Left long distance girlfriend last year & afraid I made horrible mistake

June 24, 2013

Hi everyone,

I'll try to sum up my story in a fairly concise way here. I don't wanna bore you all to death before you finish, but I don't have too many other people to turn to for advice so any help/advice/encouragement you could provide would be much appreciated.

A little history to start... I met this girl through a friend about 3 years ago when she was here in town visiting. We hit it off immediately, and when she went home we stayed in touch through facebook, texting, e-mailing, etc. Even with the lack of ever being able to be together it was still the time of my life. I'd never experienced clicking with someone like that and she became (and I consider even still to be) my one real true best friend. For about the first year or so we were just that... best friends. It was always sort of the elephant in the room that we liked each other but the distance keeping us apart and stuff made us each a little uneasy to really talk about having a real relationship. When we finally did everything was fantastic. We both obviously would have preferred to be physically together but just knowing we were in it together kept us very happy.

We were very strong and happy for about another year. It's a shame that this has all happened because we were in love and were fired up that we'd be able to stay strong and "beat the odds" of long distance relationships. Sadly however I think we both slowly started to succumb to the toll it was taking on us. We'd only been able to see each other twice since becoming "official." Not being able to do things together and each being busy with our own lives gave us less and less to talk about and enjoy together. Also I think having an uncertain "end-date" to being apart due to work and school reasons made things much more grim. Little things would begin to frustrate me like when she'd reply to a text or something in a way that I felt was less caring or loving than what I'd send to her, and some things I'd do would start to aggravate her more as well.

I started to question my feelings a lot, and I hated myself for it. I was in an ongoing battle with myself trying to figure out whether or not my feelings were still the same... Were these problems just because of the distance? Would we be a perfectly happy couple in a more normal situation? Was I just having a hard time crossing over from the "honey-moon" phase to the more regular, long-term love phase? How much of it was her changing as well as myself? Or was I just being paranoid and over-thinking everything?

What happened next was I met somebody new. I was completely lost and had no idea what to do. This new girl was very nice, fun, and to be honest I found treated me and happily talked with me more the way that I felt like I was missing from my girlfriend at that time. Even just typing that right now hurts a lot. I made the extremely difficult decision to end things with my girlfriend. I wasn't proud of it and hated myself for hurting her, but it would have been wrong for me to stay with her while I was developing feelings for this new girl. And I felt that my girlfriend too deserved to be able to live her life more where she is and go on real dates and stuff. I also hoped that maybe being apart would show me what I gave up and would make it possible to get back together with her and revive those old feelings that we used to share.

It took maybe a couple hard months but she's gotten over me very well. I admire her for it and am very impressed. She's a really strong gal. She's even thanked me for doing it because she's really enjoying being able to spend more time with her friends and stuff there. So if there's any silver lining to this I suppose it's that. Because she deserves to be happy. What I had with that other girl didn't last too long. She's nice and a good person and everything but I guess the attraction was more of a short-term-type thing than I was expecting. I'm afraid it may have been a case of me going with the Ms. Right Now as opposed to the real Ms. Right as people say.

The past couple months or so now I've started having feelings of wanting to give it another shot with my ex. In the past couple weeks they've been especially strong. It's like all I'm thinking about and it's killing me that a bad decision I made might end up costing me a lifetime of happiness. When I see happy couples or think about things they do like go grocery shopping... watch movies... get married... have kids... pay bills... even spend days sitting by the others hospital bed when they're old and grey... there's only one person I want to those things with.

She's aware of these new developments, and while she says there's not a zero percent chance of us giving it another shot, it sounds very slim. And it certainly won't be anytime soon. She says she wants to be friends with me, but sadly it isn't the same. I find myself having to initiate every conversation and there's other little things like her knowing I had a big job interview and not asking how it went. That stuff hurts. I don't necessarily blame her after what I did to her, but I know that the girl I used to know is in there somewhere and it kills me that I not only lost my girlfriend, but also my best friend.

