Is he interested in me or just sex? I can't tell!

[anwa]

I signed up for a free dating site a few months ago with no real expectations but wanted to put myself out there as I've had luck with online dating in the past (75% of my relationships I met online!). I got the usual crazies and only wanting sex guys so when I got an email from this guy who seems to be like a sane person I semi-jumped at the opportunity to meet him. He initiated everything--the first contact, asked first to meet, persisted when I was hesitant... He didn't say much about him (he didn't fill out the entire online profile about himself) other than he has a BA, he's charming, handsome and a great conversationalist along with the fact that he's in a great place in his life and an optimist. He sent me his picture...He wasn't bad looking but could tell the picture wasn't the greatest. He right away asked to meet me. I hesitated for a couple days trying to get more info out of him like what he likes to do in his free time, blah blah blah... he didn't really respond to those things either. So finally, I said to myself "Just go for it what do you have to lose?" and set up a time to meet at the coffee shop across the street from my house.

 

We met in the late morning during a weekday and talked for about 2 hours then he took me home (I walked there). He seemed to have me pretty figured out and made comments like "I'm someone you should know". I gave a lot of information about myself.. he told me very little but did tell me what he did for a living (in a round about sort of way) and things like that. I didn't hear from him after that so I texted him the next day asking if he'd like to get together again? He responded (a few hours later) "definitely, maybe watch tv together". So we made plans for him to come over a day or two afterwards to watch tv. He wanted to come in the afternoon when I got off work. Btw, I live with my parents (I'm 35, he's 30) so I had to tell my dad he was coming over but didn't know what the situation was and to not ask questions yet. Anyway, he comes over and we "watched tv" in that we mainly did some talking (he asks me a lot of questions about myself but gives little about himself) and did some making out. I could tell he wanted to go further but I didn't so I said "not today." He didn't complain and eventually we stopped. He composed himself and said he had to leave (it was about 4pm on a weekday). Oh, he says he's does "freelance" business stuff and works best at night.

 

The next day I ask him when we were going to see each other again and he said "how about tomorrow?" I said okay, when? and he said after you get off work. This was a Friday afternoon. I ask him if we could meet on his turf to which he confesses that he lives with his family also, so no. I said okay then come over--what are we going to do? He said "finish what we started the other day". I was a little iffy on that because I still don't know a whole lot about him and I'm sort of old school with dating and expect dates at night on the weekends not during the day during the week. The only thing I knew was I did like the guy (we have chemistry and what I do know of him I like). I asked him if he was just looking to hook up or was he interested in me? He said he was interested in me. So I said okay come over. He came over... we talked a bit in my room then had sex then talked more then he left around 530pm on a Friday. I asked what he was doing that weekend and he said "I have school on Saturdays". I work weekends so I didn't think anything of it...

 

So we text each other through the next week or so. He's a little slow answering texts but I don't really feel comfortable talking on the phone with people (I'm a bit shy) so I was okay with texting. My parents have been asking who this guy is and wanting to meet him. Hes coming to my house so they want to know who is coming around. If he was just a friend they'd want to meet him too. I tell him my parents want to meet him and he totally freaks out and stops texting until the next day. I brought it up twice and I got the same reaction both times. I don't understand why it's so difficult to pop your head into the room and say "Hi I'm (so-and-so), nice to meet you." and walk away? He refuses to do that.

 

I get texts from him almost every Saturday night saying he's tired and hot (it's hot where we live) and/or has had a long hard day. He never wants to hang out. I understand that in a way because having an 8-5pm school day every weekend in Business Management is a little rough. But on Sundays I'll ask him what he's doing and he'll ignore that and talk about something else. I asked him one Sunday to come over and hang out with me and he goes "come over and have dinner with your parents? Sounds awesome" in a sarcastic sort of way. I said "no I didn't ask you to have dinner with them and why is it so hard to say hi to them? They live here.." He ignores me the rest of the night. We were supposed to hang out the next day (monday) so I texted him when I got home and he goes "oh I thought you were mad at me." and goes on to say that his car broke down. I offer to pick him up and we go out and do something. He refuses. After a week and a half of not seeing him and no hope for future plans I ask if he's interested in dating or should I see other people? he says "I've been busy. Don't let me keep you from seeing other people." So I told him "Ok. Good luck with your future."

 

I stopped texting and he did too. Then last night about a week and a half later he randomly texts me asking how I'm doing and what I'm up to. (this was saturday night). I respond and we talk for a bit. He asks if I've dated anyone and I said "I went on a date but there's no love connection." and I also told him about my ex contacting me. He wanted to hear more about both so I gave him a bit more detail. Then I asked "So what's up?" and he goes "Oh nothing just wondering how you were." and I said "well are you dating anyone?" and he says "nope" I said "do you want to go on another date or are you too busy for that?" he says "I want to see you again yeah" I ask when he's next available and he says "Monday". So... again with the weekday DAYS. I said "I work until 2pm" he said that wouldnt work for him how about tuesday. I have the day off Tuesday so he said "perfect I'll text you on Tuesday." (I'm running out of texts for the month which is why he said that).

