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Posted

So this past weekend I reached what was probably the lowest point in my life after hearing some devastating news.

 

Since my divorce was finalized in November, I've gone through some depression and sought counseling. I wanted out of marriage because she was verbally abusive and possibly BPD, but I still loved her and missed her.

 

I knew that one she would one day rebound...well, she has rebounded in a big way.

 

I went to a birthday party this weekend at a bar to meet up with a few old friends and old co-workers. As I was about to leave, an old co-worker pulled me aside to ask what was going on in my life. After a few minutes, she asked me if I was divorced with a confused look on her face. After telling her yes, she said “oh my god, so much I need to tell you.”

 

I didn’t want to hear it, but I told myself I needed to hear all the details in order to hit rock bottom and officially move on.

 

The old co-worker tells me that my ex-wife is seeing one our fellow old co-workers and they are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. So a mere two months after my divorce was finalized in November, my ex-wife had already secured a new man in her life by mid-February. Take note that I also worked with my ex-wife (that’s how we met), she clearly found the first available guy in the office to build a relationship with. She apparently loves the company ink.

 

The girl then began seeing photos of them pop up on Facebook during the past few months (she is Facebook friends with this guy)….and he did attended her brother’s wedding this past weekend and seems to have already met her family. Unbelievable…after a mere 3-4 months this guy is already involved in family functions. It took me about 6 months before I personally felt comfortable meeting her family. She is clearly on the fast track to another marriage and wants kids right away.

 

What makes matters worse? This guy makes like six-figures a year and he basically doubles my salary. I have never felt so worthless in my entire life. I feel so inferior, like I was never a good enough provider for her despite everything I did. We did have a good home, cars, furniture. Now she will completely upgrade her life – it seems so unfair based on all the psychological torment she has caused in my life.

 

I went home that night with a huge lump in my throat, and it felt like I was too hurt to even cry, and had this major panic attack. I ended up talking to a close friend for an hour or so to get me straight.

 

So yes, I’m completely disgusted by her ability to move on so quickly and become attached. I'm still picking up the pieces.

 

I am so hurt and demoralized. Please, someone help me or tell me something to get out of this fog.

Posted
So this past weekend I reached what was probably the lowest point in my life after hearing some devastating news.

 

Since my divorce was finalized in November, I've gone through some depression and sought counseling. I wanted out of marriage because she was verbally abusive and possibly BPD, but I still loved her and missed her.

 

I knew that one she would one day rebound...well, she has rebounded in a big way.

 

I went to a birthday party this weekend at a bar to meet up with a few old friends and old co-workers. As I was about to leave, an old co-worker pulled me aside to ask what was going on in my life. After a few minutes, she asked me if I was divorced with a confused look on her face. After telling her yes, she said “oh my god, so much I need to tell you.”

 

I didn’t want to hear it, but I told myself I needed to hear all the details in order to hit rock bottom and officially move on.

 

The old co-worker tells me that my ex-wife is seeing one our fellow old co-workers and they are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. So a mere two months after my divorce was finalized in November, my ex-wife had already secured a new man in her life by mid-February. Take note that I also worked with my ex-wife (that’s how we met), she clearly found the first available guy in the office to build a relationship with. She apparently loves the company ink.

 

The girl then began seeing photos of them pop up on Facebook during the past few months (she is Facebook friends with this guy)….and he did attended her brother’s wedding this past weekend and seems to have already met her family. Unbelievable…after a mere 3-4 months this guy is already involved in family functions. It took me about 6 months before I personally felt comfortable meeting her family. She is clearly on the fast track to another marriage and wants kids right away.

 

What makes matters worse? This guy makes like six-figures a year and he basically doubles my salary. I have never felt so worthless in my entire life. I feel so inferior, like I was never a good enough provider for her despite everything I did. We did have a good home, cars, furniture. Now she will completely upgrade her life – it seems so unfair based on all the psychological torment she has caused in my life.

 

I went home that night with a huge lump in my throat, and it felt like I was too hurt to even cry, and had this major panic attack. I ended up talking to a close friend for an hour or so to get me straight.

 

So yes, I’m completely disgusted by her ability to move on so quickly and become attached. I'm still picking up the pieces.

 

I am so hurt and demoralized. Please, someone help me or tell me something to get out of this fog.

 

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I, myself, will inevitably experience the same thing at some point. My ex-wife WILL date and remarry eventually.

 

You just gotta keep healthy. Honestly. Sometimes your feet walk on their own. Other times it seems you gotta make an effort with each and every step. I think it's important to be able to truly look back with fondness on your good times and not try to repress the memories. She most likely cherishes the memories too. Unfurtunately your memories stopped, but the past is still alive. Don't cover it up and repress it. Embrace it. Meanwhile take care of yourself and do those things which make you alive.