If anyone's made it this far thank you for your time reading all this. Any advice or inspiration you could provide would be greatly appreciated. I'm not really interested in ways to get over her. What I'm hoping for more is advice on getting her back one day. I know it won't take a couple days, or a couple months or maybe even longer, but I have so much faith in what we had and could have. It'd be such a shame if after everything we used to share and dream about, we never even get a chance at trying a real relationship one day, and I think that's worth fighting for.

June 24, 2013

When did you and 'Mrs. Right Now' end? Who ended things?

Maybe I'm wrong, but in my opinion you feel a little silly because you thought things with the new girl would last longer and be better than things with your ex. When it turned out you were wrong, you were stung for numerous reasons including the fact that you threw away things with your ex for this girl.

Now that you're single again, you want to turn back to your ex because you're lonely.

But has anything changed with your ex? Things weren't working for a reason. Have those reasons changed? You would still be long distance. You would most likely develop the same feelings (conflicting ones about how hard LDR is) and want to end things again. NOTHING HAS CHANGED OR WOULD CHANGE IF YOU GOT BACK TOGETHER.

As you've said, she's gotten over you. Maybe you think (subconsciously or otherwise) that she hasn't and you want to try to suck her back in because you miss her and are recoiling from the end of your other relationship.

If you had really loved her and seen a future with her, you would've fought through the problems you originally had. These same problems will rise again, and now you'll have new ones because you have hurt her by leaving her, whether she seems happy now or not.

With that in mind if you really want to try again with her, feel her out, see where she is in her life, if she has any relationship right now, if she even wants one, etc.

June 25, 2013

How did the new girl talk to you? What was different from your girlfriend as far as communication? I was in an ldr, and looking back our conversations were getting stale.

"how are you?

What did you do today"

Then talk about new, politics what not.

Our conversations weren't very intimate and we didn't talk a lot about our feelings. We were becoming more friendly and less romantic, but part of that was because he was interested in someone else. So really part of the problem was his creation. I'm very curious about your situation...

If I ever get into an ldr, i'm going to buy one of those "100 questions for couples books.'

You are experiencing classic tape delay. What I mean is by the time you start processing your feelings she is already over you. She has already went through the pain.

And I promise you all the signs that mrs. right now wasn't going to work were always there, but you were too blinded and enraptured to see.

Anyways, I say life is short, and if you want her back you should try. The worst that could happen is her saying no. However, she may resent you, and you'll have to regain her trust. Getting back together can sometimes work, but you have to know why it happened and how to fix it.

Stale communication?

Role switch? That is, she was becoming the pursuer? The new girl comes alone. It may not have been new girl, the thrill of the chase that enamored you. I dont know if those were indeed the problems, but I'm just trying to get you to REFLECT.

Maybe because Ive been through it, I'm not as die hard as some of the people here. Sometimes people make (very) poor decisions and genuinely love their partner and have regrets.

June 25, 2013

I also hoped that maybe being apart would show me what I gave up and would make it possible to get back together with her and revive those old feelings that we used to share.

So you wanted her to wait around for you while you sowed your oats with someone else? Hows that working for you?

Maybe she wanted to get back together in the beginning, but YOU waited so long.

June 25, 2013

When did you and 'Mrs. Right Now' end? Who ended things?

Maybe I'm wrong, but in my opinion you feel a little silly because you thought things with the new girl would last longer and be better than things with your ex. When it turned out you were wrong, you were stung for numerous reasons including the fact that you threw away things with your ex for this girl.

Now that you're single again, you want to turn back to your ex because you're lonely.

But has anything changed with your ex? Things weren't working for a reason. Have those reasons changed? You would still be long distance. You would most likely develop the same feelings (conflicting ones about how hard LDR is) and want to end things again. NOTHING HAS CHANGED OR WOULD CHANGE IF YOU GOT BACK TOGETHER.

As you've said, she's gotten over you. Maybe you think (subconsciously or otherwise) that she hasn't and you want to try to suck her back in because you miss her and are recoiling from the end of your other relationship.

