Happynconfused Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Hello everyone:) I have been with my bf for 2 years. I am 40 and he is 38. Plan on getting married next year. We live together. We rarely drink, maybe a beer or two a week. But last weekend we went to my daughters and my bf ended up getting wasted and fist fighting me daughters bf. They almost called the cops, but I got him to leave and we got home and I told him he f**ked up and we were done. He got very angry and shoved me and grabbed me by the arm. I have a huge bruise on my leg and a few on my arm. He has never done this before. All he said the next day was "sorry, I was drunk". He has put his fist through a wall before when drunk, but never hurt me. I am still here cause I don't know what to do. He is fine otherwise. But he is pretty jealous, not letting me do things alone, or I always have to be "with" him. I got up the other day and went out to read a book and he got pissed, said I should have stayed with him, he always says "you wouldn't like it if I did that to you". YES I would, I do not have to be with him ALL the time. If I get a beer and don't get him one, he gets mad. I am just lost, not sure if he has anger built up or if hes gonna get worse.....I just don't know.
Balzac Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 We rarely drink, maybe a beer or two a week. Hmmmm. Something doesn't add up in your story.
Author Happynconfused Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 No, its pretty clear. We may drink a beer after work once or twice a week. But as far as getting wasted- its very rare. 1
Balzac Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I have been with my bf for 2 years. But last weekend we went to my daughters and my bf ended up getting wasted He has put his fist through a wall before when drunk, I have a huge bruise on my leg and a few on my arm. I am still here cause I don't know what to do. You're a 40yo adult who has been physically violated and you've got no clue about how to leave? 5
TaraMaiden Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Read your first post again, as if you were a total stranger reading someone else's post. And now tell me: Would you advise that woman to "yeah, go ahead, marry this guy! he sounds like a magical keeper, and so generous, wonderful and considerate!"...? I don't think so. he either needs counselling/anger management for his jealousy/control issues, and to recognise that when he gets drunk, he's nasty, or you need to clear out and never look back. Frankly, I'm afraid i fall into the "WTF are you thinking??" group and believe this guy isn't worth wasting your breath over. Even when he's stone-cold sober, he sounds like a controlling jerk. Jeesh..... 5
MidwestUSA Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 You said "We are done", now follow through. If the fact that he has to always have you in his sight wasn't enough, the shoving should be. Have someone with a camera document those bruises for you; you may need them in court later, if you stay. 4
Balzac Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 He is fine otherwise NOTHING about this guy is fine!
happywithlife Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Don't walk - run! Anyone who needs you by his side all of the time, gets in physical fights, destroys property, and physically assaults you is BAD NEWS. And, being drunk is not an excuse. If you can't control your emotions when you are drunk you shouldn't be drinking. If you are afraid for your well being if you leave him, get in touch with Vera House or a similar organization. Protect yourself.
shexy Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Don't marry him. He'll end up hitting you again, he sounds like he has control issues and severe anger issues.
TaraMaiden Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 You just don't know..... You just don't know - what?? Well, whatever it was that you didn't know - you know now. We've told you. You asked, we replied. Don't waste any more time chewing this over, or thinking about it. "He who hesitates is lost." You hesitate now, you'll be hanging a millstone round your neck from the get-go. Stop. Now.
CC12 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I am just lost, not sure if he has anger built up or if hes gonna get worse.....I just don't know. I don't think it really matters why he does the things he does. The fact is that you brought him around your family, and he got into a physical altercation there. I think this means that you can never bring him around your family again, because you don't want to risk putting your daughter or anyone else in the uncomfortable position to have to defend themselves against him. You cannot subject your family to that. And then later, he got into a physical altercation with you. You should not subject yourself to that. The first time it happens should be the last. But he is pretty jealous, not letting me do things alone, or I always have to be "with" him. I got up the other day and went out to read a book and he got pissed, said I should have stayed with him This is all pretty much textbook abusive, controlling behavior. And combine that with his violence toward others, it's really concerning. Please be careful and take care of yourself and your kids above anything or anyone else. 1
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