Crazy thoughts are ruining trust and communication in my relationship

[mariemjo]

I have read a lot of posts here, and realize my situation is different from others, maybe even easier I would probably say. I am a Norwegian girl, living in London, in a relationship with a guy living there. Due to work during summer, I had to move back, and go 8 weeks without my SO. The first days were awful, as I could not see how I could ever cope with the pain of missing him.

I got quite clingy, texting and calling him a lot, which obviously is not the right thing for either of us. The third night apart, he went out to a party with his mates, which is for me perfectly fine, but he would not reply to my texts. He calls me around 2AM waking me up, and the suddenly he disappears! Phone was still connected, and I could hear everything going on, but I could not get in contact with him, as if he just vaporized. I am very nervous and stressed by nature, and of course I can't go back to sleep and get very nervous about this. The next day after a little ramble, I decide to stop being the clingy and difficult girlfriend, and I apologize, and at that moment, everything between us is better and easier, and my attitude completely change to the better.

 

The fourth day he is going out again, and I do text him once, but then leave it, and do not nag when he does not reply. Again, at like 2AM ish he calls me again. This time, the same happens, and I sit up and get nervous, and then I get a text at 4AM saying that I need to go to bed, and let him be a man. I get very angry, because I am trying to change and be a better girlfriend, and he will not respect who I am as a person, and be supportive. I ask him why he just disappeared on the phone, and he says that he put the phone on charge, and forgot about me. 1) If true, that is very rude 2) A complete lie, which he admitted to. Then he says that it is not like he was going to "shag other girls, or kiss anyone" and I needed to stop thinking that. This was something that was not even on my mind, but now is. I tell him it is difficult for me to trust him, when he constantly brings this up, being with other girls and things like that.

 

Now, after arguing again, it is "sorted", but I find it very difficult to let him go as my center of attention, which he usually is at home in England, when I am back home in Norway.

I need some advice on how to relax, how to not stress as much!

 

I am well aware of how this situation is soooo much easier than a lot of people have it, and I do not wish to insult anyone. Could really need some experienced (or not) people who know how to deal with these sort of feelings.

 

Thank you!

[HeavenOrHell]

When he said you need to go to bed and 'let him be a man', what did he mean by that?

 

 

 

I have read a lot of posts here, and realize my situation is different from others, maybe even easier I would probably say. I am a Norwegian girl, living in London, in a relationship with a guy living there. Due to work during summer, I had to move back, and go 8 weeks without my SO. The first days were awful, as I could not see how I could ever cope with the pain of missing him.

I got quite clingy, texting and calling him a lot, which obviously is not the right thing for either of us. The third night apart, he went out to a party with his mates, which is for me perfectly fine, but he would not reply to my texts. He calls me around 2AM waking me up, and the suddenly he disappears! Phone was still connected, and I could hear everything going on, but I could not get in contact with him, as if he just vaporized. I am very nervous and stressed by nature, and of course I can't go back to sleep and get very nervous about this. The next day after a little ramble, I decide to stop being the clingy and difficult girlfriend, and I apologize, and at that moment, everything between us is better and easier, and my attitude completely change to the better.

 

The fourth day he is going out again, and I do text him once, but then leave it, and do not nag when he does not reply. Again, at like 2AM ish he calls me again. This time, the same happens, and I sit up and get nervous, and then I get a text at 4AM saying that I need to go to bed, and let him be a man. I get very angry, because I am trying to change and be a better girlfriend, and he will not respect who I am as a person, and be supportive. I ask him why he just disappeared on the phone, and he says that he put the phone on charge, and forgot about me. 1) If true, that is very rude 2) A complete lie, which he admitted to. Then he says that it is not like he was going to "shag other girls, or kiss anyone" and I needed to stop thinking that. This was something that was not even on my mind, but now is. I tell him it is difficult for me to trust him, when he constantly brings this up, being with other girls and things like that.

 

Now, after arguing again, it is "sorted", but I find it very difficult to let him go as my center of attention, which he usually is at home in England, when I am back home in Norway.

I need some advice on how to relax, how to not stress as much!

 

I am well aware of how this situation is soooo much easier than a lot of people have it, and I do not wish to insult anyone. Could really need some experienced (or not) people who know how to deal with these sort of feelings.

 

Thank you!

[Foxinthesnow]

Yeah, you are being a little crazy. I have dated girls that just wont leave me alone or give me a moment by myself. It sucks.

 

I am going to give you the benefit of a doubt here, because it doesn't seem like you were being all that bad. But still, if you say it is a problem with you then i am going to assume the problem is with you.

 

first of all, relax.

second, stop making him the center of your world. Or at least not the only part. My wife and I have been separated from one another for over a year now. When this first happened she was devastated. Everyone kept telling her to get a hobby or something to do with her time. But she was too stubborn and hurting too bad to do it. She didn't need a hobby she needed her husband.

Much time passed, she eventually found things she could do while i am away and it resolved a lot of issues. it gives her something to do and think about, also it gives us something to talk about. Now when I ask her how she is doing, i get a different answer than "laid in bed and cried all day because i miss you so much. you?" And that is wonderful.

 

So, the moral of the story is. I think you are on the right track, but just be careful that in your reasonable desire not to be a clingy girlfriend that you don't let yourself be taken for granted.

 

hope things work out well for you.

[mariemjo]

Thank you so much, I know I am being crazy, but I find it difficult as it is a new thing for me. Your advice is really helping me, I wish you all the best!