A younger dude

[Eternal Sunshine]

I am not sure if OP is looking for a LTR though?

 

If so, I would advise to pass on this guy. For a LTR, I wouldn't go under 30.

[fortyninethousand322]

I am not sure if OP is looking for a LTR though?

 

If so, I would advise to pass on this guy. For a LTR, I wouldn't go under 30.

 

Do you mean that women over 30 shouldn't date men under 30 if they're hoping for a relationship? Or that men under 30 generally aren't good bets for relationships?

[iamawesome]

Definitely go for it if it's not LTR. I dated a girl eight years older than myself once. One of my best relationships, but once I moved away, LTR didn't work out.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Do you mean that women over 30 shouldn't date men under 30 if they're hoping for a relationship? Or that men under 30 generally aren't good bets for relationships?

 

Both. I think that there is a difference in maturity levels and life experience (women over 30 vs men under 30), generally speaking. I also just don't see a man of 27 wanting to get married and have babies anytime soon.

[will1988]

I'd give it a shot.

 

Also sorry about the Dbag. However, if he had just met these people and some really drunk girl was crying and sobing and moaning outload close to him most guys would be utterly annoyed by that. We don't like to hear people cry in general, for various reasons... sorry.

 

Any way, give this young guy a shot.

[Imajerk17]

I'd give it a shot.

 

Also sorry about the Dbag. However, if he had just met these people and some really drunk girl was crying and sobing and moaning outload close to him most guys would be utterly annoyed by that. We don't like to hear people cry in general, for various reasons... sorry.

 

Any way, give this young guy a shot.

 

Yeah I was wondering the same thing.

 

He and her friends didn't get along = (in her mind) he's a douche.

 

Really? I actually don't buy this. Maybe it was her friends were really annoying? What if they were bashing men and this poor guy was in the crossfire?

 

How do you go from thinking someone is terrific to thinking someone is a douche after a meeting the friends for the first time? Either A. the signs were there all along that the OP was missing completely, OR B. the guy showed a completely different side of himself, OR (as mentioned above) C. it is the friends who were difficult or annoying and this guy is being blamed for that.

 

It HAS to be one of the above--A., B., or C. What else can it be?

 

I just think there's a whole nother side to this story.

Edited June 24, 2013 by Imajerk17

[Drseussgrrl]

Yeah I was wondering the same thing.

 

He and her friends didn't get along = (in her mind) he's a douche.

 

Really? I actually don't buy this. Maybe it was her friends were really annoying? What if they were bashing men and this poor guy was in the crossfire?

 

How do you go from thinking someone is terrific to thinking someone is a douche after a meeting the friends for the first time? Either A. the signs were there all along that the OP was missing completely, OR B. the guy showed a completely different side of himself, OR (as mentioned above) C. it is the friends who were difficult or annoying and this guy is being blamed for that.

 

It HAS to be one of the above--A., B., or C. What else can it be?

 

I just think there's a whole nother side to this story.

 

First off I want to point out that this thread isn't why things didn't work out with the d-bag.

 

Secondly I'd like to point out that my friends really are amazing people who all went out of their way to make him feel welcome within our group, regardless of the fact that he showed up two hours later than he said he would, for starters.

 

My gf who cried - well yeah she does that a lot and it gets a little annoying. She just broke off a 10-year-relationship with someone and is hurting pretty badly and it comes out when she drinks. And it's not like she makes a scene. We were at a concert and a song came on that made her emotional and she was kind of sitting off by herself crying softly. My friends are not the dramatic sort. We aren't the type to get into fights. In fact, if he hadn't pointed it out I wouldn't have noticed.

 

The week leading up to this, this guy had gone stone cold silent on me. He finally reached out Thurs before, and said it was the anni of his brother's passing, and that he retreats. I felt awful, and was glad I had given him space, told him I was thinking about him, etc. He then told me he was heading home to see his family that following night (Friday) and that I would see him Sat. All good, right? Well Sunday following his critique of my friends, he said in passing, "Oh I haven't seen my family in over a month now." And I said - "Oh, I thought you were just home Friday." And he goes, "Oh yeah, I guess you're right." BOLD FACED LIE.

 

His comment about women being "needy" was in reference to my sister-in-law's frustration with my brother when he shuts down emotionally and won't talk to her for a few days. It's taken a huge toll on their marriage. He just responded flippantly - "Well what the heck is wrong with women that they NEED to talk every day. God you women are so needy."

 

Um what else? Oh yeah - dude never went downtown. Said I would need to douche first. At a bakery once he told me that the muffins there were "much better" than the ones I made him. I'm not making this stuff up.

 

So yeah while at first he was great, over the last few weeks it became very clear to me that my needs/wants didn't matter to him in the slightest. He was almost reptilian when it came to genuine human emotion. He could be fun but as you continue to date and get below the surface, a person's real character is revealed and frankly, his sucks a big one.

