Tralane Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Don't even know where to start!! Don't want to go off cause people will get tired if reading but want to give as much detail so I can get the best advise! I have been with this man for almost a year. It was very rough and quite strange since the start if it all. I consider my myself sting confident woman but ever since getting mixed up with him I am wondering ... WHY?he can be caring and generous and he's great with my kids and the reason I haven't walked away yet is because he helps with rent ( horrible in know)but I am a single mom of 3 boys And a low paying job! Anyway we laugh together and stuff but more than anything we fight! He is extremely jealous of EVERYTHING from me talking to any male even at work, what I wear, me showing any affection to the new dog he just got me!!! It's over the top temper tantrums! He hates and will throw a fit if I want to go the the gas station without humor ANYWHERE!! When we are at home he's up my but 24/7! And can I tell you he gets so pissed if he texts or calls and I don't answer ASAP! I really think I would be happier being alone! But I cannot afford it!! Can't find another job to save my life but I am starting school soon;) which he's pusses about cause 1) I will be around other people and feels I should look nice to go to school 2) because my homework will take away from "our time"... I'm completely frustrated and could go on for hours about the issues he has! He's a single child if a completely controlling mother! Help!!??! Any and all comments advise and even bashing welcome:)
TaraMaiden Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 You teach people how to treat you. The only reason you're tolerating his behaviour is because he pays the rent?? Shame on you. You're quite literally Buying into this..... In exchange for paying rent, he gets to call all the shots. If you don't like it - change it. Get a lodger/room mate/paying guest. Kick him out (not necessarily in that order, of course.) For reliable tenants/room-mates: Advertise at your local hospital (in the staff rooms) at the local Police station or fire station... then you know the quality of person you're getting. Or go through an agency. That way, they form a contract with the person leasing the room, and take responsibility for the calibre of tenant....
Geiss Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Tell him to F off. Be defiant. Let him get all pissy. Don't answer his texts. If he get's violent call the police. He's a bitch. He hates it when you are affectionate to a dog? Is this guy a retard? You can't talk to the guys at work. Even if it's work related? Does he keep you in a box under his bed? I think he is manipulating and controlling you and is taking advantage of your situation. How did you manage before you met him? Don't tell me you are going for the bad boy here. 1
shexy Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 He sounds really controlling, and like the kind of guy that will end up hitting you. If you're just staying with him for the rent money, I suggest kicking him out and getting a roommate. He sounds like a real doooooshbag, why are you putting up with that?
happywithlife Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 That's not annoying behavior - its abusive (mental and verbal abuse) and controlling behavior. Period. You need to either kick him out or walk out of there asap because: 1) It's only going to get worse. 2) You deserve better 3) It's teaching your kids bad behavior and ideas. If you can't afford rent on your own, look into assistance - public housing, food stamps, etc. I know everyone has their own opinion about assistance but if you've been working, you've been paying into those programs. And, since your heading back to school, its only a temporary thing. Once you're out of school and have a job you'll be able to afford being on your own without public assistance. I'm not advocating that you use for a life time, but there's nothing wrong with honest, hard working people using it in times of need. My close friend just moved into public housing for the next year because she's a single mom with three kids and back in school. She'll be out of there in a year when she's back to work.
happywithlife Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 PS I left a verbally and mentally abusive situation a year ago. You should see the difference in my kids! They are so much more behaved, calm, and happy. Even if you don't think his behavior has a negative affect on the kids, it does. My kids are young (4 and 6 when I left) and they are in such a better place. If can't leave him for you, do it for the kids!
jesk Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Even if you are using him --which lets be clear, you are-- he still has no right to treat you in such a manner. When people know they have the upper hand, they get controlling or act in a way they wouldnt otherwise. It would probably be easier and healthier to get a roommate, but why deal with another personality and where you might have to pay more rent? I suggest trying to get his outrageous behavior under control. Please take precautions though, it may escalate to physical abuse if he takes it badly. Also, have you tried talking to him? Find out why he is so jealous? Explain how what he does make you feel?
