Long distance break up but we still act like were together?

[ScottSummers]

Hey everyone

 

 

I'll just jump right into it.

 

 

I met this girl thru a friend online. We both were in relationships at the time but we had a instant connection that neither of us expected. I was married 3 years ago and I didn't have the connection with my wife that I do with this girl. She says the same. She lived 10 hours away and we texted all day and talked on the phone a lot. We both pretty much broke up with our significant others for each other.

 

Moving forward, we dated 6 months and talked about everything, never fought, best connection of my life, talked about marriage and everything. Then she gets a job thats actually closer to me about 4 hours away. The day she moves there I was supposed to visit and we break up. That was two months ago. She said she needed time to get her life in order and with her new job she'd be super busy and wouldnt have the time for me, etc etc. Doesn't really want a relationship right now but seriously loves me. Also, she said the distance is a huge factor.

 

What I dont get is, we still act like a couple? She calls me everyday, she tells me she loves me and is IN love with me. If we dont talk one night or I'm not around to answer her calls she gets upset. When we get off the phone she still says "I love you" heck, even today she talked about still wanting to marry me one day. She just cant be with me right now. Is she just keeping me around to boost her ego? Does she want the attention? I'm obviously there for her and super supportive when she needs me. She talks about missing me and how I'm the best thing thats ever happened to her and she wants to see me and asks silly questions like if id kiss her when we see each other again. Please give me advice, loveshack. If you actually read all this thank you and I appreciate any input.

[justwhoiam]

We both pretty much broke up with our significant others for each other.

 

Moving forward, we dated 6 months and talked about everything, never fought, best connection of my life, talked about marriage and everything. Then she gets a job thats actually closer to me about 4 hours away. The day she moves there I was supposed to visit and we break up.

So, you broke up with your SOs to be together, and after 6 months she breaks up with you? I'd flip out beyond imagination.

 

She said she needed time to get her life in order and with her new job she'd be super busy and wouldnt have the time for me, etc etc. Doesn't really want a relationship right now but seriously loves me. Also, she said the distance is a huge factor.

Options available:

1) She's having second thoughts about you or the relationship with you

2) She's not ready for another big step (marriage), but she could have just told you in this case, without really breaking up (I don't think you were having a gun to her head forcing her to marry you...)

3) She's keeping things going with her other SO and you too

4) She never moved anywhere (am I wrong or you never visited the new place nor visited her since she moved?)

5) She just wants a virtual relationship > everything's fine unless you get too real

There might be more possibilities, but only those came to mind right now.

 

What I dont get is, we still act like a couple?

Why are you allowing that? If you're not good for a relationship at the moment, she should leave you alone, she can't play with your feelings just because she knows you love her and would endure whatever... Not fair.

 

She calls me everyday, she tells me she loves me and is IN love with me. If we dont talk one night or I'm not around to answer her calls she gets upset.

Face her hard-nosed and ask her: What are you trying to do with me? Should I remind you that you broke up with me two months ago? It's time to let go. Or did you regret your decision? Because if you did, we can rediscuss everything and our relationship, otherwise just let me go and go on with your life. You can't wrap me around your (little) finger like this.

 

Let her know that you won't be around forever at her own convenience. You're not good now, fine. Then there's no room for jealousy or getting upset over a phone call you don't pick up or for not checking in with her.

 

I'm obviously there for her and super supportive when she needs me.

You're allowing this to happen. As a woman, I think you should have some dignity and not letting her do this to you. You're obviously still in love with her. I'm not saying to hurry up things, but there's a difference between that and breaking up. There's a world inbetween. She decided to break up. That means each one of you is free.

 

She asks silly questions like if id kiss her when we see each other again.

She's still living her own fantasy, as if she were trying to go back to what was there between the two of you when you were with someone else. Not good. Something's very wrong with this. She either wants you for real, or stop this from going on.

[ScottSummers]

Thank you for your response!

 

 

The hardest part for me is letting go. I thought/think she is the one. She still says I am the one, just not right now. How can i stop talking to someone like that? She said she hasnt given up on us. Do I just stop talking to her? Shes my best friend and I feel closer to her than I have to anyone.

[justwhoiam]

You're welcome... I'm no expert... I know we have someone in here that has a link in her signature, and she's quite the master of NC

 

But I guess she's not around here right now.

 

In the meantime, you can go to this link and read all the instructions...:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/81399-no-contact-q-you-ls-newbies

[TMichaels]

So what happened to the wife?

 

Best,

TMichaels