therhythm Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Yes... but given many men's penchant for relationship avoidance (compared to women), I'd say it is especially important for women to follow this advice. Would I give the same advice to men? I don't need to. I've read in another subforum that they should make a consolidated misogynist thread... I agree and we should make a consolidated misandrist thread too... your posts qualifies very good for the second one
Maleficent Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Just ask him if he would like to hang out again. Just don't expect a relationship to come out of this. 1
RedRobin Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I've read in another subforum that they should make a consolidated misogynist thread... I agree and we should make a consolidated misandrist thread too... your posts qualifies very good for the second one I'm struggling to see anything misandrist in stating that most men are not as relationship oriented as most women... ... He has no power to decide anything if she's already made the decision. I'm only suggesting that women need to understand that the minute she engages in sex with a stranger... she has already made a decision... whether she consciously acknowledges it or not. She's made a decision that something casual and non-intimate (at least emotionally) is likely the outcome. Best to be consistent and follow through by cutting it off ASAP if she is looking for a relationship... that's all. Before it gets ugly for her.
therhythm Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I'm struggling to see anything misandrist in stating that most men are not as relationship oriented as most women... ... He has no power to decide anything if she's already made the decision. I'm only suggesting that women need to understand that the minute she engages in sex with a stranger... she has already made a decision... whether she consciously acknowledges it or not. She's made a decision that something casual and non-intimate (at least emotionally) is likely the outcome. Best to be consistent and follow through by cutting it off ASAP if she is looking for a relationship... that's all. Before it gets ugly for her. That is a totally different thing that what you said before... and yes.. if you have sex with someone in the short term it will not be emotional... where I don't agree with you is in the line where you say the outcome is likely to be casual... and that is not true... it can be casual or not depending of the intentions of the both persons who engaged in the casual sex
carhill Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Would really appreciate some advice especially from guys who might be able to give me a perspective on what this guy is thinking. He's thinking he'll get in touch with you again when he wants a nice social/sexual engagement like you had. That could be today, Tuesday, Thursday, next week, next month or never. You're 21. Live in the now. Continue dating other men. Decide your boundaries about dating and sex and stick to them. Eventually, a prize stallion will emerge. Good luck. 2
swenann991 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Well, if that was real one night stand, why you should think that he would like to see you again?
Phantom888 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I think guys would assume you have one night stands with other guys, and it's hard for them to really respect you. I mean, guys will always try to get laid as soon as possible. But after the act, they decide whether or not to contact the girl again. Depending on the individual, he may or may not want to see you again. 1
therhythm Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I think guys would assume you have one night stands with other guys, and it's hard for them to really respect you Just speak for yourself... I am a guy and I don't judge people in that way 1
Author Jaina19 Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 Wow thank you for all your responses, did not expect so many! As for the timeline we went out saturday night, the night before I posted which was sunday night. I had a feeling it might be a bad result and kind of regret rushing into it, between that and the age difference the outcome of having a relationship doesn't look likely I know, though it might have been like that anyway just with the age difference :/ At the moment we have plans to go out for dinner Thursday, think I'll just see how it goes and go home on the bus! I asked if he wanted to meet Tuesday and he said probably working late - not sure about that excuse - and he said Thursday. I don't feel so bothered about it anymore, would love to see him but if not I don't mind much. I guess I should assume he feels the same way about me? I'd really hate it to be a dragged out thing if he really didn't like me though. I wouldn't want to see someone again if I didn't want to date them, but maybe that's just me. I guess he could just be looking for a FWB but he seems way too nice in person... I know people can put on acts but met enough people in my life that I hope I could tell if someone was fake. Perhaps not though. Just want to know if he actually likes me as a person and really does want to see me to be honest. I'd like to ask him if he actually wants to date me or not, but it seems too much to ask of someone you only just met! I'd agree with everyone who said the decisions lie with him, which doesn't make me feel great. But what can you do?
ExpatInItaly Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 He's made plans to see you..don't push it! You should give yourself time to see if YOU really like HIM too. I wouldn't ask him anything about wanting to date you yet. Why? Because you've already arranged another get-together. See how the next couple weeks go and then re-evaluate things.
