theunknown Posted October 14, 2004 Posted October 14, 2004 I dated someone for over 5 years, we broke up and soon after he started dating someone else. They have dated around 2 years, but this entire time, my ex and I remained extremely close. I have been diagnosed with cancer and am having surgery again. This time the outcome does not look promising. My friend knows this, and I have always thought of him as my best friend. Am I wrong for wanting him by my side along with my family on the day of surgery? He says that he wants to but can't because it will cause problems in his relationship. I don't understand? This is the same girl that he says he doesn't love nor tells her that. I am not asking him to be there for me as a boyfriend. He knows that. We have just always been able to depend on eachother for anything even advice on relationships. I just feel as if he has turned his back on me. Although, his current girlfriend and I have harsh feelings toward eachother (at one time we were friends), I can't imagine her not understanding.
overseas2004 Posted October 15, 2004 Posted October 15, 2004 I am sorry to hear about the fact that you are going through such a difficult time and I understand how much you need him by your side. A few words of advice from someone who stayed friend with her ex (we were together for six years and broke up). He told me the same things that he did not tell her he loved her and that she did not tell him either. Four years later they got married. Which means he was lying to me the whole time. Men say these things sometimes to spare our feelings. If he did not love her why would he be with her? Does it make sense? As far as him being there that day and her understanding. I have to admit that it would take a pretty big woman to allow her man to go stand by his ex. I might do it because of the stakes that are involved, but not all women are that unselfish. So I can understand her too. I wish you the best of luck with your surgery... please let us know how it turns out. God bless you...
SoleMate Posted October 15, 2004 Posted October 15, 2004 All you can do is ask him, and maybe her. You cannot insist or compel, and I don't even like to think of you having to go through any interpersonal stress in trying to make this wish come true.. When you say... This time the outcome does not look promising. ...does that mean that you are facing possible death? I hope not, but if you are, please accept my blessings and good wishes. If the situation is that extreme, I hope that your ex and his girl can both find it in their hearts to let him be there to comfort you. But you're right, it is extremely delicate, and I hope you can make your plans in peace, knowing that he may not be willing or able to do what you ask.
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