newmoon Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 I have been with my bf a little over two years - we're happy overall. I suspected when I first met him that he might be gay, or at least metrosexual. But he never had a father or grandfather so he was raised 100% by a single mom. But over the past few years all is good and I never figured he was gay again, despite some 'gay' behaviors, like hanging at the gym for nothing, never complimenting my body only my clothes, and taking forever to get dressed, stuff like that. We went to a party Friday night and an acquaintance of his from church was there; a gay guy my bf hasn't seen in about 1 year and one he didn't know well. But, when I saw them talking it was like I was removed from my own self and saw my bf as really gay. Alongside this other guy they looked like a couple. And at the end of the night the guy hugged my bf in a real hug, not some bro-hug you'd give a straight friend. So, the thoughts - is he gay have come back. I asked him last night about his sexual preferences; I didn't ask if he was gay, but I asked if he was maybe bi, or confused in some way. He didn't confirm or deny anything, he was just hurt that I asked, and said many other gfs and family friends have asked the same. But no denial. In fact, when I asked 'are you maybe bi?' his response was 'what are you seeing in me that would indicate that?' Not. NO! Not, 'oh my gosh you're crazy.' But more along the lines of 'what is making this obvious?', which is troublesome I think. I'm a bit crushed :-( I really have deep feelings for this man but now realize why perhaps we were not moving forward with declarations of love or further commitment. But I wonder... if I am indeed wrong, is there any hope of repair - can you question a person's sexuality and yet still remain in a relationship if you were wrong? A bit of a vent too, apologies.
MissBee Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 I believe strongly in my intuition, esp when I get outside confirmation, I don't just ignore it. You've felt your bf was not straight since day one. You gave him a chance anyway, but seem to get more "signs" that perhaps he really isn't. I dated a guy once whom I couldn't shake the feeling he wasn't entirely straight....but continued. I kept receiving more and more signs that my feelings were right, until one day he ended up confirming he was bi and that he always wanted to date a transexual woman who still had a penis. Now, I am not homophobic and am fine with him wanting that for HIMSELF, but I did not want to be in a relationship with a bisexual man. It also explained lots of other intimacy issues we had. Point is: I don't believe that when we have a niggling feeling since day one and keep getting confirmation, that we should just think it's a coincidence. Each and every time I've felt that way, it has eventually come to light that my feelings were warranted. Maybe your bf is in denial and there is nothing you can do to let him admit it...but I would suggest, besides this issue, thinking of what you want and need and assessing if your bf can provide this, since besides this, you also are not experiencing increased levels of commitment from him.
CarrieT Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 But he never had a father or grandfather so he was raised 100% by a single mom. Please disassociate this "nurture" with his "nature." There is no evidence whatsoever that would indicate being raised 100% by a woman would have a bearing on a child's sexuality. The stuff about taking forever to dress, etc. is equally as misinformed. You did not indicate the age of your boyfriend and it may be entirely possible he has metrosexual tendencies, but by zeroing in on them and asking him so bluntly, even HE may not be aware of his demeanor and proclivities and it may take time for him to become. You are assuming that all males are "manly men" while many are not and are still heterosexual. I lived with a cross-dresser who enjoyed wearing panties and bras and occasionally putting on make-up. He was far from a homosexual and - in fact - made his living as a race car driver and mechanic. And, in private, would style his hair and want to get in touch with his feminine side. But he had NO desire for any homosexual relations. Please keep this in mind. Your boyfriend may not yet have the words or expressions as to what his true feelings are if he is still discovering them -- and none of them may involve homosexuality whatsoever.
Author newmoon Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 Please disassociate this "nurture" with his "nature." There is no evidence whatsoever that would indicate being raised 100% by a woman would have a bearing on a child's sexuality. The stuff about taking forever to dress, etc. is equally as misinformed. You did not indicate the age of your boyfriend and it may be entirely possible he has metrosexual tendencies, but by zeroing in on them and asking him so bluntly, even HE may not be aware of his demeanor and proclivities and it may take time for him to become. You are assuming that all males are "manly men" while many are not and are still heterosexual. I lived with a cross-dresser who enjoyed wearing panties and bras and occasionally putting on make-up. He was far from a homosexual and - in fact - made his living as a race car driver and mechanic. And, in private, would style his hair and want to get in touch with his feminine side. But he had NO desire for any homosexual relations. Please keep this in mind. Your boyfriend may not yet have the words or expressions as to what his true feelings are if he is still discovering them -- and none of them may involve homosexuality whatsoever. he is 48 with no kids/marriages. while I do not think his mother would influence his sexuality she definitely would influence the behaviors as he would mirror the only person he sees his whole life - a female. but someone who is 100% not gay/bi should have said that or argued in his defense, i think? he just wanted to know what led me to believe that and then expressed that other women have asked before as well. so he is giving off some 'unmanly' vibe and for me it got more pronounced in the company of a gay man, which i had never seen him interact with before
Lansing Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Ther can be questions that people feel are so rediculous that they don't justify a response...but yeah, you need to go with our gut. One girl accused me of being gay because I didn't want to be with her. I just laughed it off. I could see how an accusation like that could really hurt someone especially if he is not gay and other people have questioned him about it including his family. Do you feel the passion in the bedroom?
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