RedRobin Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I'd agree with everyone who said the decisions lie with him, which doesn't make me feel great. But what can you do? Make your own decisions that are in YOUR own best interest... The decisions don't lie with him at all. Unless you like being a doormat. Just to put things in perspective... You've known him for less time than it takes to watch an American game of football. You don't know him well enough to decide how 'nice' he is or not. It is a mystery to me why so many women do this... "oh I hope he likes me" thing and are so passive about establishing any boundaries whatsoever... then wonder why guys don't respect them. 6
sweetheart5381 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I think guys would assume you have one night stands with other guys, and it's hard for them to really respect you. I mean, guys will always try to get laid as soon as possible. But after the act, they decide whether or not to contact the girl again. Depending on the individual, he may or may not want to see you again. I agree and my current man said the same thing about dating for men. He told me a month or so into committed dating that if we had have had sex on the first meeting, or first date he would have likely been turned off. It would have signaled to him that I feel comfortable having sex on a first date, and likely do it all the time. My man was very clear in the beginning with us that he was not looking to get laid, that he was sincerely interested in me both as a person and was very attracted to me. I'm glad we waited til we were both honest about wanting a relationship with one another. Conversely, I slept with my sons' father on our first date. I was 20 and it just happened. He assured me that it wasn't a ONS, he made a date with me .... but then blew me off that night. I ended up in the same bar as he was and he was with another chick (his ex). I walked right over to the table they were sitting at and told him exactly what a dog I thought he was... I tore a strip off him a mile wide . He respected me for it and we were together for 8 yrs after. All men are different, but seek the same thing... they will only be with a woman that they respect. 1
hestheone66 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 i met guy online. we clicked and after a week of messaging met up for a daytime coffee. he was so shy..a few nights.later he asked me on date. we both told each other that we were not looking for r'ship. i was 80% sure that i would end up having casual sex with him..i even told him my fwb.rules (check out otnder post)...the chemistry was mind blowing..he pursued me from that day till now..he still seeks my company on daily basis. he is as attentive as any perfect boyfriend .but people who are just meant to be together will be...but as i said..he pursued me from the very next day... i agree that mostly ons is bad idea if you are seeking relationship
Author Jaina19 Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 He's made plans to see you..don't push it! You should give yourself time to see if YOU really like HIM too. I wouldn't ask him anything about wanting to date you yet. Why? Because you've already arranged another get-together. See how the next couple weeks go and then re-evaluate things. True, I don't want to seem pushy. If we even still see each other after a couple of weeks then I might ask Make your own decisions that are in YOUR own best interest... The decisions don't lie with him at all. Unless you like being a doormat. Just to put things in perspective... You've known him for less time than it takes to watch an American game of football. You don't know him well enough to decide how 'nice' he is or not. It is a mystery to me why so many women do this... "oh I hope he likes me" thing and are so passive about establishing any boundaries whatsoever... then wonder why guys don't respect them. It's true I don't know him that well. It's something I've never done before - the sex on first date. I think I just got excited because I met someone I really clicked with. My ex and I broke up about a year ago, since then I've been on quite a few dates throughout the year, but not found anyone I clicked with at all and was getting frustrated that I didn't seem to meet anyone from uni, work or anywhere. If I had thought about it more I'd reconsider as I wish I did something different now. But it's done I guess. I hate playing games and wouldn't bother with a relationship or dating situation only I put effort into for long. I do tend to be the pursuer and do most initiating, which might be a turn off. Whenever I like someone I just want them to know that I do want to get to know them, don't see the point in waiting around for them to call when you could just call and have your answer. I'm not texting him for the next couple of days, just to see if he'll send me a text or not. We have plans in a couple of days anyway so there's not much need to text
RedRobin Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 It's true I don't know him that well. It's something I've never done before - the sex on first date. I think I just got excited because I met someone I really clicked with. My ex and I broke up about a year ago, since then I've been on quite a few dates throughout the year, but not found anyone I clicked with at all and was getting frustrated that I didn't seem to meet anyone from uni, work or anywhere. If I had thought about it more I'd reconsider as I wish I did something different now. But it's done I guess. I hate playing games and wouldn't bother with a relationship or dating situation only I put effort into for long. I do tend to be the pursuer and do most initiating, which might be a turn off. Whenever I like someone I just want them to know that I do want to get to know them, don't see the point in waiting around for them to call when you could just call and have your answer. I'm not texting him for the next couple of days, just to see if he'll send me a text or not. We have plans in a couple of days anyway so there's not much need to text Those of us who have been around a bit know that it is not hard for a guy a few years older than you to make you feel as though things 'really clicked'... Time will tell. I don't play games either... but I'm also not naïve about those who do... or try to. I really hope you find some way to assert yourself a bit more going forward, for your own sake. Look out for yourself first. Don't be afraid to make him put in some effort.
silvermercy Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I'd like to ask him if he actually wants to date me or not, but it seems too much to ask of someone you only just met! I'm confused... you had SEX with someone you just met... So why is that difficult now? Too late now... People who are looking for a long-term potential date do this the other way round.
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