fortyninethousand322 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I don't why this thread is so offensive. Whatever. The idea is that some of us struggling guys wouldn't be able to attract a woman who is looked at as a great catch by society. It shouldn't be any surprise to people that some women (including single mothers) are stigmatized sometimes. So, for someone like me, a decent looking (not great but not the Elephant Man), 25 year old guy, who is in shape, college educated, with no criminal record, blah blah blah; I wouldn't be able to attract a woman who has the same qualities. So, I'll have to go for women who might be more stigmatized by society, so to speak. I'd go farther than the OP and include women who are serial cheaters. But that's just me. Feel free to say I have no self worth or that you feel sorry for me. Whatever...
BradJacobs Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 As a slump buster? Sure. For a serious relationship? Hell to the no. Older and then a pick your poison of criminal history, emotional problems, bad credit, multiple children and drug use? No thanks. I'm sorry for those whose deadbeat, jackass husbands left them and their kids in a financial lurch. You're not the ones that I'm thinking of here.
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 As a slump buster? Sure. For a serious relationship? Hell to the no. Older and then a pick your poison of criminal history, emotional problems, bad credit, multiple children and drug use? No thanks. I'm sorry for those whose deadbeat, jackass husbands left them and their kids in a financial lurch. You're not the ones that I'm thinking of here. Must be nice to have the luxury of standards. Lucky to be you...
thefooloftheyear Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 As a guy in my 40's ill only say this... Im not going to "fix" anyone anymore..I lived practically a whole lifetime trying to do that and im not doing it again.Frankly Im tired..Also. If she doesnt have a career and works a low level type of job(retail, waitressing, etc), I likely wont go there. Im 100% completely financially independant.I dont want somoeone who is only looking at me as a meal ticket or a way out of her shytty apartment. And I am not going to assume her debt and legal problems...Not at this stage of the game, sorry. I want a woman who is strong and self assured, yet still possesses the softness and femininity. Someone of some financial means herself and doesnt need me to cosign a loan or pay off her credit card. Im not even so concerned with the overall look. I am extremely fit, but give me a successful and smart woman over a broke, messy Barbie any day of the week. One that wants the hell out of me, but doesnt need me..Period. TFY 1
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 I think you'd be shocked at the quality of man a single mom can marry. Is it possible that you consider a single mom low value because they are willing to date you? ("any group that would have you as a member" sort of thing) Anyway, it makes sense that people with problems would date other people with problems. You may not have kids, debt, addiction, or a criminal history, but you have dating problems. And I'm willing to be there are men exactly as attractive as you who don't have dating problems. I wouldn't be shocked. Especially if you are a lingerie model and have men hitting on you every day, it probably doesn't matter how many problems you have. You're taking offense. How do you think I feel when hordes of women say they won't date short guys? Sucks to be told that you are inadequate, right? At least, I will date women with children and treat them with full respect. I don't think of them as lower, just more likely to accept me. Is it a coincidence? Like I asked before, you tell me. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I don't why this thread is so offensive. Whatever. The idea is that some of us struggling guys wouldn't be able to attract a woman who is looked at as a great catch by society. It shouldn't be any surprise to people that some women (including single mothers) are stigmatized sometimes. So, for someone like me, a decent looking (not great but not the Elephant Man), 25 year old guy, who is in shape, college educated, with no criminal record, blah blah blah; I wouldn't be able to attract a woman who has the same qualities. So, I'll have to go for women who might be more stigmatized by society, so to speak. I'd go farther than the OP and include women who are serial cheaters. But that's just me. Feel free to say I have no self worth or that you feel sorry for me. Whatever... Youre nuts, bro..but hey to each his own.. TFY
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Youre nuts, bro..but hey to each his own.. TFY Look, as long as she's willing to publicly acknowledge my existence, I honestly wouldn't care if she wanted to sleep with other men on the side...