If you had really loved her and seen a future with her, you would've fought through the problems you originally had. These same problems will rise again, and now you'll have new ones because you have hurt her by leaving her, whether she seems happy now or not.

With that in mind if you really want to try again with her, feel her out, see where she is in her life, if she has any relationship right now, if she even wants one, etc.

Hey 1000Q's, thanks for your time and insight. To answer your question, The thing with the other girl didn't last long. Not even two months. It really ended up being more or less pointless. It kind of faded away. It was moreso me that contributed to it dissolving or whatever. I don't know if I began comparing her with my ex, or if subconsciously I just wanted for a short time to be able to be with someone here in town. Either way I'm not proud of how it all shook out.

I know that if I were to get back with my ex somehow, we would probably have the same problems before long like you said. Long distance is very difficult and I think problems are inevitable in any couple. I've now realized though that I was happier dealing with those problems and having her than I have been "problem-free" single for the past 6 months or so and I feel more prepared to work on those problems together with her.

June 25, 2013

How did the new girl talk to you? What was different from your girlfriend as far as communication? I was in an ldr, and looking back our conversations were getting stale.

"how are you?
What did you do today"
Then talk about new, politics what not.

Our conversations weren't very intimate and we didn't talk a lot about our feelings. We were becoming more friendly and less romantic, but part of that was because he was interested in someone else. So really part of the problem was his creation. I'm very curious about your situation...

If I ever get into an ldr, i'm going to buy one of those "100 questions for couples books.'

You are experiencing classic tape delay. What I mean is by the time you start processing your feelings she is already over you. She has already went through the pain.

And I promise you all the signs that mrs. right now wasn't going to work were always there, but you were too blinded and enraptured to see.

Anyways, I say life is short, and if you want her back you should try. The worst that could happen is her saying no. However, she may resent you, and you'll have to regain her trust. Getting back together can sometimes work, but you have to know why it happened and how to fix it.

Stale communication?
Role switch? That is, she was becoming the pursuer? The new girl comes alone. It may not have been new girl, the thrill of the chase that enamored you. I dont know if those were indeed the problems, but I'm just trying to get you to REFLECT.

Maybe because Ive been through it, I'm not as die hard as some of the people here. Sometimes people make (very) poor decisions and genuinely love their partner and have regrets.

Hey hotpotato thanks for all your time. A lot of things you said really resonated with me and it's just the kind of thing I was hoping to hear when I reached out on here.

My conversations with my ex were much similar to the one you described. It's so difficult having things to talk about when you never do things together and each live busy separate lives. I regret not buying one of those books you mentioned and would love nothing more than the chance to try again and utilize more of these aids no matter the cost.

The difference in my communication with the new girl who came along was essentially just that I appreciated how she seemed more eager to talk to me. She'd do things like send me random messages, continue conversations, etc. Sadly these are things that I felt had been missing from my girlfriend at the time. It was nice to again feel like someone really enjoyed talking to me and feel appreciated when I did or said nice things.

I don't necessarily blame my ex for now being this way though. Realistically I probably wasn't the same as when we started dating either. I just feel so strongly that had we had a better situation things would have been so different. She's so cool and so fun. A true original. I need the opportunity one day to give us a real chance. So I appreciate your opinion that sometimes people do just make mistakes. I'm not really one for all of the dating "rules" and stuff myself so I'm not ready to give up on something I believe in.

Edited June 25, 2013 by 22goingon6

June 25, 2013

So you wanted her to wait around for you while you sowed your oats with someone else? Hows that working for you?
Maybe she wanted to get back together in the beginning, but YOU waited so long.

It's obviously not working at all. I made a big mistake and yes I did wait too long. But I didn't want her to wait around for me. Not by a long shot. I always have and will care deeply about her and wanted her to do exactly what she's done, because I wanted her to be happy and she is. I admire her deeply for how strong she is. What I meant by what you quoted up there was that one day I'd want the chance to be able to win her back. I never thought it'd be easy.

