I haven't heard from him since our argument :(

[Sweeetie]

I met a guy on an online dating site a few weeks ago. We live in different cities and this means we can only meet on weekends. We have had just one date so far, for which he travelled to my town. I really appreciated him coming all the way so I offered to go to his town for the next date (I even offered to pay for him on our first date but he wouldn't let me).

 

The first date was a little disorganised because I had to change the day from Sunday to Saturday; someone told me it was Father's Day that Sunday (and they got the date WRONG! ) but then when I found out that it was not Father's Day that Sunday after all, I gave him the option of both days and was very apologetic, I asked him to pick when was best for him. He stuck with what we had planned, Saturday. The first date went well. He wanted to kiss me at the end but I gave him the cheek; I was attracted to him but we'd only known each other a few hours.

 

We were due to have another date the weekend after but then he had to cancel at short-notice because his mother wanted him home for the real Father's Day (his parents are divorced so he wasn't planning on going home). We arranged to meet the weekend after that, so two weeks after our first date, on the Saturday (he was busy on the Sunday). I noticed that by this time he was not texting me very much; it was always me who was initiating contact by saying "how is your day" etc etc. I feared that he was losing interest in me, which I put down to it had been 2 weeks since our first date so the afterglow of it had probably left him, so I was looking forward to re-connecting with him over the second date.

 

The Wednesday night before the Saturday that we were due to have this second date, he texted me and asked "Are you free tomorrow?" There was no 'hello how are you?", and that was the first I had heard from him all week. I replied the next morning, Thursday morning since I was asleep when he had texted me. This was last-minute and I had plans already for that day, so I asked him if we could just keep the plan to Saturday. He said "Ah I can't do Saturday, I have plans". I was taken aback at this since we had arranged it and he made it sound like he didn't even feel the need to tell me he had to cancel. It turned out that his brother called him to tell him he would be in his town that weekend for a gig and that he needed a place to sleep, he didn't have a key so this guy would have to be at home to let him in.

 

I got a little frustrated at being cancelled on last-minute again for the second time (and that was the first time I was not being my usual nice self to him), I told him that he should have given me earlier notice so that I could have planned my weekend differently. He responded to my annoyance by suggesting that he leave the key under the doormat for his brother so that he could come out to meet me but he asked if we could meet at an earlier time to compromise- the afternoon not the evening.

 

It was kind of him to make this suggestion, however I was feeling pissed off by this time because it had just all built up- the fact that he never texts me and casually cancelled on me twice at the last-minute made me feel that he was genuinely not interested in me. I said "Forget it. Don't worry." He then got angry and said "So all the times you messed me about originally, and the one time I change it - you flip out. Alright then." I reminded him that it was the second time, not the first time that he had cancelled on me, and that I gave him plenty of notice when I had to change our first date. His reply to this was "Jeez, I didn't realise speaking to you came with terms and conditions. My brother told me last night."

It was unfair of him to speak to me like that because I had been very apologetic about having to change the first date from the Sunday to the Saturday, not casually postpone two dates by a week each like he did.

 

This exchange took place on Thursday morning, 4 days ago. I have not contacted him because I was annoyed at him for speaking to me so rudely. This guy has been single for 4 years except for a casual 2-month fling that he had last winter, so that might explain his lack of tact when speaking to a girl who he is starting to date. I haven't heard from him either since the argument, but I checked his facebook and saw that he has been having a great weekend, he bought a new car. I thought I would want to just forget about him but now I feel like I do want to see him again. What would be the best way to re-initiate contact? Just the day after the argument I was thinking of sending him an apology for getting annoyed but my friends advised me against this when they saw the kind of rudeness he had used against me during the argument. That is why I was disinclined to re-initiate contact until now. Now I want to see him.

 

If he has lost interest in me then I know a second date will help. It has been 3 weeks since we last saw each other and that was the first time we ever met.

 

Thanks for reading

Edited June 24, 2013 by Sweeetie

[TigerCub]

You guys are "long distance" - you don't live locally and you can't see each other on a whim, so yeah things came up for him and he had to reschedule or cancel and you flipped out.

 

He actually offered to leave the key for his brother and just meet you earlier and you respond with "forget it"

 

you come off as an entitled brat.

 

I'm not saying that I would be happy is someone cancelled on me twice in a row, but he actually tried to make it better and you just snubbed that.

 

If you want to be with someone that you can see more easily - date someone local.

 

I honestly think that whatever you try now, might come off as desperate.

 

He thinks you're dramatic

you think he's unreliable and rude

 

why do you want to pursue this any further?

[Sweeetie]

I honestly think that whatever you try now, might come off as desperate.

 

Perhaps, but I'd rather pursue this than not.

[TigerCub]

Perhaps, but I'd rather pursue this than not.

 

Ok, then, just give him a call.

That would be a good start.

 

Are you worried about doing that?

