southbound Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 I've been reading around for the past couple of days, needing something to help me cope with a recent, very painful break-up. It's obvious I'm not alone in dealing with the feelings that have been coming in waves recently. It would take a long time to write up the background of what all happened between us, but suffice to say, it has come to a point where I feel like NC needs to be my plan for my own healing. I'm not sure I'm interested in using it in some way to get her back. The short version of our relationship: dated for almost 2 years, both divorced, me 43, her 36, each with one child. We became best friends over time and had the closest relationships we've had since our divorces. Kids met each other, spent lots of time together, we grew together and were, most of the time, moving towards marriage. Some practical things kept it from happening right now, but not because of lack of desire and it was headed that way. More financial and life situation in nature is the reason. The momentum is there for what she wants, just not the pace. Anyway...a turn of events recently led to a break-up since she was dissatisfied that we hadn't made progress towards getting married. I get the reasons why and even though it sucks, there's nothing I can do about it. My career took a nose-dive, divorce cost me a fortune several years back, and I'm just not in a place to give what she wants. There's a lot more to tell but I want to get to my question....when you begin NC and the ex starts figuring it out, and gets really relentless with trying to get you to communicate with them, do you respond in any way? Like, with a "leave me alone", "please stop calling", "there's nothing more to say", etc?? I've always been very responsive to her, even in arguments and rough times, so now that I'm on day 2, and I haven't answered calls or responded to texts, I'm getting questions like "what are you doing? is this a game? why are you not responding?". How literal is the NC? I know better than to say "I'm in NC mode and therefore will not answer". But what have others done?? Do you just let all attempts go until they eventually figure it out (she'll get it in a day or two I suppose)? Personally, I think blocking numbers and all that is a little childish. Just my opinion though. But she's a persistent person so I'm keeping that as an option if she becomes really relentless with it. not sure I can block her from imessage though (both use iphones). She's exactly the type of person who will keep using me for "friend" things if I let her (very non self-sufficient about a lot of normal life stuff) while she chases her "freedom" to see if new dude or someone else is a viable husband candidate. ...in-post update. haha. as I am typing this she calls, leaves voicemail. "hey, it's me. i've called you three times today. It seems like you have completely broken up with me (her english isn't good. she's originally from eastern europe. she broke up with me to be precise) or maybe you're trying to move on. I understand this and if you don't call me back today, I will get it. I won't call you anymore, it's today only". Thoughts?
flitzanu Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I've been reading around for the past couple of days, needing something to help me cope with a recent, very painful break-up. It's obvious I'm not alone in dealing with the feelings that have been coming in waves recently. It would take a long time to write up the background of what all happened between us, but suffice to say, it has come to a point where I feel like NC needs to be my plan for my own healing. I'm not sure I'm interested in using it in some way to get her back. The short version of our relationship: dated for almost 2 years, both divorced, me 43, her 36, each with one child. We became best friends over time and had the closest relationships we've had since our divorces. Kids met each other, spent lots of time together, we grew together and were, most of the time, moving towards marriage. Some practical things kept it from happening right now, but not because of lack of desire and it was headed that way. More financial and life situation in nature is the reason. The momentum is there for what she wants, just not the pace. Anyway...a turn of events recently led to a break-up since she was dissatisfied that we hadn't made progress towards getting married. I get the reasons why and even though it sucks, there's nothing I can do about it. My career took a nose-dive, divorce cost me a fortune several years back, and I'm just not in a place to give what she wants. There's a lot more to tell but I want to get to my question....when you begin NC and the ex starts figuring it out, and gets really relentless with trying to get you to communicate with them, do you respond in any way? Like, with a "leave me alone", "please stop calling", "there's nothing more to say", etc?? I've always been very responsive to her, even in arguments and rough times, so now that I'm on day 2, and I haven't answered calls or responded to texts, I'm getting questions like "what are you doing? is this a game? why are you not responding?". How literal is the NC? I know better than to say "I'm in NC mode and therefore will not answer". But what have others done?? Do you just let all attempts go until they eventually figure it out (she'll get it in a day or two I suppose)? Personally, I think blocking numbers and all that is a little childish. Just my opinion though. But she's a persistent person so I'm keeping that as an option if she becomes really relentless with it. not sure I can block her from imessage though (both use iphones). She's exactly the type of person who will keep using me for "friend" things if I let her (very non self-sufficient about a lot of normal life stuff) while she chases her "freedom" to see if new dude or someone else is a viable husband candidate. ...in-post update. haha. as I am typing this she calls, leaves voicemail. "hey, it's me. i've called you three times today. It seems like you have completely broken up with me (her english isn't good. she's originally from eastern europe. she broke up with me to be precise) or maybe you're trying to move on. I understand this and if you don't call me back today, I will get it. I won't call you anymore, it's today only". Thoughts? NC means just what it is, "no contact". it means you do not contact the other person. it isn't a game, it isn't to create drama, and it isn't to accomplish anything except your own healing. if you continue talking or communicating with the person that dumped you, then you are just going to believe there is some hope or some "thing" you can do to change their mind...and you can't. they dumped you, they wanted you out of their life, so going NC is you being out of their life. they don't get to dump you and still keep you around for friendship, that's why you stop talking to them. if you go into this believing that "NC" is some game or some "method" then you're not going to achieve anything, so get that out of your head.
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