Ex Girlfriend of 6 Years Left Me For Someone Else (Depression)

June 24, 2013

I will share my story in brief. With ex for 6 years. I'm now 24 her 22. I got GIGS 2 and a half years in. Initiated a break up. Thought I had fallen 'out of love', loss of attraction. There was no one else, I was just being selfish about wanting to live my life without any tie downs. Being young and dumb

After 5 of so months of the 'single life'. , still keeping in regular contact over this period. I didn't lead her on, I still loved her but at the time I just couldn't admit it to myself. Anyway we get back together, communication was poor between us. Her being extremely moody and difficult to handle sometimes. Me being stubborn and stuck in my ways. Anyway our relationship goes on, she comes and stays at my place most weekends, the attraction and bond we have is stronger than ever. Fast forward to December last year and she starts becoming extremely depressed, alcohol binges, cocaine use. She would ring me verbally abusing me one minute, then ringing me crying saying she's sad and doesn't no why, I would question her as to what had triggered this. Suicide Attempt came up shortly after,taking multiple amounts of tablets. She rang me a and says she's in hospital and doesn't no what she's done, I'm distraught, angry, confused. How could the girl I love do this? I couldn't bring myself to go to her bedside, I was being weak. But it would kill me seeing her this way.

She attemps it again 2 weeks later with the same method, I rushed to her bedside, she's on drips and looks drugged out her mind. I look at her and could not believe she had done this. I was sharp with her at times, why are you doing this, you've got everything to live for etc. I kissed her head, and stroked her hair until she fell asleep. Kissed her and left. That day i got home and cried. It was killing me seeing the girl I love destroy herself.

She continued drinking binges. Cocaine use. Until one day she rang me, saying she got into debt and couldn't pay the money. Relatively small amount. I was angry, but agreed to pay it. Aslong as she packed her things to come and stay with me for the foreseeable future. She agreed, she came to my home. That day I took her for a walk, we sit on a bench and she begins to cry saying she's turning into someone she doesn't want to be. I cry with her, and we hold each other for a while. She stayed for 2 weeks, I cooked her good food, her sleeping pattern was getting better, these walks continued. At the end of the 2 weeks, I arrange a weekend away for her birthday. 5* hotel, spa treatments, dinner. Amazing weekend, the love was there in abundance. She said we'd been getting on much better and she had a smile on her face as we strolled down the Thames, London. We come home, she makes a point of staying the night, because she knew she wouldn't see me for a week due to work commitments. She goes home as normal. Everything is ok for 1-2 days. Then her replies become less frequent, I arranged the cinema and for us to go and get some proper photos. She agreed to both. Told me to send her what was on at the cinema. She strings me along for a few days saying she's happy on her own, but she just needs space for a while, im not losing her, course she loves me. After a few days of me bombarding her with messages, receiving no replies, she ends it by text. 'I love you but it doesn't feel like enough sorry'. I'm distraught, how has this happened. I continue telephoning, texting, no replies. I go to her home, she comes to the door and laughs and asks me what I'm doing here, we go for a walk and she says she doesn't love me anymore. I try the someone else trick, she says who told you. Red flag. She denies anything has been going on, there just talking.

I believed it for a minute. I return home heartbroken. I dig for answers. Turns out a lot of third parties knew it had been going on for anything from 4 weeks to 4 months. I confront her with the guys name and she just says yes and puts the phone down. I send her hateful messages for a week or so. How could she do this?! I message the new guy telling him all about her addiction problems and anger issues. Bad move I no. I then wish her all the best in several messages receive no reply to any. Go full NC. After 2 weeks she initiates, 'how r u'. I reply and bombard her again. Just to seek the closure I need. She doesn't even reply. So I go NC, she initiates again 2 weeks later. Same text. I ignore it. Don't reply for 2 weeks. We exchange a few messages. She says she loves me with all her heart and always will, I said if this was true you'd be with me, she said I love you but not like that, there is a difference. So I said so you love me, but your not in love with me? She replied yes. I've been there in some capacity but not leaving for another girl. I accept this and say we don't no what way happen. The doors open for reconciliation. Do not contact me again unless it's about us moving forward as a future. Full nc. Its been 7 days.