June 25, 2013

Hey hotpotato thanks for all your time. A lot of things you said really resonated with me and it's just the kind of thing I was hoping to hear when I reached out on here.

My conversations with my ex were much similar to the one you described. It's so difficult having things to talk about when you never do things together and each live busy separate lives. I regret not buying one of those books you mentioned and would love nothing more than the chance to try again and utilize more of these aids no matter the cost.

The difference in my communication with the new girl who came along was essentially just that I appreciated how she seemed more eager to talk to me. She'd do things like send me random messages, continue conversations, etc. Sadly these are things that I felt had been missing from my girlfriend at the time. It was nice to again feel like someone really enjoyed talking to me and feel appreciated when I did or said nice things.

I don't necessarily blame my ex for now being this way though. Realistically I probably wasn't the same as when we started dating either. I just feel so strongly that had we had a better situation things would have been so different. She's so cool and so fun. A true original. I need the opportunity one day to give us a real chance. So I appreciate your opinion that sometimes people do just make mistakes. I'm not really one for all of the dating "rules" and stuff myself so I'm not ready to give up on something I believe in.

GIGS <------good reading

I hope I helped. I was in an ldr. Looking back, my ex asked me to send him texts in the morning which I usually didnt do. I happened to be really busy in the morning, but he was always on my mind. So you helped me, too.

Do you have a gameplan to get her back? (Im being nosey hehe)

Another good guide is The LDR Survival guide by Chris and Kate Bell. They were in an ldr and got hitched.

Edited June 25, 2013 by hotpotato

June 26, 2013

GIGS <------good reading

I hope I helped. I was in an ldr. Looking back, my ex asked me to send him texts in the morning which I usually didnt do. I happened to be really busy in the morning, but he was always on my mind. So you helped me, too.

Do you have a gameplan to get her back? (Im being nosey hehe)

Another good guide is The LDR Survival guide by Chris and Kate Bell. They were in an ldr and got hitched.

Hey yeah that GIGS thing is really, really interesting. It's great to see something that might start to provide me some answers. Like I said in the original story, not knowing if the cause of my feelings was the distance, or "honeymoon phase", or whatever it may have been was killing me. Thanks for the link.

That little story you said also honestly sounds like it'd be a situation straight out of my old ldr. Hit the nail on the head. My gf would tell me she cared about me and loved me and stuff, but I wanted her to do more to show it, not just say it from time to time.

That text in the morning thing is a perfect example. The thing was though, I'd get frustrated because I'd think I shouldn't have to ask her for that. If I ask her to text me and she does, then it's hardly as thoughtful. This would end up being the source of most of our fights actually. I'd talk to her about wanting her to do more little things, and she'd get mad at me saying not everyone shows love the same way and I shouldn't keep talking as if I'm the only one who did nice things in the relationship.

It's interesting to hear your side of that thing. Being busy but still thinking about him and stuff. She was probably the same way. Realistically we probably should have been able to compromise somewhere between where each of us felt. Unfortunately I dunno if it was stubbornness or pride or what but we never could and it caused a lot of silly stuff.

I'm happy to maybe be helping you too by the way.

At this time no real plan to get her back. Well I make plans, but they seem to change daily lol. Or even hourly in some cases. I know there's no chance of us trying again any time soon. In fact I'm not even sure I want it in the near future. I'm happy that she's enjoying her life right now, she deserves that. And also I think I'd like to wait longer to ensure that my feelings of wanting her back stay like this a long time, which would hopefully mean they're very very real now. I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt her again so I want to be more mature and ready for a long-term commitment when we try again.

And yeah I think I've seen that guide before actually. Wish now I had made that small investment before it was too late. Coulda been worth it.

Edited June 26, 2013 by 22goingon6

June 26, 2013

That little story you said also honestly sounds like it'd be a situation straight out of my old ldr. Hit the nail on the head. My gf would tell me she cared about me and loved me and stuff, but I wanted her to do more to show it, not just say it from time to time.

