He has a new girlfriend

[Gingerlee]

He made it official on FB this morning. I knew this day would come. He thinks i'm happy for him because, he thinks I have moved on too, despite the fact that he strung me along for 8 months after a three year relationship, telling me he loved me, sleeping with me, hanging out.

 

Now he's going out with a 17 year old when he himself is 21 and going to Aiya Napa this summer.

 

I feel numb, and haven't stopped crying all day. I don't know why i'm posting this as I only have myself to blame, I allowed this to happen and therefore dug my own grave long before any of this started.

 

I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like making myself very sick and then going to sleep for a few weeks because this pain is actually unreal.

[Hopeinme]

**** happens, you are not alone. A breakup is hard and its natural to weep and feel sad and feel sick. Unfortunately, the only thing you can get through this is to let yourself be sad, feel the pain and slowly let go. It will be tough for the coming days but i assure you it will get better. You have to forget that guy who forgot you. Hugs xx

[StrongLass]

Block him. On everything. Don't worry about it making you appear "immature" or anything like that since what matters right now is the fact that you're hurting and need the emotional, physical, AND mental space to truly heal.

 

Go NC immediately. Cry. Be kind to yourself. Those are your new priorities.

[Gingerlee]

i've blocked him from facebook, and i cant see his news feed or updates. i feel so lost, i never imagined it would hurt like this.

[StrongLass]

i feel so lost, i never imagined it would hurt like this.

 

I don't think anyone ever does. It's the sort of thing you have to experience to fully be aware of its effects & consequences.

 

I recommend a 3 day moping period max (moping = laying around alone feeling sorry for yourself with the windows closed)

 

I can give you a playlist of BU themed songs that should help you feel better if you want

[Leigh 87]

Now you know that 8 months is too long for a guy to have you around without a commitment.

 

It was blatantly obvious that he was using you until he met a girl he truly felt it with and wanted to be with.

 

He probably liked you a lot and liked the sex though.

 

Next time, remember that if a guy is truly interested in being with you, that he will make it clear.

 

Always remember that a guy who is truly in love with you and cherishes you too much to let you go, will not need 8 months to decide.

 

You're not happy for him. You are obviously in love with him or you still have some romantic feelings left for him. You are upset that you're not the girl he wants to be with, and this other girl is.

 

The good news is: if you work on yourself, you will attract the right guy for you.

 

If you do not take crap from men and only bother dating men who are obviously into you; and you leave at the first sign of disinterest and unfair treatment, you WILL be closer and closer to being open for the RIGHT guy.

 

Focus on each day of your life for now, without him.

 

You do not need him to make the rest of your life worthwhile.

 

Always block exes on social media. I do not want to see when my ex gets a new woman. Yuck. Yikes.

 

I am moving on and enjoying other men who I enjoy more than my ex on some levels. Yet I am not indifferent, and to avoid caring about new girls I just block him in every way possible.

[lop98]

I went through this a couple months ago. It's pain at its finest, I was blinded by it for days. I wish I could say that blocking them is enough but it isn't, it does work wonders but for me it took doing the same, going out with someone else... I was lucky to find someone that was sweet and caring, I'm still with him.

 

Best of luck. I know how that hurts... just treat your body like a machine, lots of water, lots of exercise... that will ease the physical pain. No advice on the emotional pain ... but trust me, enough effort and you will feel a lot better in as little as two months, this isn't forever. If there's anything positive to rescue from this, it's the certainty that you're officially done with him, you have no option but to really move on.

[Rori]

Best advice i ever got is to ''block'' is it hard as hell but it is definitely harder being able to see them. I'm currently going through a horrible breakup, its killing me, it really is, but it was for the best as it just wasn't right for either of us.

 

I'm dreading the day i hear he has a new gf or even a date.

 

Honestly, blocking him is the best thing you can do, for your sanity. It will only hurt you and take longer to heal if you keep torturing yourself by being able to see and contact him.

 

I personally find t much better to just not see him at all because when you have the access you get tempted to have a simple quick look and before you know it you're wanting look every 5 mins. Its horrible and not healthy for you.

