JuneJulySeptember Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I have found in my 30s that one way for struggling men to find someone to accept them is by dating older women with a significant amount of problems, for lack of a better word, and/or multiple children. This usually means multiple children and/or drug problems, serious debt, maybe even a criminal history. It stands to reason that such women may date less attractive men without these problems because other more physically attractive/smoother men brush them off. I find that the #1 gripe of struggling men here is that their potentials are not physically attractive (not my gripe). So, if you are willing to accept the above, there is a chance she will be on the more physically attractive end. So, would you?
ltjg45 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Multiple Children? Maybe. Depends if she has them under control or not. If not, no. Criminal History? No. Serious Debt? Maybe but it does bring up a red flag concerning how she spends her money. I don't mess with materialistic women. Drug Problems? No. I don't mess with anyone that smokes anything. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I have found in my 30s that one way for struggling men to find someone to accept them is by dating older women with a significant amount of problems, for lack of a better word, and/or multiple children. This usually means multiple children and/or drug problems, serious debt, maybe even a criminal history. It stands to reason that such women may date less attractive men without these problems because other more physically attractive/smoother men brush them off. I find that the #1 gripe of struggling men here is that their potentials are not physically attractive (not my gripe). So, if you are willing to accept the above, there is a chance she will be on the more physically attractive end. So, would you? Children? Most likely. Drug problems? Depends on the drug. Serious debt? Depends on who the debt is to and how much it would impact my life I suppose. I don't want any shady characters cutting my hands off because my girlfriend owes them money. Criminal history? Depends on the crime. Something harmless like pot possession or downloading music isn't a big deal. If she dismembered someone or animal cruelty? No thanks. Again, I don't want my hands (or anything else for that matter) cut off. My hope is that when I get to be a little bit older, the women with "baggage" will have lower standards and I'll be able to easily get dates... 2
thefooloftheyear Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 You guys are all effin crazy for even considering it... You have no idea how effed up your life can become if you get involved with someone who is messed up.. Kids..fine...drugs or emotional problems? No way...Keep a wide berth, boys.. The fcking you get wont be worth the fcking you are going to get... TFY 3
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 (edited) Children? Most likely. Drug problems? Depends on the drug. Serious debt? Depends on who the debt is to and how much it would impact my life I suppose. I don't want any shady characters cutting my hands off because my girlfriend owes them money. Criminal history? Depends on the crime. Something harmless like pot possession or downloading music isn't a big deal. If she dismembered someone or animal cruelty? No thanks. Again, I don't want my hands (or anything else for that matter) cut off. My hope is that when I get to be a little bit older, the women with "baggage" will have lower standards and I'll be able to easily get dates... Let's just the say the drug won't be marijuana for sure. More realistic is a woman who has had a lot of drug problems in the past, and has kicked it, but possibly has nothing to show for being messed up for so long. I do think older women with such problems are more likely to date undesirable men. The thing is you are competing against more attractive men who have the same problems they do. So, if they are mature enough and have seen enough trauma, then they may pick you. A woman without such problems will hardly ever settle no matter how old. I have dated a woman with two of four of the above. Edited June 24, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Let's just the say the drug won't be marijuana for sure. More realistic is a woman who has had a lot of drug problems in the past, and has kicked it, but possibly has nothing to show for being messed up for so long. I do think older women with such problems are more likely to date undesirable men. The thing is you are competing against more attractive men who have the same problems they do. So, if they are mature enough and have seen enough trauma, then they may pick you. A woman without such problems will hardly ever settle no matter how old. I have dated a woman with two of four of the above. And did it work out with those women?
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 And did it work out with those women? It didn't end badly. I still had to go for her and 'win' her, but she did choose me. It was an experience I look on fondly and it gave me at least a taste of the experience of dating and 'love'. She was pretty average if not slightly above in attractiveness, so if she didn't have the kids and financial problems, it was highly unlikely that she would have chosen me.
