Zakov Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 (edited) My ex and I have been broken up for about 3 months now. When we were together, it was extremely toxic. She had some very sweet moments here and there, other days were just quiet and bland and distant. She always threatened to leave, said some very hurtful things to me that made me feel physically ill, was incredibly selfish and expected everything out of me and nothing out of herself, stubborn and easy to anger, among a bunch of other things that pushed me to leave. We were long distance, and she was planning to move in with me, and then suddenly did a 180 and became spiteful, distant and a lot more toxic near the end of our relationship. We were together for 3 years. I'm 20 and she's 24. Not too long ago, I saw (by accident) that she had a crush on a new guy, and it made me nauseous for days. By then I thought I was over her, and I was sure (still kinda am) that she's terrible for me and the relationship was gonna go downhill either way, but I'm still so bothered by the idea that someone is going to "replace" me. It's like, everything she promised me and everything that we planned out for our future is now going to be handed over to somebody else, just like that. She left on the premise that she wasn't ready for a commitment and that she needed to discover herself, and it stings to see that she's already moving on so easily. She's not the type of girl (at least she wasn't) to hop from guy to guy and experiment. I was her second boyfriend and she's 24, so all of these sudden changes in personality give me a weird feeling. Either disappointment or some kind of disgust, I don't know. If it were anybody else, I wouldn't care about them "discovering themselves", but it's not. Even typing all of this out is confusing, because I don't know why I care so much. Of course she was going to move on eventually, right? And so am I. But there's just something about it all that still really, really sucks. I can compile lists of all the pros and cons, and the cons outweigh the pros all the time...and I still can't figure out why I'm not over it yet. I guess I feel like I'm being laughed at, in a way. She's free from me and the responsibility of a relationship, and she couldn't be happier, and I'm still moping now and then. I'm spiteful and can't stand her being happy right now, I guess. Edit: I also read one of the pinned posts, and she definitely left because of "the grass is greener syndrome". She wanted to see how all the OTHER men are, before she was sure the man she was with was the one she wanted to commit to. And that really pisses me off. Edited June 24, 2013 by Zakov
Sneaky Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 It's okay, it'll take as long as it needs to and you don't need to feel guilty on top of that. I don't know much but I learn reading these forums, and I have read that the dumper thinks about ending it a long while before and does most of the grieving for the relationship at that point. This is why it seems like they move on faster, but the truth is they have been grieving for longer.
SimonSerenade Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I'm sorry you had to go through this, it can be very damaging to your mental health after coming off the back of a relationship like that, try not to take it too personally, easier said than done I know but chances are it wasn't about you, some people act out this way in an attempt to either pull someone towards them or push them away, it's rarely personal and mostly a result of somebody's conflicting feelings. Being replaced is never easy to come to terms with, it can be degrading and emotionally devastating, unfortunately this is out of your hands and coming to terms with that and accepting it is one of the best things you can do right now in this situation, she is young and most young women go through these stages at this stage of their life, it's painful but once again, it's nothing personal, what she told you and how she treated you was wrong, she will never be able to justify that but this doesn't matter anymore so don't think about it. Take a rest and heal yourself, you will move on one day but you will do it in a respectful way, be proud of that and stay true to yourself, also it couldn't hurt to seek professional help if this in any way has emotionally damaged you, there's no shame in it and it could be very helpful to you right now, remember, your not alone, it happens to everyone.
aloneinaz Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I wish we could figure out the way our crazy brains work. When you say your relationship was "toxic" that's pretty strong and speaks volumes about how dysfunctional that relationship probably was. Sometime, these relationships are ADDICTIVE like a drug. When we try to step away or run away from them, we go into withdrawal and it hurts, big time. The people in the toxic relationship reconcile to end the pain of the withdrawal. Ask me how I know? My last ex was a toxic woman. I looked it up on several sites and she fits nicely in most descriptions of this lovely creature. As a result, the relationship was VERY toxic. Since the FINAL ending, I've been trying to figure out WHY i stayed in it as long as I did. Toxic relationship as so hard on our health, both physical and mental. If you ex was also toxic, be glad you're away from her and can hope for a normal relationship with someone healthly.
HopelessRomantick Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Amazing! I can relate to this poster's experience too! Zakov, unfortunately it could take a long time. I'm approaching a year now and I still feel so many emotions for her. Day in and day out. It's driving me insane how much of my day is still consumed thoughts of her. And the worst experience is when I picture her with "him" or when I think about when they first met and what "might have" taken place while we were still a couple. Makes me wanna puke. Longing, sadness, anger, hatred, rinse and repeat. questions, questions, questions.... **** me!
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