starlet86 Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 All I do is dream about my ex. I can actually still smell him when I wake up. It is horrible. I have a terrible time sleeping as it is and the anxiety I feel when I wake up after these dreams is torture. Today is the day me and him are meant to talk and discuss what we are looking to do. I asked for a week of NC, so I could try and work out exactly how I felt. He is ill at the moment and we are meant to meet up for this chat, but he contacted me yesterday saying "possibly we can still meet up, depends how I am feeling. I am still really ill. Will let you know" I didn't reply as it is me who asked for the week of NC and agreed to speak today to discuss how I felt. I have this feeling though he either will not contact me, or when he does it will be to tell me how ill he still is and that we can't meet. I don't believe he is really ill though, I don't really believe anything he tells me any more. I feel like it is all a lie to keep me around. In my head I keep saying, "right, if he texts me telling me he's still ill and can't see you, tell him, you don't believe him and you would like to keep to not contacting each other. Then ignore any calls or texts." Is that fair?
Author starlet86 Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 I just don't know what to do. This has been going on for two months. Constant back and forwards. I pretended I didn't care any more for a while and he was so nice to me, but it got harder, so I told him how I feel and why I need time out. He wouldn't lay up on me and I was weak and kept responding. It didn't help I see him every day at work. I have never felt this way about someone before. When relationships end I usually can maintain some sanity and get on with my life. With him it's so hard. We had a break through where he told me he does want us to try again but he needs to sort himself out before that happens otherwise the cycle will begin again and I completely agree. I just needed this week to try and work out what I want to do. I want to be with him, but I need more than a few text conversations and phone calls. I need him to show he cares and I don't believe he is being honest with me about being ill. I think it's him using a valid excuse to stay away from me but keeping me close at the same time. I mean it's not like I could expect an ill person to travel to see me and discuss things =/ I just wish I could believe him. When he broke my heart, he took my trust and it is so hard to trust him now.
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