Phantom888 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Your self esteem will basically show on the quality of partners you choose. When I was at my lowest of lows (divorced, broke, fat, depressed), I dated an uneducated older woman with a history of addiction, mental illness and troubles. Then I decided I don't want to live like that, and I broke up with her. As my self esteem picked back up, I started dating prettier and smarter women. Now that I feel I am back on track, I am dating the most amazing woman I have ever met. It's true! 2
todreaminblue Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 well this thread is depressing........it is depressing to think that men would see older women with issues a problem...that kids are considered as a mess.......that mental issues are something that makes a woman leper like.......drugs .....debt....and lumping it all together with a single mother.....to make them an easy lay ........ I am a single mother.........i am schizo affective..i dont do drugs....i got stuck with the debts when my husband left me and my tribe for another woman........still paying them off..... i would not want a man who thought like this about single mothers or would i ever date such a shallow minded individual.....i doubt that any self respecting single mother would........regardless of mental illness....and children given by the grace of god who are considered messes......and target points........or stay right away from that lepersville mother with debt.......this thread is highly disheartening....there are reasons why single mothers end up single mothers.......and there is no rhyme or reason for having to live with mental illness......it isnt easy and guys as above...dont make it any easier...just stay away is my suggestion....from mothers who struggle.........to make ends meet, who are trying to have a happy life....let them meet someone who truly appreciates them and loves them despite their many flaws...and is willing to not only accept their children as a package deal ....but maybe loves those children as well..those kids deserve that type of man......as does the woman..best wishes............deb 3
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 I think Casey Anthony is single. More f@cked up than that. She doesn't have any kids anymore. Nor is she old. She's also really hot. I wasn't talking about women that attractive. She'll have absolutely no problem finding a man despite her past troubles and complete lack of, well, anything. Book it.
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 (edited) well this thread is depressing........it is depressing to think that men would see older women with issues a problem...that kids are considered as a mess.......that mental issues are something that makes a woman leper like.......drugs .....debt....and lumping it all together with a single mother.....to make them an easy lay ........ I am a single mother.........i am schizo affective..i dont do drugs....i got stuck with the debts when my husband left me and my tribe for another woman........still paying them off..... I don't see kids as 'problems' and I was trying clearly to separate them. But in society eyes, you are lower on the food chain. Just the same as I am lower because of my looks. How do you think I feel when women reject me all the time because of that? Just the way the world is. Unless you think that every guy who rejects you because of your kids (and a LOT will) is shallow the same way that I think that everyone who rejects me because of my looks is. See what I mean? Edited June 24, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember
todreaminblue Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I don't see kids as 'problems' and I was trying clearly to separate them. But in society eyes, you are lower on the food chain. Just the same as I am lower because of my looks. How do you think I feel when women reject me all the time because of that? Just the way the world is. Unless you think that every guy who rejects you because of your kids is shallow the same way that I think that everyone who rejects me because of my looks is. See what I mean? i would rather be rejected because of my kids than seen as a target for a guy to get laid because i have kids.....i dont think it is shallow to reject someone you are not attracted to or don't feel anything for....... i think it is very shallow to think a single mother has lower standards......i am single because i have higher standards....i have to consider not only myself .......i have to consider my girls........who will see me in a relationship with a man ...and emulate what i do...who i choose....if i were to jump into a relationship......it has to be a committed one........i have to consider if the man is up to coming into a house with teenage girls...my girls don't need to be abandoned again ...nor do i for that matter by a guy who wants one thing or puts up with us because he thinks that being with me is the best he can do.....and i have had offers.......i have declined.......i have more than myself to think about....and if that means me never finding someone...so be it......I am more careful than if i were without children...because i think of them.......i have to....its nto abotu rejection.......the shallowness...shallowness exists if you choose a mother because of her flaws and responsibilities that she would be more forgiving of your flaws and short comings....i know that you were throwing this topic open for discussion.......i am disheartened because no one has said that the some of the issues mentioned........deserve compassion and respect....not disgust ...deb 2
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 shallowness exists if you choose a mother because of her flaws and responsibilities that she would be more forgiving of your flaws and short comings.... That's how everything is in this world. I dated a single mother because I liked her and was able to overlook her flaws. Would she have dated me if she didn't have the kids? I highly doubt it. She could have gotten a more attractive man. See what I mean? You can talk about ideals and people loving you for who you are, but the truth is there is a hierarchy. That doesn't mean that I just want to have sex with her. I'm conscious of being a potential father to her children. But most of my friends wouldn't have dated her. Sorry.
shexy Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 This whole thread is disturbing on so many levels. First of all - not all women who have debt are materialistic losers. Some women have debt because their exhusbands took all their money....IJS. Some women also have debt because they are paying off college loans and mortgages and cars and things like that. If your self esteem is low enough that you think you can't get anything better than a drughead criminal, so be it. But why older? Are there no druggie criminals your own age out there? 5
carhill Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Struggling men, would you date women with serious problems A few decades ago, I did, giving far too many people the benefit of the doubt about their personal issues. Nowadays, contentment is the priority so, when that old canary starts to choke, I hightail it out of the mine. Life's too short. My definition of 'serious' would include illegal acts and mental illness or defect. Surprisingly, many people met that test.