 

So - I dumped him.

[Imajerk17]

Yeah, I see why you dumped him.

 

I couldn't treat anyone like that badly--even a woman I wasn't feeling it that much for.

 

Good for you!

[mesmerized]

Glad you dumped him DG. what a douche!! Should have done so earlier.

[Drseussgrrl]

Yeah, I see why you dumped him.

 

I couldn't treat anyone like that badly--even a woman I wasn't feeling it that much for.

 

Good for you!

 

Yeah well - Imma do me.

[Ripnet]

He could be fun but as you continue to date and get below the surface, a person's real character is revealed and frankly, his sucks a big one.

 

While I do agree with some of your points, a person with "character" wouldn't call another person a "douche bag" or any other name. It shows that you lack character also. If you expect other have good character qualities you better look in the mirror first.

[BradJacobs]

Um what else? Oh yeah - dude never went downtown. Said I would need to douche first. At a bakery once he told me that the muffins there were "much better" than the ones I made him. I'm not making this stuff up.

The first reason is really the only one that you need to leave someone.

 

The second? Well ... maybe they were better? Look I can make a mean pizza from scratch but it isn't the same the really good New York style crusts around here. Good enough to be better than the crap you pay for from Pizza Hut or Papa John's but not better than a 30" Manhattan Style.

 

Enjoy the younglings. They're fun for a spell and take your mind off of things.

[Drseussgrrl]

While I do agree with some of your points, a person with "character" wouldn't call another person a "douche bag" or any other name. It shows that you lack character also. If you expect other have good character qualities you better look in the mirror first.

 

The only thing I've shown is that unlike a lot of people, even here on LS (seriously some of these threads are truly concerning), I don't have room in my life for anyone, whether it's a guy I'm dating or not, who shows such a complete lack of respect toward another person they supposedly like.

 

I was nothing but great to this man. If it looks like a duck...

[Drseussgrrl]

The first reason is really the only one that you need to leave someone.

 

The second? Well ... maybe they were better? Look I can make a mean pizza from scratch but it isn't the same the really good New York style crusts around here. Good enough to be better than the crap you pay for from Pizza Hut or Papa John's but not better than a 30" Manhattan Style.

 

Enjoy the younglings. They're fun for a spell and take your mind off of things.

 

Ha yeah well - they probably were better. But come on, we all know that you keep that ish to yourself.

[BradJacobs]

Ha yeah well - they probably were better. But come on, we all know that you keep that ish to yourself.

Maybe that's where I've gone wrong ...

[Ripnet]

I don't have room in my life for anyone, whether it's a guy I'm dating or not, who shows such a complete lack of respect toward another person they supposedly like.

 

I was nothing but great to this man. .

 

 

Yes you was nothing but great to this man. The key word "was". Calling people names is not a person with good character. If you didn't call him a douche bag then i could nothave anything. But you didn't and if he's a douche bag then what are you since you choose to date him? Judgement or bad character or is your attitude attracting men like him?

 

Just for your thoughts.

[sweetheart5381]

Hey, my man is 5 yrs younger, though he has a baby face, could likely pass for 26 easy .

 

He is an absolute sweetheart, he is a tiger in the bed and loves to snuggle too.

 

Give the youngling a chance

[sweetheart5381]

Hey, my man is 5 yrs younger, though he has a baby face, could likely pass for 26 easy .

 

He is an absolute sweetheart, he is a tiger in the bed and loves to snuggle too.

 

Give the youngling a chance

 

Oops sorry, tsk me... forgive me, dude is a douche...

 

am all for giving a younger man a chance, but this guy already had his chance.

[Drseussgrrl]

Yes you was nothing but great to this man. The key word "was". Calling people names is not a person with good character. If you didn't call him a douche bag then i could nothave anything. But you didn't and if he's a douche bag then what are you since you choose to date him? Judgement or bad character or is your attitude attracting men like him?

 

Just for your thoughts.

 

People can put on all sorts of fronts when you first start dating them. He really was a thoughtful and sweet dude the first few weeks.

 

The difference here is, I don't stick around. Yes - I was completely caught off guard and disappointed.

 

But I'm not going to make it a self-reflection that he couldn't act with decency. That's on him. And my only two choices were to stay or walk.

 

So I walked. I'm not sure why you're trying to make me feel badly about it.

 

If I had continued dating him after this - well then yeah, fire away about my choice in men.

[suladas]

I don't get why everyone is making the assumption a younger man isn't going to want anything serious, it is a very flawed view. Age has so little to do with it, the only approach is to look at each person specifically and judge for yourself based off of their actions and words.