[KatZee]

Why do you want to re-initiate contact with a guy who has no consideration for your time, or your schedule? He doesn't care either way if he sees you or not, and it's very clear his life and his priorities are going to trump you, EVERY TIME.

 

He didn't apologize but rather threw in your face the time you had to reschedule. You've had one date and you're both already bickering like children. Let. It. Go.

 

It really boggles my mind why girls are attracted to guys that treat them like garbage.

[Sweeetie]

Why do you want to re-initiate contact with a guy who has no consideration for your time, or your schedule? He doesn't care either way if he sees you or not, and it's very clear his life and his priorities are going to trump you, EVERY TIME.

 

He didn't apologize but rather threw in your face the time you had to reschedule. You've had one date and you're both already bickering like children. Let. It. Go.

 

It really boggles my mind why girls are attracted to guys that treat them like garbage.

 

Yea but he offered to leave the key under the doormat for his brother to collect which is why I'm thinking that he might care.

 

I'm planning on texting him something like this:

"Hey, what's up? I'm sorry for getting annoyed the other day. I had just been getting the feeling that you were not that interested in seeing me, that might be a false assumption, I don't know. If you still want to do a second date I'd be up for that, I was looking forward to it."

[BradJacobs]

He gave you proper notice. If you put his timeline together he told you within 24 hours of finding out himself.

 

He cancelled for Father's Day because he had FAMILY commitments. Did you ever even ask him if he had plans on Father's Day when you made the original date?

 

He cancelled this time because his brother is coming into town. Ever ask how often he sees his brother? This could be a rare thing for him and something that (even if not rare) is important to him.

 

My goodness, give this young man a break. He values his family - you know the people he's known all his life - over some woman that he's only known for a few hours (and who used this same justification to NOT kiss him).

 

If you try to contact him again you're going to need to apologize for being out of line and acting like a complete brat. If it were me, I wouldn't be taking your call.

[Sweeetie]

He cancelled for Father's Day because he had FAMILY commitments. Did you ever even ask him if he had plans on Father's Day when you made the original date?

.

 

He is the one who suggested meeting on Father's Day, not me. And I was able to because I had to work that afternoon anyway, after seeing my family that morning.

 

He said I "messed him about" when I cancelled for thinking it was Father's Day, I did not say this to him once. And frankly using such terminology at such an early stage in dating is rather unimpressive for a man, if I had more respect for myself I would have deleted his number from my phone by now.

[Ripnet]

Sorry but his family means a lot more than you. You would do the same thing. Maybe father's day was the only free time for him. He gave you notice. I wouldn't pick a stranger from one of my siblings even if don't like them.

 

If you think you did the right then you shouldn't bother dating him. If you can't deal with minor things with him how can you deal with major ones.

[Sweeetie]

He gave you notice. I wouldn't pick a stranger from one of my siblings even if don't like them.

 

If you think you did the right then you shouldn't bother dating him. If you can't deal with minor things with him how can you deal with major ones.

 

He only told me he could not keep Saturday's date when I said "no sorry can't do tonight, see you Saturday". And he didn't even tell me the reason until I asked him. I was surprised that he didnt say it like this "Hey I've just found out that my brother will be here on Saturday night, can we meet tomorrow or earlier on Saturday?" That would have been absolutely fine.

 

Anyhow, what can I say to him now? I want to see him again.

[BradJacobs]

if I had more respect for myself I would have deleted his number from my phone by now.

I wouldn't recommend holding my breath.

 

The man has enough backbone to put you in your place when he felt that you were wrong (and I agree with him). I have a feeling it'll be a cold day in hell before he rings your mobile again.

 

So delete his number and move on or begin to craft an apology and try to move forward with him. It's a fairly easy decision to make.

[Sweeetie]

I wouldn't recommend holding my breath.

 

The man has enough backbone to put you in your place when he felt that you were wrong (and I agree with him). I have a feeling it'll be a cold day in hell before he rings your mobile again.

 

So delete his number and move on or begin to craft an apology and try to move forward with him. It's a fairly easy decision to make.

 

So you think it's ok for a man to say to a woman before the second date "You messed me around initially" even when she had apologised for rescheduling the first time and he didn't despite doing it twice? To a woman who he tried to kiss on the first date but got the cheek from, who he wants to win over?

 

Sometimes I take so much **** from guys, and with time I am learning not to settle for less. Clearly as this case shows I am not quite there yet. This man has been single for 4 years and I wouldn't be surprised if those who have the same mindset as him are in the same situation.

Edited June 24, 2013 by Sweeetie

[clia]

I think it's all way too much drama for having only had one date with him.

 

Why do you want to see him again? You acknowledge that you did not like his behavior and that you were annoyed with him, so why exactly do you want to see him again? Why go on a second date with a guy when you are already unhappy with his behavior? This isn't a guy you have history with -- it's a guy you don't even know.

 

You haven't heard from him in four days. He's lost interest due to your reaction, and it sounds like he was losing interest prior to that. I personally think you overreacted -- sometimes you are better off just being the cool, unbothered girl. I think you should just chalk this one up to a lesson learned and forget about it.

