paigej91 Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 (edited) I'm a pretty introverted person myself-so I find nothing wrong with not talking much and needing alone time. In fact, in the very limited experiences I've had, the guys I've dated had seemed to need more time together than I; THEY were the more "clingy" one. Now it's the opposite: the guy I've been seeing for 3-4 months is more like myself, but him being less emotionally expressive and not talking much in between seeing each other makes me question his emotional availability and his ability to communicate in relationships. He recently admitted that he hasn't been seeing anyone else, too. We've gone on over 10 dates at this point and only had sex once, so it's clear he likes my company and (hopefully) isn't only interested in FWB. We talk very little in between dates, though (which are about once every week or two, depending on schedules). I'm not a phone person, and I'm guessing he might not be either, so we never talk on the phone. We're not FB friends or following each other on twitter- I don't find this weird, but one of my friends said it was strange. We text on and off, but we don't have full conversations. It's usually pretty basic, but not too short/vague. We don't text everyday, it's probably every 2-5 days depending on the week. He has admitted once that communication is not his strong point, but it's needed to make a relationship work. He is a great guy overall, but I wonder if both of us being introverted and needing a lot of alone time will make it difficult. He's somewhat of a quiet nerd- he's well-read in a lot of subjects and prefers a lot of solo activities to group ones. So I think this may just be how he is. I guess the good thing about his communication style is he's pretty straightforward and blunt, so he says what he means. He just doesn't really talk about feelings or the relationship, and if he does, it's pretty short. Have any other women on here dated a guy like this? Or are any guys on here themselves like this? What's the best way to make something like this work well? I sometimes think we aren't talking enough or seeing each other frequently enough (especially since we're nearing "the talk"), but maybe that's because I'm just comparing it to other relationships I know where the pair is more extroverted and "needy"/emotional. Edited June 23, 2013 by paigej91
ltjg45 Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Have any other women on here dated a guy like this? Or are any guys on here themselves like this? What's the best way to make something like this work well? I sometimes think we aren't talking enough or seeing each other frequently enough (especially since we're nearing "the talk"), but maybe that's because I'm just comparing it to other relationships I know where the pair is more extroverted and "needy"/emotional. I'm like this myself. Sure, if someone were to start talking to me, I would get talking with them no problem but I certainly don't initiate a sheer majority of this myself because it is just not like me unless it is something very important. Personally, I think your relationship is doing fine. You both are like each other and the few times you do communicate, you both understand each other with no confusion. Perhaps you should try and see each other more often like at least twice a week at the bare minimal but, other than that, it sounds like a strong relationship that is working well for the both of you.
krz12 Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Why are you making things difficult for no reason based on what one of your friends thing?
white Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 I've been called quiet in this context before, but not early on. For the first few months I'm just happy to engage with a new lady and will happily spend all day distracted from work talking a load of simpering bollocks with her via whatever means. Only later do I want to cut it back, after too many annoyed glances from the boss and too little meaningless chunder left to discuss through texts, by which point I'll be seeing her almost daily anyway. You don't seem to have any great problem with his taciturn nature, and you even share it somewhat. It sounds ideal. As long as you enjoy his company, why apply spurious external standards of communication to what is obviously an slightly unusual relationship? If it bothers you that you don't see him enough, really bothers YOU rather than worrying you it doesn't meet others standards, then tell him you'd like to see him a bit more and see how he reacts. Perhaps you need to suck up the feeling you might be the clingier one this time.
Author paigej91 Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 (edited) You don't seem to have any great problem with his taciturn nature, and you even share it somewhat. It sounds ideal. As long as you enjoy his company, why apply spurious external standards of communication to what is obviously an slightly unusual relationship? If it bothers you that you don't see him enough, really bothers YOU rather than worrying you it doesn't meet others standards, then tell him you'd like to see him a bit more and see how he reacts. Perhaps you need to suck up the feeling you might be the clingier one this time. For the most part I don't mind it, but I do sometimes get annoyed when I do want to talk about the relationship and/or feelings. He tends to be vague, and I'm not sure if this is just his nature, he has trouble expressing feelings, or if he has some other outside (ie: bad) reason for not saying much. I did tell him I'd like to see him a little more too (more than once per week), and when I told him this he said he's busy. I understand this entirely, because I'm busy too, but I still think if he wanted to make our relationship work (and not just "date") he would make the time. (Note: we had a short, pre-version of "the talk" about a week ago. Nothing was made official, but we both said we're not seeing others and want to try it and see how it goes) Edited June 24, 2013 by paigej91
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