That text in the morning thing is a perfect example. The thing was though, I'd get frustrated because I'd think I shouldn't have to ask her for that. If I ask her to text me and she does, then it's hardly as thoughtful. This would end up being the source of most of our fights actually. I'd talk to her about wanting her to do more little things, and she'd get mad at me saying not everyone shows love the same way and I shouldn't keep talking as if I'm the only one who did nice things in the relationship.

It's interesting to hear your side of that thing. Being busy but still thinking about him and stuff. She was probably the same way. Realistically we probably should have been able to compromise somewhere between where each of us felt. Unfortunately I dunno if it was stubbornness or pride or what but we never could and it caused a lot of silly stuff.

I'll give you my honest opinion, and remember it's just that, one person's opinion, who doesn't know you or your situation aside from what you've written here.

It sounds like you guys had serious compatibility issues. To be honest, after reading your thread, it's reinforcing a lot of issues me and my ex had. For example, I'm not an attention-seeking type of person; naturally I get involved with girls who like attention/the spotlight and I'm totally okay with this. Our phone conversations are generally 70/30 or something dominated by them (girls are chatty, i'm sure most relationships are like this). That being said, I'm HUGE on the little things. Like if I have a job interview, I expect her to remember and wish me luck before/be excited to hear how it went after. Or if it was my first day of work, or just some sort of event I was excited about, I expect to be put first and for her to want to ask about it and be interested before any of her normal day-to-day crap. With my last ex, there were a few occasions where she just didn't come through and it upset me. Sometimes she was just way too into herself and didn't put enough effort into caring/inquiring about me.

It sounds like your problems are different yet similar, and for me, those problems weren't the biggest issues or anything, and might not be deal breakers necessarily, but they can lead to fights and/or resentment. But it sounds like you need someone a bit more affectionate, and someone who wants to do the little things for you instead of you having to either feel guilty for bringing it up, or upset when she just doesn't do them.

I'm bringing this up b/c I think similarly, me and my ex had conflicting personalities. We fought quite a bit, stemming from her being a way that didn't agree with me, and then vice versa. At the same time, like you, I miss her rather a ton, and am not over her a year after the BU. I also haven't found anyone special as a replacement, and she is dating someone and happy.

Point is, I think both of us might be pining for our exes not because they were great for us, but b/c we haven't found any great options since. Both of our exes have personalities that will likely lead to either fights, or silent resentment. Sure there are tons of great times, affection, intimacy, etc. but there was most likely a reason you had enough with her, and putting up with her sh*t a bit more, might not be the best solution, as chances are she's not changing her personality.

Again, just an outside perspective/opinion, but be careful your ex, like mine, isn't on a huge pedestal b/c she's the best you've had (like mine). It doesn't mean they are right for us and there won't be a lot better matches in the future.

June 26, 2013

I'll give you my honest opinion, and remember it's just that, one person's opinion, who doesn't know you or your situation aside from what you've written here.

It sounds like you guys had serious compatibility issues. To be honest, after reading your thread, it's reinforcing a lot of issues me and my ex had. For example, I'm not an attention-seeking type of person; naturally I get involved with girls who like attention/the spotlight and I'm totally okay with this. Our phone conversations are generally 70/30 or something dominated by them (girls are chatty, i'm sure most relationships are like this). That being said, I'm HUGE on the little things. Like if I have a job interview, I expect her to remember and wish me luck before/be excited to hear how it went after. Or if it was my first day of work, or just some sort of event I was excited about, I expect to be put first and for her to want to ask about it and be interested before any of her normal day-to-day crap. With my last ex, there were a few occasions where she just didn't come through and it upset me. Sometimes she was just way too into herself and didn't put enough effort into caring/inquiring about me.

It sounds like your problems are different yet similar, and for me, those problems weren't the biggest issues or anything, and might not be deal breakers necessarily, but they can lead to fights and/or resentment. But it sounds like you need someone a bit more affectionate, and someone who wants to do the little things for you instead of you having to either feel guilty for bringing it up, or upset when she just doesn't do them.