Posted

Boxing, you need to stop this. First of all, that woman should NOT have pulled you aside like that and told you all that stuff. That was incredibly insensitive of her to do that and very petty and immature. Obviously, a gossip monger. You should have stopped her right then and there and walked away.

 

Second, your wife has BPD. BPD's are like leeches and find new hosts very quickly. Once she's sucked his blood, you are dead to her and she is feasting on this new guy now. His problem, not yours. Be glad you got rid of this nightmare. Who gives a sh*t what he makes??? Since when does a person's earning power make them better than anyone else? Last time I checked, it doesn't.

 

For you to base your self worth and feelings about yourself over her moving on is not healthy. Stop letting the actions of someone else determine how you feel about yourself. You need to get yourself to a therapist right away.

  • Like 3
Posted
I wanted out of marriage because she was verbally abusive and possibly BPD

 

Sounds to me like you should be feeling sorry for the new guy.

 

I understand it hurts when someone moves on and you are left feeling like you were unimportant to her, but in the long run, you are better off.

 

As GIL said, if she has BPD, she likely cannot be alone and grabbed hold of the first man she saw. That doesn't mean they are happy or will be in the long term, or that she isn't taking all the same issues she had in your relationship along with her into this new one. He just doesn't yet know who she really is... but he will find out soon enough.

  • Like 2
Posted

His wealth cannot cure her personality disorder. Even IF he funded the best available therapy, she has to want to change. He'll ultimately suffer as you have but my guess is he'll cut her off long before it gets into long term.

 

 

Hang in there.

  • Like 2
Posted

She doesn't exist in your life anymore and her new man is nothing to you. You need to just do your thing and focus on what will make your life complete. You know what she is all about and you survived now she is his problem.

  • Like 2
Posted

I was with a woman who had BpD and i tell you what, that was work. Being that, she was also a sex addict. As the thread eaier, who that was that called them leeches, thats no joke. This gal i was with moved on to some other guy right away, wasnt long till she woke up one morning and found him gone. It wont be ling till this guy fugures out something isnt right. She too will wake up one morning and find him gone

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
It's not too surprising that post-divorce she would go public about her relationship with her affair partner.

 

Well, I don't think she had an affair. I mean we separated, and lived together for about 4 or 5 months in separate rooms because we couldn't sell our house...and were pretty civil. I am 100% positive she did not hookup with someone around this time because she was home every night and depressed.

 

However, in the two months we lived apart after the house sold, and we were will still technically married, I have suspicion that she might have got with someone during this time. She came to our divorce proceedings looking completely different and back into shape after being fat for most of our 3 year marriage.

 

My old co-worker said, based on her Facebook observations, that they have been pretty public about their relationship for maybe the past 3 months.

 

After the divorce was final, I spent about 4 months completely alone trying to rebuild myself and recover and figure out what I want to do with my life. I finally met someone two months ago and we've been intimate already, but the relationship is casual and not particularly serious. I am simply not ready to be committed.

 

Still...I cannot get over how fast she has rebounded, it makes me quite sick to be honest, and I hope her relationship crashes and burns.

Posted

Dude, you know she's a broken, messed up woman. You've had her thousands of times. This is pride ****ing with you. You want what you can't have, and you feel inferior cause you can't have it. YOU DON'T WANT HER BACK. Keep improving yourself and find a woman who is worthy of you, not a fast rebounding BPD case who can't be alone for 30 minutes. Trust me I'm in the exact same situation and have been romanticizing my exW because we have a son and all it's done is destroy my confidence and made me unattractive to any woman I would consider dating cause I wouldnt shut up about her. Stop this now, before you do some real damage to yourself, she's not worth it.

  • Like 1
Posted

I think what a lot of us forget is how to let go the right way, to truly get to indifference. It's not about holding a grudge or is it about wishing someone's new relationship (after you discarded them) "crash and burn". Should this "friend" have told you this information, no. But it is out there.

 

Are you seeing an IC instead of your old MC about these issues? I really feel you need to address the fact that you are emotionally unavailable. From your postings here on LS, it seems the more you get involved with the new woman, the more you want you want your ex back or an excuse not to get involved.

 

In June 2011, less than a year from when you asked your wife for a divorce, you were asking about looking up old crushes on Facebook. That already shows you weren't happy with "something". Be it you felt she was fat, controlling, demanding...etc....less than 3 years into a marriage, you weren't happy. Not going to go into YOUR diagnosis of your wife because you only talk about MC and that is probably where the meds for depression came along, as you stated, she was devastated when you asked for the divorce. I only have your posts to go by, if I've missed something, please correct me.