[Sweeetie]

Just apologize its not that bad id be mad too

you havent seen him for 3 weeks?

Id say one more excuse then hes out.

 

Yes, it is highly demotivating for a girl to date a man who does not seem to be very interested in her, especially at this early stage, when we are due to have our second date.

[BradJacobs]

So you think it's ok for a man to say to a woman before the second date "You messed me around initially" even when she had apologised for rescheduling the first time and he didn't despite doing it twice? To a woman who he tried to kiss on the first date but got the cheek from, who he wants to win over?

 

Sometimes I take so much **** from guys, and with time I am learning not to settle for less. Clearly as this case shows I am not quite there yet.

My opinions only reflect only what I would do or feel in similar situations. I don't speak for everyone, only myself.

 

You must do what you feel is right.

[Star Gazer]

I think it's all way too much drama for having only had one date with him.

 

Why do you want to see him again? You acknowledge that you did not like his behavior and that you were annoyed with him, so why exactly do you want to see him again? Why go on a second date with a guy when you are already unhappy with his behavior? This isn't a guy you have history with -- it's a guy you don't even know.

 

You haven't heard from him in four days. He's lost interest due to your reaction, and it sounds like he was losing interest prior to that. I personally think you overreacted -- sometimes you are better off just being the cool, unbothered girl. I think you should just chalk this one up to a lesson learned and forget about it.

 

Yup, I agree.

[AMusing]

Eh, as tempting as it is to take sides in these kinds of posts, I'm not going to this time. You two do not sound compatible, I'd move on and not think much about it. His behavior after your first date bothered you, you're already arguing before your second date, and each of you thinks the other is inconsiderate. Is it really worth your time to force this? Especially since he doesn't live close, I'd chalk it up to "not meant to be."

[Sweeetie]

I understand completely

how far do you two live from one another?

 

We live an hour's train journey away, it's not too bad. Infact he is commuting every day into my city today for work; he has a training week here this week as part of his job. Last week before this argument I said to him it's nice that he'll be in my city so much this week, that we could meet up after his work one day during the week, but he said he'd need to get home straight after work because he'll need to get up at 6am each day.

 

Eh, as tempting as it is to take sides in these kinds of posts, I'm not going to this time. You two do not sound compatible, I'd move on and not think much about it. His behavior after your first date bothered you, you're already arguing before your second date, and each of you thinks the other is inconsiderate. Is it really worth your time to force this? Especially since he doesn't live close, I'd chalk it up to "not meant to be."

 

I do want to pursue it because I am really interested in getting to know him more. I am giving his behaviour the benefit of the doubt because he has been single for 4 years and has been out of practise with how to speak to women- i do not think he is a bad person. What can I say in apology? That's what I really would like advice on.

[BradJacobs]

What can I say in apology? That's what I really would like advice on.

Call him and start with, "Before you say anything, I'm sorry for how I acted. I'd like to see you again." Then see how he reacts.

 

-OR-

 

If you text him start with this, "I'm sorry. I'd like to see you again. Can you forgive me for acting out and can we continue like it didn't happen?"

 

Best of luck!

[Sweeetie]

Call him and start with, "Before you say anything, I'm sorry for how I acted. I'd like to see you again." Then see how he reacts.

 

-OR-

 

If you text him start with this, "I'm sorry. I'd like to see you again. Can you forgive me for acting out and can we continue like it didn't happen?"

 

Best of luck!

 

Thank you very much for the tip.

[Sunshine87]

Did you call or text? How did it go?

[Ripnet]

You should move on he's making too many excuses. If I like a woman I will make time even if it's for only 30 minutes.

[shexy]

I'm not sure why you even want to go on a second date with him.

[Sweeetie]

Did you call or text? How did it go?

 

I'm planning on sending him a text today. I am going to go with apologising for the argument and not asking for another meet up, I'll leave it to him and see how he responds. And I'm reluctant to ask for another meet up since it might be met with rejection.

 

You should move on he's making too many excuses. If I like a woman I will make time even if it's for only 30 minutes.

 

Yes, exactly. The thing is that since we have only had one date, which was 3 weeks ago, I think the spark has gone away, so I believe that meeting again can rekindle it.

 

I'm not sure why you even want to go on a second date with him.

 

I find him really interesting to talk to; even if nothing happens between us I would like to enjoy more of his company.

[Sweeetie]

I have formulated the text that I want to send him today, I would really appreciate feedback on it. Thanks.

 

"Hey, I hope your week is going well I just wanted to apologise for getting annoyed at you last week. I overreacted because it was the second time that you needed to change a date and I felt that you did it quite casually, which put me off since I'd been looking forward to seeing you. In all honesty I have been getting the impression in the last week or so that you're not that interested in seeing me. When I date someone I need the levels of interest to be equal and mutual so if that's lacking here it might be best to keep things this way."

Edited June 25, 2013 by Sweeetie