 

You need time to get over him and look after yourself.

 

You will be fine, it will get better, even i believe it will cos i have to

xxxxxx

[Gingerlee]

This is just so painful! It has taken everything I have to block him from everything! Twitter, instagram! He's uploaded lots of photos of her dog, he used to do that to mine.

 

How do I stop torturing myself? I'll be lying in bed and the thought of him on top of her, touching her, stroking her hair, spooning, watching goofy films and eating crap with her runs through my head and it's sickening. I have tears welling up in my eyes just thinking about it.

 

I don't want to hurt anymore. I honestly do feel like I wont ever find someone as perfect for me as he was. Ive seen 7 different guys since this break up and not one of them has interested me. Not one of them has even come close to making me laugh like he did.

 

I cant accept that he's gone now. I can't believe I wasn't the one in control of that situation either. I miss him SO much, I cant even remember the last time I ate a proper meal. I hate to make these wallowing posts, but to the outside world I am fine, everyone thinks I am happy but i'm not, this is killing me and I don't see the pain ever ending.

[Hopeinme]

Hugs. He IS not the perfect one for you. Your perfect one is someome that will ever leave you? Please believe me when I say you will be okie. I have been where you are and I thought I was going to die. I still think of my ex every now and then, but it doesnt hurt as much anymore. I learnt that some guys are not worth wasting your energy and tears for.

[lop98]

...hugs from me too. Trust me, I was there, doing exactly the same, seeing pictures of his nose buried in her hair, taking her to all these places we had planned to go together. I cried for days, every night, the pain was unbearable and I was wishing someone would've just sedated me for months or just a minute to stop feeling so hurt.

 

Other than continuing to hang out (expecting nothing and promising nothing), one thing you may be doing right is acting like you're okay in front of others, why? because you have less outlets to dive into what you're actually feeling... my friends at one point just forbidden me to bring up the guy again, they still roll eyes at me like "not that tune again" and as bad as it may sound, it's worked wonders, I have to force myself to talk and think about something else, and the more time I spend with my friends, the clearer everything looks because there's more distance between present and past, good and bad.

 

It's only been two days though. Don't expect to come to terms with it for around 20 days... it's such an emotional shock (at least it was for me), but don't lose hope either (you WILL feel better) and don't stop going out of your way to heal (blocking, resisting the temptation to go through their pictures, going out), also take care of yourself... when I first found out, I would sleep until 2 am, and wake up at 4 am, just my mind going crazy, and I'd feel nauseous around food, really couldn't swallow over a third of my usual portion, I was operating at like 15% of my usual self, which made the pain worse. Working out a lot made me hungry, and seriously, sleeping at least 8 hours and eating properly when you're going through such difficult times makes a world of difference.

 

You may also not be in the mood for movies but I found some silly show that would crack me up all the time and started playing clips from it on my cell phone before going to bed. The dreams got gradually better... (they have now disappeared!).

[BC1980]

The first month is going to be the worst. I would have to slip into the bathroom at work because I felt I was about to cry. That month is something I hope never to relive. Honestly, the black cloud that followed me around. . . .

 

My sister took me on vacation to cheer me up, and I remember not even wanting to be there. Just being miserable when I normally would have been having a great time.

 

Time and NC are the only things that will help. You have to go through this, and there is no easy way out. We have all been there, and it's probably the worst pain of any kind. When I really started to get better was after about 6 weeks. I was still devastated, but I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. I started concentrating on myself and getting excited about the new future I could create for myself. I started to have hope, and I knew that it would be okay. I wasn't exactly sure how I would get there, but I knew that I would be okay. Never the same but okay nonetheless.

[Gingerlee]

Thankyou all so much for your comments. I am really trying, We haven't spoken in 4 days now, and in a way its kind of a huge stepping stone in my life. You're right. I don't have any choice but to move on now. He is with this girl now and that is it. There is nothing I can do. I don't have to lie awake all night when he goes out drinking, waiting for him to call and tell me he loves me, waiting for him to tell me he's in trouble, he is NOT my problem anymore.