sweetheart5381 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Must be nice to have the luxury of standards. Lucky to be you... Truth is, you never know until you actually talk to a person. Get to know them. That's what building a relationship is about. I do my best not to judge and hope that others don't judge me either. I personally have my own "red flags" and will run at the slightest provocation... we are all entitled to that, we all make our own decisions and have to own them. Sometimes we are wrong... that's life. My strongest suggestion and the way I live is to try to see things objectively and truly understand another before I ever consider judging them. The best counselor in the world is the one who has been there and lived it.... otherwise, I doubt they could understand. 1
xxoo Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I wouldn't be shocked. Especially if you are a lingerie model and have men hitting on you every day, it probably doesn't matter how many problems you have. You're taking offense. How do you think I feel when hordes of women say they won't date short guys? Sucks to be told that you are inadequate, right? At least, I will date women with children and treat them with full respect. I don't think of them as lower, just more likely to accept me. Is it a coincidence? Like I asked before, you tell me. I'm not taking offense personally. It's just generally offensive. I would date a short guy. Have you considered that you are more relaxed and charming around single moms, because you consider them less-than and are less intimidated? 3
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 I'm not taking offense personally. It's just generally offensive. I would date a short guy. Have you considered that you are more relaxed and charming around single moms, because you consider them less-than and are less intimidated? Bolded. No. I know tons of single moms who wouldn't give me the time of day. So, I obviously don't think all single moms are more likely to accept me. I will also add that one child only is not something that detracts that much. I'm just being realistic. The same way you say you'd date short guys, you also must admit they have less options. If I walk into a gathering of childless women in their late 20s, with multiple degrees and no children, they are more likely to blow me off than if I walked into a room of single women who have multiple children and possibly some other problems who are in their 30s. Why? Because the latter women are more likely to be more down to Earth because they have dealt with problems as one poster mentioned. Is that flawed thinking? I can't even count how many times the former has happened. My thinking is based on my life experiences, just as most people here. People think I conjure all of this stuff up in my head, but I don't.
xxoo Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I'm just being realistic. The same way you say you'd date short guys, you also must admit they have less options. Fewer, because some women won't date short guys. But millions upon millions will. Just like millions upon millions of men will date single moms. It doesn't necessarily feel like limited options when you are a single woman or short man. Perception is everything.
carhill Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Probably 90+% of the women I dated were single moms and they demonstrated 'serious problems' at a rate no more or less than any other sub-group of women I encountered. As anecdotes, I found the illegal acts demonstrated at a lesser level but more incidents of demonstrated psychological issues. Alcohol and legal drug abuse were the most common. Life is imperfect. Further, I found little evidence that such dynamics translated into them more readily 'accepting' me as a potential dating partner. That part of the equation varied little from general experience. My dating experiences generally occurred from the late 1970's until the late 1990's so pretty far in the past and probably not reflective of current experiences. 2
xxoo Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I mostly object to the assumption that single women with children have issues or serious problems. That's odd.
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I mostly object to the assumption that single women with children have issues or serious problems. That's odd. I don't know how it is at OP's age, but it's pretty obvious that single mothers my age (25) aren't as "in demand" as their childless counterparts.
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 I mostly object to the assumption that single women with children have issues or serious problems. That's odd. NOT what I was saying. I was just grouping it up. In other words, a divorced mother with 2 children in her 30s who works at JP Morgan, probably still blows me off, maybe even worse. However, a divorced mother with 2 children who has financial problems and an alcoholic ex who used to beat her, maybe she'll give me a chance.
xxoo Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 However, a divorced mother with 2 children who has financial problems and an alcoholic ex who used to beat her, maybe she'll give me a chance. I know one who meets this description. She's about 100# overweight, too. She'd never date you. She's looking for a hot guy who will pay her bills, and keeps taking back the ex who gave her a black eye. She didn't end up in this spot because she smart
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 I know one who meets this description. She's about 100# overweight, too. She'd never date you. She's looking for a hot guy who will pay her bills, and keeps taking back the ex who gave her a black eye. She didn't end up in this spot because she smart Yes, but that goes back to what I said before. The women in that situation can either choose between an attractive man who has the same problems they do (or beats them and similar crap) or a relatively good natured man who is not as attractive, but brings stability. In other words, I covered that.
sweetheart5381 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I wouldn't be shocked. Especially if you are a lingerie model and have men hitting on you every day, it probably doesn't matter how many problems you have. You're taking offense. How do you think I feel when hordes of women say they won't date short guys? Sucks to be told that you are inadequate, right? At least, I will date women with children and treat them with full respect. I don't think of them as lower, just more likely to accept me. Is it a coincidence? Like I asked before, you tell me. I will assume this post is directed at me.. why don't you address me? Ya, the lingerie model, tall, long hair, pretty girl that can hold her own in a conversation. I scare a lot of men these days I dated a very short man once. We met when we were sitting down... I had no idea he was several inches shorter than me. I was crazy attracted to him, he was confident, respectful, caring, everything I wanted... he was the bomb. Til I stood up. My desire for him never changed, I still wanted him because I felt he was himself. Then he changed... over time he became fearful of what I represented - his own dislike for his height. He became obsessed with his perceived inadequacies, rather than just enjoying our time together. Love yourself, respect yourself my friend. 4
xxoo Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 JJS, I would beat you if you partnered with a woman like her . You have a lot to offer, and should aim for a woman who has a lot to offer, even if it isn't physical beauty she offers.
