RachelR Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I have been suffering for an indefinite time from the Grass is Greener Syndrome. I am in a relationship that has lasted about one third of my life and me and my boyfriend sort of broke up because I couldn't take my inside pressure anymore and started crying and told him that I had doubts about us. Before meeting him I only had a short relationship as a teenager and made out with two diferente guys. My bf was the first and only person I have ever had sex with, and my first and only serious relationship. We aren't totally compatible in everything. I have lots of energy, like to get involved in many activities, going out, partying, meeting people and being adventurous. He is quite peaceful, likes to rest a lot, watch TV, but also likes to go for a walk and travel, and what I value the most, he let's me go out with my friends, so that I can release my social and party animal. I would like him to be crazier with me (though I can have these moments with my friends, I would like my significant other to share them with me). We respect our differences. I'd like our relationship to be more exciting, but it is sweet and we get along well, though boredom comes in once in a while. Sex is not awesome but it's satisfying. I would like more of it though. We have already sort of lived together for a while, but then both of us moved to different states for study/career reasons. I found myself having the student life I had never had before. Parties all the time... guys hitting on me... etc etc How could my peaceful and quiet relationship compete with all that? When we are together I have mixed feelings: I feel that it is so nice to have him around and we get along so well; but I also feel that those parties are so damn crazy and I just want to go totally wild without any regrets. Despite the great fun I've had, this year has been a great torture. I am constantly dealing with very mixed feelings and guilt. I have not cheated yet, but feel so damn tempted to make out with strangers and have sex with a different person. I do try to avoid drinking and never buy alcohol, but somehow my friends always end up giving me alcohol and I get drunk very easily and that's when things go a bit out of control. I do have the time of my life, but I also regret it the next day... but try to convence myself that I haven't actually cheated... still I'm not happy with myself. Then the moment came when me and my bf were together. I was so happy to see him again and felt in love. However, some days later I couildn't take the whole pressure and ended up crying, I said I had doubts... everything was very vague and we sort of broke up. Now: - I feel very free to go as wild as I wanted to go... to experimente with different guys (there's no specific person inside my head... I just crave some variety); - I know that I will regret everything later, because I won't find anybody else like my boyfriend and it will be very hard to have a relationship as good as that once again; - He is depressed and feeling miserable and I want to make him feel better and I don't know how. In the meanwhile (only a few weeks after) he told me that he forgives me and wants me back and he told me that he might be offered a position in the state where I am now. The thing is that I don't know what I should do! - My "GIGS" feeling is very very high... I feel that it's better to go wild now that we broke up, than to have this feeling much later and then ruin everything again... and prolong this pain; - I do see myself with him in the future. We are not totally compatible, but we do get along, love each other (though I don't think I'm IN love right now...), and can adapt to our differences; - However, even if I'm not looking for somebody more compatible with me, but only to "sow my wild oats", there's the possibility that I actually find somebody more compatible with me if I go out there to "explore"; - I want to ease his pain as much as possible... I don't know what's the best thing I can do (please, help me not to be selfish here!): a) Telling him that I still love him and give him hopes (which are real) that I'll get to him later (and don't tell him that my main motivation is "sowing my wild oats" but say something else, so that I don't hurt him) --> I think this will make him attached, not able to move on... while I'm having all the fun... Even if it's what I feel as truth, am I really helping him if I tell him this? What if in the end I don't want to be with him and find another person? b) Break up with him and cut all contacts. Do all the things I feel like doing, and if I get tired (which I think I will) come back and try to get him back --> this way he can really move on, and maybe he even finds a better person. But I think this might hurt him more... and I don't want him to hate me! c) Tell him about the "grass is greener syndrome"...... --> but if he knows that my real drive is to make out/ flirt/ etc with several guys, wouldn't he hate me even more? He would see me as a totally shallow and empty person... d) I have thought of proposing an open relationship, in which he could get all the girls as well --> the thing is that it would make him even more jealous and hate me for the rest of his life? I wouldn't mind he experimented with other women, but I know he doesn't feel the same about me. And let's get real... I am extremely extrovert, in a student environment and I'm a woman. I really think that it would be easy for me to get guys, while in his case (shy, doesn't like going out...) he would have many more troubles concerning finding available women. And he had already told me that he doesn't find this whole idea very appealing. But should I mention it again? I also feel the temptation to stop all the wild partying, avoid temptation, go back together. I think this is what I SHOULD do... but I don't FEEL like doing it right now. What if the Grass is Greener Syndrome doesn't die and I will only hurt him more? Ok, so to sum up, my real doubts are: 1. Should I really try to "sow my wild oats"? Or is it just childish and I can overcome it through other ways? But what if my desire to stray never leaves me alone and I can't be happy with my boyfriend? 2. What should I do or tell him in order to ease his pain both in the short and in the long run? 3. I think I'll regret everything later. What should I do so as not to totally destroy my possibilities of trying again later? As I said, I don't want him to wait for me while I'm having the wild fun, or trying to, but I also don't want him to hate me and resent me. I still love him, not sure in what way, but I still do. Thank you all for your help!
Author RachelR Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 I need to add that the fact that the relationship was LDR over the last year really put a lot of pressure on me/us and let the feelings of strong temptation arise. Maybe I wouldn't be feeling this had we been together all this time!
R.C Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I'm going to be blunt 1. You seem to be very emotionally immature. 2. Why do people always have to find a problem when they are content, (YOU caused your own problem). 3. Why the **** cant you just party without being "wild and making out with every guy you are attracted too" he is giving you the trust, by not having a problem with you going out and getting drunk, yet you are taking that for granted. 4. You being incredibly selfish, you are willing to basically throw away what you have, hurt the person you supposedly love for what exactly? something that you yourself know you will grow tired of. 5. You know that Drake quote that was floating around a few years ago "don't leave the wife of your life for the hoe of the night" well same thing applies to girls. However with that said, i can tell that you are going to be lead into temptation, so the best thing to probably do is break up with your bf, go no contact, make it clear to him you are not getting back together, so he can find a real girl who is not emotionally immature, who actually knows and is capable of commitment. Then you probably will be used by "bad boys" be screwed over, and you will then and only then know what you had. And hopefully he finds a real "good girl" since it seems you were disguised as one. Anyways that's my 2 cents. 4
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