 

The real question here is how long are you going to run from what you were looking for? Your wife has a right to be happy and move on with her life. She doesn't need permission nor do you. The only other synopsis is that she is seeking revenge for moving on with her life with an old co-worker and if that is the case, finding indifference and letting her figure that out could serve you well. It's all on how you decide to move from here, in the meantime, there is something "casual" that you need to address because that isn't fair either.

  • Like 1
Posted
Dude, you know she's a broken, messed up woman. You've had her thousands of times. This is pride ****ing with you. You want what you can't have, and you feel inferior cause you can't have it. YOU DON'T WANT HER BACK. Keep improving yourself and find a woman who is worthy of you, not a fast rebounding BPD case who can't be alone for 30 minutes. Trust me I'm in the exact same situation and have been romanticizing my exW because we have a son and all it's done is destroy my confidence and made me unattractive to any woman I would consider dating cause I wouldnt shut up about her. Stop this now, before you do some real damage to yourself, she's not worth it.

 

Stop that!! The only woman who will ever deserve your head up her a** is the one that is treating you right and you treat right in mutual respect.

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)

BAH!

 

This 'relationship' wont last long. He will see how much of a fool this woman is and bail on her soon enough. She has mental issues and will bleed this idiot for as much as she can.

 

Its a rebound, she has mental issues, she is not wired up right. The moment this guy stops giving, she will bail anyway too and move on to some other idiot like a leach.

 

My bet, this guy smartens up and bails on her.

 

Maybe he is using her too.....

 

Forget her.

Edited by danny351
  • Like 1
Posted

Regardless of the mechanics of it? There's no need in beating yourself up about it? And there's no need in compare yourself to this poor soul either. He's got himself a tiger by the tail and doesn't even know it. Sooner or later he's not only going to be wanting some "Relief" ~ he's going to be needing it! And that's a fact Jack!

 

Yo can sit around and tear this thing apart and put it back together any way that you want to? The choice is yours and yours alone?

 

Why are you paying rent to someone to live there in your head when they don't deserve to? Time to kick her out, and evict her azz! Once and for good and move on.

 

There always going to be someone smarter, better looking, in better shape than you. There's always going to be someone that make more money than you? Who's more successful in ______________________(fill in the blank) than you?

 

But there's always going to be some who's less fortunate than you, uglier than you, in worse shape than you, make a whole lot less money than you?

 

Don't worry about what someone else has? Don't worry about what you have or don't have. What one will abuse? Another can certainly use!

 

You can sit your happy azz wondering and worrying about this and that ~ and there's not a single amount of worrying that's worth a single solitary dime.

 

Each and all of us only have two things to worry about?

 

Whether we're healthy or sick?

 

If we're healthy? We've nothing to worry about!

 

And if we're sick? We've still only two things to worry about?

 

Whether we're going to live or die?

 

If we live? We've nothing to worry about!

 

But if we die? We've still only two things to worry about?

 

Whether we're going to go to Heaven or Hell?

 

If we go to Heaven? We've nothing to worry about!

 

And if we go to Hell?

 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Hell! It won't matter because we'll all be so damned busy shaking hands with and saying hello to all of our friends? It won't matter.

 

Besides, even if you go to Hell?

 

The Devil jumps out trying to scare and torment you, and you're like, "Whatever!"

 

Its then the look of realization comes over his face, and he says, '

 

"OH? You were married? Well there's not much around here to show you? Nothing that you've not already been through already? Hey! You didn't happen to come across any single guys on tha way down did ya? What's that? You've been married twice? Do you want a job?"
:eek::laugh::p

 

Seriously this is just a futile exercise? Who cares!

 

Its like the ex-hex of mine? Oh Boy's got her, but you know what?

 

I had back during tha' day during tha day when she was young and such? He's got her now ~ she's 57. She get meaner, uglier, sicker, etc everyday, but he's got her?

 

So I guess that makes me the "Winner"

 

Posted

orionboxing - Every day that you waste obsessing about your ex-wife is a day you could be meeting & having pillow-talk with your future soulmate. You're depriving some good-hearted woman out there of happiness.

  • Like 2
  • 5 weeks later...
  • Author
Posted

I feel the need to bump this....

 

Recently, my ex-wife's new guy has been checking out my LinkedIn profile, as well as visiting my website, and probably visiting my Facebook page (my photos aren't private) for a couple months now. He knows who I am, and we have a couple mutual Facebook friends.

 

Any thoughts as to why he is doing this? My wife has no interest in getting back with me...but it's bringing up old wounds and him spying on me is not helping the process.

 

Why does he care to check me out when I've been out of my wife's life for close to a year? Why am I even a threat?

Posted
I feel the need to bump this....

 

Recently, my ex-wife's new guy has been checking out my LinkedIn profile, as well as visiting my website, and probably visiting my Facebook page (my photos aren't private) for a couple months now. He knows who I am, and we have a couple mutual Facebook friends.