I can say I'm actually over her. I want her back yeah. But it's a want not a need, if she doesn't return then I no it wasn't meant to be. She's swapped love for lust wouldn't you agree? Crushed out on another guy. She's receiving the chemicals to her brain she has been lacking, as well as being on meds for 3 months. The honeymoon period is in full swing. They've maybe officially been together for 3 months now. I just wonder if she'll ever realise she made a mistake. I did all i could for the girl I loved in her darkest hour. And she was deceitful for some time. And she left me. When most men would of ran, I stood firm as I knew this wasn't her. She says she's doing good now and is happy with herself for once. Her jumping from one relationship to the next surely is not healthy and shows she's insecure of being alone. Any opinions would be great. Sorry about the long story but it's extremely complex

June 24, 2013

To sum up. She says she's 'doing good now and happy for once with herself'. She genuinely will be. But if it's looked at from the outside. Depression, falling out of love with me during depression, put on meds, meets new guy, the chemicals she's been lacking are now there in abundance as she has that spark with him, all she sees me as now is a bad reminder of her depression, he made her feel good, continues to do so 3 months on. Would you agree she's jumped from one to the next because she can't be alone, she's had no time to work on herself because she's putting most of her energy into this new relationship, what happens when the depression does come back, because it runs in her family. Dads a alcoholic in a home, brothers are addicted to pretty much anything from red bull to gambling. I just worry for her I suppose. I love her to death and always will that's why I've made the decision not to have any contact ever again. Those residual feelings will always be present. As she was the girl I was going to marry, have kids with, lose teeth with etc.

June 24, 2013

I suppose I'm looking for some clarity. I no did my best and she even acknowledged my efforts. She knew how much I loved her. She left me for the 'better' deal. She also said I was boring. To an extent I am, but I call it settled. My drinking days are behind me. I enjoyed relaxing with the girl I loved at the weekend not partying till all hours. I've been in the gym ever since the break up, I'm seeing results so my confidence is coming back. I'm a million miles from where I was when the initial break up and the finding out of her betrayal. I feel she basically stayed with me until this other guy was a cast iron guarantee to take over from me. As she said she had been feeling this way 'for a while'. So that tells me I was used, abused until my replacement was lined up. Any opinions would be greatly received

June 24, 2013

Anyone? I'd just like some advice. Just for my own personal wellbeing. And that of hers. I no its no longer my concern, move on, let go etc etc. I have let go, I just wonder if this will all come tumbling down for her and no matter what she's done I don't want that for her. I suppose I was in love with the idea of what she was, not who she actually is.

June 24, 2013

I really need some advice guys. I don't want to break NC, but I always feel like I've left something unsaid or something. I'm really in limbo

June 24, 2013

I will offer any advice I can give as I've learned a lot over the past few months since break up. I really just need a different opinion on my story that is all. I'm moving on and am slowly learning how to be me again. Just a little push in the right direction. Thanks

June 24, 2013

I want her back yeah

So let me get this straight...You have a woman who sufferers from Depression, Alcohol binges, Drug abuse, suicide attempts, debt, cheating amongst god knows what else and you want her back??As soon as you figure out that you should never want to speak to this girl again let alone want her back, there is no one here that can help you.

You met at a young age. In this modern world not many relationships last when you meet that young. I know you youngsters think "but she is the one!!..." No no she's not. Most of us need 3 or 4 goes at it before we see a blond chick accompanied by some bears. Ahhhh just right...

Right now you are both WAY too immature to be in a loving happy relationship irrespective of your problems. She sounds like she is going to be on an upcoming episode of Jeremy Kyle. You need to grow up.

This stubborness you suffer from. Get rid of it. Relationships don't work with people looking for 'victory' in an argument or stubbornly planting their feet in. At times being with one of these special girls is going to hurt like hell. Sometimes you will want to let rip all guns blasing, but if she is one of the special one's, you should always put her and the relationship above yourself. That's not to say be a doormat. It just means you pick and choose your fights. There is a great skill to this. You don't dig in and pout over every little issue, moaning my girl doesn't understand me. Somethings you just got to let go, pride ain't nothing when it comes to matters of the heart. Let that be area 1 you focus on.

Area 2. If a girl leaves you in future don't pester her. I learnt this one too the hard way. You need to focus on making the self improvements I refer to above. You need to learn how to communicate effectively in a relationship.

FAR More importantly you need to figure out why on earth you want her back!!?? Please don't be one of those morons who say "but I love her". I mean what does it take for you not to love her? Shoot your dog? Have sex with you dad? Chop of your bits? I mean if cheating on you, making a mug of you and numerous other negative behaviours make you still 'Love' her I mean what would it take for you not to? She is NOT one of the special one's, you won't find one until you get your ***** in order. Step one leave this chick go and never look back.

