TurtlePower Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Hello all, Quick question, what is the best way to keep a runnerish 4 year old calm and still in a restaurant? The problem I face being is everytime we go to a restaurant, the adults are hungry, but my 4 year old nephew is not. He grows tired of waiting us to finish and ultimately is on the verge of throwing a tantrum. Never does, but gets pretty close. My sister has tried to calm him down, but I think she is too passive some times. Many a time we have rushed through our meals because afraid of a tantrum. I have used my cell phone as a distraction before, but I am not sure if that is the right path or not. PS: I am not the father. I am the "fun"cle. But, every weekend is where I spend time with the little guy and I dont want it to be where I don't want to hang out with him anymore. Thanks for the help.
HokeyReligions Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Not being the parent is tough. Can you bring a coloring book or something for him to play with? Maybe a talking book where he can wear headset. Offer to pay for a sitter?
Bittersweetie Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 One word: iPad. It's not ideal but it gets the job done. On the other hand, a four year old should be learning the appropriate way to act in a restaurant. Obviously he can't be expected to sit through a six course dinner but an hour or so in a casual restaurant should be acceptable at his age without a tantrum. One thing you could try is if he has a tantrum one person leaves with him and they sit in the car. If this happens every time he has a tantrum, he'll learn that by acting up he doesn't get to spend time with his family or "fun"cle or anything else about the outing. And hopefully change his behavior. Now that does mean no games or iPad in the car or its all moot. I agree though not being the parent is tough in this situation; any suggestions you have could be taken wrong. 5
carhill Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 If he's not hungry when 'going out' to eat, that's a parenting issue and easily fixed by better timing his meals and cutting out the snacks. Tantrums? Ha, yeah, I used to have those when out with my parents and my father would simply remove me from the situation, generally into the 'men's room', and we'd have a conversation, though I don't remember much talking, and the next time they 'went out', I was not afforded the privilege, as 'going out' was a privilege in our family. The young man is your sister's son and problem. Not yours. I know what I've done when unruly kids are sitting at our table but giving unpopular advice is just that, unpopular. Discipline is something which is learned over time with consistency. If the child isn't getting it at home, he or she isn't. Watch any four year old who can 'control' himself. That's learned behavior. Someone has to teach it. Good luck. 3
Art_Critic Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Parenting through Duct Tape I found giving them something to do.. coloring, iPad, iPhone and a few other travel games have worked for our son... 4
Art_Critic Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 We have also found that the good behavior is only good for so long, it's asking a lot for a 4 year old to be good for more than say... a hour while sitting still.. If the hour passes then having to change their attention to something new will work for a while..but a short while 4
2sure Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I'm not actually that fond of children not my own, I'll just go ahead and put that out there. I don't play, we have no common interests, they don't work. I prefer not to have to have dinner with any of them. But, some people that I love have them and can't always get away without them. So, to be nice, when the witching hour comes and the parents haven't finished their dinner...I take the kid for a walk or to another table and order ice cream or preferably something that can be ignited. I have the best conversations with little people that way. 1
dichotomy Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 One word: iPad. It's not ideal but it gets the job done. . Yeah that ...and iphone... and kindle. 1
Janesays Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 A babysitter. Putting a child in a environment they are not yet emotionally equipped to handle does NO ONE any favors. Not him, not his family, not the other diners in the restaurant. Every time you take that poor kid to a restaurant, you are setting him up to fail. Wouldn't be more fair to hire a babysitter now and try dining out again in a year when he is more mature. 2
soccerrprp Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I am a single father of a 5 and 8 year old. My five year old never had issues in public. But, my now 8 year old did when younger. I am a very hands-on parent and have no problems dishing out appropriate discipline in public, but I also never hit. I know my children, so when my now 8 year old was younger and we were in a restaurant and he became antsy, I would happily remove him from the situation (after making other attempts to ease him). In such a public setting, being the tough, no compromise parent is rude and inconsiderate to the other patrons around. So, there needs to be someone who is willing to take the child out of the restaurant, out of the situation. 3
mammasita Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 When my son was 4,5,6 - when he acted up, I would calmly walk him to the restroom and then proceed to give him the evil eye and a stern talking to. He usually calmed down after that. I've also never hesitated to leave a cart full of items when he acted up in a grocery store. That said, this child needs some boundaries. He needs to know that his mother (or you with her OK) will immediately drive his acting up lil' a55 home and put him in a time out....or other appropriate punishment. 1
tbf Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 If he's a runnerish 4 year old, you'll be lucky to get 1/2 hour of sitting still from him. Use the distracting devices and toys previously mentioned by other members but your sister needs to parent him by taking him out of the restaurant when he's no longer capable of handling inactivity.