I'm bringing this up b/c I think similarly, me and my ex had conflicting personalities. We fought quite a bit, stemming from her being a way that didn't agree with me, and then vice versa. At the same time, like you, I miss her rather a ton, and am not over her a year after the BU. I also haven't found anyone special as a replacement, and she is dating someone and happy.

Point is, I think both of us might be pining for our exes not because they were great for us, but b/c we haven't found any great options since. Both of our exes have personalities that will likely lead to either fights, or silent resentment. Sure there are tons of great times, affection, intimacy, etc. but there was most likely a reason you had enough with her, and putting up with her sh*t a bit more, might not be the best solution, as chances are she's not changing her personality.

Again, just an outside perspective/opinion, but be careful your ex, like mine, isn't on a huge pedestal b/c she's the best you've had (like mine). It doesn't mean they are right for us and there won't be a lot better matches in the future.

Hey Jono, thanks for your time and insight. Not exactly the kind of thing I'm hoping to hear obviously but still food for thought. You very well could be right.

I guess my main hope is that while this is clearly a compatibility issue, it may not be a deal breaker like you said. Realistically no couples are completely perfect for each other and ones they've been together a while they all notice things about their partner they aren't crazy about. It's how you address them that matters.

I think it's something that if we ever really wanted to make it work, we could sit down, say how we feel, and hack out some sort of agreement. She should try to make an effort to do these things more, but maybe I should be more understanding too. Obviously if we weren't long distance, she wouldn't forget to ask me how my interview went if I actually saw her that night. Also, I should probably reflect and think about if I even treated her the way that I wish she'd have treated me. Maybe I wouldn't sound so eager to hear how her interviews and stuff went myself, even if I was. So maybe I should be a bit more lenient.

June 26, 2013

Hey yeah that GIGS thing is really, really interesting. It's great to see something that might start to provide me some answers. Like I said in the original story, not knowing if the cause of my feelings was the distance, or "honeymoon phase", or whatever it may have been was killing me. Thanks for the link.

That little story you said also honestly sounds like it'd be a situation straight out of my old ldr. Hit the nail on the head. My gf would tell me she cared about me and loved me and stuff, but I wanted her to do more to show it, not just say it from time to time.

That text in the morning thing is a perfect example. The thing was though, I'd get frustrated because I'd think I shouldn't have to ask her for that. If I ask her to text me and she does, then it's hardly as thoughtful. This would end up being the source of most of our fights actually. I'd talk to her about wanting her to do more little things, and she'd get mad at me saying not everyone shows love the same way and I shouldn't keep talking as if I'm the only one who did nice things in the relationship.

It's interesting to hear your side of that thing. Being busy but still thinking about him and stuff. She was probably the same way. Realistically we probably should have been able to compromise somewhere between where each of us felt. Unfortunately I dunno if it was stubbornness or pride or what but we never could and it caused a lot of silly stuff.

I'm happy to maybe be helping you too by the way.

At this time no real plan to get her back. Well I make plans, but they seem to change daily lol. Or even hourly in some cases. I know there's no chance of us trying again any time soon. In fact I'm not even sure I want it in the near future. I'm happy that she's enjoying her life right now, she deserves that. And also I think I'd like to wait longer to ensure that my feelings of wanting her back stay like this a long time, which would hopefully mean they're very very real now. I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt her again so I want to be more mature and ready for a long-term commitment when we try again.

And yeah I think I've seen that guide before actually. Wish now I had made that small investment before it was too late. Coulda been worth it.

Could be just moving out of the honeymoon phase. In fact, sometimes people jump from ldr to another. I wouldnt say that distance is always the reason ldrs fail. I will say from my experience maybe there's less room for error in ldrs.

I guess both of you had different love languages. Mine are physical touch and quality time. I was really getting tried! Im about to read The 5 Love Languages.

June 27, 2013

Could be just moving out of the honeymoon phase. In fact, sometimes people jump from ldr to another. I wouldnt say that distance is always the reason ldrs fail. I will say from my experience maybe there's less room for error in ldrs.