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 This whole thread is disturbing on so many levels. First of all - not all women who have debt are materialistic losers. Some women have debt because their exhusbands took all their money....IJS. Some women also have debt because they are paying off college loans and mortgages and cars and things like that. If your self esteem is low enough that you think you can't get anything better than a drughead criminal, so be it. But why older? Are there no druggie criminals your own age out there? Because younger women with such problems still won't date unattractive men. The older women maybe are through putting up with drunks and druggies with problems of their own, so they might. Maybe. I don't go for only single mothers. Those have just happened to be a few of the only ones who accepted me. Coincidence? You tell me.
shexy Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Because younger women with such problems still won't date unattractive men. The older women maybe are through putting up with drunks and druggies with problems of their own, so they might. Maybe. I don't go for only single mothers. Those have just happened to be a few of the only ones who accepted me. Coincidence? You tell me. Are you saying you think you're unattractive, and that only older women will date you? As someone older than you, I'm a little offended by that. Like you think all older women are desperate or something? 4
kaylan Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Id say I struggle to find decent chicks at times...though "struggle" is subjective. That being said, Im in my 20s, educated, in shape, no drug issues, no kids, no major debt outside of student loans (less than 30k), and no criminal history. Hell no I wouldnt date a girl with problems...even when Im older. No baggage, no way.
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 Are you saying you think you're unattractive, and that only older women will date you? As someone older than you, I'm a little offended by that. Like you think all older women are desperate or something? Actually I think I'm attractive. Some of the time. Women think I'm unattractive. There's a big difference. I wouldn't say older women in general are more desperate. But those with children and some additional problems have less options. And people with less options are more likely to settle. BTW, you never answered my question.
shexy Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I can't answer a question about single moms, I don't have kids. I really doubt that all women find you unattractive - I think you're maybe just in a dating slump right now. Don't lower your standards and date druggie criminals....I mean, EVERYONE has baggage, but that kind of baggae is pretty major. 1
todreaminblue Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 That's how everything is in this world. I dated a single mother because I liked her and was able to overlook her flaws. Would she have dated me if she didn't have the kids? I highly doubt it. She could have gotten a more attractive man. See what I mean? You can talk about ideals and people loving you for who you are, but the truth is there is a hierarchy. That doesn't mean that I just want to have sex with her. I'm conscious of being a potential father to her children. But most of my friends wouldn't have dated her. Sorry. Before i had children.....i had the same ideals i have now, i had guys chasing me.....flashy guys good looking sought after by other females.......i had friends harassing me to go out with one particular guy...he was wealthy owned his own club.......a six foot soemthing lothario....i chose a five foot guy who spent his spare time with street kids........unpaid.......he taught them break dancing and martial arts......showed them there was more to life than drugs..... made them smile.......so i dated that guy...i was single.....sought after and still had my head in the clouds........ not all women just date attractive men.......and attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder....i believe true beauty comes from the soul......radiates out to touch people in that persons life...if i can see that.....it is what i look for......that inner shine......if i can see that....i will date that person regardless of what others perceive they look like...they shine to me..with their inner core strength, their soft voices, their compassion for others, the way they hold their body... facing the world and all in it with their shoulders squared, a guy who would defend home and family not run away when things got rough because lifeoften does get rough ....it is not all smooth and calm...........and that is all that matters... with or without children my standards are the same...if man can get down on his knees for a child and play with them, or to show someone less fortunate than themselves......or overlooked.....as children often are...that is my guy the guy who holds my heart...am i idealistic....yep..... i believe a lot of woman....have pie in the sky dreams and aspirations that should not be belittled or forgotten and dropped due to circumstances and...of course...children...i am not special....and most mothers would feel this way who are not partnered....even partnered ...same aspirations, same dreams...children only extend those aspirations and dreams to include their dreams....their children's hopes for the future....not lessen them or lower their own but expand them.....that is deeper thinking..mental illness or not....i feel a woman's thoughts and aspirations dreams and hopes are important...regardless of what others may feel......deb
