual habits. Of course, one could argue that it's not about sex, but the lie - the cheating. So do we expose ALL lies? Glass houses and throwing stones and all that rot.

I don't that that anything done in retaliation is really a good thing. But I do recognize that some people heal better that way.

June 25, 2013

As an xOW would I want my name and pic on a site like that. No. Would i be running for the hills, hiding, shamed, embarrassed. No. If the BW in my stitch posted about me, even some of the very graphic texts I sent him, I'd have just posted his texts he sent to me. Some very graphic texts, Along with the ILYs text. Along with many places and dates he CHOSE to be with me. He had even sent me some nude pics of himself ( i had never sent any of myself to him) When the A came out, the people closest to me knew about it. BSO, kids, my family, his family, coworkers,even my 3 bosses.

I could've let people see more of him, than she ever had on me. Is she would've been looking to embarrass me or shame me, it would've been turned on him.

June 25, 2013

I think they should exist for those who would like to use them. I personally would not, but I can appreciate the value of taking matters into your own hands and getting some revenge. There is no legal system to right the wrongs of cheaters, and thus people who are betrayed have very few avenues for justice. These sites are one of them.

Plus, public shaming has been showed to deter criminal activity. It may also help deter cheating.

On the legalities of these sites, a person can be sued for libel for writing a post. However, the case will only go somewhere if the person who posted on the site cannot prove that the statements are true or simply opinions. If the statements are ruled to be libelous, a judge can require the person who wrote them to remove them.

Otherwise, the only person who can get remove the post is the person who wrote it. The accused cheaters can hire a lawyer to file motions with Google and other search engines to remove the link from coming up in searches, but they cannot remove the actual posting from the site.

June 25, 2013

What is your opinion on exposure websites, websites specifically made to expost cheaters/APs?

Do you like them? Why or why not?

Personally, exposure websites are not something I'd consider but I can understand how for some it's a form of therapeutic retribution.

I think when someone gambles on being a cheater they open themselves up to repercussions that are out of their control, and just like a betrayed spouse who had no vote or say in unknowingly being in a triangle, the cheaters have no vote or say in how they may exposed.

As a form of revenge it's rather tame compared to physical violence or even homicide which a horrible reality that often occurs.

June 25, 2013

I don't think there are any exposure sites that can be used by people here in Australia. I just had a quick look, and firstly I couldn't find non-USA cities and secondly the system seemed to know I was in Australia and wouldn't accept anything from me.

Having said that I wouldn't hesitate to expose the OW in my situation, but I wouldn't expose my fWH. I suppose she could try to retaliate by exposing him, but as I'd probably do it anonymously she'd have difficulty knowing which of the many BWs it was.

I agree that it's best to take the information on these sites, and any other sites that contain potentially defamatory material, with a grain of salt due to the fact that what's on them is completely unverified. However I do know for myself that I can't imagine using such a site for anyone but an OW who has interfered in my marriage.

June 25, 2013

If technology can be used to cheat and lie to people why not use it to expose cheaters.

June 25, 2013

I wasn't aware of their existence until this thread, but I think it's classless. I'm not speaking from the perspective of my own situation; even prior to it, I would think the same.

There is so much potential for abuse from scorned people. I'm not talking about people making sh*t up, and posting it. I'm talking about people posting in anger, possibly ruining the "cheater" for years to come.

Unlike some, I don't believe in the old adage, "Once a cheater, always a cheater". There is no evidence to back that claim. Yes, cheating is a stupid choice to make-but that doesn't mean someone should have to pay for it for the rest of their lives. That's ridiculous.

As far as I'm concerned, matters of this nature should be dealt with behind closed doors-not for all the world to see. Good grief, it's not like making people aware of a pedophile, or a known sex offender...it's nowhere near on the same level. :/

June 25, 2013

As I stated previously...I'd agree that they're mostly there for revenge, and while it's something I personally probably wouldn't use, I can understand why people would.

When you're a BS, you've had all your 'power' stolen from you. Control in your life, in your relationship...robbed from you.

Posting on a site like this can be a measure of 'getting your mojo back'. That feeling of regaining some measure of control in your life that's suddenly gone to hell. And if you have no desire to reconcile...and what you post is truthful...odds are it won't hurt you (the BS)nearly as much as it'll hurt those that have hurt you (the WS and AP).

So I can see that in that perspective, it could help someone regain the feeling that they've got some control in their life, and they've seen some 'justice' come out of what they've been put through.