I guess both of you had different love languages. Mine are physical touch and quality time. I was really getting tried! Im about to read The 5 Love Languages.

Yeah. So many questions eh I wish it could all be more straightforward. But I guess when I think about it that way too, I do know that I want to end up with her. That's my dream. For sure. So maybe ignoring all the other crap and just focusing on that says something?

Those languages of love are interesting. Me and my ex probably differ there. But I don't think those are dealbreakers. If we ever tried again we'd just have to dial down the stubbornness and make more of an effort for each other.

You asked about my gameplan before. Do you have any ideas for this? I virtually broke every rule in the book not too long ago when I told her all of my feelings and wishes. I know people would advise against that but I've never really been one for the silly rules with her, I've always just followed my heart. Now we talk every couple days or so. Not really sure what else to do at this point...

June 28, 2013

Yeah. So many questions eh I wish it could all be more straightforward. But I guess when I think about it that way too, I do know that I want to end up with her. That's my dream. For sure. So maybe ignoring all the other crap and just focusing on that says something?

Those languages of love are interesting. Me and my ex probably differ there. But I don't think those are dealbreakers. If we ever tried again we'd just have to dial down the stubbornness and make more of an effort for each other.

You asked about my gameplan before. Do you have any ideas for this? I virtually broke every rule in the book not too long ago when I told her all of my feelings and wishes. I know people would advise against that but I've never really been one for the silly rules with her, I've always just followed my heart. Now we talk every couple days or so. Not really sure what else to do at this point...

Having different love languages doesnt have to be a dealbreaker. It can even be fun! I am lot more touchy feely than the ex. At first he didnt like it, but eventually he came to appreciate it. It was exciting pushing his boundaries.

You need to figure out what attracted her to you. What youve done so far is OK. I would think it best to start small and work your way up, probably similar to how things progressed in the beginning.

Hopefully, some of the guys here can give you more advice. Maybe google "reattraction."

June 29, 2013

Having different love languages doesnt have to be a dealbreaker. It can even be fun! I am lot more touchy feely than the ex. At first he didnt like it, but eventually he came to appreciate it. It was exciting pushing his boundaries.

You need to figure out what attracted her to you. What youve done so far is OK. I would think it best to start small and work your way up, probably similar to how things progressed in the beginning.
Hopefully, some of the guys here can give you more advice. Maybe google "reattraction."

Yeah lol I seem to always like your insight. I hope I don't bug ya too much

Yeah I was thinking the same thing.. basically trying to be friends with her the same way our friendship ever began and hope that works again. But sadly I don't think it will. Back then she was attracted to me and everything was new and exciting.

I have no idea what to do and it's driving me nuts. Not sure how much more I can take.

The worst part of my day every day is the first few hours when I wake up. I get up early for work and I hate when I'm awake and she's still asleep because I know there's no chance of her messaging me. But it kills me now when 9 oclock, 10, 11, 12 o'clock pass and still no messages . More often than not I'd sent the last message from our last conversation or told her sweet dreams or something so I'd hope she reaches out to me first but she never does.

It's like groundhog day. Every day same thing. I wait a while to see if she texts me... time passes... I decide that I won't message her first no matter how long it takes... then I crack shortly after and convince myself that I should do it because I broke up with her and it'd be my best chance. She's nice enough when we talk. Friendly and everything, but having everything so one sided is not a real friendship.

How sad is it that when I write a text, I try to put it together in a way that it like requires an answer so I can talk to her longer. Or that I make a fool of myself asking her to Skype almost every day like a lost puppy when she says she's able to only once in a blue moon.

I'm not sure how all this stuff makes me feel. Depends on my mood I guess. Sometimes I don't blame her. I did break her heart afterall and she's done a great job moving on from me so how can I get frustrated with her not wanting to talk to me 24/7. Realistically too I know that after I broke up with her I probably was the same way to her. Maybe I deserve getting a taste of my own medicine.