In future learn to set healthy boundaries and stick to them. Good luck

Edited June 24, 2013 by Mack05

June 24, 2013

I couldn't have said it better or in such a nice helpful way. OP, you should really take this advice to heart.

June 24, 2013

I don't want her back as such. I just don't understand how she could of treated me so poorly. After everything I did for her. As you said, I addressed my stubbornness. Long before our relationship ended. I put all the changes in place to be the better boyfriend. She acknowledged my efforts also. Told me how well I had been doing and how we where getting on much better. She took and took from me. Emotionally, financially for the debt (just once). Also came away for her birthday, which she knew I put my heart and soul into planning for her, we had an amazing time. She had a slip up with her drinking but apart from that, the best weekend we've probably ever had. Then 5-6 days later, after telling me course I wasn't losing her, course I love you, when asked if there was someone else, she replied 'what do you take me for'. Then ends our relationship a day or two later by text and this guy is the best thing ever a few days later. If I'm honest, I'm still in shock. I no its happened, just still slightly hard to come to terms with.

June 24, 2013

You tried to be her knight in shining armour. This rarely works. Women like her take and take until they have consumed all they can and move on to the next victim. She is like a bottomless pit of emotional hunger. You can spend till the end of time trying to figure her out and it will be pointless. She is broke and you can't fix her (only she can do this and right now she is a million miles away from this). She operates on a different level to you.

I wonder if you have codependency traits. Google codependency for you and extreme emotional instability for her. I am only guessing her and in this instance I am very relunctant to label as I am only guessing but the outline traits are evident here. Maybe googling these topics can give you some answers..

Once you get those answers you need to turn it inwards. People don't end up with emotionally damaged people by accident. This means there is something a miss with you too. Something you might not even be fully aware of.

Edited June 24, 2013 by Mack05

June 24, 2013

You need to be in complete NC with her. No contact what-so-ever. She made her choice and, unfortunately, it wasn't you. Every time you talk to her, it ends up being about what YOU did wrong. The fact of the matter is, you didn't do anything wrong. She saying hurtful things, not really to hurt you, but to convince HERSELF that she made the right choice by dumping you. So, stop all contact. Stop getting hurt by her.

If she thinks you're boring, then you prove her wrong. Work on you, have adventures, lead a full life. So, prove her wrong!

June 24, 2013

I've done a lot of research on codepence etc. I understand my issues. She was always a 'hot head' shall we say. She's adamant she's 'doing good now and happy for once with herself'. So I said I'm happy for you. But is she happy with herself? Or is she happy now she has the fluttery butterfly feelings again. Which outweigh her depression at present. She's been on meds for 4 or so months now. She needs time on her own, surely to become happy with herself. If he was taken away would she be happy then? I doubt that. I no I can't save her. She doesn't want saving or has saved herself.

Im also in complete nc. I made it clear for her not to contact me again after she suggested talking every now and again as there would be 'no harm in that'. I expressed there is harm in that for me and it just wasn't possible for us to be friends. This was 2 weeks ago. I will NEVER initiate contact again. She actually iniated twice. Breadcrumbs no doubt. The 'I love you with all my heart and always will, you no that' and 'I love you but not like that, there is a difference'. How can you go from being someone's everything, to being nothing. She never had the love for me like I had for her. My love was unconditional. Not putting up with what j have, but seeing the girl I loved destroying herself and doing my upmost to help her. She's also adamant she can 'have s few drinks' now which I find extremely hard to believe. She can drink a bottle of wine like water.

June 24, 2013

MBGeezle, I can relate to your feelings, your thoughts, your questions, your pain.

Drugs and self-abuse aside, I have a similar situation where I loved my ex unconditionally, gave her all of me in every way, treated her like a princess. In the end [last July] she ended our relationship.

as recent as last week I was close to letting go and finding my own closure.

Turns out she is not happy and is being physically abused by this new guy. Threatening her life.

I care for and love her unconditionally. I would have taken a bullet for her or wiped vomit from her face if she was sick or wiped her *** if she ever became bedridden. But she didn't want my love.

Go figure...

June 24, 2013

She was always a 'hot head' shall we say. She's adamant she's 'doing good now and happy for once with herself'.