Author Tralane Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 I know it sounds terrible but I did truly care about him and love things about him in the beginning, and not for his money or lets say lack there of! When i met him my parents were paying my rent so i didn't need to be with him just for rent! I wanted to get to know him "help" him as pitiful as that sounds! But then I found out after I moved close to him and he moved in that he was still married when we first started dating! He said they were unhappy for years but to me that doesn't matter! So we broke up and stupid me took his ass back! But he promised to get on meds and go to counseling which he's doing both! And I've talked to him about this till we were both blue in the face almost daily! I tell him to leave if he doesn't like my behavior he knows I'm not scared of being alone, he tries to control me but I'm very defiant! And all he does is throw fits like a big bratty titty baby! And I just ignore him! Just so hard to live like this!!!and my parents can no longer help me
TaraMaiden Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Oh, please!! enough! There's no point in adding more! Everybody's advice stands and you really should follow it! Oh, and change the locks, ok? Gather his stuff up in black plastic bags, get a locksmith in and block him form coming in any more. Just quit wailing, and do it!! What else do you need from us? You asked us - We've told you what to do - just do it!!
Author Tralane Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 Oh, please!! enough! There's no point in adding more! Everybody's advice stands and you really should follow it! Oh, and change the locks, ok? Gather his stuff up in black plastic bags, get a locksmith in and block him form coming in any more. Just quit wailing, and do it!! What else do you need from us? You asked us - We've told you what to do - just do it!! Thanks for the harsh obvious reality but way easier said than done! I have 3 kids and myself that could be out on the streets if I did that ****!
TaraMaiden Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I have a friend who lived in the back of her car for a year, with her H and her dog. There are avenues which will help you with regard to your kids. Do you have family? Parents? Siblings? A telephone? The internet? Look up associations and bodies which help people in your situation. Anything is better than being with this man! Yes, there will or may be temporary discomfort. But nothing compares to you staying with this jerk! And if you have kids, then the roof will be over your head - not his! No court in the land would see you, as a mother, homeless, while he gets to keep the house!
Author Tralane Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 I come in here begging for help and answers and I get judged and ridiculed! It's ok some of you did help but getting a roommate is not the answer! I am in a 3 bedroom apt with myself and 3 boys! So I should have a stranger sleep in my bed instead of this man... Really? I want him gone so bad but can't think or find away out! I'm not living in a car or the streets when my kids have already been through so much hell! This house is being rented by me, I could kick him out but just can't afford it! I am miserable!!!!
sweetheart5381 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I come in here begging for help and answers and I get judged and ridiculed! It's ok some of you did help but getting a roommate is not the answer! I am in a 3 bedroom apt with myself and 3 boys! So I should have a stranger sleep in my bed instead of this man... Really? I want him gone so bad but can't think or find away out! I'm not living in a car or the streets when my kids have already been through so much hell! This house is being rented by me, I could kick him out but just can't afford it! I am miserable!!!! Listen up my dear. You are not weak, you are strong because you question his behaviour. That's the hard part. Inside you know it's wrong, the way he is treating you, how your boundaries are being stomped on. It's hard when you are living with it... I get it because I did it. I was a single Mom of 2 boys, met a guy. He seemed great, was loving and adoring at first. Then he "seemed" to change. Truth is, I just got to know him and he was not what he appeared to be at first..... he eventually controlled my every move by threatening me and my kids. It was subtle at first, getting mad if I didn't call/text on time, if I wore something he thought was "slutty", if I talked to co-workers that were male....then got much worse over time. It took him attempting my life for me to walk away, and even then I got back together with him... til he attempted it again. Unfortunately I fell in love with a sociopath. This man had 25 prior convictions of domestic violence before me and has spent time in jail for beating a number of women. I had no idea at the time. I just loved him. My mistake. Get out now, seriously. Use your gut, its talking.
sweetheart5381 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I come in here begging for help and answers and I get judged and ridiculed! It's ok some of you did help but getting a roommate is not the answer! I am in a 3 bedroom apt with myself and 3 boys! So I should have a stranger sleep in my bed instead of this man... Really? I want him gone so bad but can't think or find away out! I'm not living in a car or the streets when my kids have already been through so much hell! This house is being rented by me, I could kick him out but just can't afford it! I am miserable!!!! Honestly, you need to find the answers yourself love. If you want him out, then you will find a way, rest assured. It wont be the easy way. If you were ok before him (and I assume so), you will be ok without him too. Take out the trash and find another route to happiness.... cuz it aint with him, clearly.
