DanielStone Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 So, first off, this isn't for me but rather to help me further advise a friend and also just curiosity. So, my friend asked some advice from me. He said this new girl he's been dating still wears her ex bf's clothes, necklaces, bracelets ect that he got her... He got kinda worried and said that maybe she still had feelings for him and hasn't fully moved on and doesn't want to take it any further thinking she still loves him. I told him not to worry and from personal experience I know my ex still wears my stuff that I gave her because every now and then I'll see her walking about town or a photo pops up on Facebook... We don't talk anymore and there's no feelings between us so I know she only wears them because obviously she likes the jewellery and my jumpers ect.. Yet he's still insisting that she may still have feelings for him? Guys - what would you do in this situation? Ladies - Am I right in saying it's just purely because they like what you gave them, after all they were all gifts right? PS. They're 18 and 19!
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Unless it is an promise/engagement/wedding ring... Then he needs to just let it go.
InsaneTrombone Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 If they were gifts and she likes them, I don't see the issue really. I did have an ex of mine tell me after we broke up that she couldn't wear any of the jewelry I had bought her anymore because they would serve as a constant reminder of who gave them to her...so there's always that..
Ripnet Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Personally I wouldn't date a woman like that. Although they are gifts they should have been returned if it was given during the relationship. Clothes is different no longer with those. What strikes me odd is women wearing jewelry that she didn't buy on her own. Highly unlikely she got them as Xmas gift from family members. 2
veggirl Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 She wears her exes clothes?! Or clothes he bought her? I have jewelry from an ex. I put it away for a while and then once I was over him, I started wearing it. I wear one necklace often cause it goes with everything. I don't even think of it being from him, it's just a necklace. Does your friend have other reasons to think his gf is not over her ex? I will say if she is wearing an exes CLOTHES that is weird. The only thing I could think of is like a sweatshirt to bed or something and there is NO WAY I'd get in bed if my partner was wearing something that BELONGED TO an ex.
FitChick Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 I am not going to throw out perfectly good clothes just because someone is insecure. First off, I would never tell a guy "See these boots? My ex bought them for me." That is just asking for trouble. 4
kaylan Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Red flag actions for me. But Id expect that from teenage kids. 1
TheZebra Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I'm a woman and I don't see the issue. I still have various jewelry from my last relationship and I keep and still use all of it. It's nothing expensive - I just like it aesthetically and since I rarely buy jewelry for myself, it's pretty much all that I have lol. I don't have any feelings for the guy and honestly I forget they were even gifts from him. I don't believe in the whole returning of gifts after a relationship ends to be honest. We were together for five years.. I did not keep track of every single thing we gave each other. Since we both gave equally, we just kept whatever we had at the time... if he requested anything back, I would've given it to him, but he didn't. I never asked for anything back either (and he owed me at least $300 at the time we broke up). So whatever. If the guy cares and you don't, you may not see eye to eye on other aspects of the relationship as well, so keep that in mind. I hate jealousy and if any guy ever questioned why I still have that jewelry, it would be quick to the door for them.
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 How cares I mean I would never give up jewelry or whatever I still have shirts my ex gave me and wear them oh well it seems like an immature thing to care about
Tinie Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 It's just stuff. Hardly something to make a fuss about. Unless it's got sentimental value attached or something, like someone said- a wedding band, engagement ring. That guy should put a bit more faith in his girlfriend.
Phantom888 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I think it's discourteous for women to wear intimate gifts from ex-bf in front of current bf. Clothes are not intimate. Most presents are not intimate. Jewelry is, so she needs to sell all that stuff.
Author DanielStone Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 Ok so I try and reply to all the comments at one time if that's at all possible! The clothes were bought for her by her ex and some of the clothes are his jumpers ect, he found out they were his when he asked her why have you got guys clothing! The jewellery was never his, he bought them for her for like birthdays and christmas and stuff... He's a fairly insecure person so just is getting scared she still has feelings for him, however, I've known her for maybe 5 years ish.. and I don't think she's still hung up on him but I do find it a bit weird she wears his clothes... It's like when I see a photo on facebook of my ex wearing my old clothes I'm always a bit weirded out she still wears them? I just don't know what to tell him to be honest!