But also sometimes this stuff frustrates me greatly. I don't know if I'm mad at her for not treating me like she used to, or mad at myself for so desperately missing somebody like this. I have no idea.

June 29, 2013

I don't know maybe its just me and I am nuts but I have loved people and I have been in love with "the one". The difference is that there is no temptation. The thought of developing feelings for someone else is not an option. It just doesn't happen. I think you should keep searching till you find a girl that makes you feel like there is no one else. its the best feeling in the world and also the hardest when they leave you. I think maybe your anxiety over this is coming from questioning yourself and wondering if you made a mistake more than actually losing her.

June 29, 2013

I don't know maybe its just me and I am nuts but I have loved people and I have been in love with "the one". The difference is that there is no temptation. The thought of developing feelings for someone else is not an option. It just doesn't happen. I think you should keep searching till you find a girl that makes you feel like there is no one else. its the best feeling in the world and also the hardest when they leave you. I think maybe your anxiety over this is coming from questioning yourself and wondering if you made a mistake more than actually losing her.

This is one of the best things I've read on this website.

I agree 100% and have been in the same situation - when I was with the person I considered to be "the one" there was not a CHANCE I would have ever strayed or even considered it.

If you really want to try again with this girl then contact her and see how she feels! But keep this in mind. There was something that made you lose feelings once.

July 17, 2013

I don't know maybe its just me and I am nuts but I have loved people and I have been in love with "the one". The difference is that there is no temptation. The thought of developing feelings for someone else is not an option. It just doesn't happen. I think you should keep searching till you find a girl that makes you feel like there is no one else. its the best feeling in the world and also the hardest when they leave you. I think maybe your anxiety over this is coming from questioning yourself and wondering if you made a mistake more than actually losing her.

Hey yeah leoc maybe you're right. If what you described is what true love is, then I guess what I had wasn't it. That does sound pretty awesome if that's the case.

Although I still wonder if maybe it's not like that. You always hear that true love isn't what it's like in the movies, and that eventually "being" in love isn't the same as originally "falling" in love. And I definitely don't think our circumstances helped at all.

I don't know what to think.

July 18, 2013

It sounds like you are getting lonely and missing the relationship and not necessarily her. You are starting to see these flaws in the relationship through rose colored glasses as you reminisce. I want to say two things here, at least one of which will probably not leave me very well liked.

First, if you still have no intentions or plan for moving closer to her, since you have attributed distance to some of your issues, that problem will not be fixed when you get back together and after the renewed honeymoon stage you will have to face it again.

Second, just because you are attracted to or develop a crush on someone is NOT a reason to leave your partner and the person you love unless you intend to or are seriously considering straying. You have the choice to minimize your interactions with the other person and get over it, it is a crush, they go away. You will know if the person you are with is the one you want to stay with even if it is a really BIG crush. Now, it is not okay to entertain the idea of this other person and interact with them in a way you would not if your partner was right there with you and it is DEFINITELY not okay to cheat. However, just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you are living life with blinders on and rough patches in your relationship will make you more prone to the easy, no responsibility, perk me up of someone cute and easy to get along with.

All that being said, a year is a pretty good amount of time to have spent apart, so you have to consider how much of that time you spent single and trying to move on. You may just need your relationship fix. Seeing couples a the grocery store is really hard when that is what you want to have and know is out of reach for the moment.

August 16, 2013

Hey yeah leoc maybe you're right. If what you described is what true love is, then I guess what I had wasn't it. That does sound pretty awesome if that's the case.

Although I still wonder if maybe it's not like that. You always hear that true love isn't what it's like in the movies, and that eventually "being" in love isn't the same as originally "falling" in love. And I definitely don't think our circumstances helped at all.

I don't know what to think.

Because you broke up with her doesn't necessarily mean it wasn't true love. Sometimes people need to take a break from each other.I know people who have broken up and today are happily married.

Sometimes people make rash decisions doesn't mean it wasn't really love.

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Left long distance girlfriend last year & afraid I made horrible mistake

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