Ripnet Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 i can assure younger women also can have major problems too. In their twienties with more than 3 kids. Depression, long tract criminal record etc.
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 I will assume this post is directed at me.. why don't you address me? I didn't address you because I had no issue with anything you said. I just used you as an example. You are very physically attractive and you have had some problems in life. I can see how you'd still be able to get men easily. JJS, I would beat you if you partnered with a woman like her . You have a lot to offer, and should aim for a woman who has a lot to offer, even if it isn't physical beauty she offers. Just because I'll date a woman who has children, and financial problems and is poor doesn't mean that I'll date any woman with any personality. Personality was never mentioned. That's still very important to me. But we're talking about exterior things that are dealbreakers, like looks, children, and problems. See. If I come across a woman in her 30s and maybe she's a recovering alcoholic or drug user, but seems to be a down to Earth woman and is fairly bright, but has f@cked up her 20s and done nothing, I'd pick her over the shallow woman with the Masters degree and the good job. AND, I'd think the former woman would be more likely to give me a chance. Whether or not that's actually true is up for debate.
thefooloftheyear Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I didn't address you because I had no issue with anything you said. I just used you as an example. You are very physically attractive and you have had some problems in life. I can see how you'd still be able to get men easily. Just because I'll date a woman who has children, and financial problems and is poor doesn't mean that I'll date any woman with any personality. Personality was never mentioned. That's still very important to me. But we're talking about exterior things that are dealbreakers, like looks, children, and problems. See. If I come across a woman in her 30s and maybe she's a recovering alcoholic or drug user, but seems to be a down to Earth woman and is fairly bright, but has f@cked up her 20s and done nothing, I'd pick her over the shallow woman with the Masters degree and the good job. AND, I'd think the former woman would be more likely to give me a chance. Whether or not that's actually true is up for debate. When I read this it sounds like you want someone who needs you rather than someone who wants you...Its not a good position to be in from your standpoint Just a thought TFY 2
carhill Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 However, a divorced mother with 2 children who has financial problems and an alcoholic ex who used to beat her, maybe she'll give me a chance. This would be a good example of the dynamic I addressed; such women 'gave me a chance' at a rate no more or less than other subgroups of women. They were equally 'discriminating' in what and who they were attracted to and chose for relationships and, surprisingly to me at the time though making perfect sense to me now, apparently considered a man like myself unsuitable for the type of relationship they wished to have. Over time, I came to understand this by listening. One can learn a lot by listening. 1
sweetheart5381 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I didn't address you because I had no issue with anything you said. I just used you as an example. You are very physically attractive and you have had some problems in life. I can see how you'd still be able to get men easily. Just because I'll date a woman who has children, and financial problems and is poor doesn't mean that I'll date any woman with any personality. Personality was never mentioned. That's still very important to me. But we're talking about exterior things that are dealbreakers, like looks, children, and problems. See. If I come across a woman in her 30s and maybe she's a recovering alcoholic or drug user, but seems to be a down to Earth woman and is fairly bright, but has f@cked up her 20s and done nothing, I'd pick her over the shallow woman with the Masters degree and the good job. AND, I'd think the former woman would be more likely to give me a chance. Whether or not that's actually true is up for debate. Thank you, that's much appreciated. And you know, I spent a very long time away from men until I got my bearings straight about myself. I learned I had to love me in order to love another. I never really cared about "getting a man". It sounds like an easy life.. but its rather unfulfilling. Would rather be the plain Jane (my middle name co-incidentally) and find the man that accepts and loves me.
ja123 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 This would be a good example of the dynamic I addressed; such women 'gave me a chance' at a rate no more or less than other subgroups of women. They were equally 'discriminating' in what and who they were attracted to and chose for relationships and, surprisingly to me at the time though making perfect sense to me now, apparently considered a man like myself unsuitable for the type of relationship they wished to have. Over time, I came to understand this by listening. One can learn a lot by listening. So what did they say or do that you listened to to come to this conclusion, carhill?
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