TigerCub Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I dunno, I've done it before and my thinking was "I'm sure he plays with the xbox that I got him, I'm sure he's still got the nice speakers in his car that I got him - so why shouldn't I wear a ring or a necklace that I like, even if he gave that to me?" And to whoever said that family members don't give jewelry, that's not true, most of my jewelry is from family members. 1
orchids Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 The jewellery was never his, he bought them for her for like birthdays and christmas and stuff... He's a fairly insecure person so just is getting scared she still has feelings for him, however, I've known her for maybe 5 years ish.. and I don't think she's still hung up on him but I do find it a bit weird she wears his clothes... She just likes those clothes either because they look nice/are comfy. And girls are likely to keep jewellery and accessories just because they look nice/complement outfits. It'd be a waste to throw them away and to return such things after a break-up is silly (to me, even with role reversal) - what is the guy going to do with them? Re-gift? Would you? I'd suggest he leaves her be, or maybe just tactfully express how she should try to wear those around others instead. If he's not happy about the jewellery, he can always buy her his own replacements
RogerWallace111 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I'm just wondering why she'd be as tactless as to tell him... Her keeping & wearing the items is normal and not a big deal, but being dumb/uncourteous enough to not just keep their origin to herself... Because though they're just objects, going to kiss your lady's neck and having the earrings that once and still may symbolize her love with another guy pressing against your face is at the very least unpleasant.
KungFuJoe Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 If it's casual stuff, who cares. I wore clothes that my ex bought me after we had broken up. It was just casual shirts, jeans, etc...no special meaning, she just bought them for me. If there was any "significance" behind it...well...I probably wouldn't be wearing at all if we broke up unless it was something I REALLY liked...like a nice watch or something.
ascendotum Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I think it's discourteous for women to wear intimate gifts from ex-bf in front of current bf. Clothes are not intimate. Most presents are not intimate. Jewelry is, so she needs to sell all that stuff. I'm 50:50 on this. I think her still wearing her ex bf's clothes is a little weird. It makes more sense to me to keep jewellery or other presents, because of their value/practicality, though they can have strong sentimental value, much more than clothes. I guess why I would be uncomfortable with this scenario, is they are his clothes I am touching when I touch her, it not like its a few pandora charms hanging from her bracelet. If the jewellery her ex gave her was the only piece of jewelery she wore or she wore it all the time, then that would feel a little weird too. I have items from exes and they have good memories I don't mind if a gf does as well. Her current devotion to me tops that.
ChessPieceFace Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I'm just wondering why she'd be as tactless as to tell him... Her keeping & wearing the items is normal and not a big deal, but being dumb/uncourteous enough to not just keep their origin to herself... This. That's all I was wondering. Why'd he know about the origin of the stuff? But it's possible he saw a certain necklace or something and asked where she got it. I'd put each item somewhere on two scales - one of utility, the other of emotional meaning. Where a christmas gift t-shirt would be highly on the utility side, whereas a anniversary gift necklace would be highly on the 'meaning' side. A sensible girl would be able to draw the line properly. A sensible guy would also and if he has (rightly) problems with her wearing her ex's anniversary gift necklace to their special date, he should say something. All seems so juvenile but 18 and 19, what can you expect.
Saphire Blue Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Nah I don't think wearing the stuff from an ex means anything. I have jewellery from some of my ex's that I sometimes wear but it doesn't mean a thing apart from I like the jewellery. It's not something I wouldn't think most mean would ask? Where an item came from? I certainly wouldn't devaulge the the infomation either to a new or exsisting partner. I'd keep my mouth shut!
Emilia Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 My ex husband still wears shirts and ties I bought him many years ago. When we split up he would have had to buy a whole new wardrobe otherwise as I used to do his clothes shopping. It would have been a silly thing to do, non?
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