Again...I probably wouldn't do this...but then I have to admit that I contemplated FAR worse during my dark days after d-day in my own situation. I didn't do any of those actions either.

This is probably why I did it in my sitch. At first I wasn't going to, but MOW kept interfering with our M and hence I posted her on the site. I also exposed her to her BS who immediately kicked her out.

She just recently harassed me to take it down. The vile that spewed from this woman's mouth . Anyways I told her I would take it down, that it served it's purpose and it's time for everyone to move on. That's when I got the whole "All I do is obsess about her" "My WH stays with me because I am going to try and kill myself" yada yada yada and much more.

What she doesn't know is that her harassment of me now has my WH really upset with her, he cannot stand her right now. This situation has brought my WH and I even closer.

In the end we both apologized to each other (the MOW and I) so hopefully everything can be put to rest now.

June 25, 2013

I have a problem with the lack of validation. Couldn't you put a picture of anyone on there with a made-up story? I suppose the victim could sue but if the poster didn't have anything then they don't have anything to lose so you can't win. Seems too easy to smear an innocent person.

June 26, 2013

I have a problem with the lack of validation. Couldn't you put a picture of anyone on there with a made-up story? I suppose the victim could sue but if the poster didn't have anything then they don't have anything to lose so you can't win. Seems too easy to smear an innocent person.

it depends on the site and this......YOU have NO RIGHT to privacy on the Internet.

read that statement again. And again.

If you are on a site that PROMISES to protect your privacy....you have rights to sue.

If you are on a public site and smear another, the OTHER must have very deep pockets and can probably have the erroneous information taken down at a cost to you.

If your information is TRUE, and you can back it up, then, if NOT on a site that promises to protect your privacy, you probably cannot be sued successfully.

The first amendment does NOT cover the Internet. Only a specific site's privacy policy -which we all click I agree to without reading--does.

MOST say they are harmless in the dissemination of erroneous information EXCEPT for the personal info you provide-- name, address, SS number, date of birth.

When a site promises to protect your privacy, MOST times it means your financial info. State business laws will protect your financial info.

But NOT if you had a affair or not as posted by another.

Good luck!

June 26, 2013

I have a problem with the lack of validation. Couldn't you put a picture of anyone on there with a made-up story? I suppose the victim could sue but if the poster didn't have anything then they don't have anything to lose so you can't win. Seems too easy to smear an innocent person.

This is the case with many internet sites, not just cheater exposure. Blogs are a prime example. If the "poster/blogger" is anonymous then the person defamed has very little recourse.

Occasionally someone here on LS mentions that a poster can be traced via the IP addresses. This is not necessarily true. For example if someone uses a laptop at a free wifi location then tracing the actual person who was using the laptop at a particular time (to make a particular post) would be difficult if not impossible. Even if the IP address (or ISP) can be traced this does not identify a particular person especially in the case of anonymity such as here on LS and with many blogs.

If no crime has been committed then it would be at the expense of the person trying to trace and would almost certainly require court orders to the site operators (ie LS or a blog provider) to provide whatever information they have.

Basically the defamation laws have not kept up with the advent of the internet, or when they try they are ineffectual due to anonymity of posters, the ability to upload virtually anything and the general lack of evidence (that could stand up in a court) about which person was using a particular computer at a particular time.

June 26, 2013

Of course all the WS's and OWs feel this way. They can dish it out (humiliation and pain) but can't take it. Typical cowardly attitude from cheaters.

You lack a legitimate argument to her statement. Nice straw man tactic, there. So you're totally okay with lowering yourself to the same level as those "cowardly" OW/OM and WS?

Hey, if that's your prerogative, then by all means, have a field day.

June 26, 2013

I think I understand HopingAgain's point...

The WS/AP can/want to cheat, but don't want the repercussions of said cheating.... and this is sometimes what happens: exposure (wide-scale or not).

Owl is correct, I should have been more specific, I'm talking about this in the case of an actual infidelity taking place. That is what I meant with this topic, just to be more clear.

June 26, 2013

You lack a legitimate argument to her statement. Nice straw man tactic, there. So you're totally okay with lowering yourself to the same level as those "cowardly" OW/OM and WS?

Hey, if that's your prerogative, then by all means, have a field day.

I think Realist is a MM, but I may be mistaken. In any case, its a perfectly legit argument. Cheaters justify their reasons for any number of reprehensible behaviors, but when like consequences befall them as a result of their own behavior, suddenly others are being unjust towards them. Bull****! I swear the rationalizations of cheaters of why they should never have to face the music are endless.

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