4EverAlone Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I met a guy (He's 30, I'm 22) 3 months ago, and I never really developed feelings for him until about three weeks ago. I just saw him as a funny guy and someone fun to hang around. About three weeks ago, we started hanging out more, and we started having sex. It's sad to say this, but I've never dated a guy who didn't try to have sex with me at this point, or a guy who didn't change after having sex, and I've never dated a guy who will answer their phone for me during a nap, or leave their friends early, to spend time with me. He's continued to be the same sweet guy who invites me on day trips, out to dinner, texts me, and asks to spend time with me. A week ago, I expressed interest in a relationship, and I told him how I felt about him, he said he wasn't against a relationship, but he didn't say that he wanted to try one with me. Today, we were talking about past relationships and dating experiences, and he joked to me and said that he might not be my type. I said there was only one way to find out, and he said that he didn't want to say that he wants a relationship yet. He says he still wants to feel some things out with me, and that he wants to wait until he finds out where his next duty station is (he's in the army, and is leaving here in November). I got quiet, and he started rubbing my back, and he said "uh oh, now she's going to disappear." I really like him, but I don't want to invest my feelings even more, and I don't want to continue hanging around him, with our relationship going nowhere. How should I handle this situation? I don't want to just go away, and come off as immature and butt-hurt, but I don't want to stay in something that won't go anywhere.
CC12 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 So, you're asking how to break up with someone? Be direct, keep it simple, and for a relationship this short you don't really need to give much of an explanation. "It was nice getting to know you, but it's just not going to work out. Take care." 2
Million.to.1 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 he said "uh oh, now she's going to disappear." End it now. You are already invested. He is pretty much saying "don't hang around cause i'm not your "type" ie: I'm using you for sex, and am not interested in being your boyfriend" 2
D-Lish Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I think you came on too strong jumping into the relationship talk. Guys don't want to be put on the spot about getting into a relationship- it puts them on the defense even though it's not meant to. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 He's just trying to manipulate you while messing with your head giving you shady answers, letting you create the false hope out of that...don't get "confused", this was something that's supposed to be a no-strings kind of deal, I'm sure he likes you well enough and all that jazz...but if he's got any responsibility and maturity to him, 22 year old, 30 year old guy....meeh, not unless he's looking to shack up or needs a baby-maker, if he's not in a hurry for those...well, you're just "alright". He's not that into you, and you're only 22...not exactly a challenge for a guy who's 30 if he's got two peas for brains...I'm sure his buddies give him a hard time "uh oh, someones gotta go baby-sit now". Men need companionship and sex and you're a stress free no pressure target to enjoy that as many inexperienced women are, until now there's really been no potential for drama and I'm sure his departing in November will coincide quite nicely with his unavailability. 3
tbf Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I don't want to just go away, and come off as immature and butt-hurt, but I don't want to stay in something that won't go anywhere.How can you be perceived as being immature when you're looking for commitment and he's the one unwilling to commit? Commitment takes maturity. If you want to soften the blow, you can be honest. "Look, I really like you a lot but it appears that we have differing perspectives of the future. There's nothing wrong with either perspective but they don't meet. With this in mind, I can't keep seeing you, feeling invested where you're not on the same page. I'm relying on your maturity level to understand how difficult this is for me. Take care of yourself. I wish you well." 2
Phantom888 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I think you came on too strong jumping into the relationship talk. Guys don't want to be put on the spot about getting into a relationship- it puts them on the defense even though it's not meant to. But they had sex, so it's implied that relationship may be expected. I would think, unless specifically stated otherwise, your having sex means you intend to head to that direction. Any man who waivers about going into a relationship AFTER having sex with the woman is simply using her for sex. Why would any woman want to waste time with such a D-bag? 1
Phantom888 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I am gonna tell this to any young woman, including my daughter when she grows up, that you should have some form of commitment before having sex with the man. Sex is very intimate, and it's a form of bonding. Why would any woman offer sex to a man without at least knowing that he wants to be with her? I mean, even escorts get paid $300+ an hour for sleeping with men who don't want relationships. It's such a one-sided deal for women to waste time on men who can't commit. It's lame. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Men are not really scared off as easily as you might think (by relationship talk or anything else). They are only scared off if they are not that into you. 3
Sunshine87 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Men are not really scared off as easily as you might think (by relationship talk or anything else). They are only scared off if they are not that into you. Sad but true. I was shocked when I heard my brother discuss marriage with a girl.....the same guy who got so upset when other girls tried to talk him into a relationship. Don't settle for less.
kaylan Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Men are not really scared off as easily as you might think (by relationship talk or anything else). They are only scared off if they are not that into you. This. OP move on. When a guy is into you, and sees a future with you, we JUMP at the chance to be your man. Sure there may be legitimate times when a man really isnt ready for a relationship, but generally speaking..."Im not ready for a relationship" tends to mean "I dont see myself with you and dont think we would make a good fit" Doesnt mean you arent a great girl. It just means he doesnt feel you two are right for each other. 1
Phantom888 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Men are not really scared off as easily as you might think (by relationship talk or anything else). They are only scared off if they are not that into you. Really good point. I think when the "right woman" comes along, any talk of commitment and the future together would sound wonderful. It's pure biological. We are programmed to quickly take claim on things/people that we see as optimal for us and can help us produce the fittest offspring. A women we desire is definitely worth snatching up immediately. I can't wait to marry my lady.
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