I heard the same nonsense with my last ex and that's all it is nonsense. Oh i'm great, in a perfect relationship blah blah blah, yawn. I was told the truth is very different. She is in ANOTHER break-up, get back together, up and down relationship and will ALWAYS be the same. These women are in denial and will probably forever be. It's always someone elses fault, never theirs. Meet guy, great honeymoon period, volatile afterwards, relationship ends badly, cycle restarts. This article will explain why -> Will My Emotionally Abusive Girlfriend or Wife Be Different With the New Guy? | A Shrink for Men

You must have treated her amazingly for her to last as long as she did with you.

Chicago is right. You can't change her but you can work on you. The best revenge is living well. There is no future with this girl. Just a lifetime of sufferance. Try remember that when you are feeling low. What you are suffering now is NOTHING compared to what you would suffer if you guys got married. Let some other poor soul deal with her nuttyness. You need to make sure you never fall for a girl like this again. Find a healthy woman you don't need to 'save'..This takes work. Hard work, no short cuts. You may think you know whats wrong with you and have all the answers, but until you turn this inwards and put ALL your focus on you then you are in as much denial as she is. Trust me on that..

Let her go mate...Those questions will always remain unanswered. Start your journey to where you want to go.

Edited June 24, 2013 by Mack05

June 24, 2013

I'm definitely focusing on me and working on my faults and getting my self confidence back. I no nothing else apart from us. It's always been me and her. From aslong as I can remember. I wasn't the greatest boyfriend, I understand that and admit my own faults. I was always honest with my ex, something which she disliked, I speak my mind, regardless if people like it or not, and she really didn't like that about me. Maybe because she is dishonest? I just miss her I suppose. Miss our little language only we knew, the little names we called each other.

Surely her jumping from one relationship, which is long term, straight into a potential long term relationship again, is not a wise move for her? Especially since she is in recovery from serious depression and mental health issues. She doesn't no how to be alone. I feel the only time she I iniated contact after she broke it off, was when she was alone, not sat with her boyfriend, or her friends. She would of felt lonely and thought, I'll see how he is because I feel guilt about how appallingly I've treated him.

This guy lives closer to her, same circle of friends (which are not the type of people you'd want anyone to associate with), probably earns more money than me, and drives which I don't. I no this is all trivial and it's pointless me comparing myself to him. As I no, if he puts up with half of what I did, then he's stupid. I'm not blameless. I've made mistakes. But in no way do I feel I contributed to the demise of our relationship. I put my heart and soul, everything I had into it over our last month's together. But it seems for sometime, he was in the background. She was just keeping me going, until he was a cast iron guarantee to take over from me. Fear of being alone? I'm going to be a success, because I work hard. I'm honest, loyal, trustworthy and would NEVER in a million years done what she has done to her. Even if I didn't love her anymore, I'd have enough respect for the years we shared together not to lie and lie. And act completely normal towards me like she always did up until the day she left my home on march 15th. By March 27th she was telling me 'he treats me well' 'he knows everything about me' 'he likes me for who I am' 'he knows what I'm like and doesn't care'. I just find it unbelievable that she could do this I suppose. When she knew how much I'd invested emotionally into helping her get better. Cooking her good food. Taking her on walks in the fresh air to help her appreciate living, making sure she got enough sleep as her sleeping pattern was haywire. What more could one person do for another?

June 24, 2013

'I love you but not like that, there is a difference'.

And that sounds like she's responding back....I think you went for a breadcrumb.

NC means ignoring EVERYTHING!!! If she really, really, REALLY wanted to talk with you.....well, she knows where you live.

June 25, 2013

Yeah you are correct. This was after a month of no contact after she tried to initiate and I ignored. I just wanted to no to some degree what went wrong. Honestly, everything was great. We where getting on much better, she even said this not myself, obviously hadn't been the greatest with her dealing with depression. But things where on track, I basically think I was used as a buffer to help her get over her depression. She called on me in all her times of need knowing full well I'd be there for her because she knew how much I loved her. She was obviously emotionally involved with this guy during a period where she led me to believe she was chronically depressed. To the point of attempting suicide a month or so previously. But how depressed could she of been if she was attaching herself to this new guy? Falling out of 'love' with me during depression? Falling for someone new during it? It makes little to no sense.

June 25, 2013

You are talking about a girl who is an absolute mess and you are trying to look for logical answers that you are never going to get. She is a mess. You are taking the words of a girl who is a mess WAY to literally. When someone is as big a mess as your ex, you have no idea what she is capable of or why she does the things she does. Trying to figure her out is pointless. People like your ex can't be trusted, which means you may as well ignore everything she has ever said to you. Her promises are false. Until she becomes emotionally healthy and I wouldn't hold my breath for that to happy you simply can't focus on her words.