 

Being that younger person, it is incredibly frustrating for people to assume these things. I am 23 and want a long term relationship leading to marriage, and most likely kids. Yes I know it is extremely rare, but there is others that want the same at that age. Not everyone mid 20's person wants something casual. Just like not everyone whose in their 30's is going to want something serious.

 

I really think if you're judging these things strictly based on age you're going to get burned. Yes someone older has more life experience, but it doesn't make them more mature, willing to commit, stable enough to want to get married, kids, etc or anything. Nor does it necessarily make them know more what they want. On average yes it does, but everyone is different.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I don't get why everyone is making the assumption a younger man isn't going to want anything serious, it is a very flawed view. Age has so little to do with it, the only approach is to look at each person specifically and judge for yourself based off of their actions and words.

 

Being that younger person, it is incredibly frustrating for people to assume these things. I am 23 and want a long term relationship leading to marriage, and most likely kids. Yes I know it is extremely rare, but there is others that want the same at that age. Not everyone mid 20's person wants something casual. Just like not everyone whose in their 30's is going to want something serious.

 

I really think if you're judging these things strictly based on age you're going to get burned. Yes someone older has more life experience, but it doesn't make them more mature, willing to commit, stable enough to want to get married, kids, etc or anything. Nor does it necessarily make them know more what they want. On average yes it does, but everyone is different.

 

I think that you are an exception. Most men at your age and 5 or so years above are only looking to play around. I don't have a problem with that, it's just that I don't take them seriously.

[suladas]

I think that you are an exception. Most men at your age and 5 or so years above are only looking to play around. I don't have a problem with that, it's just that I don't take them seriously.

 

Yes I completely understand that, it is very rare at this age. But if you don't take any men of that age seriously, you are going to miss out on the ones that want more then playing around. I guess I just don't understand the whole age determining wanting to commit deal.

[Ripnet]

I don't get why everyone is making the assumption a younger man isn't going to want anything serious, it is a very flawed view. Age has so little to do with it, the only approach is to look at each person specifically and judge for yourself based off of their actions and words.

 

Being that younger person, it is incredibly frustrating for people to assume these things. I am 23 and want a long term relationship leading to marriage, and most likely kids. Yes I know it is extremely rare, but there is others that want the same at that age. Not everyone mid 20's person wants something casual. Just like not everyone whose in their 30's is going to want something serious.

 

I really think if you're judging these things strictly based on age you're going to get burned. Yes someone older has more life experience, but it doesn't make them more mature, willing to commit, stable enough to want to get married, kids, etc or anything. Nor does it necessarily make them know more what they want. On average yes it does, but everyone is different.

 

Actually it's not rare as you think. I knew a woman that was 22. She broke up with her boyfriend because he didn't want marriage just yet. She started dating a guy in early 30's. She was very happy to do so. I do think 22 or 23 is too young to marry, however if they can wait a few years to marry then it should be ok.

 

I know family member in their 60 that are not that mature. Maturity doesn't come with age or life experience.

[Star Gazer]

I don't get why everyone is making the assumption a younger man isn't going to want anything serious, it is a very flawed view.

 

Wanting and being capable of something serious and long-term are two very different things. A relationship-oriented woman in her 30's is looking not only for someone who wants a long-term relationship, but someone who's capable of the same.

 

Your 20's are all about figuring out who you are. A person in their 20's has a lot of personal growth yet to undergo (and you have yet to go through it, so you can't talk!), and simply won't be the same person once when they're in their 30's and have settled on and stabilized in terms of who they are.

 

This is why, statistically, you have a much, much, much higher chance of divorce if you marry in your early- to mid-20's than you do if you marry in your 30's.

 

Ya gotta trust us old folks on this, sulie.

[suladas]

Wanting and being capable of something serious and long-term are two very different things. A relationship-oriented woman in her 30's is looking not only for someone who wants a long-term relationship, but someone who's capable of the same.

 

Your 20's are all about figuring out who you are. A person in their 20's has a lot of personal growth yet to undergo (and you have yet to go through it, so you can't talk!), and simply won't be the same person once when they're in their 30's and have settled on and stabilized in terms of who they are.

 

This is why, statistically, you have a much, much, much higher chance of divorce if you marry in your early- to mid-20's than you do if you marry in your 30's.

 

Ya gotta trust us old folks on this, sulie.

 

What I mean is, just because someone is a certain age doesn't mean they have it figured out either. There is no doubt I still have growth to do, as does everyone because it never stops. I don't know if you're jumping to the conclusion that someone young isn't capable of committing, but judging that based on age alone is flawed in my opinion.

 

I would say a lot of the stats are skewed because more younger people marry much quicker, instead of taking the time before doing so. So on that alone they are more prone to failure.

 

Again as I said it also depends on what you're experiences are. How much maturity is someone going to gain spending their 20's partying and a string of ONS? Little to nothing....