 

I don't have to linger on to any hope. I don't have to wait around day in and day out for him to text me. I don't have to get upset when he doesn't text me. It is OVER. The permanence of this is so painful, I wish with all my heart it had been me who had ended whatever we were since last October.

 

It just hurts so bad. The thought of him and her is killing me. I thought we would get married one day we had been together nearly 4 years and were discussing buying a home together. I still look at the card he got me a couple of Christmases ago where he called me the love of his life. Where does that go?

Edited June 26, 2013 by Gingerlee

[StrongLass]

I still look at the card he got me a couple of Christmases ago where he called me the love of his life.

 

Sadly that is no longer the reality of your situation. Maybe it never was...he is with her now after all. Does one just up and leave "the love of their life"? NOPE.

 

I recommend "losing" that card for a LONG while (and by "loose" I really mean burn...)

 

Where does that go?

 

Who knows? It's one of those large unanswered mysteries of the universe that will never have a definitive answer due to the complexity of the world.

 

The important question for you now is "Where do I go from here?"

[Gingerlee]

I've put all the love letters, cards, jewellery and gifts in a box and put it at the back of my wardrobe. I am not wasting another day taking them out and re-reading them and sobbing, wondering where it all went wrong.

 

3 days since I found out. I think I'm doing okay considering. I have kept myself very busy, I went on a date to the beach tuesday with someone who was very nice, had the day off from work yesterday so had a pyjama day, and today im meeting up with a couple of girlfriends for some munch and retail therapy, i'm really looking forward to it! I have not cried since Monday.

 

I think the best thing I can do is not think about.

[iouaname]

Good for you! You're going to be okay.

 

The not speaking to him/blocking/not checking on him will really work wonders. Even when I went no contact earlier, I was always looking at his pictures, which kept me attached. Since I have stopped even doing that and have basically started pretending like he doesn't exist, I have felt SO much better and so I know you will too.

[pugs390]

your post reminds me so much of my own situation that I am going through right now. My ex and I dated 5 years and I have the exact same feelings that you do. I have waves of being okay and then waves of sadness again thinking about how I thought we would get married soon. It is hard but it is a little comforting to know that I am not the only one who feels this depressed. My stomach is in knots thinking of him with another girl.

[Gingerlee]

Struggling at the moment, my mother accused me of being a slut.

 

I have been reserved and quiet my whole life, I lost my virginity to my ex, and have only slept with a few other people since. I am in no way a slut and I'm extremely insulted and upset.

 

I have been on dates with 7 different guys and not one of them makes me want to commit. The only person I want to be with is my ex, and now he belongs to someone else.

 

I thought I was doing well.

[orionboxing]

I feel numb, and haven't stopped crying all day. I don't know why i'm posting this as I only have myself to blame, I allowed this to happen and therefore dug my own grave long before any of this started.

 

 

First, you are being way too hard on yourself. This was a "relationship", which means both of you are to blame for it ending.

 

Second, you are incredibly young. I know it feels like the end of the world now but there is so much life ahead of you. You will not believe how many great guys you'll meet when you are in the mid-to-late 20's. You are giving up way too soon.

 

Third, you need to remember all the crappy things your ex did to you. So what, they are going to Napa. He'll back in couple days and his life will be the same. The same crap he pulled with you, he'll do to this girl. She is not better than you. She'll be put through all the same things he did to you, only she might have the patience and dump him. If she doesn't he'll likely string her along for a great deal of time...and she'll go through all the pain that you went through.

 

Fourth, this is a rebound relationship for him. People who jump to relationship to relationship that fast don't usually sit back and evaluate what they did wrong in the previous relationship and take the time to fix themselves. People who can't stay single for any substantial amount of time are generally needy, insecure types who have no other way to validate themselves other than being with someone. This leads to a series of broken, dysfunctional relationships over time.

 

You have to realize that you will come out of this better in the long run, and you'll back at this guy 2 years from now and think "what did I ever see in him?"