smbdps010811 Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Hey this is my first post, i've noticed this site seems to be full of great relationship information and thought maybe this sites community could help me figure out some things. Well I've been with my current girlfriend for about 1.5 years on and off. I'm 20 and she's 22. She's my second girlfriend I've had but I consider my first true love. Abit of back story... We worked for the same company but in different departments back in 2011, which was the place I first met and talked to her. We became best friends within a matter of months because we could pretty much talk about everything, be there for each other (late night calls when nobody else would want to talk) and we just clicked on so many levels. I've never had anyone like her come in my life before and she actually accepted me for me. Months later I asked her out and we became official. Things were great for about 6 months, until my ex came in the picture, started talking to me again after not seeing or hearing from her in a year. She started to mess with my head, and pretty much tried to get me to be back with her again. She made me feel as though we were really never over and got in between me and my current girlfriend. This went on for about a month or so and because in my nature I try to keep things good between whoever I talk to, I couldn't take it that I was hurting two girls and cause I was not switched on mentally, I decided to break up with my girl and felt I needed some space to get my head together and be able to set things right. Though, in this time frame another guy that was head over heels with my girl (ex at the time) was there for her and comforted her while I was gone. They grew close, and he told her about his feelings and she thought she felt the same way. In a matter of a week or 2, I was able to realise I screwed up on my part, flicked off the ex who came between me and my girl. I met up with Sarah (my girl) and apologized for how I handled things, and she forgave me but told me it might be too late to be together cause of this other guy. Though we talked and I asked for a second chance and she gave me it. We were together again. Although now she had this other guy in her life, having feelings for her, he was always around. This other guy was always visiting Sarahs neighbour and telling her to come over and hang out, I accepted this and trusted her as there was no issue about this. Though he kept lingering around, feeling messed with his own feelings, saying he's finding it hard to not be with her, but wants to be with her all the time and what not. Sarah and I began to fight about this subject, quite a lot cause she hated it that I had a problem with him telling her that stuff and trying to get her to feel sorry for him, like an act of desperation. The fights continued, we then broke up cause she couldn't take it and told me she wouldn't do anything for a few months. She ended up with him within a month, had sex with him (she told me). Within 3 weeks after that she realised he wasn't what she wanted and that she made a mistake and missed her and I. We got back together months later. Now I had made a decision to move to Canberra with my mum, from Sydney for work purposes, but only after discussing with Sarah and she agreed to move from Sydney to come live here with me cause she wants us to move out and have our own place. She came two weeks after I moved there, I was working for that period but then the job folded over and I was no longer employed. We both lingered around the house during this time not doing much. I spent most of my time playing video games or laying in bed on the laptop, and sort of neglected a little bit from time to time to give her affection when she wanted it cause I was tryna do my own thing for awhile. I'd always give her a kiss and cuddle and play around after I was done, but when I was doing something I didn't want to really be disturbed. (After all we should be able to do what we want for a little while right?) Sarah and I then made a trip back to Sydney for her uncles birthday, and stayed at her grandmas place for the night. And her grandma was the one who had raised Sarah, because her mum died when she was little and never knew her dad. So her grandma is a very important figure in her life. On our way back home to Canberra, she tells me she's been thinking and wants to go back to Sydney to stay with her grandma, because she is getting old, she needs to be helped around the house more, cause of the fact of thats what happens when you age, it's harder to do things. I really didn't want her to go, but ultimately she knew she was going no matter what. We had a bit of an argument over it, cause I knew she wasn't going back for just her, she was homesick. She always said if something happened to us, I don't have anyone, this is your family, yes I am apart of it, but it's not my direct family. So I knew she wanted to go back for her grandma and cause of being close to friends and family again. Now that she is there, we had arguments here and there about her not being able to tell me how long she will be, or being able to tell me when she'll come visit me or whatever. This went on for a few days, and she said she wanted a little space and maybe we should have a break, and thought maybe it's best that she just focus on her family and I focus on mine for awhile, lets not let ourselves get in the way of anything and let's see what we want. She told me she loves me, wants to be with me and have a future. But not now, but later. When i ask whens later, she says I don't know, but she also thought that we shouldn't contact each other for awhile, to let ourselves focus on ourselves and so she can focus being there with/for her grandma. I obviously don't want to not talk to her, cause I pretty much don't have anyone else to talk to here besides my mum and little sister, all my friends are in Sydney, but I don't want to move back with my dad because his wife just treats me like crap. So i'm gunna feel pretty lonely, while it'll be easier for her, surrounded by more friends and family, probably cementing her decision to stay in Sydney. Now I ask... she mentions she wants a little space and maybe have a break from us, so she can do her thing for her grandma. I mean to me, I believe we don't have to take a break for her to do that, but she feels as though cause we been arguing as of late, having a break would be best for now as she says, and still wants to be with me, just not now but later. What should I do? I haven't agreed to the break yet, but I'm asking advice on how I can go about this. What are your thoughts about all this, and taking it all into account, what should I do cause i'm very confused as to what to do.
Author smbdps010811 Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 Any suggestions at all, really just need peoples thoughts about this and what i should do...
R.C Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 That was quite hard to follow. But It sounds like communication is still there between the two of you. A break is not always a bad thing, it gives us time to miss our partners, and any anger usually can subside. That's why so many couples get back together after no contact. "After anger fades, regret sets in." So this is not an official break-up, so possibly its just a chance to let anger fade? Try and get a life again? Continue with some of your hobbies, learn photoshop, take up a martial art. And make sure you update your facebook and twitter about how much fun you are having, it will make your gf miss you. Give her and yourself time. Plus you need to make new friends, i'm not sure what a break entails? Does it mean you 2 can see other people? Or does it mean that you will just break communication for awhile? Because maybe go date other women, there's nothing like a little jealousy to induce a spark in a relationship, well obviously depends on the person, but from my experience girls like to know that there "man" is wanted bu other women. regards R.C
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