youngnlove89 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 What are a few things you have learned in past/current relationships that have helped you become a better partner now? I can definitely say I've cleaned up a bit. The old me could be snotty, demanding, needy and I was always thinking, "my way or the highway". I definitely was very immature in situations, and I hardly ever took the high road in breakups. A couple things I've learned and applied to my current relationship: Don't ask stupid questions (also don't repeat questions expecting a different answer)Don't give ultimatumsLet him have his freedom/space (aka don't be needy)Don't expect him to read your mind, instead tell him what you want/need [within reason].Be his "cheerleader" (smile, have fun, be happy, reward him) I would have to say #4 was the biggest thing that helped my relationship. I never knew how easy it was to just voice your wants/needs rather than expecting them to just know it and then being disappointed and getting upset and starting a fight over it. He has responded great to it and he is always there to fulfill my wants/needs! Now we are both happy because of it. So, I'm curious to hear what others have learned and how it has helped their relationships! :bunny::bunny: 2
tman666 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 For me it was: 1) Own up to when I'm wrong 2) Make a concerted, real effort to understand the other person's point of view 3) Know when to set hard boundaries 4) Know when to be flexible I'm not perfect at any of these, but I'd say that working on the above has made the biggest impact. 2
Author youngnlove89 Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 For me it was: 1) Own up to when I'm wrong 2) Make a concerted, real effort to understand the other person's point of view 3) Know when to set hard boundaries 4) Know when to be flexible I'm not perfect at any of these, but I'd say that working on the above has made the biggest impact. That is a good list! Owning up when you are wrong is a biggy, as some people can be stubborn! And what do you mean by: Know when to set hard boundaries?
Els Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Mine, over the past several years with the bf: 1) Accept that it's okay to be different or have different opinions 2) Not everything needs to be put under a microscope and analyzed to the nth degree 3) Learn what he wants, not some hyped up relationship book/LS version of what 'men want' 4) Make a concerted effort to have fun together! 3
tman666 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 And what do you mean by: ? By "hard boundaries" I'm referring to sticking to what you believe in and not being a pushover. That said, my experience is that that the vast majority of both the little, daily-type issues and larger issues as well require some level of compromise. Still, if something is very important to you and you can spell out exactly why, I think it's important to make a case for yourself and your view and not allow that to be disregarded. You have to pick these types of battles diligently though. 1
Els Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 By "hard boundaries" I'm referring to sticking to what you believe in and not being a pushover. That said, my experience is that that the vast majority of both the little, daily-type issues and larger issues as well require some level of compromise. Still, if something is very important to you and you can spell out exactly why, I think it's important to make a case for yourself and your view and not allow that to be disregarded. You have to pick these types of battles diligently though. Ah, yes, excellent point. Learning how to pick battles was something that took quite a few years for me. Fortunately there is improvement. OP, I hope you don't mind me asking, but you've made a lot of threads recently about how people made themselves better partners, or how to be a woman that men adore, etc. Is there a reason for this that we can help with?
Author youngnlove89 Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 OP, I hope you don't mind me asking, but you've made a lot of threads recently about how people made themselves better partners, or how to be a woman that men adore, etc. Is there a reason for this that we can help with? No problem. I just want to be a good partner is all. I know my recent relationship has been up and down because of me (I kept breaking up with him over and over) and I just want to improve myself. I want to be valuable and make him happy. I guess sometimes I'm afraid of losing him again...
Els Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Ah, okay, that makes sense, thanks for sharing. A few points, if you will consider them: - I haven't read all your threads, but what I have read signals to me that the problem most definitely does not lie solely with you - I think that there is only a certain extent to which people should NEED to improve or change themselves in a compatible R - I think that it's not in general a good idea for one person to be constantly thinking about what more she needs to do prevent losing the other person I hope you don't mind this little derail, as I genuinely like you and am hoping to help you. And also, those are some of the things that I've learnt from previous relationships.
Author youngnlove89 Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 Ah, okay, that makes sense, thanks for sharing. A few points, if you will consider them: - I haven't read all your threads, but what I have read signals to me that the problem most definitely does not lie solely with you - I think that there is only a certain extent to which people should NEED to improve or change themselves in a compatible R - I think that it's not in general a good idea for one person to be constantly thinking about what more she needs to do prevent losing the other person I hope you don't mind this little derail, as I genuinely like you and am hoping to help you. And also, those are some of the things that I've learnt from previous relationships. Well I just wrote something back, and it disappeared?! Anyways, I'll write it again. Thank you for your concern, you are sweet. <3 I know I'm not the main problem, he is too. It was both of us. But he has been showing me how he is working on his problems, so I want to show him I'm working on mine. I was immature at times, often needy, sometimes jealous, and I always expected him to KNOW what I wanted and expected him to read my mind, and if he didn't I would get mad because he wasn't making me happy. Instead, I started voicing my wants/needs and he showed me how he was happy to fulfill them! To me it was crazy that he was giving me what I wanted and needed. I was always scared before to voice it, I don't know why. And I'm just saying things like "I want to see you next week on your day off" "I want this for my birthday" "I want to go on a trip with you" and then now he has been doing things WITHOUT me asking for him to do them because now he knows what I want and need. It's crazy how it works. In turn I don't get mad at him and become b.itchy. It works for both of us. Things have been going really well. He is more open, more attentive and willing to make me happy now that he knows what I want. Our main problem was lack of communication. We fixed it. 2
Els Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Sounds good, in that case. Perhaps the best thing to do now that you've gotten all of that sorted, is to just relax and try to enjoy each other a little. All the best!
Author youngnlove89 Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 Sounds good, in that case. Perhaps the best thing to do now that you've gotten all of that sorted, is to just relax and try to enjoy each other a little. All the best! Thanks you are absolutely right. I just want to maintain this greatness.
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