hoping2heal Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I come in here begging for help and answers and I get judged and ridiculed! It's ok some of you did help but getting a roommate is not the answer! I am in a 3 bedroom apt with myself and 3 boys! So I should have a stranger sleep in my bed instead of this man... Really? I want him gone so bad but can't think or find away out! I'm not living in a car or the streets when my kids have already been through so much hell! This house is being rented by me, I could kick him out but just can't afford it! I am miserable!!!! If you're not sure where to start; head to your local social services/ human resources office. Tell them you are in an abusive relationship and need some information about women's advocacy groups and resources. Explain that you have three children and due to financial constraints cannot afford to kick this man out. There are resources to help you with housing and basic living needs temporarily while you transition into becoming able to take care of yourself and your kids. You'll have to work out a way to take care of yourself and your children but you are their Mother. No one else is going to support them or take care of them and subjecting them to an abuser is certainly not going to add to help them. Going back to school is a great start; let someone in the program know so they can provide you with support ensuring you follow through, potential child - care that is provided at a discount or possibly free, etc.
sweetheart5381 Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I agree. There is a way out. Use social programs, tell your family and friends what is going on and trust them if your gut tells you they are good peeps... likewise, tell your neighbours what's going on so they can tell the authorities what they see when they see it. Protect yourself and your kids... and no matter how many times he apologizes and says he is sorry for his actions always consider how you feel, first. You come first, everyone else is next in line... otherwise you wont be there for the ones that count on you when they really need you.
todreaminblue Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 I come in here begging for help and answers and I get judged and ridiculed! It's ok some of you did help but getting a roommate is not the answer! I am in a 3 bedroom apt with myself and 3 boys! So I should have a stranger sleep in my bed instead of this man... Really? I want him gone so bad but can't think or find away out! I'm not living in a car or the streets when my kids have already been through so much hell! This house is being rented by me, I could kick him out but just can't afford it! I am miserable!!!! I can see why you are miserable and confused about what direction to take......if you kick him to the kerb you will have to make up the rent in whatever way you can.......if you dont want to be homeless,which i fully understand that....I have been homeless and its rough, scary and demeaning and extremely difficult with kids.......but....there are shelters for women in your situation....even if you take a couple of days in one...just a couple of days to get some help with where you want to go with this situation, shelters normally have a resident guidance officer to help you stand on your own two feet......financially and emotionally....... you need to take some time and make a firm decision on what you really want to do.....for you....for your kids........if it is to stay ......then stay but seek help and or therapy as a family.yoru boyfriend needs help...but if it is to go....a guidance counsellor at a shelter will help you to get the ball rolling........i wish you luck and huge hugs.....deb 1
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 11, 2013 Posted July 11, 2013 Don't even know where to start!! Don't want to go off cause people will get tired if reading but want to give as much detail so I can get the best advise! I have been with this man for almost a year. It was very rough and quite strange since the start if it all. I consider my myself sting confident woman but ever since getting mixed up with him I am wondering ... WHY?he can be caring and generous and he's great with my kids and the reason I haven't walked away yet is because he helps with rent ( horrible in know)but I am a single mom of 3 boys And a low paying job! Anyway we laugh together and stuff but more than anything we fight! He is extremely jealous of EVERYTHING from me talking to any male even at work, what I wear, me showing any affection to the new dog he just got me!!! It's over the top temper tantrums! He hates and will throw a fit if I want to go the the gas station without humor ANYWHERE!! When we are at home he's up my but 24/7! And can I tell you he gets so pissed if he texts or calls and I don't answer ASAP! I really think I would be happier being alone! But I cannot afford it!! Can't find another job to save my life but I am starting school soon;) which he's pusses about cause 1) I will be around other people and feels I should look nice to go to school 2) because my homework will take away from "our time"... I'm completely frustrated and could go on for hours about the issues he has! He's a single child if a completely controlling mother! Help!!??! Any and all comments advise and even bashing welcome:) Usin' him for rent no good. If you don't like him break up with him. Or, maybe you could tell him he ought to go to counseling or talk to someone. Sounds like he's lonely and doesn't know how to live his own life. Ought to be a bit more sensitive if you claim to care about him. 1
Author Tralane Posted July 11, 2013 Author Posted July 11, 2013 thank you to everyone that has taken the time to respond! I dont feel like I am in an abusive relationship just unhappy, negative, and slightly controlling! I am going to take everything that has been said and do my best to move on, I think it might take some time and careful planning but I cant sit and pretend everything is fine! Its killing me inside!! so glad I found a site and people to vent to cause I really don't have anyone I trust to talk to. 1
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