First poper break-up

[Doobydoo]

Just writing my story, as I feel I have reached a stage where I am again happy with myself and would like to share my experiences, given that this forum aided me. I'd also appreciate feedback from more "experienced" people as to how I can improve on my coping skills in future!

 

Ok so the back story: I met a girl a couple of months ago and we hit it off immediately, we began dating (Meals, drinks) and talked for hours and hours and generally loved being in each others company. We were exclusive during this period and I was told that she'd feel physically ill to want to have sex with another man. Now from the outset of meeting, I made it clear that I was moving to a city that was about 1.5hrs away from my current city and although I wanted no commitment I wanted her to bear this in mind over the coming months. She said we should see how our relationship goes and see what happens.

 

Over the coming months we spent more and more time together and began having sex. Although given the short time period we didn't know about each other properly, we knew a lot of facts about each other. Past relationships, family troubles general insecurities etc. We grew very close. She told me that the time she was spending with me was the best she'd had in any relationship and that I made her feel emotionally and sexually satisfied. All was well!

 

Two weeks before my impending departure I asked whether or not she saw a future for us at long distance. To my surprise she said she did! She began planning all kinds of activities we could do, and we were excited to introduce each other to our families. She promised she wouldn't hurt me and she though that this relationship was really going to work! (Cheesy I know ). She even began telling her family that I was coming to stay etc.

 

However then came our final day together, and like a bomb she told me it had to end! This obviously came as a shock to me! I had no time to prepare mentally for this, although I think I handled it well. I held her as she was in tears and said that while I think her decision may be wise as LDRs are difficult I have to suggest that we at least try to make it work, if I really do make you that happy. However she said she thought it was best and she "hoped" it was the right decision to end it. She wanted to be my friend, bu I suggested NC in the nicest possible way. We parted agreeing NC ever again and wishing each other all the best in love and life.

 

Over the next week I tried to get her out of my mind. Thinking how short the relationship was and how stupid I was for even wanting to be in an LDR, it wasn't practical! But I thought I really liked her, all I could remember was her plans with me over summer and so I struggled to come to terms with never even speaking to this girl again.

 

I dropped the ball. I messaged her on Facebook explaining that I was wrong to suggest we can't be friends and that if she ever wants to talk I am there for her. This is of course not really true now, but regardless she read the message and didn't reply (as was wise of her!). Over this past week I have been looking at her FB page all the time, for any scraps of how she is! I told myself "If I look and don't care, then I know it's over". But of course if I look in the first place then surely I do care... Anyway this drove me insane, until today I saw a picture of her with another man! At first this cut me right down! I immediately removed her from FB severing my last tie with her.

 

Now however I believe I can see things clearly. I see that all the nice things she said were just words! I probably aren't her best relationship or sexual partner to date. I began to realize that actually this girl didn't like me so much as she liked how I made her feel. In the relationship it was me that was suggesting meals and drinks, it was me that bought her nice food to eat as a treat, it was me that made the relationship fun! The sad fact is, is that while I still think she's a lovely beautiful girl, in reality she is insecure and needs to grow up some before she find true love. At the moment she is a girl who needs to be in a relationship to feel fulfilled, any relationship.

 

How do I know she's insecure you ask? Well now the rose tinted specs are off I can see that she spent most of the time talking to me about how she's weird, fat, has no breasts and is generally ugly. Despite me reassuring her she wasn't! All her previous BFs have been cruel to her (this is supported by her friends who I know rather well) yet she chases them anyway and never appears to be single for long! She makes out that since our relationship she knows what she wants now and wont go out with awful men again, but I know this is probably more hot air... If she has found what she wants she'd at least try and make it work.

 

On to me. Well I take the stance that I live my life as I enjoy it. If I do finally find someone who loves me for me then great! But if not at least I'll be happy being me! But there is no point pining over someone who doesn't want to be with me or I don't connect with! To be honest I was fine with this girl leaving me when I had to move, it was just all the things she said leading up to the last day filled me with such hope. Now given she is getting with other people already I feel that she was never really that in to me! I don't know, to be honest I genuinely don't care now ! Your opinion would be appreciated! To be honest I could be being unfair asking someone to enter into an LDR where we only see each other on weekends after just a few months, but I just couldn't believe that if I am the best person she's been with, why she wouldn't even try and see how it goes?

[aloneinaz]

You're too hung up on all the nice "in the moment comments she made". Both sexes say things they might of felt in the moment but were only have truths. So many people on here note how their exes told them days before being dumped that they were the love of their lives, or they loved them, or wanted to be thier life partner.... The truth is their action, not their words.

 

You've cut all contact with her now so simply go NC and move on and find your next relationship in the city you live in now. Relationships are hard enough in the same city, they are even worse in a LDR situation.

[Doobydoo]

Thank you, I am starting to realize that now! I'm just more annoyed than anything since I was straight up with her and she appears to have just said in the moment things to string me along so to speak! I still feel a bit betrayed after reaching out to this girl when I knew she'd had poor relationships and experiences in the past, only to get burned myself! Wolf in sheep's clothing I guess.

 

I know, and hopefully I will find someone. Though to be honest I doubt I'll feel like it for a while. I'll just go out, do what I normally do and enjoy my life. If someone I like comes along so be it, if not, whatever.