turnera Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Tell his mother - ahead of time - that you are going to run point for her with the kid. Tell her to enjoy herself because you are going to be responsible for him. It may take a few outings, but he'll start to figure it out - it being what is acceptable in a restaurant and what his consequences will be. Be prepared to miss out on the dinner (so you don't get stressed when it happens) a few times until he figures it out; he'll eventually be 'trained.' Training goes like this: ahead of time, get down on his level and say 'we're going to do something new tonight; you and I are a team.' Then, when he starts to act up, gently take his hand so he has to look at you and quietly say 'that's not acceptable, Timmy, we don't act like that.' If he does it again, you take his hand and do the same. If he escalates, you scoop him up and walk outside with him without a word. There, you get down on his level again and say 'you are not to act like that, do you understand? If you do, you'll be taken outside again and you'll miss out.' Take him back in, if he escalates, rinse and repeat. Consistent consequences. They can only hold out so long before they give up and accept the rules. 3
knitwit Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Hello all, Quick question, what is the best way to keep a runnerish 4 year old calm and still in a restaurant? The problem I face being is everytime we go to a restaurant, the adults are hungry, but my 4 year old nephew is not. He grows tired of waiting us to finish and ultimately is on the verge of throwing a tantrum. Never does, but gets pretty close. My sister has tried to calm him down, but I think she is too passive some times. Many a time we have rushed through our meals because afraid of a tantrum. I have used my cell phone as a distraction before, but I am not sure if that is the right path or not. PS: I am not the father. I am the "fun"cle. But, every weekend is where I spend time with the little guy and I dont want it to be where I don't want to hang out with him anymore. Thanks for the help. My in-laws all LOVE to eat out at restaurants. Usually late, like 7 pm and upwards. We tried to take our son out, but only when he was *really* young, not yet walking. We just won't do it now. He is 2.5 years old and very active. He has a hard time sitting still at home for dinners more than 10 mins or so- forget about adult-oriented restaurants! My MIL takes him out every other week, and she goes to a local pizza place with him. Bless her. We will grab a quick lunch or breakfast somewhere. We bring toys, crayons, and the kindle. The kindle has games as well as movies. Use what you've got- the only way I was able to do my Christmas shopping last year was to download Dumbo on my kindle and have him watch it as I pushed the stroller around the store. It works.
pureinheart Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 Hello all, Quick question, what is the best way to keep a runnerish 4 year old calm and still in a restaurant? The problem I face being is everytime we go to a restaurant, the adults are hungry, but my 4 year old nephew is not. He grows tired of waiting us to finish and ultimately is on the verge of throwing a tantrum. Never does, but gets pretty close. My sister has tried to calm him down, but I think she is too passive some times. Many a time we have rushed through our meals because afraid of a tantrum. I have used my cell phone as a distraction before, but I am not sure if that is the right path or not. PS: I am not the father. I am the "fun"cle. But, every weekend is where I spend time with the little guy and I dont want it to be where I don't want to hang out with him anymore. Thanks for the help. My son (at 4 yrs old) threw a temper tantrum at McDonald's, his grandmother was there and he thought I wouldn't do anything about it because of her. He was wrong, I took him outside and my hand, out of nowhere met his backside a couple of times. It never happened again, and when his sister was born and she came to tantrum age, he must have told her because she never did either:eek: Mom should step up. 2
Ryan_Talon Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 I get needing to teach your kids how to behave at the table BUT an hour is a longgg time when your four!! When my fiancé has 5yr old twin boys - if we go out then we make them eat properly when they have there food but the rest of the time I don't mind entertaining them - I think in a way it's good for them, they should be active, thinking, learning not just sitting quietly - I'm not a 'children should be seen and not heard' man. We always take crayons and let them draw before dinner and then after when when the missus is having her coffee they'll take turns on my iPhone or I'll read a book with them (I'm all for playing with the kids and missing The girly chat!) 2
turnera Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 I agree. We always made the dinner about having fun with the kid. If we wanted to have a grownup conversation, we would have gotten a babysitter. We'd play word games, games with the utensils on the table, use a piece of paper and a pen and play hangman, etc. Tons of ways to have fun with a kid and still have a nice meal. I will say, though, that I have never allowed electronics at the table. I see families all around me where all members are sitting there, face planted into their phone/tablet/etc. - why the hell do you go out if you're not even looking at/talking to each other?
