NYCGuy22 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 So here is the situation. I have been with my girlfriend for over 5 years. We kind of lived together even though she had her own place. Basically, we were together 24/7. A few months back and after a fight, she decided to walk out and wanted a break. We worked through it after a month and things were somewhat better - at least the things that I needed to change about myself. However, she still seemed distant. It seemed like her priorities were everything else except me. Instead of us doing things together, she would always suggest that we go out with other people. If I didn't want to do that, she would go herself. She would also do this with one of my guy friends and I started to become suspicious. We would fight almost daily about her choosing to spend time with him over me. A couple weeks ago, we broke up and she told me "she loved me, but was not in love anymore". Then, the bombshell was dropped that her and my friend developed "feelings" for each other. I guess she has been telling him and others that we have been done for a while. Now, this guy was obviously telling her all the things she wanted to hear during our rocky time - and she was buying into it. Mutual friends tell me that she claims to not "want" this guy, but he is being her friend and she really doesn't have many others. She claims that all of my accusations and anger has driven her to him and away from me. In my opinion, those "feelings" should have never been shared and a friendship ruined and a relationship ruined. I think she should have backed off but she doesn't want to hear it - from anyone. So what are your thoughts? Is this grass is greener syndrome? Is she doing this out of spite? Can someone really just be cold like this after 5+ years? This is destroying me because I was truly in love with this person and doing everything I could to make our relationship better. For the first couple weeks, I went through sadness...and told her how much she meant. Then I went through anger...and told her how horrible she was being. Every day was a different emotion - and she was responding, but obviously not with what I wanted to hear. I started no contact officially 4 days ago and its killing me. Is there hope with a situation like this or do I truly just need to move on? Has anyone gone through something similar? Does true love really come back to you or am I just being foolish that she still loves me deep down? Is it a mistake to break no contact and reach out to her based on how long we've been together? Any advice is appreciated
Balzac Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Dude, it's over. Save your pride. Her actions are what matters, not what your friends interpret. It's done, move on. 2
TaraMaiden Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 These questions are both pointless, and redundant. The bottom line is that it doesn't matter what the fundamental reasons are. You'll never get to the bottom of it. She's not with you any more. She's with him now. That - sadly - is all the closure you either need, or are going to get. Because that's what you're looking for. That's what you want, here. And nobody else, and no questions answered, are going to give you closure. All the closure you need, is to see, understand, realise and accept that it's over. 1
R.C Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Move on. You had a good run, leave it at that. Have a good run with someone brand new, shiny too
JustAReformedGirl Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 So here is the situation. I have been with my girlfriend for over 5 years. We kind of lived together even though she had her own place. Basically, we were together 24/7. A few months back and after a fight, she decided to walk out and wanted a break. We worked through it after a month and things were somewhat better - at least the things that I needed to change about myself. However, she still seemed distant. It seemed like her priorities were everything else except me. Instead of us doing things together, she would always suggest that we go out with other people. If I didn't want to do that, she would go herself. She would also do this with one of my guy friends and I started to become suspicious. We would fight almost daily about her choosing to spend time with him over me. A couple weeks ago, we broke up and she told me "she loved me, but was not in love anymore". Then, the bombshell was dropped that her and my friend developed "feelings" for each other. I guess she has been telling him and others that we have been done for a while. Now, this guy was obviously telling her all the things she wanted to hear during our rocky time - and she was buying into it. Mutual friends tell me that she claims to not "want" this guy, but he is being her friend and she really doesn't have many others. She claims that all of my accusations and anger has driven her to him and away from me. In my opinion, those "feelings" should have never been shared and a friendship ruined and a relationship ruined. I think she should have backed off but she doesn't want to hear it - from anyone. So what are your thoughts? Is this grass is greener syndrome? Is she doing this out of spite? Can someone really just be cold like this after 5+ years? This is destroying me because I was truly in love with this person and doing everything I could to make our relationship better. For the first couple weeks, I went through sadness...and told her how much she meant. Then I went through anger...and told her how horrible she was being. Every day was a different emotion - and she was responding, but obviously not with what I wanted to hear. I started no contact officially 4 days ago and its killing me. Is there hope with a situation like this or do I truly just need to move on? Has anyone gone through something similar? Does true love really come back to you or am I just being foolish that she still loves me deep down? Is it a mistake to break no contact and reach out to her based on how long we've been together? Any advice is appreciated She wasn't entirely in the right, but she wasn't entirely in the wrong, either. Yes, she should have made time for you, as a couple. But, it's also perfectly natural to want to socialize with other people. That being said? It sounds like she got back together with you, when she shouldn't have. When she decided to keep hanging out with this friend, she should have been honest with you that things didn't feel right between you. She may or may not have cheated. I have a feeling she didn't, physically, but emotionally, perhaps. Your suspicions and jealousy, though not entirely unjustified, may have made her feel righteous in getting closer to him. No, it wasn't right of her, but we can't always help how we feel. What she should have done was controlled the actions brought on by those feelings. By the same token, you shouldn't have instantly jumped to conclusions. It's possible to have a relationship discussion without it turning into an argument; you both didn't do well, in that regard. But, it happens to the best of us. Before you, how much dating experience did she have? It sounds like it could be GIGS, but it could also mean your time together has reached its end. Whatever it is, she seems to already have made her choice. It's not your responsibility to wait around for her to change her mind; you're hurting, and you need time to grieve, and time to heal. If she comes back to you, and you wish to try again, then by all means. But if that occurs, make it clear to her that you will not be her safety net, if she leaves again. if she thinks she can come back every time it doesn't work out in those "greener fields", it's just going to cause you more unnecessary heartache. If she doesn't come back at all, focus on yourself; do what you need to do to be happy.
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