You talk a good talk but that is all your doing. You are still focusing on her and it seems this won't change anytime soon. It's wasted time and energy..You will never know or understand 'why' the far more important question is how do I avoid such a girl and such a relationship in the future. Until you focus on you, this rut you are in wil remain and not only that she will end up with another 'mess'...

Edited June 25, 2013 by Mack05

June 25, 2013

She definitely was a mess at the time. But now she's 'doing good now' & 'happy for once with herself' , surely she must no what she has done, the amount of lies she must of told me, is wrong. I've never even received an apology for her deceit. And to be honest, I've not even asked for one. It wouldn't make any difference as I've forgiven her as I can't let hate chew me up as well. I am focusing on me, I just find it so difficult to come to terms with the girl I loved with everything I had, could do this to me. It's not even the leaving me for another guy that bugs me, it's the lies and deceit and the using of my good nature up until she backed me into a corner to confront her. She started off the ending of our relationship with 'wanting to be on her own because she never has been'. Well that was a lie. Then when asked if she loved me, course I do, course your not losing me. Then we arranged for her to come over so we could at least talk, she promised, never came, obviously had no intention of coming. She actually tried to dump me by text message as mad as it sounds. Then ignored me for a week. Until I was forced by her to confront her at her home to get answers. Still got lies even then. 'We go out as a group' 'we are just talking'. I just don't understand people that can lie that deeply to someone who is to honest for his own good, and someone she said she loved.

June 25, 2013

Yep been there, seen it, have the tee-shirts. My last ex is the most complusive liar I have ever come across. I feel so sorry for any guy that comes into contact with her. She was also abusive. Do you think I ever got an apology? Of course not, it was always twisted and turned back to me. I pushed at her to try get her to turn it inwards, only to be met with a wall of anger and bitterness. I had all the questions you have now. The answer is simple. You will keep picking women like this until you get yourself sorted. Looking for apologies, wondering why she does what she does is pointless!! Have I said that enough already?

Don't be fooled for a second by "I'm doing good" or "Never better". Like I said already that is the talk of a girl in complete denial. I mean come on think of this logically! All her past problems, she breaks up with you and BAM she is miracally cured of all her afflications!?!? Yeah and I am the pope! This dude is just her latest mistake. In the honeymoon phase emotional gaps getting temporarily filled (like a plaster over a gapping wound). She 'thinks' she is doing good but life will get in the way. Just a matter of time. It's called denial. I knew these women so well now..

Try to absorb what I am trying to tell you. She is in denial. I posted an article on this thread already -> Will My Emotionally Abusive Girlfriend or Wife Be Different With the New Guy? | A Shrink for Men. Read it properly two or three times. My favourite line is "Wherever you go, there you are". I applied this logic to my own life. It simply means unless you find REAL happiness inside then it doesn't matter where you go, or who you date 'there you are'..To find this happiness you need to really turn this inwards and be as honest as possible with yourself. Turning things inwards does not involve ANYTHING to do with her.

Right now you are not absorbing the message we are giving you. We are telling you why she is the way she is, yet here you are asking the same questions. From the attached article..

"Unlike reasonably healthy people who change and grow across a lifetime; these women remain disappointingly the same. We grow and learn by acknowledging our mistakes and through loving and being loved. These women never acknowledge their myriad of mistakes and don’t know the first thing about love. She won’t be different in a new relationship. A woman like this replays the same misery over and over again. The only things she learns from her relationships are how to control, manipulate and hurt others more effectively"

She lied to you, she manipulated you, she doesn't care who she hurts as long as she gets her own way. Indeed if you confront her she would just probably blame you. Hell will freeze over before you get an apology or a genuine admittal of guilt. At some stage in her new relationship 'there she will be'. She is wired completely different to you. Therefore trying to understand 'why' is a pointless, fruitless exercise. Do you understand what I am trying to tell you? You have had a lucky escape, you need to now start making the most of your life...

Edited June 25, 2013 by Mack05

June 25, 2013

I completely agree with everything you are saying. I no in the long run I've had a lucky escape. I just wonder and worry to an extent if she is as happy as she says. Do you think being on anti depressants for 4/5 months will of helped her 'change her way' or just helped her get out of that manic state of depression she was swimming in? And do you agree if she was going to leave our relationship, she should of done it to be alone and do some soul searching on herself. Not jump into a new relationship? I suppose I'm trying to find peace that she will be ok and she will be happy now until the end of time. Because I do want that for her. I don't hate her, I've tried too, and by rights I should.