 

So... I don't get why he is slow with giving information about himself...and why can I only see him on the week DAYS instead of nights and/or weekends? Is he really interested as he says or is he just wanting sex? I need some insight lol I don't want to be strung along and used. My guy friend just keeps saying "he's weird" lol which doesn't help me much.

[imfine]

Can only meet in the middle of the day on weekdays? Doesn't want you at his place? Doesn't say much about his life? Sounds like you've found yourself a married man. To answer your question, I'm gonna go with "just sex".

Edited June 24, 2013 by imfine

[Ami1uwant]

I agree.....a big red flag is when you never find out where he lives...never go to his place....he doesnt share much about himself.

 

You meet him at controlled times...same times. For example during a work week he has an easy excuse to the wife. If he does it on weekend it wont fly with the wife.

[shexy]

You had sex with him, but are too "shy" to talk to him on the phone? Really?

 

It sounds like he was just after sex. He's hiding something too - maybe a wife or a girlfriend.

 

I think to make your dating life much easier, you should probably move out on your own. IJS

[Tinie]

Definitely just sex.

 

I've been in this situation before. In my case, the guy met up with me for coffee, initiated everything, seemed super eager, complemented me only on my appearance, and then a few days later, started sexting me. If you told the guy that you didn't want to go further, he should have BACKED THE HECK OFF instead of "let's finish what we started" crap.

 

You shouldn't have had sex with him, though it's too late for that now. A guy who is relationship material is not going to push for sex. He's going to allow for it to happen naturally. If the physical attraction is there, what's stopping sex from happening? This guy pushed for it.

[Ninjainpajamas]

The guy is making absolutely no effort, what do you think?

 

Not to mention he is put into fast-forward mode having to meet your parents, a definite turn-off for most guys....looking for sex, after all that's way more than you thought you'd have to deal with.

 

The guy obviously isn't that interested...sex or FWB's basically.

[brandnew2]

Man, this really is a no-brainer.

 

"Is he interested in me or just sex? I can't tell!"

 

Really? You can't tell? I don't see anything in that story that indicates he has the slightest bit of interest in you beyond someone to occasionally bang.

 

He pretty much gave off all the signs.

 

-He was aggressive in trying to meet you immediately after contacting you

 

-He suggested watching TV together during the afternoon for your second date. Hint: this is him trying to facilitate a hook up. It's not by accident. He didn't want to go for a walk or go for lunch or go to a museum or anything like that because that can't immediately lead to sex

 

-Naturally, he tried going all the way with you and you had to verbally tell him no

 

-When you asked if he wanted to see you again, he said he wanted to finish what you started last time.

 

THAT IS LITERALLY HIM TELLING YOU HE JUST WANTS TO HAVE SEX

 

For some odd reason, you invited him over and banged him, giving him exactly what he wanted and then he predictably started growing distant from you.

 

Here's a tip: for guys like him, you become a lot leess interesting after you go all the way. Your best hope now with him is just to be an occasional hook up partner when he has free time in his bizarre schedule and nobody else is willing.

 

Sorry to be so harsh, but it's clear you are just attracted to this guy and want to avoid the obvious by acting like this is a tough call and you can't tell. There is no debate to be had on this one, case closed.

[Lansing]

I was also thinking "married man" .. If I were in your shoes (i.e. a female/etc) I wouldn't bother... The dead give away was the "let's watch tv".... I am not sure why you agreed with that. What are YOU looking for? If you want a relationship then when people give you signs of wanting something else you need to just end it.

[Phantom888]

Married man with lots and lots of secrets.

[therhythm]

Just for sex... I won't make anything about all the other things you say because it is just speculating but he just want to get laid...

[KatZee]

Def not interested in anything more than sex. Kind of confused how you're 35 but too scared to talk on the phone, and need your parents to meet him when you've been talking to him for 5 seconds?

 

He got what he wanted and he's putting obvious distance to show you that he's not interested in a relationship just messing around.

[anwa]

Thanks for the responses. I couldnt tell because we would have conversations that lead me to believe he was interested. I guess im just dumb. Im going to ignore him from now on. Doubt hes married but definitely too shady. And for those that are confused about me not talking on the phone....I have social anxiety and its not uncommon for people like me to not like phones. I dont even like calling friends except two people and my family. And im not the one who needs him to meet my parents...its my parents who want to know who is at their house. Even if I bring a friend over they want to meet them. They are old fashioned. If I lived on my own it would be a totally different story.