forgetmenot75 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 This are the stages of breakup: 1. Shock ◀ ▶ During the first few days after a break-up, you'll feel as if you've been knocked down by a tank and you'll be in a state of shock. You have a natural protective mechanism which turns on like autopilot when you're in shock. You'll find it hard to get out of bed in the morning because during the night you might have momentarily put the break-up out of your mind and now you'vegot to find the strength to face the day again. It's important you surround yourself with people who care while you're feeling this way. 2. Denial Your brain will take over after a while and bring you out of the initial stupor you plunge into. This can take anything from a few hours to a few days. If you were the one who was dumped, it's normal to find yourself asking if it's really happened and struggling to accept the inevitable - it's always tough. You'll find yourself thinking: "He's made a mistake, of course he'll come back to you, there's been a misunderstanding, all's not lost," etc etc. It might be a comfort to you at first, but what you're doing is denying the reality of the situation. Even if reality doesn't exactly seem like your best friend right now, you have to accept it. If you keep harboring delusions of getting back together, you'll only make it harder on yourself and slow down the healing process. 3. Anger: Suddenly the red mist rises and your anger starts to surface...How could he do this to you? You run things over and over in your head a hundred times, making him out to be a monster for what he did. You want to show him up for the low-life he is, and this is a natural reflex. However, take care it doesn't lead to vengeance, which could blow up in your face and involves further contact with him, which is not what you need right now. 4. Depression Yeah, you're officially one of those single people who gets weepy during a Jennifer Aniston flick. Welcome to sadness. The bad news? You’re depressed. The good news? You’re in the home stretch. "To be healthy emotionally means we go through the highs and the lows of life,” says Spencer. “Feelings are good for us, all of them. Those deep feelings are a part of the path of life—and proof that you’re healthy and emotionally advanced.” Five months after Janice, 31, and her boyfriend of six years mutually split she found herself in stage four. A rebound relationship had just ended, it was winter, and she was alone on Saturday nights. "I cried every day for a month," she says. "It was like a giant rain cloud was following me around. Even though I knew Steve and I were wrong for one another, I felt like my life would never get better and feared I’d never meet someone like him again.” But beware of getting stuck in stage four—it’s dangerous to linger too long in depression. So, sure, dedicate a week night to feeling sorry for yourself, but make sure you’ve got plans with friends on Friday and Saturday. 5. Acceptance: The final stage of break-up grief creeps up suddenly and all at once. After nights of forcing yourself out, you finally start to have fun. After one too many mediocre dates you finally have a good one. And on that day you stumble upon a picture of your ex, you don’t feel much. “It was weird. One day I woke up and felt good again,” says Jason, 34. “I thought about [my ex] fondly and honestly wished her the best. It helped that I had met someone else and was dating, but I think I had finally just made peace with it all.” Most people who find themselves dwelling in the past don’t get over it until they meet someone new, Kerner says. Until you’re able to to do that, you have to suffer through the purgatory. Much like lying in bed with the flu, you’re “healing” as you go through the stages, he says. I'm currently in number 4, and it's almost a physical pain. Very sad. Hoping to get into stage 5 some day!
lostcoast Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Stages 1, 2 and 4.... two months into a B/u and I am all over the place.
Hockeyguy19 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Stuck in 4 unfortunately, I bounce into 5 every now and then but today I found myself deep in stage 4, 2 and half months post bu and one week of n/c again
Heartbroken Eagle Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Stage 3/4 at the moment. 4 months after BU. Hoping to be at stage 5 by now, but realised I have a long way to go!!!
swimswithjeans Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 i really think I am in a cycle of 1-4. Oy vei. This is really hard.
lop98 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Between 4 and 5. Not depressed anymore but haven't accepted it completely yet, and definitely DEFINITELY don't have the best wishes for him, and his pictures still unleash unpleasant emotions.
Giha Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 4 seems like the most accurate description of what I'm feeling right now of all the 5. I kinda skipped 3, though. Is it bad?
