ltjg45 Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Today, I have met a woman that I have met before a couple of months ago. She's black, looks to be in her 20s, pretty attractive, looking for employment, and is very talkative. She also has no issues talking with me concerning anything. Lastly, she also goes to church which, while I have no interest in the activity, I do find it to be respectable. However, I had my doubts on trying to start anything up with her. Just from observing her today, she does smoke (which is normally a deal breaker with me as I don't smoke). Also, she told me that she does have a son. Lastly, when we both have caught the city bus today, she was rude towards the bus driver which was completely unnecessary and she was singing on the bus which I find it a bit disturbing. Lastly, and I do find it odd considering where she is going, she is wearing high heels. This would give me the vibe that, despite she has a son, she is trying to find a relationship. Of course, I could be wrong and that she dresses up like this normally but I just got that weird feeling about her. When we both got off at the bus station today, she asked me if I wanted to join her for church today and, since I'm already late going to the card shop today to aim to make some money, it doesn't sound like a bad idea not to mention it will give me more time to learn about her. She told me that she will be at the bus station for the next hour and a half before she heads over to church and I told her that I will be back before then and will go with her there. Considering everything that I have said, should I bother trying for more with this woman and get some possible relationship experience, if not more, or just let her go? I'm currently 50/50 right now. I can use some other opinions.
ses Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 NO. Why would you ever pursue someone when you've only listed their negative attributes? I just don't understand. I think it's incredibly manipulative to do this because you're only looking to gain relationship experience with someone; you're using the woman to satisfy your own goals. A relationship should be based on mutual interest and an actual desire to be with THAT person, not just a random soul. You're only going to create bitterness and resentment if you do this. It will teach you nothing beneficial about relationships. What if she actually started to genuinely like you? You will not be able to control her feelings towards you. Have some respect for her and yourself and just wait. Patience will serve you well in the long run. I remember reading a similar post a while back about a young guy who considered dating a girl only to gain more experience. He didn't find her sexually attractive, and was only preoccupied with his needs. It was a bad idea then, as your idea is really off-putting now. There's nothing wrong with staying single. You'll find someone not only with whom there's an attraction but who will give you the opportunity to learn about relationships. It will mean a lot more since there are feelings involved, and you'll be more invested. A woman who strikes you down for lack of experience is not high-quality so don't feel bad. She wouldn't be worth it.
Author ltjg45 Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 NO. Why would you ever pursue someone when you've only listed their negative attributes? I just don't understand. I think it's incredibly manipulative to do this because you're only looking to gain relationship experience with someone; you're using the woman to satisfy your own goals. A relationship should be based on mutual interest and an actual desire to be with THAT person, not just a random soul. You're only going to create bitterness and resentment if you do this. It will teach you nothing beneficial about relationships. What if she actually started to genuinely like you? You will not be able to control her feelings towards you. Have some respect for her and yourself and just wait. Patience will serve you well in the long run. I remember reading a similar post a while back about a young guy who considered dating a girl only to gain more experience. He didn't find her sexually attractive, and was only preoccupied with his needs. It was a bad idea then, as your idea is really off-putting now. There's nothing wrong with staying single. You'll find someone not only with whom there's an attraction but who will give you the opportunity to learn about relationships. It will mean a lot more since there are feelings involved, and you'll be more invested. A woman who strikes you down for lack of experience is not high-quality so don't feel bad. She wouldn't be worth it. Well, if the bolded is how I felt, I wouldn't even have the thought in my mind right now. However, I am indeed physically attracted to her. That doesn't happen often hence why I am confused. If she wanted more, I would be open to it and I'm not saying that because I only need more relationship experience and nothing more. If it actually leads to marriage one day, I'm not going to turn it down provided there isn't any more red flags and she doesn't smoke a lot. Right now, while I would sleep with her, I'm not going to pressure her to doing so either. I'm just scratching my head right now. As I mentioned before, I do need to leave in a few minutes to meet up with her again. I just don't know if I should just not worry too much concerning the negatives (which isn't that major yet) and see how it turns out. Once I'm emotionally invested, I'm not going to bolt unless something massive actually happens, if it gets that far.
krz12 Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Church is where a lot of people find spouses. That said, 20s with a kid? Run.
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Can't hurt. And, if you're dating her just for the experience, do it. You owe no one anything. Lots of women have dated men who have done worse. So, this woman should feel lucky. You sound like a nice guy. Seriously, who cares if someone thinks you'd be using her. People use people all the time. Better get with the game...
ses Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Well, if you are attracted to her and could see yourself actually invested emotionally, then I would take the risk and see what happens. However, if you really feel there's no chemistry and can't overcome the negatives, I would tell her immediately and find someone else. You deserve to be with someone who turns you on and is also compatible with you on other levels. Ignore the guy who talked about using someone. It says a lot about a person's lack of character to openly admit and boast of it.
Author ltjg45 Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 In the end, it didn't matter. When I went back to the bus station to find her, she wasn't there. When I tried to find the church that she was heading to due to the vague directions she gave me, I couldn't find it either. So I went back home early. If I see her again, so be it. If not, well.....yeah.
Author ltjg45 Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 Well, if you are attracted to her and could see yourself actually invested emotionally, then I would take the risk and see what happens. However, if you really feel there's no chemistry and can't overcome the negatives, I would tell her immediately and find someone else. You deserve to be with someone who turns you on and is also compatible with you on other levels. Ignore the guy who talked about using someone. It says a lot about a person's lack of character to openly admit and boast of it. That was the idea behind this thread. I was just second-guessing myself, really. I would have made a move on her because there is quite a bit I do like about her but just didn't make them when they was available. Sigh. Such is life.
ses Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 (edited) Don't give up. Be more forward and direct next time, and actually get something concrete, like a phone number or an address. I like men who are direct because it directly conveys their interest. You gotta seize the moment and make the moves. Don't let the fear of rejection stop you. It can be nerve wrecking for both sexes to cold approach someone but at least you know and learn from it. Edited June 23, 2013 by ses
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Ignore the guy who talked about using someone. It says a lot about a person's lack of character to openly admit and boast of it. Oh please. In the real world, people look out for #1. OP needs some dating experience. The feelings of the woman he'd like to date aren't really relevant.
ses Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Oh please. In the real world, people look out for #1. OP needs some dating experience. The feelings of the woman he'd like to date aren't really relevant. He can get experience from finding a woman with whom he actually likes and finds attractive, not just a random person. I would say the same to all the posters who are virgins and worry about their lack of experience. An emotional connection makes everything better. A woman who crucifies a decent guy like him for it doesn't deserve a date with anyone. It shows her shallowness.
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