June 25, 2013

I completely agree with everything you are saying. I no in the long run I've had a lucky escape. I just wonder and worry to an extent if she is as happy as she says. Do you think being on anti depressants for 4/5 months will of helped her 'change her way' or just helped her get out of that manic state of depression she was swimming in? And do you agree if she was going to leave our relationship, she should of done it to be alone and do some soul searching on herself. Not jump into a new relationship? I suppose I'm trying to find peace that she will be ok and she will be happy now until the end of time. Because I do want that for her. I don't hate her, I've tried too, and by rights I should.

Dude I am going to leave your thread. Why? cause you are not 'absorbing' what I am saying. I have said 3, 4 times that she is in denial. I am sure she believes she is happy, but whether she will be in a year or so (based on what I have read) it is highly doubtful. A few anti-depressants and a rebound relationship does not make someone happy longterm.

It doesn't matter if she is happy or not and this is the message that is completely lost on you. Whether she is happy or not is 1) no reflection on you and 2) None of your business. Ask yourself the question why do you care so much if she is happy or not? Why does that question have such signifance to you? It makes no sense, especially when you are not happy! Right now you can't seperate the forrest from the trees. You are too emotionally invested. I promise you when you step back and look at this from the outside you will see things far clearer.

Her happiness is not important. It should have zero signifance on your life. Her validation of you is sooooooooo unimportant. Your future happiness is. Right now all your focus is on her and the million of questions you have. I or anyone else on this board can't help you whilst you remain in this state of mind..

I wish you well..

Edited June 25, 2013 by Mack05

June 25, 2013

I am absorbing it all. I completely agree. I completely understand I've had a huge lucky escape in the long term. Doesn't stop me caring about her wellbeing does it? If I could turn it off like a switch just like she has, then believe me I would. I'm actually extremely annoyed with myself that I do still care. I don't want to care. I don't want to worry. I want to move on and I'm taking significant strides in doing so. Gym, course to improve job prospects, going out and socialising. I wont initiate contact with her ever again I no that deep within me. Compared to how I was s few months ago, im a million miles away.

She has a troubled past and I no the real reasons why she is so depressed. She just 'didn't want to talk about it' 'talking doesn't help'. I feel she has just buried the issues again because she is in the amazing honeymoon phase of a new relationship. No counselling, just anti depressants and her new found friends and new boyfriend. She'll no doubt still be drinking, maybe not as erratic. But alcohol abuse comes from her father so if I was her I wouldn't touch a drop.

Thanks for your advice. I read the article about if she will be happy with someone else and it has sunk it. I give it 6 months before the cracks start showing and by then, I won't care if she's happy or not

June 25, 2013

You care because you are probably codependent. When the emotion fades you will see that even though you might always feel sorry for her (because you heard what she has been through) and hope her life turns round, you shouldn't care about her happiness because of the way she treated you. That is a really important place to get to.

Some of my ex's and I still talk from time to time. There was no ill will or cruel behaviour towards the end. I will always have a soft spot for them. My last two were bitches to me at the end. Plain and simple. Now one could argue that I deserved it, but while I hope they both end up happy, I don't like either of them as people (because of how they treated me) and I no longer give a monkey's nutsack what happens in their lives. Just because someone was originally dealt a ******ty hand in life does not entitle them to behave terribly. By allowing them to do so is 'enabling' their unacceptable behaviour..They don't deserve your care so don't give it to them.

My last two ex's don't deserve (or want) my sympathy. I choose to give my care, sympathy and attention to people who actually deserve it. It's about having a higher self value and opinion of yourself. That's how I choose to combat codependency, but yeah I see where you are coming from, letting go wasn't easy. I felt it was my mission to make their lives better by opening their eyes..What a load of **%*%(&%$$

Codependent no more by Melody beattie will really help you, even if you are not codependent. Just a great book. By making improvements to yourself and learning from mistakes you become a better person and choose a better partner in the process..

Edited June 25, 2013 by Mack05

June 25, 2013

Not sure if you are aware of it or not, but it is a medical fact that there is a chemical change causing euphoria for the first 18-24 months of "being in love".

After that the chemical change begins to regress and the "honeymoon" so to speak is over.

It is during these first 18-24 months that are important to build on the foundations of a relationship so that when the euphoria subsides there is enough meat or foundation left to the relationship to make it last.

Perhaps it is just another sign of drug use and she may jump from relationship to relationship for many years to come as she "self-medicates".

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