LostInLove79 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I feel like I am stuck between 3 and 4...I so badly want to get to 5 now!!!!
Minneloa Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Level 2, baby! It's gonna hurt when this numbing fog clears.
BustedUpInside Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 2,3, and 4. Every time I feel like I am almost ready for 5, I end up having a moment of denial which then makes me angry which causes depression. It seems like a cycle that happens every few weeks. The good news is that the depression seems to last fewer and fewer days each time I go through it. Maybe I am cycling down into acceptance.
simplyamazing Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I'm at stage 5. This is about 2 months after BU. I haven't dated anyone, or even attempted to.. and probably won't for another 2 months... not because I'm not ready, but because I'm enjoying being my own person again and not having to worry about anyone else or their problems. I'm working on me, and I like that. Much like the story in the post though, one day I just woke up and felt good again... though I definitely don't wish her the best and probably never will. Cheaters don't deserve it. I also made a list of positives and negatives of my ex before that day... and I think that helped a ton. 3
Leigh 87 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Acceptance. Although I am still sad at times, I go out literally every night. I hooked up with a guy ( he is my first ever one night stand) who was lovely and had the best night of sex in my life. After being loyal for years and not looking at another man, the fact I COULD be with another man, willingly and actually WANT the other man badly? It was a sign that I have accepted it is over for good. Where as earlier on, the thought of being with another man put me off immensely. I am not doing a string of one nighters TO make myself feel better; it rather just happened. I am a relationship girl in general.
Leigh 87 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Oh - and acceptance came about 2 months post break up. I do want to stress that I would still not be unreactive if I came across my ex and a new girl. I just wouldn't crumple to the floor in tears:lmao: Where as initially, it seemed to unreal to even contemplate. You go through a WHOLE range of emotions within a very short period of time. Lastly - I would have gotten to this stage way sooner, had I gone total NC sooner. Now I actually would not take him back. I realised he was a bad lover and that I can do so much better. Perhaps NOT wanting them back comes under the "acceptance" banner?
theonlyjuan Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 3rd week in and last night I got extremely angry. I was still angry when I woke up. I am not looking forward to depression, although I think depression is there the whole time. I hate this. It's like having extreme mood swings. One minute I feel positive and happy then randomly change to sad or angry.
UVict Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Mostly at acceptance. I've been going out with friends and having a great time. Not really looking to date just yet, just enjoy my holidays and improve myself. I still can't look at a picture of my ex with her new boyfriend without getting that yuck feeling in my stomach. But I have accepted what happened in the past is in the past, and there is no point in thinking about it. Just being happy with myself is me at the moment 1
SweetiePie12 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 This are the stages of breakup: 1. Shock ◀ ▶ During the first few days after a break-up, you'll feel as if you've been knocked down by a tank and you'll be in a state of shock. Yes. That lasted for two solid weeks. It's important you surround yourself with people who care while you're feeling this way. That is exactly why my devastation lasted two weeks: I found a friend, or he found me -- someone who cares. 2. Denial Never had this step. He made it all so very clear. 3. Anger Didn't have this either. I've never felt anger toward him. 4. Depression This was combined with step #1: shock & depression all at once. 5. Acceptance: Here I reside. There could be a 6th step for me: do you want to get back together?? I'll call the 6th step: ANXIETY.
mahon451 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Looks like I'm a good solid 5. Finally. I'm casually dating (and having a lot of fun and good sexing with it), being super-productive, and drinking less. I still think about the ex from time to time, but it no longer cripples me... now, instead of "how could this happen, we were meant for each other OMGCRY," it's more like, "well, that's sad that it didn't work out. NEXT." Can't say I don't want to see karma explode all up in her face, but I can't really say I wish her any ill will either. I have to say, though- post-breakup depression (stage 4) sucks worse than anything. I'd rather take a cheese grater to my skin than ever have to deal with that again.
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