sweetheart5381 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Before i had children.....i had the same ideals i have now, i had guys chasing me.....flashy guys good looking sought after by other females.......i had friends harassing me to go out with one particular guy...he was wealthy owned his own club.......a six foot soemthing lothario....i chose a five foot guy who spent his spare time with street kids........unpaid.......he taught them break dancing and martial arts......showed them there was more to life than drugs..... made them smile.......so i dated that guy...i was single.....sought after and still had my head in the clouds........ not all women just date attractive men.......and attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder....i believe true beauty comes from the soul......radiates out to touch people in that persons life...if i can see that.....it is what i look for......that inner shine......if i can see that....i will date that person regardless of what others perceive they look like...they shine to me..with their inner core strength, their soft voices, their compassion for others, the way they hold their body... facing the world and all in it with their shoulders squared, a guy who would defend home and family not run away when things got rough because lifeoften does get rough ....it is not all smooth and calm...........and that is all that matters... with or without children my standards are the same...if man can get down on his knees for a child and play with them, or to show someone less fortunate than themselves......or overlooked.....as children often are...that is my guy the guy who holds my heart...am i idealistic....yep..... i believe a lot of woman....have pie in the sky dreams and aspirations that should not be belittled or forgotten and dropped due to circumstances and...of course...children...i am not special....and most mothers would feel this way who are not partnered....even partnered ...same aspirations, same dreams...children only extend those aspirations and dreams to include their dreams....their children's hopes for the future....not lessen them or lower their own but expand them.....that is deeper thinking..mental illness or not....i feel a woman's thoughts and aspirations dreams and hopes are important...regardless of what others may feel......deb Good one Deb. Sometimes the ones that appear to have the most flaws, similar to the rose with many thorns, have the most to offer. These folks have experienced a difficult life and often times become a better person because of it. They protect more viciously, they think critically and demand more from a partner. They love more deeply because of the devotion that they needed to show themselves to get out of the mess they got into it. I have experienced bankruptcy, I have PTSD from yrs of trauma and abuse. I also got my education as a single mother and work for the most successful business in the city. I have struggled with addiction, and deal with it on a daily basis. I was once a lingerie model, am always called pretty, hot etc, I get hit on daily, even as a Mom to teenagers... but I hated the way I looked until I started to love myself. Do not judge a book by it's cover. Some folks have to learn the hard way, and wind up better off because of it. 1
xxoo Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I think you'd be shocked at the quality of man a single mom can marry. Is it possible that you consider a single mom low value because they are willing to date you? ("any group that would have you as a member" sort of thing) Anyway, it makes sense that people with problems would date other people with problems. You may not have kids, debt, addiction, or a criminal history, but you have dating problems. And I'm willing to be there are men exactly as attractive as you who don't have dating problems. 2
thefooloftheyear Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Before i had children.....i had the same ideals i have now, i had guys chasing me.....flashy guys good looking sought after by other females.......i had friends harassing me to go out with one particular guy...he was wealthy owned his own club.......a six foot soemthing lothario....i chose a five foot guy who spent his spare time with street kids........unpaid.......he taught them break dancing and martial arts......showed them there was more to life than drugs..... made them smile.......so i dated that guy...i was single.....sought after and still had my head in the clouds........ not all women just date attractive men.......and attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder....i believe true beauty comes from the soul......radiates out to touch people in that persons life...if i can see that.....it is what i look for......that inner shine......if i can see that....i will date that person regardless of what others perceive they look like...they shine to me..with their inner core strength, their soft voices, their compassion for others, the way they hold their body... facing the world and all in it with their shoulders squared, a guy who would defend home and family not run away when things got rough because lifeoften does get rough ....it is not all smooth and calm...........and that is all that matters... with or without children my standards are the same...if man can get down on his knees for a child and play with them, or to show someone less fortunate than themselves......or overlooked.....as children often are...that is my guy the guy who holds my heart...am i idealistic....yep..... i believe a lot of woman....have pie in the sky dreams and aspirations that should not be belittled or forgotten and dropped due to circumstances and...of course...children...i am not special....and most mothers would feel this way who are not partnered....even partnered ...same aspirations, same dreams...children only extend those aspirations and dreams to include their dreams....their children's hopes for the future....not lessen them or lower their own but expand them.....that is deeper thinking..mental illness or not....i feel a woman's thoughts and aspirations dreams and hopes are important...regardless of what others may feel......deb Very well said...
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