pink_sugar Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Honestly, when my children acted up..I went out with them and sat them in the car. That was it. They needed to know their tantrums weren't acceptable. If they did it in the house they would be in their room and that didnt mean that once we were out they could throw one. I would however attempt to keep them occupied. Colouring books as said before etc. They always got dessert, where I rarely did. Maybe download a few kid games onto yur phone? I'm not saying cave to the upcoming tantrum, the key is to try to not come to that point..but if it does..to the car. I agree...it seems a 4 year old should know better given proper parenting. I'd expect this more from a toddler, but this kid is almost in kindergarten.
Ursa Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 I always pack toys and games and drawing supplies. They go in my purse, they go in my son's backpacks too now that he is old enough to carry some things around himself. Fortunately, my son is an artist and loves to spend time sketching and coloring...but he is also 'runnerish', a very active and fidgety boy. As others have said, make sure he is actually hungry when going out to dinner. No snacks beforehand! Even better: let the boy run before dinner. When I am going somewhere I know he's going to have to behave himself quietly for a while, I always, always take my son somewhere first so he can run off some steam. The backyard, the park, etc. It's just part of the routine, I have to have enough time to schedule in at least 20-30 min of serious physical activity beforehand (preferably not the beach if I'm taking him to a nice restaurant). Mom will know best if 20 min is enough or if he needs more, but then you always run the risk of making him overtired and even more of a handful. Of course, not everybody's schedule can even accommodate this option, I know I am lucky to have the flexibility for this. And as others have said, walking him out of the restaurant and sitting outside with him or in the car with him as necessary if he is behaving very inappropriately can work wonders. I would add, though, that four can be a difficult age and tantrums are still very common, just as they are for toddlers, and not necessarily always a mark of bad parenting. That whole 'terrible two' thing is pretty much a myth and the meltdown age is much more spread out across the early years than many people think. 2
UndercoverLover62 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 I personally like the tatic of when going out to eat with both parents and their child (assuming they have just one) if the child starts to act out, on parent will take the child to the car, and the other will have all their food boxed up to go home and that is the end of eating out until the child learns that if they want to have a meal outside of the home they need to behave. 1
SugarLips72 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Activities for the kid to do. Mine loves to play with an i pad or i phone. i go to the dollar store, or Targets $1 bin area and buy activity pads. Tell him once he finishes his food nad is gfood you will give him something to play with. My son is 5 and we have had many bratty meltdowns in restaurants. Even my daughter I usually let her listen to my music with my ear buds while us adults talk and she loves it.
turnera Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Not directed at you, but I hate seeing kids with their faces in a screen in a restaurant. What's wrong with expecting your child to engage in conversation at a meal? Meals are where kids learn most of their social habits and bond with their parents and siblings. And nowadays that's being replaced more and more with each person's face in a screen.
xxoo Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Know the child's limit, make it kid-friendly, and be willing to promptly walk the child outside if he acts up. When my son was 4, we mostly did take out for restaurant meals, because he was just too squirmy to sit long enough to order, be served, and eat. And it wasn't relaxing for me to keep him entertained and happy in that atmosphere--frankly, I'd rather cook Now that he's school aged, he LOVES restaurants, and behaves perfectly. He simply matured, and now he's ready for grown up restaurants.
SoleMate Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Nobody can "control" and active 4 year old, only manage him. Wheoever has the kid earlier in the day should make sure he gets plenty of both rest and exercise, but not too much excitement. They should keep him hydrated and manage his food intake so he is likely to be hungry but not straved at dinner time. They should also bring distractions, like Etch a Sketch, iPad, coloring book, or something that has actually been shown to work for this purpose. And they need to provide him some level of attention during the meal without letting him dominate the conversation, and also guide him through eating the meal and nip any blowups in the bud. If you do all of the above faithfully at a high level of performance it's guaranteed to be at least somewhat effective (*) 43% of the time. (*) Effective = Adults get to eat a meal in relative peace and calm. 1
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