M30USA Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I think I've figured it out. Over the years I've begun to notice that the people with the worst character (typically due to selfishness) are often the most jealous ones. This may seem like it's an easy correlation to identify, but the REASON for this I am just beginning to understand. Bad spouses get jealous because, deep down, they KNOW they treat their spouse badly and therefore they HAVE reason to be jealous since they KNOW there are many potentials who would treat their spouse a lot better. So instead of making changes and being a better spouse, they get angry/jealous at anyone who displays good characteristics which they know their spouse deserves but won't give them.
MaybeMilitary Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 That is not the case for my partner and I. I am certainly the more jealous one in the relationship but he is the more selfish out of us. Not going into details but I do all of the work around the house whilst studying full time and working part time. He works full time and plays games. We have moved across the country for his job and I have given up things that I love to do this. He has admitted he never thinks about me when he isn't with me, whereas he is on my mind no matter what I do. I go shopping and my first thoughts are 'maybe X would like that' . . . . The thing is we are both aware of our faults and work to rectify them so they don't impact so much as to destroy the relationship. I doubt many women would put up with what I do for any length of time, and we aren't even married! lol For your information I believe I am such a jealous person because I was cheated on and played so much by an ex that even innocent comments set alarm bells of in my head. Again I know this a personal problem so I do my best to not put it on my partner. I do not think I am a bad person for being jealous or have a nasty personality 1
Thegameoflife Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 The root cause is usually trust. These trust problems can manifest for many reasons; the most common being past emotional trauma, usually coupled with self esteem issues. Usually narcissists and egocentric types experience jealousy for selfish reasons. These are the cases the OP is referring to. 1
thatone Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I think I've figured it out. Over the years I've begun to notice that the people with the worst character (typically due to selfishness) are often the most jealous ones. This may seem like it's an easy correlation to identify, but the REASON for this I am just beginning to understand. Bad spouses get jealous because, deep down, they KNOW they treat their spouse badly and therefore they HAVE reason to be jealous since they KNOW there are many potentials who would treat their spouse a lot better. So instead of making changes and being a better spouse, they get angry/jealous at anyone who displays good characteristics which they know their spouse deserves but won't give them. I'm one of the most selfish people I know. So much so that I refuse to get into relationships with women who lack anything under about 90% total agreement with me on hobbies, needs/wants, etc. I'm not changing anything for anyone, ever. But jealousy I do not have. I'm not jealous of anyone, don't even know what it feels like, can't remember ever being jealous. Jealousy comes from fear, plain and simple.
Nyla Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I think I've figured it out. Over the years I've begun to notice that the people with the worst character (typically due to selfishness) are often the most jealous ones. This may seem like it's an easy correlation to identify, but the REASON for this I am just beginning to understand. Bad spouses get jealous because, deep down, they KNOW they treat their spouse badly and therefore they HAVE reason to be jealous since they KNOW there are many potentials who would treat their spouse a lot better. So instead of making changes and being a better spouse, they get angry/jealous at anyone who displays good characteristics which they know their spouse deserves but won't give them. I don't agree with this at all. My husband is a great spouse and decent human being. However, he is the jealous type. I think this is because of our nearly ten year age difference. He is concerned that someone younger is going to take his wife away. His feelings could also be because I was wild before we met, though my husband's love has tamed me a great deal. I have never been unfaithful to him, but that doesn't stop insecurity from rearing its ugly head. My husband says he trusts me but not the men. The root of jealousy is insecurity, not inherently being an awful person. If a wife gets jealous that her husband flirts with other women, does she feel this way only because she is selfish or a bad spouse?
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I'm sure that scenario happens, but I don't think it is the root cause of most jealousy. I think that's basically insecurity, which can manifest in all kinds of ways.
tbf Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Some experience jealousy through projection. If they are capable of doing it, so is their partner. The cheating ex-husband was a jealous and possessive man. Hypocrite. Some experience jealousy because of trust issues from past betrayal trauma.Some experience jealousy because they don't trust their own people picker.Some experience jealousy because they're insecure. 1
LilGirlandOW Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I'm the OW, my MM has a huge ego, also (obviously) a cheater, he's VERY jealous (with a dash of possessive honestly) when it comes to me.
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