 

Any thoughts as to why he is doing this? My wife has no interest in getting back with me...but it's bringing up old wounds and him spying on me is not helping the process.

 

Why does he care to check me out when I've been out of my wife's life for close to a year? Why am I even a threat?

 

I'd probably ask you what have you been doing or inquiring about in the past month yourself...time to stop obsessing over what you didn't want..and who is moving on and just move on yourself.

Posted
I feel the need to bump this....

 

Recently, my ex-wife's new guy has been checking out my LinkedIn profile, as well as visiting my website, and probably visiting my Facebook page (my photos aren't private) for a couple months now. He knows who I am, and we have a couple mutual Facebook friends.

 

Any thoughts as to why he is doing this? My wife has no interest in getting back with me...but it's bringing up old wounds and him spying on me is not helping the process.

 

Why does he care to check me out when I've been out of my wife's life for close to a year? Why am I even a threat?

 

If he is seriously doing that, then the relationship will fail at some point.

It seems to me that he is more curious about you, and what is it that he doesn't have.

He may be the jealous type, which is a breaker. He may just be curious, but why? If I was dating a woman who is divorced or whatever, I am not gonna look up her ex to , "learn about him".

There is something really wrong with that.

  • Author
Posted
I'd probably ask you what have you been doing or inquiring about in the past month yourself...time to stop obsessing over what you didn't want..and who is moving on and just move on yourself.

 

I haven't been here in a month, I've been rebuilding myself, gaining muscle, dating a woman, working on getting out of my current job and leaving the area for something better.

 

When I login into my networks, I don't need to see my ex-wife's boyfriend IP address and his LinkedIn picture staring back at me every couple of days. Seems like he's the one obsessed now.

 

I come here for support when things aren't good.

Posted
If he is seriously doing that, then the relationship will fail at some point.

It seems to me that he is more curious about you, and what is it that he doesn't have.

He may be the jealous type, which is a breaker. He may just be curious, but why? If I was dating a woman who is divorced or whatever, I am not gonna look up her ex to , "learn about him".

There is something really wrong with that.

 

its almost like he feels a need to compete. Very strange

  • Author
Posted
If he is seriously doing that, then the relationship will fail at some point.

It seems to me that he is more curious about you, and what is it that he doesn't have.

He may be the jealous type, which is a breaker. He may just be curious, but why? If I was dating a woman who is divorced or whatever, I am not gonna look up her ex to , "learn about him".

There is something really wrong with that.

 

Yes, he is doing this.

 

I hate to be vain, but I will be honest that the guy is not attractive by most standards. He's short, overweight, doesn't have a really a great face. But he might make up for it in other ways. Good for him.

 

I have always gotten attention for my looks...that's how I got my current girl. But I have found as I've gotten older that looks aren't really a top priority for a lot of women or a successful relationship. Obviously, my marriage didn't work. ;)

Posted
I haven't been here in a month, I've been rebuilding myself, gaining muscle, dating a woman, working on getting out of my current job and leaving the area for something better.

 

When I login into my networks, I don't need to see my ex-wife's boyfriend IP address and his LinkedIn picture staring back at me every couple of days. Seems like he's the one obsessed now.

 

I come here for support when things aren't good.

 

M-K....here's support...you can't control what he does, give it a week and he will be bored of it.

 

So...do right by the new woman and quit obsessing over the ex and her boyfriend. Every time you do this, you create a ripple in moving on, the new relationship and you come back here when things aren't good...got it?

  • Author
Posted
M-K....here's support...you can't control what he does, give it a week and he will be bored of it.

 

So...do right by the new woman and quit obsessing over the ex and her boyfriend. Every time you do this, you create a ripple in moving on, the new relationship and you come back here when things aren't good...got it?

 

 

Good advice...I pretty much no what I need to do. I'm not even a year out from divorce so I've got some ways to go...but there is no doubt I'm going in the right direction with my life.

 

The new girl is a casual thing. 1 or 2 nights per week tops. Sometimes we'll go a whole week of not seeing each other and doing light texting. It's a nice situation (intimacy, fun, dinners) and comfortable.

Posted
Good advice...I pretty much no what I need to do. I'm not even a year out from divorce so I've got some ways to go...but there is no doubt I'm going in the right direction with my life.

 

The new girl is a casual thing. 1 or 2 nights per week tops. Sometimes we'll go a whole week of not seeing each other and doing light texting. It's a nice situation (intimacy, fun, dinners) and comfortable.

 

There is nothing wrong with that..

it seems to me your taking things very slow which is good..

Im in no hurry myself. Ive been talking to a girl over the last week an its just nice to have someone for me to talk to right now. Not about my issues at all, those belong to me but, she talks to me. I didn't have that with my stbxw.

But as far as anything else, Im far from any of that.

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